Fate's Route
Part 1: Enigma

~ A Dragonball Z fanfic by Rhea Summers ~

I sit quietly in front of my wooden dressing table, looking at my own reflection.

*There are already lines under my eyes...* I realize as I stare at the image on the mirror. Sub-consciously, a hand reach up to touch the mirror softly. Another glance reveal much more than I ever want to see: there are a few strands of gray in my carefully done hair and my skin are not as radiant anymore.

Twenty years ago I might have flown into a horrific screaming session; but things were different then. I thought beauty was the main asset a woman should have and I was proud of mine. I never gave much thought to family values and life itself. I believed that having the perfect man next to me was the most important then. Looks change, so do perception. I'm contented with my life now and I have nothing more to wish for.

*Time flies,* I conclude and smile dimly at the mirror. I have a man who cares for me in his own grudging style and a child who loves me more than anything else in the world. Most of all, I have a group of close friends who have gone through life and death with me.

*And all of this happened because of the Dragonballs.*

It is incredible, that my life revolves around seven brightly colored stones. I was merely fifteen when I announced to father and mother that collecting Dragonballs was going to be my mission, but I did not dare to tell them my true intentions about wanting a prince to call my own. School wasn't a problem back then: I have already graduated from high school and I didn't want to go into university that soon. Not yet, at that time for I didn't feel at ease mingling among lecture mates years older than I was.

Being a child prodigy was never easy. Not for me. Too much was expected out of me to the point that people forget that I was every bit as human as they were. I needed and craved love like normal people and father was always too busy to even talk to me whereas mother was not the type who I could talk to whenever I had problems. I let out a small sigh. They are dead now, I muse. It is strange, really. I never really missed them when they were still alive, but a wave of nostalgia will wash over me each time I think about them now.

*Heh. Talk about missing loved ones.*

Of all my friends, I have known Goku for the longest period of time, our friendship spanning over twenty years up to this moment. My lips curved upwards in a wry smile. Goku was a jungle boy when I first met him and he even overturned my vehicle with ease while labeling it as a monster. I can still recall the horror in me when I realized that bathing was something alien to him and when I discovered that he actually had a tail on him. A giggle escapes from my throat when Goku's actions of determining a person's gender by feeling around comes floating into my conscious mind.

That is priceless...

Who says that pure friendship without sexual innuendoes cannot happen between a man and a woman? Goku and I are living examples of that statement. With Goku's body, I could have fell for him easily but I didn't. Perhaps that is solid proof that there is no physical attraction between us, only a brother-sister relationship at best.

Son Goku. He has a soul so pure that there is nothing remotely related to evil in him. I find it hard to believe that someone so untainted actually exists on the face of this earth. With his innocence, it is a wonder that he could father Goten and maintain a healthy physical relationship with Chichi. Well, people grow up somehow, don't they?

Because of my quest for Dragonballs too, I met Yamucha.

Yamucha. That name never fails to bring a dull ache in my heart although it was over ten years since we both reached a mutual agreement that perhaps we should maintain a platonic friendship after all. All my life, I hate people telling lies to me. They give me false hopes, and that is what Yamucha did to me. During the bulk of the years of our courtship, I used to fantasize about starting a family with him being the father of my children. I held on to that strand of future which he blindly promised me and I trusted him with all my heart and soul, but he misused my feelings for him. It is very difficult to regain one's trust after losing it, especially mine. I believe he was sincere about his feelings towards me in the very beginning, but that too wore off after he starting having personal contact with other girls soon after he moved into West Capital.

*Why?* I used to ask myself, whenever I discovered his affairs one after another. Was I undesirable? I knew that wasn't true. Deep down inside, I knew Yamucha was just plain tired of facing my temper tantrums and patience has its limits. I admit I might be over- sensitive and like to question his whereabouts. What a bruised ego he must have had, whenever his friends tease him about him having to phone me once every half an hour.

But that did not justify his actions of moving in with a bar girl behind my back when I thought we were in love! If he wanted to call it quits and start anew with another love interest, he should have discussed it with me and I would have let him go, no matter how reluctant I could be. What was the use of keeping a man beside me when his heart belonged to another woman?

