Out. li .er/ noun
Something that is situated away from or classified differently
from a main or related body.
XXX
Kanda doesn't like other people's company much.
He definitely does not enjoy the idiot Rabbit's company either- but it seems as if the red-head is adamant on forcing his way-too-cheery presence upon the moody samurai. And said moody samurai was not happy one bit. But still, Kanda supposes he finds a certain element of entertainment in (sort-of) listening to the red-head's mindless rambles. It certainly keeps his mind from drifting away to other matters. Kanda clenches his teeth harshly.
A cup of black coffee sits before him- he hasn't touched it one bit. But he only ordered it because Alma used to drink black coffee.
Eyes are on him.
He doesn't need to turn to know it is the new employee. He can't- for the love of god- remember what the kid's name is; not that it was important or anything. But he has walked by the cafe a few times and wondered at the new smiling face that usually stood behind the counter or chatted with the waitress, Lenalee (whom, in his opinion, wore far too short skirts; it really should've been illegal).
Above him, the fan whirrs.
He finally takes a sip of the black coffee before him- he doesn't taste it, only rolls it about on his tongue for a while before swallowing it completely. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh. Lavi pauses, casts him a concerned glance, and then continues as if nothing else has happened. A serious green eye tells a different story.
He doesn't say anything.
XXX
He finally parts with the red-head after almost four hours of 'meeting up'. But he hasn't said anything beyond a simple greeting, a few grunts and maybe a rare comment. He is not a man of many words, after all.
He didn't regard himself as a particularly laid-back person either. Always, always... his shoulders seemed to be way too tensed, his face always in a scowling mask and brows forever brought together in a heavy frown. But when he feels as if he were all alone, he lets himself go for a little while, and allows the tension in his body dissolve in the soft breeze. In the moments he spends alone, he feels the most peaceful, so he treasures every moment he gets for personal time.
And yet, he feared being alone too.
What irony.
And then he stops. Throughout the journey of his train of thought, his feet had continued walking; the problem is, he doesn't quite know where he's ended up. He didn't remember taking this path before, and he groans mentally at his situation. There were not many people around, either, no people to ask for directions; not that he would be willing to actually speak to someone else unless he had to.
So he decides to continue walking.
And then, quite suddenly, the barest drifts a soft, velvet voice reaches his ears and he hears bits and pieces of a rather solemn sounding conversation. He walks a little faster; the words get clearer.
"...He just sat there for hours with a cup of black coffee... And he had this scowl on his face-" Wait. Was this person talking about him? He rounded the corner and came face to face with the waiter from the cafe, complete with his pure white hair, starlight eyes and pentagram scar.
"Oi, BakaMoyashi, who the heck are you talking to?" Reflex- it is always reflex that answers for him, makes sure his perfectly placed mask doesn't crumble.
He doesn't know the person before him- still so young- wears a mask as well.
But this white-haired person (ah, now he knows his name is Allen- so close, almost the same) reminds him of Alma.
XXX
Kanda admits: one of the reasons why he started 'hanging out' with the Moyashi was because the slender-framed young man had reminded him of Alma. The other reason, was because of Allen's smile. So bright- so painfully, painfully beautiful- that Kanda wanted to break it, corrupt it, tear that fucking smile from the Moyashi's face. Such deviousness- but it hurt to see someone so pure, and so kind, so ethereal and so out-of-fucking-reach being able to live such a naiive lifestyle. Kanda guessed that he was just... jealous from the very beginning.
But now, it seems everything has taken a 180 degrees turn around. He questions why he doesn't resist the soft, full petal lips that were pressed almost tenderly against his own. He questions why, when those lips pull away, it is him that pulls them back and crashes his own chapped lips against those soft ones. He devours them hungrily, savagely. And yet his arms are wrapped around the warm body before him as if it were a precious, precious thing- and because it was so precious, he didn't want to break it.
Why?
Because it was Allen.
Not Alma.
Not anyone else.
