Disclaimer : I do not own DW still, nor will I ever, nor will I own Koei. But I own this fic and you don't.
Author Notes : This is a Yuan Shao, humor fic, for those who think I have no sense of humor. This has obviously no historical things in it; it is merely for humor purposes. Also it was quickly written so I expect there will be mistakes in it.
Yuan Shao was sitting in his throne room staring out the window. It was his birthday but no one seemed to remember it. He just sat there depressed wondering when someone would realize it. After an hour of sitting Lady Liu walked in.
"My husband Yuan, I have something important to tell you!" She told him. Yuan Shao jumped to his feet and ran to him.
"What is it?! What news do you have for me?" Yuan Shao, obviously bored out of his mind to run over to her like this, asked her.
"Your horse died today by eating too much hay, it just fell over dead five minutes ago." Yuan Shao's face turned white and he nearly fell over.
"That is the news?!?" Yuan Shao shouted at her.
"Oh wait, no there is another reason that today is important…" She said to him nodding.
"I saved a ton of money by signing up for some insurance company, I honestly don't know what insurance is but the little guy was just so cute I couldn't say no to him!" Lady Liu laughed and left the room. Yuan Shao sighed and sat back down. Not even his wife remembered his birthday.
Later on, Lady Liu travels to Wei to meet with Cao Cao. She arrives and carries a basket of cards. She first sees Cao Ren and walks over to him.
"Lord Cao Ren, today's Yuan Shao's birthday, I am inviting you to come. I'm sure you will… right?" Lady Liu handed him an invitation. Cao Ren looked around. She glared at him.
"Er… sure? Why not…" Cao Ren ran off. Lady Liu then saw Xu Zhu and walked to him.
"Lord Xu Zhu, Yuan Shao's birthday is today and I am inviting you! You will come won't you?" Xu Zhu gasped.
"Will there be cake?!" He asked happily.
"Well of course, it wouldn't be a birthday party without cake." Lady Liu rolled her eyes. Xu Zhu nearly caused an earthquake by hopping up and down with excitement.
"You bet I will!! I LOVE CAKE!!" Xu Zhu ran off happily. Lady Liu laughed and then saw Cao Cao. She took out a special looking invitation and walked to him.
"Lord Cao Cao, I am here to ask you to come to Yuan Shao's birthday." Lady Liu gave him the invitation. Cao Cao opened it and confetti shot out and it played "Happy Birthday." Cao Cao raised his eyebrow and looked at her.
"Yuan Shao is a stuck up, arrogant jerk. I will not go to his party!!" Cao Cao threw the card to the ground. Lady Liu slapped him across the face, grabbed his ear and forced him to pick up the card.
"I said… Yuan Shao's birthday is today… AND YOU ARE GOING TO THE PARTY! Do I make myself clear?!" Lady Liu tapped her foot on the ground impatiently.
"Er… yes…" Cao Cao whimpered.
"Yes what!?" Lady Liu snapped back at him.
"Yes ma'am..." Cao Cao looked down at the ground.
"Good… now I have to go to other places, so give these invitations to Cao Pi, Zhen Ji, Xu Huang, Zhang Liao, Sima Yi, Dian Wei, Pang De and the Xiahous." She gave him the invitations and walked out. As she was leaving, Zhang He walked over to her.
"Oh Lady Liu! Wait up!" Zhang He ran over to her in a girly way and stopped in front of her. "I heard Yuan Shao is having a birthday today! Do you have an invitation for me?"
"Um… no. I don't like you." Lady Liu got on her horse and rode off. Zhang He sniffled and yelled at her as she left.
"It's 'cause I am prettier than you isn't it?!?" She was too far away to hear it though so he went away crying.
Lady Liu then arrived in Shu. The first person she saw was Xing Cai. She walked over to her.
"Lady Xing Cai! Hi, I came over to invite you and your father to Yuan Shao's party so I was wondering…" Zhang Fei came running out interrupting her.
"Yuan Shao?! I hate that idiot! He thinks he is better than me?!" Zhang Fei roared in anger.
"There is free wine?" Lady Liu said smiling.
"Oh heh, why didn't you say so, I'd love to come. You know, me and Yuan Shao go way back. We are like best friends!" Zhang Fei ran off happy. Lady Liu then found Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying.
"Lord Zhuge Liang, Lady Yue Ying, I am here to invite you to Yuan Shao's birthday party!" Lady Liu smiled to them. Zhuge Liang looked at Yue and then back to her.
"Well… you see, we can't come… we have to… strategize… yeah strategize!" Zhuge Liang nodded.
"…No, you see, what I meant to say is that you are coming to his party… or else…" She gave Zhuge Liang a death stare. Zhuge Liang sweat dropped and nodded.
"And for a present you will give him winning strategies… so hurry up and make them!!!! The party is at 6! Don't even think about being late…" Lady Liu smiled and walked away. She then finally found Liu Bei who was with Guan Yu.
"Lord Liu Bei, Lord Guan Yu, I have come to ask you to join us for Yuan Shao's birthday party!" Lady Liu handed them invitations. Liu Bei blinked.