My love for him had always been unconditional. I felt my heart broke into a million pieces when I saw Yamucha dead on the television screen, beaten to pulp by those ugly creatures the Saiyajin brought along. I must had cried buckets of tears as my eyes locked upon his dead body impaled on the center of that huge crater. Days later, I even braved the dangers of going to an unknown planet to search for the Namek Dragonballs just to bring him back to life. I never knew I could love another being that deeply, but before I knew it, our relationship was already on rocks. I risked my life in exchange for his but this was all I received in return: to catch him cheating on me. Again and again, he begged for my forgiveness when I confronted him and I gave him that only to find myself disappointed time after time. It became a routine that I dreaded most and it was I who finally had a long discussion with Yamucha.

Yamucha was rather emotionless when I told him that I knew everything already. He wanted to know if I found someone else. Naturally, my answer was 'no' and I thought I saw Yamucha's shoulders sagged a little. Did he really think that I could betray him the way he betrayed me? He underestimated me this time. No matter how much I long for the perfect man to appear, I would never do such a thing to hurt Yamucha.

Painful, our decision was to me, but I couldn't help heaving a sigh of relief. It was never quite the angst-filled scene with me fleeing away from Yamucha dramatically as I imagined our breakup to be, but the hurt and disappointment were very real, unfortunately. The first few weeks were the hardest to pass, with me waking up in the middle of the night sobbing. The remorseful part of me wanted to pick up the phone and tell Yamucha that a new beginning was still possible while the realistic side of me reminded me that it would be harder to live with suspicion and distrust at every waking moment. There was a niggling doubt in me whether I dump him out of pure anger or not; but I always managed to convince myself that there were still many eligible young men out there waiting for me and Yamucha just wasn't desirable any longer.

*Why, Kami? Why did you give me Yamucha only to cause me more pain?* I remembered screaming out of my window. For long periods of time, I wallowed on self-pity and sorrow.

Wise people say that time is the best healer. Thankfully, my grief and pain ebbed away gradually that it is already a faraway storm that has passed; but however distant these memories may be, Yamucha will still occupy a piece of my heart, for he is my first love. A man who I have truly loved before, no matter how he had betrayed my trust and feelings.

Nevertheless, Yamucha is a man of honor when it comes to me no matter how lightly he might have viewed my love and trust for him. Right up to the day our relationship ended, we have yet to sleep with each other. Strange, huh? Most people will not believe that. I didn't quite understand why he chose to wait at that time, but after some quiet thinking, I understood his motives: he did that because he valued our relationship and he didn't want physical attraction to be a main factor for us being together. Maybe I was too irrational to think about his intentions properly at that time and I used to feel that there was something wrong with me make Yamucha shrink away from intimacy. Nevertheless, I was disappointed by his lack of motivation; I wouldn't have been so upset if he had made any advances.

No, do not get me wrong. I do not want sex out of Yamucha before marrying each other. Frankly, I do not believe in pre-marital sex because that intimate moment between two beings should be a shared gift of true love and deep understanding, not something born out of sheer lust and boredom.

But Vegeta made that principle of mine a mockery.

Vegeta - Prince of the Saiyajin. He has this special ability to justify his actions, not matter how horrible and inhumane they may seem to be.

Now, when did I first met him? My first personal encounter with Vegeta in Namekusei was rather... terrifying. He was bent on collecting those Namek Dragonballs and I hated him intensely for killing my friends, especially Yamucha. When I first set my eyes on him, I wondered if he was Devil himself incarnated for he killed and slaughtered lives without blinking even once. By looking at his features, he shouldn't be much older than I was; but why was he capable of doing terrible things like killing his long time comrade, Nappa without feeling anything? Even the simple friendship between a dog and its human owner worth much more than the deep loyalty Nappa offered to Vegeta. I wouldn't have doubted Nappa to die for Vegeta.

I didn't really see much of him during the Namekusei trip, except to be threatened and scared out of my wits. Through that look in his eyes, I knew he wanted the Dragonballs badly to achieve immortality. I wonder why he had this urge to live forever... One theory I pondered upon was that he could stand up to his enemies without the fear of dying after getting that wish from Shenlong. Saiyajin, too, are afraid of death and what lies beyond, I reckon.

