Illusions of Hate
Chapter 1
By Mei Eden
"The ox is most definitely the most stupid of all the Juunichi animals! Ah Sohma-san, your son Yuki is so blessed to be a rat. After all, in the race to the legendary party, the mouse got there first, all because he was so much smarter than that idiotic cow, or even worse, the cat that couldn't even be part of Juunichi!"
I hate them.
"Yes, the whole clan is proud of little Yuki. He will be great one day."
I hate all of them.. they're calling me stupid.. They think I'm an idiot.
"He's already such a smart boy. Much better than that accursed cat child. Aren't you happy that your son was born a rat? If he must be cursed, better a rat than an ox, or even worse, a cat."
All because of him..Sohma Yuki. They hate me because they love him. I hate him!! I hate him!!!!!
"Well, Sohma-san, I must go back to my class now. It's a pity your Yuki isn't coming to our school. We'd be so proud to have him.
Hatsuharu-kun, come back to class with the rest of the children! Playtime is over!!"
The little boy with pale, snow-white hair and dark, angry eyes glared at his teacher in defiance.
"Even if I go back..what's the use? You think I'm stupid anyway. You think I'm so stupid..what good will your teaching do for me anyway? I'm too stupid to learn it right? All because that Yuki.."
A slap. They hit me because they love him.
"Don't you dare speak poorly of another person, especially from your own family! You two are cousins!"
Without a word, the boy turned and ran. It didn't matter to him where he went. Even if it did, in the end, it would all be the same. He was too stupid to find the right way.or so they thought. I'm not stupid.., he attempted to convince himself. Year after year, it had been the same. At family reunions during the New Year , he'd always hear about the wondrous Yuki, the blessed mouse, and what was he? Just the stupid ox. They never said he was stupid, never to his face, but in insulting the ox so openly, they tore him apart. Every semblance of self-esteem shattered with each stab they took at the animal. They said it so much- that the mouse was so smart to have tricked the ox- year after year- that he found it hard to refute them. Perhaps he really was stupid, and the fact that he was stupid kept him from realizing his true nature. Hatsuharu sighed and looked around him. Lost again- too stupid to find his own way.
Giving up, Haru sat down on the ground and leaned up against the wall of the old building towering behind him. A small bug scurried past his foot, and suddenly, in a fit of fury, he crushed it with his hand- smashed it over and over, until it was one big mess, all over his palm and dripping off his fingertips. Immediately afterward, he opened his eyes wide in surprise and stared at the hand covered in mutilated insect remains.
What's happening to me..? Did I kill it? Why am I doing this so easily..doing these angry, evil things? First I rebel against the teacher and run away..and now I'm killing things..almost like I'm enjoying it..
Disgusted with himself, Haru quickly wiped his hands off on the ground and leapt up, eager to get away from the scene of his passionate murder. Disturbed, he wandered the streets, not knowing exactly where he was going, but sure that he would end up in a place he recognized if he wandered enough. It's because of them., he decided. I'm changing into this..this strange "thing" because they hate me..because they think I'm stupid..because they love HIM and hate me.. Compared to him-Yuki-sama..a GOD, I'm this evil idiot. I'm this nothing that they call the Stupid one. I'm just the OX, and he's the RAT. All because of this crazy curse, they praise him and degrade me!!! What's so great about him??? What's wrong with me!?!??! He clenched his fists in anger. Years and years of resentment added to his frustration at getting himself lost piled up all at once in a blast of hate and Haru screamed. Over and over he screamed and yelled, pouring out his anger, his pain, his sadness...
And then a hand.
Haru stopped.
"Is that enough, Hatsuharu-kun?"
Haru slapped the hand away and turned around, his whole face twisted with emotion.
"Leave me alone Hatori-san! You're just like the rest of them."
The older man looked at the boy, his face completely expressionless.
"You've been gone for a while. Did you get lost again?"
Haru glared. "You think I'm stupid just like them. You're laughing at the ox because he got lost.. he got lost because he's not smart..he's.."
Hatori took hold of Haru's arm in a tight grip and began walking. "Akito won't like it if you get sick. He doesn't like having sick people around the house. He'll say I'm not doing my job. If you keep thinking like that, Hatsuharu, you'll be sick in the head. Nobody said you were stupid."
It was over. Haru followed complacently behind Hatori, allowing himself to be led. The anger was gone, and only the familiar sadness remained- the sadness in knowing that he wasn't the praised one. No, he wasn't the rat. Yuki was.
"I thought I might let you know, Haru-chan, that you'll be going to the same school as your cousin Yuki starting tomorrow. Your teacher says you're too difficult to handle now, and so Akito suggested you switch schools. You'll meet Yuki when we return home. It's best that cousins get acquainted,.especially since you'll be with him more often from now on."
Haru stopped and stared at Hatori. "Iie..no I can't...not Yuki.." Not Yuki..because he's a god, and I'm nothing. I hate him because they love him. He'll look down on me. He'll throw his intelligence, his greatness in my face and laugh, because I'm nothing.
"Tadaima."
Home.
"Oh..They're already here. Haru-chan, you know Shigure.and this here, this is Sohma Yuki, your cousin. Starting tomorrow, you guys will go to school together."
Slowly, Haru looked up, dreading the haughty look he knew he would see, afraid of the perfection, and finally, there he was..
Perfection.
The most perfect human being Haru had ever seen stood before him- slender figure, soft wispy hair falling gently over his face, and his eyes most beautiful of all- no haughtiness, none whatsoever, only a bittersweet sadness collected in two pools of loneliness, and all resentment, at least for the moment, immediately disappeared.
