hi my lovely friend posted this for me and she has shown me how to use fanfiction and we have remembered my password!! hahaha so you know my name is jess and my story was previously posted by chantelle aka deathly phoenix, enjoy and review ive lost all of mine please

Bad Feelings

"Bella love" my angel called to me in his soft velvet voice I turned my head away from the living room window and the depressingly starless sky and the heavy pelting rain that filled it. I looked at my own personal miracle, admiring his flawless white skin and perfect features letting my eyes wander from his tousled bronze hair to his face. I saved his eyes until last knowing that when I looked into them I would lose my coherency. That was not the only reason why I saved his eyes until last- Edward couldn't read my thoughts but I knew as soon as I looked up then he would extract my fears and emotions from my eyes. I smiled up at him- we sat just inches apart on my old and well used sofa, I allowed his hands to ensnare mine in his strong grasp and slide me deftly onto his lap, he rubbed circles on my back and I curled closer into his cold hard chest breathing in his exquisite scent. Now that we were both comfortable and he was sure that I was paying attention he continued.

"Jasper, Emmet and myself are going hunting tomorrow is that okay?" his soft voice sounded guarded and I knew that he was measuring my reaction, he stroked my cheek and tilted my head up so that he could read my eyes. While he did so I traced the light circles under his eyes with my fingertips, I couldn't help but notice that his eyes weren't that dark and were honey coloured. I returned my hand back into his and entwined our fingers together- wishing that I could permanently lock them together.

"you don't look thirsty" I commented lightly, hoping that he wouldn't see my sudden crushing fear at the thought of him leaving.

"I'm not really but Jasper needs to go and well as nothing's going on… " he trailed off and looked back down at me.

"Oh, sure" I said after a minute "what do you mean nothing's going on?" I felt the suspicion within me rise and even to me my voice sounded panicked and weak.

He grinned crookedly at me- momentarily dazzling me with his beauty, my angel so breathtaking. I still didn't understand why he loved such an ordinary person like me, but I was so lucky and grateful that he did I didn't deserve someone so perfect. "nothing's going on that's the point your bad luck hasn't brought any homicidal vampires after us and I thought that I should take this rare occasion and go hunt".

" I am not that unlucky Edward" I replied and hit him playfully chuckling under my breath, I felt a shaking within his chest and realised that he was silently laughing with me. "when will you be back" I asked when I had stopped; trying desperately to sound casual although I knew he could see through me- I was the worst liar in the entire world. Not to mention the fact that he knew my true feelings by my traitor blush.

"Tomorrow evening, I have to go tonight though, in fact I should be going now" he answered, waiting patiently for me to absorb his words. "It means that I'll be back sooner love" I nodded against his chest as he pulled me into a tighter embrace his long arms shielding me from an invisible threat. One day. I could survive one day couldn't I. I hated to admit it but I hated for him to leave even when it was necessary, but I reminded myself of the time when he had been so reluctant to leave me his beautiful butterscotch eyes had transformed into black diamonds. I never wanted to see him in so much pain again, so I pretty much kicked him out the door when he wanted to go and put on a brave face. If he knew the extent of my abandonment issues then he would always be afraid to leave me. I couldn't burden him with that.

"Can I have my morning kiss now then" I teased. He drew in closer to me and released the full force of his eyes onto me. I couldn't remember what I had been about to say. I couldn't even remember my own name. Then oh so carefully his fingers knotted themselves in my hair pushing my body closer to his. I complied, eagerly throwing my arms around his neck and locking them in place. His cool marble lips moved gently with mine although the kiss wasn't as careful as previous ones- this suited me just fine. I concentrated on remembering to breath and traced his lips with the tip of my tongue. He was the one to break away and he moved his head on top of mine cradling me to him. My head was spinning because of my lack of oxygen and my breath came in gasps, I was satisfied to find that I was not the only one that was breathing irregularly. Edward laughed and stood me up, his eyes were brimming with excitement that he usually contained, I also caught a mischievous glint in his eyes "Bella what are we going to do with you" his quite laughter shook me and I sighed in defeat.