What really happened on Namekusei still remains a mystery to me. Vegeta never talked about it and I grown to know that it is a sensitive issue to discuss. I heard from others that Vegeta had helped Goku to defeat Freeza. How, I do not know. I decided that he couldn't be so bad after all. Besides, I do not believe that a person would be truly evil all the time, so I invited him to stay at my home. Nah, attraction was not the driving force back then. I say that it would be more of my natural sympathy for people who lost their homeworld and had nowhere else to go to which initiated me to offer him shelter.

Our relationship didn't just jump-start after he moved into Capsule Corp. On the contrary, he wasn't very communicative and preferred to spend time alone. I could understand that. Vegeta had a very inflated ego due to his so-called birth rights and he strongly felt that he should be the most powerful Saiyajin ever to be born. He held onto that principle for most of his life and he truly believed that he was the prophesied Legendary Super-Saiyajin. To be beaten by a group of idiots who called themselves the Z-warriors was bad enough, but asking a third-class warrior to take revenge for his people and Vegetasei was a direct blow to his pride. Simply, Goku had taken over his duties and Vegeta saw it as a let down to his royal heritage. It was as if Vegeta lost everything on Namekusei, including the only things he ever owned: his pride and honor.

Vegeta once said that the tragic fate which befell his race was a punishment for their wrong-doings in the past. The Saiyajin were a race of warriors where they used their fight skills as a tool to support their economy. They sent their babies to weaker planets and dispatched teams of warriors to stronger planets. Goku was of the former, I guess. In other words, they practiced ethnic cleansing only to find themselves slaughtered by Freeza at the very end.

In a rare lapse of truth, Vegeta mentioned that they were once arch-rivals of Freeza's planet-selling business before his father struck a deal with King Cold that they would provide the Saiyajin targets to purge and the profits from the sale of those cleansed planets would be equally divided between both parties. Apparently, Saiyajin technology had not been improvised and they were facing difficulty in locating new planets to invade whereas King Cold could provide advance equipment for planet detection. For years and years, they worked diligently under Freeza and listened to him. Slowly, the Saiyajin grew tired of being controlled and unrest grew among the race of warriors.

Then there was the rebellion which sealed the fate of the Saiyajin.

*"It is better die as a warrior than to live as a slave!"* I find Vegeta's voice echoing in my head. There was an uprising among the Saiyajin warriors who found themselves increasingly being oppressed by Freeza and the rest was history; there were only four survivors of this disaster - Vegeta, Nappa, Raddizt and Goku. His entire race was wiped out. In a self-confession many years later, Vegeta admitted he thought of death but didn't continued to take his own life. Vegeta insisted that the reason he continued to live on was because of the revenge he wanted to seek for his people and he wanted to be the strongest in the entire universe. I suppose his strong will and persistence saw him through those terrible years under Freeza's iron fist.

I never knew what Freeza had done to Vegeta as a child to make him the cold-blooded murderer he was before this. He was so desensitized that I doubted he even knew what love, friendship and trust were. Vegeta has never let me in to that deepest part of his memories, ones which he would never want to remember. Nightmares still haunt him in sleep and my heart aches to see fright flash across his eyes when he awakens from those past horrors. Furthermore, he has been taught that feeling anything besides anger is a sign of weakness, so much to the point that he erects an impenetrable barrier around him. At first, I thought he was incapable of love but slowly I discovered that he could, but he was too stubborn to accept this trait.

It hadn't been easy, trying to coax Vegeta out of the shell he had hidden in for so many years. Goku, Yamucha, Piccolo, Gohan, Chichi and Kuririn sees him as an emotionless person but inside, he is fragile as glass. Any false movement, the barrier goes up again and becomes increasingly difficult to penetrate. For one long year, I tried to gain his trust only to find that he had flung everything back in my face each time I offered my friendship. I didn't know why I continued doing so. One might say that I did it out of sympathy, as what Vegeta once accused me of giving him. His reaction was feral when he growled at me that he didn't need anyone to pity him.

Still, I continued my mission and I knew I succeeded when he started talking to me instead of ignoring my existence. First, our conversation consisted only of a few short questions but things took a turn for better when I managed to catch him off-guard on those rare occasions. Vegeta rarely let me go through those barricades he built. Every time I engaged contact with his inner-self, he would shrink back and shove me apart.