Haru had met God.
Chapter 1
By Mei Eden
"The ox is most definitely the most stupid of all the Juunichi animals! Ah Sohma-san, your son Yuki is so blessed to be a rat. After all, in the race to the legendary party, the mouse got there first, all because he was so much smarter than that idiotic cow, or even worse, the cat that couldn't even be part of Juunichi!"
I hate them.
"Yes, the whole clan is proud of little Yuki. He will be great one day."
I hate all of them.. they're calling me stupid.. They think I'm an idiot.
"He's already such a smart boy. Much better than that accursed cat child. Aren't you happy that your son was born a rat? If he must be cursed, better a rat than an ox, or even worse, a cat."
All because of him..Sohma Yuki. They hate me because they love him. I hate him!! I hate him!!!!!
"Well, Sohma-san, I must go back to my class now. It's a pity your Yuki isn't coming to our school. We'd be so proud to have him.
Hatsuharu-kun, come back to class with the rest of the children! Playtime is over!!"
The little boy with pale, snow-white hair and dark, angry eyes glared at his teacher in defiance.
"Even if I go back..what's the use? You think I'm stupid anyway. You think I'm so stupid..what good will your teaching do for me anyway? I'm too stupid to learn it right? All because that Yuki.."
A slap. They hit me because they love him.
"Don't you dare speak poorly of another person, especially from your own family! You two are cousins!"
Without a word, the boy turned and ran. It didn't matter to him where he went. Even if it did, in the end, it would all be the same. He was too stupid to find the right way.or so they thought. I'm not stupid.., he attempted to convince himself. Year after year, it had been the same. At family reunions during the New Year , he'd always hear about the wondrous Yuki, the blessed mouse, and what was he? Just the stupid ox. They never said he was stupid, never to his face, but in insulting the ox so openly, they tore him apart. Every semblance of self-esteem shattered with each stab they took at the animal. They said it so much- that the mouse was so smart to have tricked the ox- year after year- that he found it hard to refute them. Perhaps he really was stupid, and the fact that he was stupid kept him from realizing his true nature. Hatsuharu sighed and looked around him. Lost again- too stupid to find his own way.
Giving up, Haru sat down on the ground and leaned up against the wall of the old building towering behind him. A small bug scurried past his foot, and suddenly, in a fit of fury, he crushed it with his hand- smashed it over and over, until it was one big mess, all over his palm and dripping off his fingertips. Immediately afterward, he opened his eyes wide in surprise and stared at the hand covered in mutilated insect remains.
What's happening to me..? Did I kill it? Why am I doing this so easily..doing these angry, evil things? First I rebel against the teacher and run away..and now I'm killing things..almost like I'm enjoying it..
Disgusted with himself, Haru quickly wiped his hands off on the ground and leapt up, eager to get away from the scene of his passionate murder. Disturbed, he wandered the streets, not knowing exactly where he was going, but sure that he would end up in a place he recognized if he wandered enough. It's because of them., he decided. I'm changing into this..this strange "thing" because they hate me..because they think I'm stupid..because they love HIM and hate me.. Compared to him-Yuki-sama..a GOD, I'm this evil idiot. I'm this nothing that they call the Stupid one. I'm just the OX, and he's the RAT. All because of this crazy curse, they praise him and degrade me!!! What's so great about him??? What's wrong with me!?!??! He clenched his fists in anger. Years and years of resentment added to his frustration at getting himself lost piled up all at once in a blast of hate and Haru screamed. Over and over he screamed and yelled, pouring out his anger, his pain, his sadness...
And then a hand.
Haru stopped.
"Is that enough, Hatsuharu-kun?"
Haru slapped the hand away and turned around, his whole face twisted with emotion.
"Leave me alone Hatori-san! You're just like the rest of them."
The older man looked at the boy, his face completely expressionless.
"You've been gone for a while. Did you get lost again?"
Haru glared. "You think I'm stupid just like them. You're laughing at the ox because he got lost.. he got lost because he's not smart..he's.."
Hatori took hold of Haru's arm in a tight grip and began walking. "Akito won't like it if you get sick. He doesn't like having sick people around the house. He'll say I'm not doing my job. If you keep thinking like that, Hatsuharu, you'll be sick in the head. Nobody said you were stupid."
It was over. Haru followed complacently behind Hatori, allowing himself to be led. The anger was gone, and only the familiar sadness remained- the sadness in knowing that he wasn't the praised one. No, he wasn't the rat. Yuki was.
"I thought I might let you know, Haru-chan, that you'll be going to the same school as your cousin Yuki starting tomorrow. Your teacher says you're too difficult to handle now, and so Akito suggested you switch schools. You'll meet Yuki when we return home. It's best that cousins get acquainted,.especially since you'll be with him more often from now on."
Haru stopped and stared at Hatori. "Iie..no I can't...not Yuki.." Not Yuki..because he's a god, and I'm nothing. I hate him because they love him. He'll look down on me. He'll throw his intelligence, his greatness in my face and laugh, because I'm nothing.
"Tadaima."
Home.
"Oh..They're already here. Haru-chan, you know Shigure.and this here, this is Sohma Yuki, your cousin. Starting tomorrow, you guys will go to school together."
Slowly, Haru looked up, dreading the haughty look he knew he would see, afraid of the perfection, and finally, there he was..
Perfection.
The most perfect human being Haru had ever seen stood before him- slender figure, soft wispy hair falling gently over his face, and his eyes most beautiful of all- no haughtiness, none whatsoever, only a bittersweet sadness collected in two pools of loneliness, and all resentment, at least for the moment, immediately disappeared.
Haru had met God.