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Summary: Chakotay gets closure (J/C)
Thank you
I can see her standing with her back to me in the dim ready room. She's standing in quite a typical Captain stance, her hands clasped behind her back, her shoulders squared. However, the slight drooping of her head betrays her. She seems to sense me standing behind her and she turns, her misty blue eyes capturing mine. The starlight shines softly behind her, making her appear almost spirit like, not fully connected with this world. I feel an urge to touch her, just to check, but I'm unwilling to break this spell between us.
"Chakotay," Her soft voice says my name the way no other can, she smiles slightly, a little crooked grin that is so Kathryn. She sighs and brings her hands from behind her back, brushing stray wisps of hair away from her face. Then her attention is brought back to me and she frowns, a small worried frown that always makes me want to take her in my arms and hold her. "Voyager is going to get home, isn't she?"
Her question catches me completely off guard, out of everything I expected her to say that was the last thing.
"Yes she is," I say sincerely, trying to get across my feeling of certainty. Kathryn seems to realise it, she smiles again, a little more carefree.
"Good, I would hate anyone to think differently." Her soft and delicate face is relaxed as if she hasn't a care in the world.
To think that just a short while ago she was lying so still. Then her face had seemed battered and bruised. She had looked like someone being dragged unwillingly from life. It was quite a simple accident really, the away team had experienced some trouble and Kathryn was separated from them in the attack. After the attack had ceased they had found her, unconscious, suffering multiple wounds. My heart had stopped when we heard the news, I was so scared for her. I didn't leave her side the whole time she lay in sick bay, I just had to be near her.
Kathryn's accident seems to have made her translucent, like anybody can see into her and read her feelings. At the moment though, she just seems at peace and in harmony with herself.
"It's strange how things work out, isn't it Chakotay?" Now her smile is wistful as she accesses some far off memories. "To think that when we first met it was as enemies, yet now, now you are my best friend." She looks fully at me, her blue eyes looking straight through to my soul. I'm a little surprised at her declaration, normally she is so reserved about her feelings and not nearly so open.
"You are my best friend too Kathryn," My heart starts to beat a little quicker, as it always does in my dreams of Kathryn saying these things to me, yet this is not a dream, I'm awake.
"Chakotay I wanted to thank you." Kathryn says simply even as I stare in bewilderment at her.
"For what?"
"For always being there," She states matter-of-factly, "For always helping me and caring for me no matter what." She smiles almost carelessly, her radiant and uninhibited smile that was once so rare. "For always loving me."
My heart skips a beat at her words, how could I have been so transparent? I never thought she knew. I stare at her again without even realising it. I simply can't help it. She looks so beautiful, relaxed and happy, she smiles again and I realise that all the barriers present in her eyes are gone and the only emotion I can see, is pure love. I look away, how do I know it is love? How can I push her after all she has been through? I love her so much, I can't give her stress now, my heart is breaking as I turn to leave.
"I love you too Chakotay."
Her whisper spins me back round, my eyes desperately searching her face, hope rising in my heart. She is gone.
At first I am almost surprised but then my common sense takes over. Of course she is gone, she was most probably never here. Captain Kathryn Janeway is lying in her final resting place hundreds if not thousands of light years away. Yet it had seemed so real, in my dreams where I see her she is always upset, demanding to know why she died. Just now she had seemed, peaceful, that was it, peaceful and she loved me. Somehow I knew, whether I had dreamed this or not, she loved me. I smile a little sadly and leave the starlit room. Prepared to go back to my quarters and sleep soundly for the first time in a week.
finis