I knew Vegeta was lonely. The saddest thing in life was the inability to share your happiness and sorrow with anyone in this whole wide universe; and Vegeta was such a person. I wonder how much more tragic can one's life get... To be robbed of a proper childhood, to grow up under a manipulative fist of his greatest enemy and not being able to lift a finger against it. Fate could be so unfair at times. Vegeta was of royal blood yet he was made to suffer more than anyone deserved to. He trained endlessly in the gravity simulator my father built for him with the Andriods as an excuse; but I could sense that it wasn't as easy as the way Vegeta made it sound. Vegeta saw training as a good way to seek solace and help him forget the shame and pain of not being able to kill Freeza with his bare hands.

Sympathy for him soon changed into empathy. Everything else came so naturally after the night he first opened himself to me. That night, I found him sitting on the rooftop of Capsule Corp, looking wistfully at the artificial moon my company projected into the sky. Being the acrophobic person I was, I dared myself to climb up to the roof just to sit with him. Much to my surprise, he actually started the conversation. What was his first line again?

*"I have never looked at a moon without leveling a city..."*

I struggled not to smile. Vegeta actually sounded... nostalgic. Before I knew it, Vegeta launched into a long story about Vegetasei and the people who lived in his homeworld once. I could only listen in wonder as he talked about how strong his race was and that he could be the emperor by now if his father didn't sign that treaty which brought eventual extinction to the Saiyajin race.

*"The House of Vegeta will end with me, here on Chikyuu."*

His voice cracked me. What could be worse than that? The only surviving members of his race was Goku and even he didn't consider himself Saiyajin. Alone. Vegeta was all alone on this alien world. I couldn't imagine living by myself in the whole wide universe. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I proceeded to wrap my arms around him. Vegeta tensed instinctively, but relaxed after a moment of uncertainty. We sat there for the entire night, silence prevailing over us. It finally occurred to me that Vegeta was too, a vulnerable person. Capable of feeling other sensations than anger and pain. It was a wonder, that Vegeta had accepted my token of friendship in his grudging way.

Around the same time, I had ended my relationship with Yamucha. My pride and ego forbid me from letting Vegeta knew about this as he might see my attempts to get close to him as an act of finding a substitute for Yamucha. My fears were not unfounded though. I was initially afraid of taking Vegeta as Yamucha's replacement, but I was reassured as I knew Vegeta was very different from Yamucha. Vegeta never compromises with anyone, including me. When he wants things his ways, he gets them. Slowly, I found myself getting increasingly attracted by him. At the beginning, I thought it was lust, but it didn't stop at the physical aspect only. I actually cared for his well being, especially when he injured himself badly in an accident. He had over-pushed his limits in the gravity simulator. I just did not want to see him hurt, never mind dead.

For the infinite time, I looked into those deep pools of black and saw frustration and anger there as Vegeta lied on the infirmary bed. Vegeta wasn't happy about his progress, especially after seeing an unknown young man turn Super Saiyajin before his own eyes barely days ago. That sight had betrayed Vegeta of everything he believed. It seemed that all of his torture-like training had gone down the drain when even a teenager could go Super-Saiyajin. Again, his ego was smashed into bits and he hid the remnants of his pride with anger. Did Vegeta know how to feel anything besides anger? Very soon, I learnt that he could, in a separate incident.

As months passed at a languid pace, I managed to get closer to Vegeta and I saw many incidents through his perception. In fact, it was an unspoken habit that we would sit on the roof for hours without saying or doing anything, save for the silent sipping of red wine. I suspect Vegeta has a penchant for red wine. He told me once that this Chikyuu invention tasted like the Saiyajin brew. Perhaps red wine helped him remember his heritage, I suppose. Exactly one month after Yamucha and I called it quits, I brought a few bottles of wine to enjoy on the rooftop and Vegeta was there, lying on his back and staring at the open space. As usual, I popped open the bottles and pour two glasses of wine. One for me, one for him.

Vegeta snatched the glass from my hand immediately after I finished pouring the dark red liquid. Emptying its contents in one gulp, Vegeta took hold of the bottle I was clutching. Putting the bottle to his mouth, he began drinking. I was fazed by his actions. Normally, Vegeta would sip the wine slowly while looking straight at the darkened skies with a faraway look in his eyes. This time, it was different. Something was troubling him. Picking up the remaining glass, I began drinking with him too, eager to drown my disappointment over Yamucha.

