Farley's Visit to the Grocery Store
Farley was an older gent in his early 70's with a waist size that almost matched his age. He was a nice enough fellow, easy going and all. Stretched out he was maybe 6' or so. He had gray hair with a bald spot on the top of his head big enough to serve toast on, but I wouldn't recommend it. He looked his age pretty much and had the voice of a gravel mixer if you know what I mean; sort of deep but raspy, gravely. He liked people enough but most people were a bit put off by old Farley because of his gas.
One day old Farley went to the grocery store to pick up some supplies and all. About half way through the store old Farley started to have some stomach problems. For those of you that need it spelled he had a case of bad gas, again. Too bad the restroom was in need of repair or what followed might never have happened. Around these parts this story is much like a fish tale from an old fisherman, every time it gets told it gets a little bigger.
Now this is what I heard straight and true. Farley made it into the check out line without passing gas. He put all of his supplies up on the checkout counter and was waiting behind Mrs. White who by the way was bit under the weather with her own stomach problems. Probably got it from all the kids in her 4th grade class over to the school where she had been teaching pretty much for the last 30 years or so.
Now behind old Farley was young Mrs. Kidden, no kidding, that's her name. Can't make up stuff like that! She was pregnant again with number 5. She was holding number 4 with number 3 by her side and the twin's right behind her causing a ruckus as usual.
Well as luck would have it old Farley had pulled out his discount card and promptly dropped it right on the floor by his feet. According to the witnesses here is what happened.
Old Farley tried to bend over to pick up his discount card and his hind end, larger than normal now, bumped into Mrs. Kidden which sent her backing up into the twins. At about the same time old Farley cut loose with series of loud smelly ones that got to Mrs. White real quick like and along with her stomach problems, well she threw up all over the checkout counter which set off number 3. Number 3 laid his cookies out all over his mom's shoes which set off the twins a laughing so hard that they wet their pants. Mrs. Kidden was so mad she laid a right hook into old Farley's chin that darn near knocked him down as he stepped back and proceeded to trip over Mrs. White; they both ended up on the floor in a heap of odd shapes and cuss words we haven't heard since the forties.
Now it took all of the check out folks and the manager and the assistant manager to help old Farley get up along with Mrs. White. Not an injury to either one. Old Farley's gas had started all of this and to this day he still says it was the discount card's fault.