I sit pushing the little green figures around my new chessboard; a 'memento' of our quality time together on Omega sent by Aria, it had been Petrovsky's.
The events that led me to be here sad and alone, run through my head…
I should have told Kaidan, of that I am now certain.
But Aria told me not to inform my crew. And I acquiesced to her request because she's my friend. I snort to myself, yeah, that and I'm a good little soldier, I followed orders just as I have done most of my life.
I had lied to Kaidan.
I'd told myself it was for his own good. I'd known that he couldn't join the mission and so had kept him in the dark, to stop him tormenting himself with worry…but it had had the opposite effect. I simply hadn't considered him worrying so much about me. I'm a big girl, I can look after myself, I've proven that on a hundred occasions.
Solitude and survival has been a way of life for me since I was a kid…
Am I really sat here making excuses for my idiocy? I shake my head. The problem is, I'm not alone anymore. Not that it's a problem…I just, I forget.
"Fuck!" I cuss at myself.
I had been such a selfish dick. Had I really been so stupid to think he wouldn't be concerned about me? Fuck. I am a shitty girlfriend…
I sigh.
I'm lay out on the bed, staring at the ceiling, just about at the end of my patience when the loft door slides open and Kaidan comes in.
My heart skips, and I sit up,
"Kaidan…"
He crosses the space between us pinning me in place with this gaze…he looks less angry, that's good.
He stops in front of me and I look up into his eyes, he has tinges of sadness in them.
"Jin, I'm sorry that I shouted…I…" he sighs,
"Kaidan it's-"
"No, let me finish, please. I need to say this." I nod in understanding. He sits next to me and takes a slow breath.
"I was so angry…at you, at Aria, at myself…I shouldn't have said what I said. I didn't want…" he lets a slow breath out.
"I know you trust me Jin and I trust you completely; with my life…with my heart…" he strokes the back of his fingers over my thigh and even through the material of my uniform, my skin bristles all over at his touch; a beautiful shiver through my senses…
"That's part of why I was so mad! If anything had happened to you… We didn't even know where you were Jin. The thought of you alone somewhere, hurt…I can't- to go through that again" he looks at me and his eyes burn into me; full of tears and love, pain and questions…his gaze drops down to the floor.
All I want to do is soothe that pain, kiss his tears away, tell him over and over how much he means to me.
I slide off the bed and kneel in front of him,
"Kaidan?"
I force his chin up to look at me, "I trust you with all of my being, every piece of me is yours."
I pause, suddenly feeling very self conscious, I look down and play with his fingers, "I've realized that I sometimes still act as if I'm alone in all this; the war, the world… I…" I shake my head, I sound so dramatic.
"When I fell for you…it took me completely by surprise. I never, ever, expected to fall in love. I never thought that I would share my life with anybody…I never had anybody. And then you walked into my world. I started to think differently about things. I thought about…the future…"
I try to steady my voice, "an- and for the first time in my life I stopped seeing a plaque on a memorial wall…and instead I pictured a retirement, with you…"
I take a deep breath, it's hard to open up like this, harder than I expected it to be.
"But then, the attack…and Cerberus. And then what happened on Horizon…when you walked away from me…" I shake my head, not wanting to remember his reaction when we met on Horizon.
"I never stopped loving you. Not one day passed without me wishing you were by my side. But, I…I adapted to being alone again. Yeah, I had a crew, people around me, but they…none of them ever took your place. No one ever will. You're my best friend, my confidante, my soul mate, my rock… you're my world."
I look up and see his beautiful eyes gazing down at me and I have to fight to keep my resolve,
"you're the reason I fight Kaidan. Everything I do, every enemy I take down, I do it all for you. So we might have a future. I went to Omega to fight for you. I just…I never told you…and for that I am sorry. Incredibly sorry. Can you please forgive me?"
His hands cradle my face gently as he leans and places a single kiss on my lips…my worries over the argument being washed away by his soft touch...
"Yes Jinx. I forgive you" he smiles against my lips, "just know that I will always worry about you OK? I'm allowed to as your partner… don't ever drop off the radar like that again, deal?"
I giggle through the tears silently falling down my cheek, "deal".
He smiles and stands up.