After finishing the first bottle, a soft flush had washed over Vegeta's tanned cheeks. I suspected that Vegeta wasn't a regular heavy drinker after all those years traveling across the galaxy. A warm glow also settled in my stomach when I tasted the last drop of wine in my glass.

Suddenly, Vegeta spoke softly. "Why am I still unable to reach Super Saiyajin level? I'm of Royal blood, a direct descendant of the House of Vegeta and the prophesied Legendary. Why?" The last word ended on a choke. I half-expected him to break down on the spot, but Vegeta was a true master of self-control. Sensing his severe depression, I looked at him and kept quiet.

A ghost of a smile graced his lips as I crept closer to him. Vegeta didn't flinch and I assumed that he was letting his guard down, a direct effect from the alcoholic buzz. "What has been bothering you?" I asked slowly, careful not to snap him out of his calm mood.

Vegeta cocked his head and gazed at me. "Nothing." Adverting his focus to the dark skies again, he whispered, "See the bright star there? Vegetasei used to be in that system."

"How did Vegetasei look like?" I asked as sudden interest upon the long-gone planet washed over me.

"Vegetasei was never as lush as Chikyuu. We didn't have many plants and trees there, only magnificent cliffs and gorges with rapid rivers running through them..."

"Anything else about Vegetasei? I bet there must be more than that..." I replied, looking at him.

"I don't remember anything more than that... I was too young when Vegetasei was destroyed." Vegeta gritted his teeth when he mentioned the last word. Taking another bottle, he took a few gulps. "Why do you Chikyuujin care so much about friendship? To me, that is only a sign of weakness."

"Well, friendship is important because we need to trust someone with our lives at some point... But now, it seems that I have lost contact with most of my friends already and I have no-one to turn to...," I ended on a depressing note.

"What about that human weakling?" Vegeta asked, a sly smile curving his lips.

"Yamucha?" My heart felt as if a knife had been driven into it. "We... we are history," I choked out finally after a prolonged silence. I truly didn't know why I told Vegeta that. It wasn't like he cared in the first place. Vegeta seldom cared about other things unrelated to him.

"Oh? There goes your favorite routine..." Vegeta replied lazily, rubbing salt into the fresh wound. No, his sarcasm hadn't been lost on the alcohol.

Perhaps it was because of the dizzying effect which the wine was having on me that I didn't catch his stinging sentence clearly. Unfazed, I continued. "All my life, I have been wishing for a Prince in shining armor to come by and we can both gallop off on his white horse into the setting sun. I thought Yamucha was the one for me, but I was deathly wrong... That bastard..."

Vegeta merely nodded and drank a few mouthfuls from his wine bottle. Steadying my voice, I spoke again. "And just to think that I have wasted ten years of my youth over him... I'm already in the big three zero this year..." Unconsciously, a teardrop ran down my face and landed onto my outstretched arm.

"I'm a Prince by heritage but I have no people and no homeworld to rule over... It's a mockery to the House of Vegeta. Yours are petty problems compared to mine," Vegeta snarled hoarsely, his eyes fixed on the lone shining star.

Ignoring Vegeta's comment, I spoke on. "No matter how successful any woman's career may be, she will always want to go home to her husband and children at the end of the day. Now, it may be too late start from scratch and to fall in love all over again with a new man..." I trailed off, self-pity overwhelming me.

"It is not the same with me. I never wanted to have a family," he answered stoically, his voice not betraying any emotions. "They are too much of a pain to have." Turning to look at him, I could see the pain and grief etched on his face. That very moment, I thought I saw fear in his eyes, but it was gone in a flash.

"Vegeta..." I whispered, my fingers reached up to trace his jaw line. Much to my surprise, he didn't draw away at contact. Instead, his free hand grasped my wrist and drew it close to his lips. Astonished by his gesture, I sat back on my laps and looked at him deeply. Drawing closer, I planted a soft kiss on his forehead before being rewarded with a tender one on my neck. His lips were soft and velvety, I noted when he kissed me for the first time.

For first time also, I saw the real Vegeta who was hidden away for decades. Eyes are the windows to one's soul. His eyes were no longer the cold and calculating ones I looked into on Namekusei. I saw wonder and awe in them.