"I love parties! You can count us in!!" Liu Bei shouted.
"Brother, Yuan Shao is our enemy, we shouldn't attend this…" Guan Yu told him.
"Guan Yu… I want to go to this party… you aren't my father! You can't tell me whether or not I can go to a party! I hate you! I hate you!!" Liu Bei then ran off to his bedroom. Guan Yu sweat dropped.
"I guess we will see you then…" Lady Liu nodded and handed her other invitations to hand out to people. As she was leaving Wei Yan and Pang Tong went over to her.
"I hear… you have… party? I… come?" Wei Yan asked her.
"Yes, we overheard that Yuan Shao's birthday is today? Were we invited?" Pang Tong smiled.
"Yeah… of course you were! Okay, we are having the party in… um… Nanning…" Lady Liu said looking around.
"Really? Wow, I thought you would have it at your house." Pang Tong said laughing.
"No, of course not, then it would be a surprise!" Lady Liu said nodding.
"Okay… we be there…" Wei Yan and Pang Tong went away. Lady Liu jumped on her horse and road off.
Lady Liu then arrived in Wu and found Taishi Ci right away. He was eating a popsicle.
"Lord Taishi Ci, I came to invite you to Yuan Shao's birthday party!!" Lady Liu gave him an invitation. Just then Sun Shang Xiang came over too. Lady Liu handed her an invitation too. "You are invited too Lady Sun."
"Oh… well I'm not busy, I suppose that is fine." Taishi Ci nodded.
"Yeah, I guess a party would be fine…" Sun Shang Xiang shrugged. Lady Liu looked around then jumped back on her horse.
"Lady Liu? Aren't you going to give out invitations to the rest of Wu?" Taishi Ci asked.
"No, the rest of Wu gives me the creeps. They seem… odd." Lady Liu nodded. "It seems like the men like each other a bit… too much if you get my drift."
"Ooooh, you mean how Sun Quan and Zhou Tai like to… um, let's forget that…" Taishi Ci looks around.
"Yes, it's the same thing when Sun Ce and Zhou Yu are together and… oh… um… let's not discuss that either…" Sun Shang Xiang laughed awkwardly.
"See, let's just drop this and I will go now." Lady Liu then rode off.
Lady Liu then arrived in the Nanman territory, which for some odd reason had Lu Bu, Dong Zhuo, Diao Chan and Zuo Ci there. To this day, no one is really sure why they were there, they were just there. Lady Liu walked over to them and handed out invitations, except for Dong Zhuo and Diao Chan.
"You all are invited to Yuan Shao's birthday party. I hope you will all attend." Lady Liu smiled. Dong Zhuo and Diao Chan looked confused.
"Where is my and Lord Dong Zhuo's invitation?" Diao Chan asked.
"Oh? You don't get one? So anyway…" Lady Liu looked at the other, but was interrupted by Diao Chan.
"What? Why aren't we invited??" Diao Chan sniffled.
"Because you are a slut?" Lady Liu stuck out her tongue.
"Haha!! You are right, she is a slut!" Lu Bu laughed loudly. "I will definitely come since you are so funny."
"What?! How dare you say something like that to her Lu Bu! She is my lover!!" Dong Zhuo stomped on the ground out of anger.
"You are just an idiot, shut up Dong Zhuo." Lu Bu punched him in the face and knocked him over. Dong Zhuo struggled to get up. He looked like a turtle that fell on his back. Diao Chan had to help him up. Both of them ran off crying like little girls.
"Well, I trust you will all come, so I will see you at 6!" Lady Liu then left for home.
Lady Liu set up everything in the dining hall and waited. Everyone from Wei, Shu, Wu and the others came exactly at six o'clock, just so they wouldn't be hurt. Lady Liu was happy to see them. She then went into the throne room where Yuan Shao still sat pouting.
"My love, could you come into the dining hall for me?" She said smiling. Yuan Shao looked up and sighed.
"Why?" Yuan Shao looked at her with a frown.
"I think the servant is stealing your sword!!!" She said shouting. Yuan's eyes glowed red and ran into the dining hall. Everyone jumped up and shouted "Surprise!!!" Yuan Shao nearly had a heart attack from it. He sniffled and hugged Lady Liu.
"I thought you all forgot!!" Yuan Shao said laughing.
"Actually I did at first…" Lady Liu told him. Yuan blinked. "I'm joking! How could I forget when for the last 14 weeks you were saying 'My birthday is coming! My birthday is coming!!'?"
They all laughed. Yuan Shao opened presents. He got strategies from Zhuge, Yue and Sima, armor cleaner from Xu Huang and Dian Wei, a pot roast from Xu Zhu; no one was sure why he gave that, a moustache comb from Liu Bei and some other gifts. They then played party games. After the party games then had a dance contest, Zhang Fei won it by doing the chicken dance for 2 straight hours! The party then ended shortly after that when Huang Zhong had a heart attack from doing the worm too much. They all left after that. Yuan Shao looked at his wife.
"This is the best party ever… thank you!!" Yuan Shao hugged her.
The End.
Author's notes : See I have humor, enjoy, read, review and so forth.