XXX
Kanda doesn't realize that Allen wears a mask of his own until a few months into their relationship. On another one of their spontaneous dates (let it not be known that Kanda was a secret romantic) as they were walking through the shadows of the park, Kanda says," What do you think about swimming?"
Allen's hand tightens in his his and Kanda looks over slowly. Allen's face is in a smile- he doesn't see anything different. But there is. There is something lurking in those sparkling eyes. "Swimming? What about swimming?" Allen's tone is deceptively relaxed and after his short questions, Allen starts humming slowly, as if to calm himself down. Kanda raises an eyebrow, and leads Allen down another shadowy lane.
"We could always go swimming."
Allen's hand tightens further.
"I'm... I'm not really good with water, Kanda." Allen shrugs- places an appropriately sheepish smile on his face.
"So you don't know how to swim?"
"That I don't. But I-"
"I could always teach you," Kanda cuts in. Allen stops in his footsteps and looks down, shuffles his feet, and retracts his hand from Kanda's grip. Kanda frowns. There is a gap of space between them, and it suddenly reminds him that he actually knows very little about the Moyashi. That gap of space, also kind-of reminded him of how he thought the Moyashi had been so forever unreachable.
"I could teach you- there'd be nothing to be afraid of."
Allen looks up as Kanda pulls him close and tucks the head of white hair under his chin- he feels Allen's warm breath against his collarbone, and his arms tighten instinctively. "Don't you trust me?"
"Y-Yeah..." Allen says softly, almost inaudibly.
And still- Allen's slight frame trembles slightly in his hold.
Kanda is not convinced.
XXX
The very same fact he had just known of (that he knew very little about Allen, and also Allen wasn't quite what he seems), slams him rather painfully in the face only a few days after their talk about swimming and what not. So far, Kanda had yet to convince Allen to do any water-related activities.
Kanda is only just mulling over this fact with another cup of black coffee sitting before him- that had long gone cold- as his dark blue eyes constantly swerve to look at his lover. As usual, Allen has that wide smile spread across his features. His friendly disposition and kind words has placed him behind the cashier counter where the customers make their orders.
There is a ring above the door- a new customer. Allen turns his blinding smile upon the new arrival and starts," Hello, welcome to The Bla-" Allen stops. Stares. And so does Kanda. "...Tyki."
The new customer grins at the Moyashi who stands stock still, hands frozen over the cash register. Startling gold eyes travel up and down the Moyashi's body, and there's something in that golden gaze that has Kanda alert and wary. A pause in time. The world around the three people slows down. Kanda starts to stand-
-and then the world starts moving in colourful blurs as the tanned, golden-eyed man before his Allen takes the Moyashi's pale chin into his thumb and forefinger, tilts the head of white hair back to inspect slightly fearful silver eyes. Kanda settles back down- inspects the pair. "Why, shounen, it's been a while since I saw your presence! Last I saw you, you were still in the hospital. How are you feeling?"
Allen takes a moment to recover himself, slowly removing Tyki's hand from his face. A wide- fakefakefake- smile adorns his face. "Tyki! It really has been a while hasn't it? I feel absolutely fine now, thank you. What would you like?"
Tyki stabs a gloved finger at something on the menu, Allen nods methodically and taps the order into the machine. "Please take a seat, our waitress Lenalee will be there soon with your order." Tyki smiles widely at the invitation to sit and casts his gold eyes around the cafe. They settle on Kanda. The smile widens further.
"Do you have time after your shift? I would like to talk to you about something."
This man, Tyki, doesn't wait for Allen to answer. "Great. Your shift ends in fifteen, right? I'll meet you out back." And then he walks almost leisurely to where Kanda sat. Kanda cocks an eyebrow at him, raises his cup, and drinks a sip of his coffee.
"Don't sit here," Kanda warns with a low voice.
Tyki stares at him intensely. "You're Allen's boyfriend aren't you?"
Kanda doesn't quite like the man's tone.
But he lets the man sit there, in front of him, anyway; if only so that he could keep an eye on the suspicious character that was somehow linked explicitly to the shadows of Allen's past. And Kanda wanted to know- he wanted to know the Moyashi better even if it meant he was digging without permission.
