Alex stared at the figure before her, even in her drug infused state she could see that this.. Thing, was a thing of immense beauty. Had she been religious she may have compared it to an angel or if she was superstitious she might have said it was a ghost. Alex, however, was neither of those things and so when she saw it; she was in every way possible, speechless.
The thing spoke to her and she marvelled at the sound of it's voice. The pitch and the way the words flowed formed a sweet melody that was much like music to Alex's ears. To add to her euphoric state created by drugs, alcohol and the sound and blurred sight of the figure in front of her she felt a warm sensation curl from her stomach and up to her ribs, she raised a lazy hand to cradle the warmth and was met with a wet feeling on her skin. Intrigued, she looked down and smiled at the red that covered her once white shirt, she imagined the red to reflect the immense amount of love she felt for this figure who still stood in front of her. Alex felt a sudden longing to see the figure's face but it was too far away and Alex couldn't see without the black frames that always decorated her face. She tore her eyes from the figure and looked into the darkness that surrounded her, aware now of the cold feeling on her back. She didn't like the contrast of feeling. The music sounded once again to her ears, drawing Alex's attention back to the figure. This time, Alex listened to the figure and made out the words 'ambulance' and 'leaving'. Alex frowned, did the figure say she was leaving? The familiar feeling of abandonment washed over her, everything good always left her. No matter what it was, her father had left, her mother had left - if not physically but mentally.
Fahri had left too.
That thought brought Alex's surroundings into focus and a sharp shot of pain erupted from her stomach that made her cry out in both hurt and shock; the warmth she felt, she realised, was actually her own blood and the cool surface on her back was the concrete on the ground of the dirty alley she lay in. She blinked, once, twice and then again and looked up. The figure had come closer to her now and for the first time she saw it's face. No, not it. She. Her. Her figure's face was as beautiful as she could have imagined it. Long, dark blonde, hair flowed down her back in long and lazy waves. Icy, sea blue, eyes bore into her own; full of life and longing and fire. Smooth, pale skin that looked so soft it would challenge the clouds provided a stark contrast with the rosy lips and pink cheeks. The figure was talking but Alex couldn't listen, far too distracted with mapping every feature of this girl in her mind. Bright, white teeth flashed through the rosy lips that Alex longed to touch with her own and then all too soon the figure moved. Once again blurring, and left. Alex was alone and it was as if she had been alone all along. The silence around her seemed to echo off of the walls of the alleyway and pounded into her, as if it were trying to kill her. As the world started to once again go dark, the last thing she heard was the sound of frantic cries and the sight of blue flashing lights shining on the red, wet, ground around her.
When she awoke, the whole world was on fire.
Or at least that was what it had seemed like at first. She was surrounded by running people, shouting at each other with indistinct words. There was a red light, flickering on and off of the wall in the way the warm reflection from flames would, it was doused every now and then by a flash of blue. The water. Alex was sure she could feel herself burning, the fire was burning into her stomach and spread up to her arm but she couldn't move. There was something holding her down, forcing her to lie there as she slowly burned. She tried to shout at the people who were running around the large space but her words came out strangled. The burning sensation started to increase and she writhed around in pain and desperation to escape but it was pointless; she was stuck. A running person seemed to notice her cries however and ran over to her. Alex forced herself to listen as the person talked slowly to her.
"Hey there, welcome back to the land of the living." The woman smiled, "I understand you're probably quite confused right now.."
Alex wriggled around again, attempting to sit up only to be yanked back down again. She growled in frustration, all she wanted was to get away from the fire. She noticed however that the red and blue flashes seemed to have stopped and so she calmed a little. The woman placed a firm hand on her shoulder. Alex tried to listen again.
"You were in bad shape when we found you and you seemed to be having feverish dreams so we had to tie your arms down to stop you from hurting yourself further," The woman explained, pointing with her clipboard to the restraints that Alex hadn't before noticed. "You're in the hospital - do you remember what happened to you?"
Alex stared at the restraints, wide eyed and unbelieving. What had happened to her? Why was she in the hospital and why did it feel like her stomach was on fire? She looked up at the woman, unable to form the simple word of 'no'. She shook her head instead. The woman nodded, her mouth forming a grim line as she moved to the end of the bed to take the clipboard that hung there. She read over it quickly before sighing and walking back to Alex's side.
"You had a severe stab wound in your stomach, when the paramedics found you.. they found traces of heroin in your system.." The woman seemed to hesitate, casting a cautious glance towards Alex. "Do you remember taking any drugs, Alex?"
Alex frowned, doing her best to remember - she remembered having an argument with Fahri and how he stormed out of the house. She remembered trying to follow him, to explain, he got those men to hit her so she couldn't follow. Had they stabbed her? She didn't remember and she wasn't entirely sure if she wanted to. Alex shook her head again. The woman nodded, looking back at Alex's file and arching a brow, she didn't reveal what had triggered her interest to Alex but Alex heard her mumble profanities under her breath. Alex fidgeted again, this time from nervousness. She was in a real mess this time.