The next few moments passed in a blinding vortex of passion, lust, solace and mutual understanding. On my bed, we lay in the after glow with tbe soft chirping of crickets in the semi-darkness. Shrouded by the warmth radiating from his body, I placed my hand on his chest feeling his steady heartbeat through my fingertips. My eyes were wide open as I studied his handsome features by the stream of silver light floating through the open window. Those dark pools of black gazed back deeply into mine and he pulled me closer to him until the tips of our noses were nearly touching. Encircling my arms around him, I sighed softly. *Is this what I want?* I remembered asking myself mentally. *Is he the same person I saw killing my friends without flinching?*

No, the side Vegeta had shown me wasn't of a cold-blooded murderer who cared nothing more than his own life. He had shown me that he was capable of loving another being through his passionate kisses and gentle touches. He needed to love and be loved, I concluded. Laying my head on his chest, I listened to his even breathing as they lulled me to dreamland with our minds and souls entwined as one.

After that incident, the bond was already there - our minds connected by a fragile strand. Part of me was mentally cursing myself for giving in to his seduction so easily, but I knew it was the right thing to do; so I never regretted it. Vegeta makes his decisions alone, as always.

Since young age, I tend to imagine my future suitor to be charming, tall, gentle and caring. Not only that, he has to be handsome, strong and intelligent. Vegeta didn't exactly fit into the first set of descriptions, but the second set matched him perfectly. Again, Kami had written an ending for my quest to settle down when I discovered that I was carrying Trunks not long after. Goku wasn't joking when he told me to be careful with the baby.

Vegeta took that piece of news very well, although he didn't show much emotion over my pregnancy. Soon, he achieved his dream of becoming the Legendary Super Saiyajin. I always wonder if I was the trigger to this new level... Goku once mentioned that one should have a soft heart to begin with, but Vegeta was so deviod of emotions. Or rather, he chose to smolder them before they could even register in his mind. I shall never know the answer, I think. Vegeta will never admit that to me.

What about Vegeta as a father figure? Ten years ago, I would have already died from laughing.

When Trunks was born, Vegeta wasn't very close to Trunks. I may attribute that attitude of his to my son from the future. My instincts tell me that Vegeta sees himself mirrored in the young man. That stubborn temper of his, that scowl of his... The young man from the future reminds me of Vegeta. Both have gone through a hard childhood and the horrors of witnessing their world being destroyed. Perhaps this is why Vegeta sees Trunks in a different light, someone who he can relate to. As much as Vegeta will never want to admit this, he holds deep respect for his son.

And I admire him for having the courage to do so.

Ten years have passed since we first met each other and it is wonderful to retrace those steps we have taken in our lives. Vegeta changed mine, and I changed his. Slowly, he came to accept who he is and I'm happy for him. At last, he has made peace with his own hopes and expectations.

But Vegeta has secrets to keep. In this whole wide universe, I know him best; yet there are parts of him which he has chosen to hide away even from me. If he decides that those terrible memories of his past shall remain buried, let it be then.

Simply, Vegeta remains an enigma even after years of living together. I have never fully understood him, and I doubt I ever will. Nevertheless, he is still a Prince to call my own. Thank you, Kami, for presenting me this precious gift.

I believe Fate draws a full circle always.

All Dragonball Z characters and references to the original plot belongs to Akira Toriyama and all other related parties.

Fanfic Copyright Reserved by Rhea Summers - December 2001

Author's say:
Sorry for the lack of drama in this fanfic. It is never meant to be a triller. Although there is not much drama and suspense here, but I hope readers may be able to gain some knowledge on how I look at the Vegeta-Bulma relationship. My take on their relationship may be much different from most people as I still believe in true love, regardless how most fans feel that Vegeta is incapable of loving someone. There should be two or three parts to this introspective story and I hope may be able to wrap up this story by the end of this year.
Here, I would love to hear from any readers who are willing to give feedback on my works and please do feel free to post a comment or send me an e-mail regarding this story.
Last but not least, thank you for reading this far.

Yours sincerely,
Rhea Summers

12.07am, 29th of November 2001 (First draft)
9.53pm, 29th of November 2001 (Second draft)
1.07pm, 30th of November 2001 (Final draft)

E-mail: rhea@wong.as
Webpage: http://sky.anifics.com/rhea/ (under construction)