He starts," Your name is Tyki."
Tyki smirks," And your name is Kanda."
"who are you to Allen?"
"I see where this is going... you're trying to dig in on Allen's past."
"So what if I am?"
"Well, to answer your question, I am a family friend of the Walkers. Neah Walker, Allen's uncle, was actually related to my grand uncle, Adam Millennium. So... I could also be considered Allen's cousin."
"So you're his cousin."
"That's right."
"Then who's Mana?" Kanda doesn't rarely do it, but, sometimes, when Allen stays over at his apartment, he listens to Allen's soft breathing as he sleeps. And sometimes, sometimes, he hears whispered names- and he keeps those names in his mind.
"You do not know who Mana Walker is?"
But then, quite suddeny, Lenalee is there with Tyki's coffee on a round tray. "I'm sorry for taking so long with your coffee, sir. Please enjoy." And then, she turns her head slightly to glance at Allen- Allen looks back- and lets her amethyst eyes flicker towards Tyki. Tyki grins.
Kanda is left wondering whether her very timely arrival has something to do with what she knows about the Moyashi but then Kanda is drawn back rather harshly to the conversation with Tyki's next words. "You're digging into Allen's past without his permission. The Noahs are very hung up about our privay, you know." And then he draws a large mouthful of coffee.
The table falls into silence.
XXX
He leans against the alley way wall in a mockery of 'relaxation'.
Still, his shoulders are stiff and his eyes never leave the softly chatting pair standing a few metres away such that only snippets of conversation could be heard. ("Road misses... ...visit?" "...can't... ...jobs, very busy..." "If you're ...money... lend... some..." "...can't... too much of a burden... caused... ...trouble..." "...what about Mana?") The conversation stops rather abruptly then. Kanda stiffens further as grey eyes stare up sadly into golden ones. What Allen said next couldn't be heard clearly.
"Are you still on it?" The next sentence, however, was very clear, and spoken by Tyki. There was a certain element of sadness and a stern undertone.
"...Yeah." Allen shoots his eyes towards him, he raises an eyebrow, and then Allen looks back. "I need to be going." Clearly, not said only for Tyki's, but also for his sake. He straightens almost immediately and takes a few strides to meet Allen halfway. Immediately, Allen snakes an arm around his waist as if he were drawing comfort from the contact between their bodies. Almost immediately, Allen sighs in contentment and looks up at him; there is a wide smile on Allen's face, so full of love, it was almost tangible in the few centimetres of air between their faces.
Let it not be said that Kanda's heart flutterd just the slightest bit at the sight of Allen's smile.
Tyki shoots them an amused glance, turns and waves over his shoulder before making his quick way out of the alley way.
XXX
Almost three months.
One question.
"Would you like to stay with me?"
XXX
"I... I- Yes. Yes, yes, yes!"
And between the soft sobbing and barrage of tears, ("This is not a wedding proposal, Moyashi, stop acting like it's one") Kanda sneaks his arms around the slender frame before him, presses the pliant body flush against his chest and his lips against the other's. "Sealed with a kiss," he whispers, ignoring how tacky it may have sounded. And then he allows himself to kiss the Moyashi silly in a clashing of teeth, tongue and lips.
XXX
And then everything kind of goes horribly wrong.
He stares down at the box which held so many of Allen's secrets. He wasn't a fool, he knew what those packets of white pills was. Even if he wasn't sure, those shots and those packets of white powder would've confirmed it for him. His brow furrows in confusion. He doesn't understand. If he hadn't accidentally tipped the box over, he would never have known about this.
The Moyashi still hasn't answered his question as to what those things were. He knew, but he wanted the Moyashi to confirm himself. He felt dread settle in the pit of his stomach.
But then the Moyashi just runs out of the new apartment.
And Kanda's left feeling more alone and confused then ever.
XXX
It's so cold.
Allen thinks he must be on the verge of death- because how could he feel so peaceful when he was half-frozen to death? Yes, he must be on his way to hell for what he has done... Silently, he closes his eyes. He doesn't know what to think. But if he should have a last glance of a scowling Kanda... then he can let himself drift away in peace.