"You have a few stitches in the back of your head and a few of your ribs are broken. Are you sure you don't remember anything at all?" She asked again.
Alex shook her head once again but this time the woman smiled comfortingly at her and patted her shoulder.
"Well alright then, I'm afraid I can't take the restraints off till I have spoken to your doctor and I'll call.." The woman turned a page over on Alex's clipboard. "Diane Vause, is that your mother?"
Alex nodded.
"Well I'll give her a call and tell her where you are. Are you in any pain?"
Alex finally managed to find her voice. "Please don't call my mom. I don't want her here and my stomach feels like it's on fire." Alex croaked, she briefly wondered how long she'd been there.
The woman raised her brows and placed the clipboard back. "I'm afraid we have to call your mother, as you're still under the age of 18 and are legally under the care of your mother she has to be informed of your situation. I'll talk to your doctor about getting you some more morphine for the pain." She smiled again and then left Alex alone.
Alex looked around the room she was in, somewhat calmer now. She let her head slump back against the pillow and tried to think back, to figure out what had happened. She didn't remember much, aside from Fahri and his men and.. that figure. Alex frowned, sure that she had probably dreamed that up. She figured that trying to remember was pointless now and focused on herself. First she moved her arms against the restraint, satisfied that they were working correctly she moved her legs up and down. She was glad that they weren't tied down too. She looked around her room properly now, staring for a few moments at the boring picture opposite her bed. There was a window on the right side of her room and Alex guessed that the flashes of red and blue had come from the ambulances outside. She looked towards the door that the woman had left through to see it closed now, on the back of the door a calender was hanging. The picture above the dates was just a generic picture of a smiling kid, that was not what caught Alex's attention though. The blue eyes of the kid on the calender were nothing in comparison to the ones she remembered the figure having. Suddenly Alex's mind was filled with the picture of the girl who had stood over her as she lay in the alleyway. The long blonde hair, bright blue eyes and pink lips. She allowed the picture to fill her mind, glad to have something to focus on other than the pain she felt.
"Alex?" A gentle voice shook her awake.
Alex grunted and opened her eyes, annoyed at whoever was interrupting her dream about the blonde girl.
"Alex." The voice repeated, not so gentle this time.
Alex rolled her eyes, recognising it immediately. "I'm fine, mom. You can go now."
"Alex no, I'm not leaving here until you do. I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't realise how selfish I was being and I can't believe I let you just slip out of my fingers like that, I was so careless and I didn't care about anything you were doing and now you're in the hospital and it's all my fault and I'm so sorry and I promise to be better and I'll get help or counselling or whatever it takes so that we can go back to normal and how we used to be before that asshole left..." Alex's mom cried, her words tumbling out of her mouth frantically as if they could wait no longer to be free of the confines of her mind.
"Mom, shut up. It's okay and it's not your fault." Alex felt sorry for her mom, she knew that it wasn't her fault she'd got so messed up after her dad left. He'd done some fucked up stuff to her so it was no wonder her mom had retreated away. "I'm okay, really. Just a little sore." Alex smiled encouragingly at her mom, she hated it when she cried.
Her mom nodded and reached down to take Alex's hand, which was now free of the restraints. "The doctor said you can go home today, I can't believe they waited two whole days before they called me!"
Alex's brows shot up in shock, "How long have I been in here?"
"Four days," her mom sniffled. "You slept all of yesterday when I arrived."
Alex nodded slowly and looked down at herself, now dressed in her clothes. "You dressed me?"
"Yeah, I figured you would want to leave as soon as possible." Her mom explained.
Alex nodded, her mom was right. She did want to leave. "I'm going to the bathroom." She muttered, sitting up slowly and carefully planting her feet on the ground. She swayed on the spot for a moment before she got her bearings and headed to the bathroom. Once she had closed and locked the door behind her she lifted up the plain black t-shirt her mom had dressed her in and looked at her stomach. She grimaced, her ribs were an odd shade of purple and there was a large, angry looking and very red, scar just above her left hip. She took a moment and observed her face, the only sign of injury on it was a small bruise on her cheekbone and the end (or beginning) of a cut that seemed to trail down the whole right side of her head. Soon enough her mom was knocking on the door asking if she was alright and Alex sighed, opening the door and giving her mom a tentative smile.
"Let's go." She said, as cheerily as she could manage.
2 months later.
Alex shoved her books into her backpack and slung it over her shoulder. She was late for school, yet again. Shouting out a brief 'goodbye' to her mom she ran out of the house and jogged the small distance to school. She checked her timetable again, maths. She rolled her eyes and prepared herself to enter the classroom. She heard her teaching shouting inside.