"Come here. I need to check you over, see if you ahh, marred, that beautiful skin of yours…" he pulls me up and lifts my shirt, I hold my arms up allowing him to slide it up and over me…
He throws it to the side and runs his fingers reverently down my arms…over my stomach. I watch him in silence as he seemingly inspects me for injuries.
My senses ring at his touch…not soft enough to tickle; no where near hard enough to be unpleasant. I feel the familiar pull inside me, the desire to have his body against mine and the need to show him how sorry I am.
"Turn around"
I comply and feel his palms on the small of my back, he rubs his fingers deep up my spine, over my shoulder blades…
"mmm…" a groan escapes my lips.
His touch is like dynamite…setting off explosions over my skin as his nimble fingers relieve me of my underwear. He turns me back round to face him wrapping me tightly in his arms,
"I love you, don't scare me like that again…please."
I meet his lips with mine; he tastes exquisite…
His luscious lips part and our tongues entwine in our familiar dance…he pulls us back to the bed and I fall down with him, still wrapped in his embrace, our tongues still dancing with each other…
I pull back and lay on top of him unfastening his shirt…he watches as I push the material aside and run my hands slowly across him…
A delicious urge fills me as my lips meet his toned chest…with a will of their own they plant small kisses on every inch of him they can find…I feel him relax under my touch and smile to myself…
I tear my hands away from roaming over his sculpted torso and run them up the inside of his thighs, prompting a jerk from the bulge in his trousers. I feel him squirm but I don't stop, instead I slide my hand over him and cup his growing hardness, squeezing gently as I unfasten his trousers with my other hand.
"Jin…" he barely whispers, I look at him laying back with his eyes closed and cheeks slightly flushed…
"shh…just relax…and let me apologise…"
I free him from his material prison and take in the sight of him…stiff and twitching in my gentle grasp…he audibly swallows.
"Mmm…I love you naked…" I sigh as I rub my finger over his tip, smirking to myself at his pleasurable convulsion.
His fists ball up into the sheets as my lips press gently at the base of his shaft…
I move up his length teasingly slowly, planting kisses
One…two, three…he jerks in my hand
…four, five…with each touch of my lips
…six, seven…until I reach the pinnacle…and I take him into my warm, wet, wanting mouth…
I burn with lust as he gasps beneath me…my hot tongue lapping at him greedily in my mouth, drinking him in…I love his taste; his warmth; his shudders of pleasure from the attention I'm lavishing on him…
I draw him out slowly, sucking gently as I do so…I lick my tongue up and down his hard length, curling around his head, before mischievously blowing cool air onto him…
This time I take him in oh-so-slowly, teasing him with light squeezes at his base…rolling his ball sac gently in my free hand…his jerks grow with each squeeze…each roll…each inch of him that I take into my needy mouth…
I want to feel him let go inside me…I want to feel his juice flow down into me…
The burning in my core heightens and I draw him out...but instantly surround him once more…I do so again and again…creating a steady rhythm…moving like liquid up and down him.
My mind is swimming with his quivering throbs and glorious groans…
I mix the attention I bestow on him…gentle squeezes…cupping…sucking him…surrounding him…tormenting him with my tongue...my mouth...my hands...
Seemingly unable to hold back any longer, he begins to rock himself gently against my rhythm, creating more friction…more fire…
Suddenly I feel his back arch off the bed…he groans my name…my mouth closes around him, sucking him deeply into me…I constrict my grasp at his base and he empties himself into me…throbbing relentlessly as his heat flows from him…my jaw tightens and I savour his taste, taking in every drop of his pleasure.
My body sings in reply to his pulses; his pants…my core is burning for him.
Slowly his muscles retract and he sags into the bed…I bring my head up and look at him triumphantly as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.
"That…that-" he grins and closes his eyes as I crawl up him.
I trace kisses up his neck and across his jaw finally meeting his lips.
"Apology accepted" he pants between our crashing kisses, "I love you."
"Show me" I groan lustfully...he looks at me with that smile and quick as a flash I'm pinned beneath him, grinning…hungry for his touch…
His warm lips suck at my nipples adding fuel to the fire already alight in my core…his hands yank at my trousers…and as his teeth softly, sweetly, nip into the flesh of my thigh, my fists ball into the bed sheets…