"Moyashi!"
Ah- what is this? He lets his eyes crack open the slightest bit, lets his lips twitch upwards a little. For there he was, Kanda, in all his furious glory. Kanda... Kanda's hair had come undone and those silky black locks of hair that he had silently loved was brought over a muscular shoulder and splayed over a toned chest. Dark blue eyes, blue of the deepest shade, were staring right at him as he lay upon frozen dirt and a layer of fresh white snow. And then, his eyes travel lower, and linger on a pair of scowling lips.
So beautiful...
His chest hurt.
"Moyashi..."
A flicker of movement.
Gathering all his strength, he shifted his head slightly to stare into smiling eyes. A gloved hand was pressed against a top hat- a shower of snow rained down upon broad shoulders. He remembers laying his head upon those shoulders once. When he was younger; when he didn't know any better. A smile was shot towards him, lying immobile on the ground. Frozen. "You've grown up so much, Neah."
And then, he thinks, something probably snapped inside his chest. He opened blue-tinged lips, parted them so that a whisper could breathe right past them," Hey, Mana... I... ...I... hate you... ...so much... you know that...?"
A smile fades and eyes grow colder. The gloved hand gripped the top hat tighter and tighter such that the top hat folded under the hard hold. And then- a strong blast of cold biting wind.
Gone.
A warmth envelopes him.
It feels so safe- like home all over again.
XXX
There's a blanket wrapped around him and a cup of warm tea in his hands.
"I've already added massive amounts of sugar and creamer in it, just in case you don't drink it," Kanda says softly and kind-of gently, though there was an undercurrent of sterness in the tone. Allen kind-of understands that even if he won't drink the tea, Kanda will probably make him. After all, he's only just got his temperature regulated with Kanda warm body and more than a few blankets wrapped around him.
"I will." His voice comes out as a weak croak, and he clears his throat uncomfrotably.
"You better," Kanda warns.
And then there is silence for a while. Allen lifts the cup to his lips and takes a sip- after a few more, he sighs in appreciation. Deeming his throat cleared and warmed up enough to talk, he says softly," Look, I'm sorry... for making you worry. I also understand if... if...you don't want to-"
"Damn straight you made me worry." Allen flinches rather obviously. Kanda pauses; deliberates. "But that doesn't mean I'm giving you up for anything, Idiot. I don't what kind of shit you've been going through before I met you, but I care only about the person I'm seeing right in front of me." Here, Kanda stops, takes Allen's face into both his hands, one palm pressed a cheek. A blush rises onto tanned cheeks as Kanda fidgets just the slightest bit.
"I may not say it much, but you're... you're... important to me. So you have a drug addiction," Kanda lets his shoulders rise and then fall in a half-hearted shrug. "I'll help you get over it." And then he leans forward, and rests his forehead against Allen's," Just don't pull a stunt like that anymore."
Allen frowns. "It's not that easy. You see, I... I was the one who killed Mana walker. Can you live your life with me, a murderer?"
"What do you mean you killed the man?" Kanda tenses, curiosity ringing in his voice.
"You don't want to know."
"But I do. so for fuck's sake-" Right there, Kanda nearly lost his very short temper.
"Mana Walker was my father," Allen says this with his eyes squeezed as if he were expecting an explosion from Kanda. Kanda only freezes. "He died in a car accident."
"But that couldn't be your-"
Allen kind-of snaps at Kanda. "Yes, yes it was. I was the one who fucked with his car. One day, Mana got himself shitfaced drunk after he- after he- well, that isn't the point, the point was that while he was drunk, I loosened the CV joint on his car, and I watched him drive off... and then he crashed right at the junction. And god, that was the worst moment ever. I thought I would be happy to see his car go up in flames but I regretted it so bad-"
Along the way, Allen's voice kind-of gets higher and more hysterical until he's nearly on the verge of crying into his tea. Kanda sees this and removes the warm tea from between Allen's palms. Sets the cup on the table. "What did he do to you?" Kanda whispers this, eyes tightening around the edges. "You were about to say it. And then you continued onto the next point. What did he do."