"Nope." Alex muttered, turning sharply and heading towards the bathrooms where she would wait out the rest of her 2nd block lesson. It would be break after this and Alex would be able to slip into school much easier. She checked her phone, only ten minutes left. She sat down on the edge of the sink, nodding to the girls who were already in there and plugged her headphones in. She bobbed her head and swung her feet in time to the music that filled her head. When the other girls doused their cigarettes and sprayed enough body spray over each other to practically kill anyone who breathed in the air, she hopped off of the sink and exited the bathroom. The corridors were flooded with students and teachers alike, rushing to get to their respective classrooms for tutor time. Alex rolled her eyes, knowing her tutor was going to give her shit for being late again. She strolled into her tutor room, and collapsed onto the seat next to her best friend.
"Vause!" Nicky Nichols, her bushy haired, best friend exclaimed at the sight of her.
Alex grinned and bumped shoulders with her, "Hey Nichols."
"Where you been? You missed one hell of a good maths lesson, you know uh.. what's that kid's name? Vernon? Yeah. Vernon opened the window and broke the fucking frame! Mr. Ennis went mental and kicked him out." Nicky laughed.
Alex smiled but didn't laugh, she wasn't surprised that Vernon kid was always doing stupid shit. "What are you doing later Nichols?" She asked, ducking her head as her tutor entered the room.
Nicky looked at Alex as if she had just insulted her mother.
"What?" Alex asked, confused at the look.
"I'm having my fucking party you idiot, how could you forget?" Nicky sighed, exasperated with Alex's short memory.
Alex grinned, remembering now. "Oh shit, yeah." She paused, glancing around the room. "I have no one to go with."
Nicky shrugged, "Doesn't matter. You can be my wingwoman. I got Big Boo to invite a fuckton of dykes but, and listen to this, she also invited Lorna." Nicky became animated, clearly happy at this fact.
Alex arched a singular brow, "Lorna Morello? Isn't she still with Christopher?"
"Yeah but fuck him; she totally has the hots for me. I mean, she practically cums when she brushes past me in the corridors."
Alex laughed loudly, earning a shout of 'be quiet' from her tutor. She ignored him. "No fucking way, she stares at Christopher all doe eyed and shit. She doesn't even give off any dyke vibes." Alex reasoned.
"Vause. Stop trying to ruin my life." Nicky moaned, pushing her friend and then falling silent as their tutor began the register.
Alex waited for her tutor to call her name and groaned internally when her tutor only paused before he said it. Nicky gave Alex a knowing look and they both waited for him to begin shouting.
"You were late again?!" Her tutor, Mr. Sylvester, exclaimed.
"Yeah." Alex replied bluntly.
"Why?!"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know?! What? Did you wake up late or something?" His voice was getting louder but Alex enjoyed pushing his buttons.
"Dunno." Alex said, staring blankly at the man.
"GET OUT!" He shouted.
Alex shared a look with Nicky and picked up her bag before walking out of the classroom, disappointed that he had risen to her bait so quickly. She walked down towards the canteen where she would wait for Nicky and also eat her breakfast of a bacon roll and pizza. Nicky joined her a few moments later, getting her own food and sitting across from Alex. Alex let Nicky talk, Nicky normally had enough to say for the both of them - there was always something going on and she always knew about it first.
"So Red told me that if I get high again she's going to kick my ass but I don't think she will." Nicky yammered.
Alex scoffed, "Red will fuck you up. Especially after what happened last time."
Nicky made a face, they both knew that when Red made a threat; it was never empty. Red was a parental figure to the both of them, she wasn't that much older than them - having only just finished college but she was more of a parent that Nicky's own had ever been and she was always there for Alex when her own mom failed to step up.
"Hey, so. Have you seen that girl?" Nicky asked after a moments silence as they both thought about what Red would do.
Alex laughed and shook her head, "Nicky I told you. I probably just dreamed her up, I was kinda fucked up you know - lost a lot of blood and was high on heroin and booze."
Nicky grunted, unwilling to believe that the person who Alex had obsessed over for almost a whole month wasn't real.
The rest of the day went by uneventfully, lessons went on without any excitement and Alex even managed to stay out of trouble. She waited for Nicky outside of the school and once her bushy haired friend was ready, they begun the long walk back to Nicky's house.
"Alright, so don't dress up too fancy. I'm probably gonna have a bonfire outside seeing as my mom is away again. I don't think it'll be too cold but be prepared in case I'm wrong."
Alex nodded, she would stay at Nicky's house for an hour or two like normal and then she would go home, dump her bag, change and go back again. Alex wondered why she didn't just live at Nicky's house - she was there so often it would be easier for her if she did. Alex sighed, hoping that tonight would provide a good distraction and change from the boring cycle her life had been going in lately, she needed something that would cut it all up and actually make her happy for longer than an hour. Maybe she would even find a nice distraction in a girl she would never see again. Alex smirked, having no doubts that she would.
Authors Note:
Okay so I started writing this today, just put a few ideas together and came up with it. Please review and let me know what you think of it. Not totally sure if i'll continue on with it but if you guys like it please let me know. Thanks for reading!