It wasn't a question. Kanda demanded the answer.
"I'm scared of water," Allen calms himself down and starts shakily.
"I knew that."
"I had an uncle, Neah walker. He was a good man."
"I knew that too. Tyki-"
"-told you. I know," Allen nods a little and takes one of Kanda's hands into his own for comfort. And then he continues," Neah walker died a year before it... it started. Mana started staying out drinking all the time. Because, you see, Mana and Neah were very close. Neah's death devastated him. As a child, I didn't understand what was going on- so it scared me, really, when he started filled the sink way high. I remember telling him," Allen takes a shuddering breath, closes his eyes as if he were remembering that very day,"Mana, the sink's gonna overflow!
"I ran up to him and then he kind-of, stroked my face, like this..." Allen opens his eyes- but he was no longer looking at Kanda, but past him and into a reservoir of memories stored behind pained grey eyes- presses a palm against Kanda's cheek and brings it down in a soothing cycle. And then, closer and closer it gets to the hair that was tucked behind his ear. Kanda was frozen still. Allen stares into confused eyes. "He tells me: Neah, what a bad boy you are... going out to play without telling me... bad boy..." All of a sudden, the hand shot forth, and brought a handful of hair into Allen's firm grip. "He did it like this... but he gripped my head harder and then he shoved my head under the water. He held it there.
"I scream. But I only managed to take in gulps of water. No one could hear me."
Kanda's eyes widened.
But Allen wasn't done. He releases Kanda's black locks, and then reaches one finger up to touch the scar on his face. "This scar... hurt a lot too." Again, Allen closes his eyes. "Mana stands before me with a knife in his hand. It's the new one he only just got from the store. It's so shiny, I think, kind of pretty in the light. And then, Mana says sweetly,' Neah, dear, have I ever told you, when I was young I had the dream of becoming a tattoo artist?' And then he continues, coming closer... closer..." Allen tightens his grip on Kanda's hand, and Kanda intertwines his fingers with the Moyashi's.
"I tell him, I cry out: Mana, it hurts! And he just... laughs... continues drawing the pentagram on my face, digging the knife deep. He says,' I curse you, Neah Walker! I curse you!' And then he fills the kitchen sink up again, shoves my scarred face into the water. Again. And then again. I tell him it stings. He laughs harder.
"So... eventually, I took to taking... you know, to deal with everything. I found myself a pretty reliable dealer. Everyday, I lived my life as if I were in some sort of dream, letting the events tug me along. The abuse doesn't really register anymore at this point, until the day Mana took the abuse too far."
Allen looks up, smiles weakly with teary eyes. "This is kind of where the Noah family steps in. Adam Millennium, I'm sure you've heard of him, hears about the abuse from some private investigator, and he brings me to the hospital. He heals me back up, and I get to meet the rest of the Noah family, but he had no custody over me. I was Mana Walker's legal ward. Eventually I had to go back to him.
"And then I-"
"And then you jacked his car, and got rid of the most cruel man I ever heard of," Kanda finishes with a tone of finality. "I get what you mean by it's not so easy. And I'm not saying it was right that you did what you did, but don't you think it's time to just put it behind you?"
"I- Maybe... maybe you're right."
Kanda just smiles- a little!- and Allen smiles unsurely in return. "Now, come to bed," Kanda says. And then the older man presses his lips against Allen's who allows himself to fall into the strong embrace.
Forever.
XXX
By the end of the week, Kanda finds himself sitting on a plush white couch, face-to-face with the important members of the Noah family.
He has come to know that the Noah family, is really an extensive one, with branches coming from the Camelot and Mikk family- both of which were influtiental families. Sheryl Camelot, he finds out, is the prime minister of a country- Kanda isn't quite that stupid. He does the maths himself, and knows that the people of the Noah family are filthy-rich. But still-
"I don't quite get why you've asked me to come up here without informing Allen." He pinches the bridge of his nose. He is sure, somewhere, deep deep deep down, these people are very nice and family-like... (sort-of) but he can only see the identical menacing smiles they were shooting towards him.
"Because, you see," Road, a slight girl who comes from the camelot branch, starts," Allen is veerryy important to us. Really, he is rather like a big brother to me!"
Sheryl continues with an adoring look shot in Road's direction," And to me, he is like a son. A very precious person, really, to all of us; Why, I believe there was one point in time when my poor brother pined after dear Allen! So you see- that brings us to the point-"
"Finally," Kanda states though he is rather disturbed at the fact that Tyki had once held... affections for Allen. He cannot help the possessive look that comes into his eyes. Sheryl ignores him quite completely. Tyki takes on the role of explaining next.
"It brings us to the point," Tyki stresses," That we have no knowledge whatsoever about you. Allen is very important, we cannot stress that enough. So we do have... several questions we would wish for you to answer, if you may."
Kanda is not a person to relent to these kind of requests, but he does anyway because god damn if he wanted to get into the black list of this family. Also, considering, that Allen was part of this family- it wouldn't do well to insult them. "Shoot," he says. And then he proceeds to lean back and make himself comfortable.
Adam is the one who speaks next. The older man's words come so quickly, Kanda struggles to keep up with the long list of questions. "Where were you born? You are Japanese, aren't you? Are your parents still with you? Do you have any siblings? Jobs? Degrees of any sort? Ah, but how could I forget! Who don't even know how old you are. So, then, if you would tell us your age as well. Also, we would think it would be great if you could list out your medical history. Have you suffered from any STDs? I sincerely hope you don't have AIDS, it would terrible if you passed that on to our dear Allen. Also, we might cut short your life if you did that." Kanda gapes at that last portion. But the man is hardly done.
Road's voice takes over. "Oh yes, and we would also wish to know about your various serious illnesses in the past decade. Pneumonia, cancer, anything? And about your criminal record- have you ever been jailed? Any outstanding offences against the law... robbery, assault etcetera. By the way, how did you get your hair to be that long and still keep it that shiny and smooth...? Oh-! It is terribly smooth. Guys, guys! Touch this!"
Kanda waits, rather stunned, as every member of the Noah family in the room lines up and touches his hair.
XXX
Later on, Allen sits in Kanda's lap as Kanda rants, eyes slighter wider than usual. He appears to have been permanantly scarred. "-fuck, do you have one messed up family," Kanda finally stops, takes a deep breath and leans back.
"They couldn't be that bad," Allen comforts.
Kanda frowns. "Those twins-"
"-You mean Devitto and Jasdero?"
"Those two. They threatened to shoot me if I ever made you cry or if they found you hurt and knew it was me who did it! And they said it with a smile too! Laughed as if nothing they said was remotely wrong sounding-"
Allen just sighs.
And then runs his hand through Kanda's very, very smooth hair.
Fin.
XXX
And that was the companion-fic to "Hey, Mana"! I thought I'd never finish it. I was actually typing up a sequel, but it just didn't feel right to me. So I decided to do this. But the whole definition of the start was just to show how Kanda feels as if Allen were an unreachable person- an outlier. He wants to know more about Allen, thus putting Allen, in his reach.
By the way, for those of you who didn't quite get it, and haven't read "Hey, Mana", you probably should skip right along to that fic. It really kind of explains things. As for the part about Lenalee knowing about Allen, let's just say, Allen kind of gave her clues along the way. And that Lenalee is a very smart woman.
Also, there will be more coming from this... series of sorts. I'm contemplating doing one on Lavi's side with a dash of Lucky coming up in foresight. Also, a further sequel when I think I'm up to it. There will probably be an introduction of Kanda's past which would be the arrival of Alma, but there has been nothing confirmed in this mind of mine. I would probably be putting strain on the Yullen relationship though. Relationship problems, things like that. We all know Kanda and Allen ain't perfect without a few fights thrown in.
Once again, Lenalee is a smart woman.
Peace out!
M4I