"See you soon I guess bag a few of whatever you're hunting for me" I smiled

"Be back soon love, you won't even have time to miss me" he kissed the top of my head and inhaled before vanishing out the door. I sighed. Did he know me at all? I was already missing him.

From the moment that I woke, I knew that it was going to be a bad day. It was more than a gut feeling or suspicion. It was like a newfound knowledge that my subconscious was feeding me, an unshakeable truth that didn't make sense. I sighed and sat up in bed groaning as I looked out of the window to be greeted with a thick heavy rain- another bad omen, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and rose from my bed, something slipped from the covers: a note. My heart leapt as I carefully read it, my fingers savouring the cool paper and the neat curly calligraphy.

Be safe I'll be back so soon that you won't have time to miss me,

Your forever love

Edward

I smiled at his message, and how reassuring it was. The fear was still there though and I knew that until he was back then I couldn't truly be happy. I could still feel the dark shadow of doubt looming above me, a bad feeling that wouldn't go away it hung thick and black- I wondered if the cloud was due to Edwards absence and the bad weather although I had begun to despise sunny days because that meant that Edward wouldn't come to school and I would have to get through the dreary school day without him sitting next to me. I had nothing but my early morning shift at Newton's to occupy me and I sighed again my mind trying to picture my day without Edward. When I did that though I thought of Jake and how I had always gone to visit him when I had nothing else to do, how his perfect happy smile had made me smile too and banished my pain and sorrow- for a few hours. How I wished to see him smile again. Not the smile he had left me with in the woods, bitter and cold. But his happy carefree Jacob smile. I thought back to the last time I saw him; his face crumpled in pain, tears streaming down his beautiful russet skin. I would hold that memory of him forever and how it had been my fault. My words that had been said in anger that had caused him to look like that. I was all my fault and I had to make it right somehow. I knew however that going to La Push was out of the question; Alice was perfectly capable of stopping me and my truck as Edward was. I could feel my guilt go into spiral mode, I had hurt them both. Edward and Jake and I still kept hurting them because I was selfish and I loved them both too much to give in; Jake was like a brother to me caring, kind, warm, my own personal sun. Edward was the love of my existence, perfect, selfless, loving. Why was it so hard for both of them to understand that I loved them both- in different ways, why couldn't they just get along and be Jacob and Edward and not werewolf and vampire, it broke my already shattered heart to see them fight over me. I wasn't worth them getting hurt. Especially Jake who was a lot softer then Edward was. I decided that it was best to get to work before I ended up brooding on the past and ripping my heart apart. My shift at Newton's did nothing to stop me wallowing in memories and I was glad that it was over even if I had nothing else to do. Mike was beginning to annoy me with his endless chatter, and I didn't really want to look at his face again when I had said I was going home he had looked like a spaniel that had been kicked in the face. I wondered why he thought of me as "more than a friend" I was clearly with Edward, would he never give in? I pulled in our drive and found a police cruiser already there. What was Charlie doing home so early? The bad feeling that I had been having all day intensified. I gulped. Something bad had happened but what?

When I got out of my truck and walked past the cruiser in the driveway I realised that it wasn't Charlie's, another police car- my dad's cruiser was parked not far away so I knew that Charlie had been called home. An icy fear took hold in my stomach what had happened? Who had I lost this time? I was mentally preparing myself for whatever bad news I was about to be greeted with whilst I walked towards the house, practising my calm facade that I would keep plastered to my face for Charlie. I opened the door quickly, hoping with my entire being that the news that I was about to receive wasn't serious. My hopes instantly banished when I saw the look on Charlie's face: his face was crumpled in pain; tears were streaming down his eyes- something so uncharacteristic that I knew instantly that it was bad. I stepped through hallway dumping my coat with surprising speed and went over to him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders whispering soothingly to him. I looked up at the two police officers that were sitting on the opposite sofa, trying to ask the question that I didn't really want to ask, I knew that as soon as I asked then I would get an answer, an answer that I didn't want to hear. An answer that I couldn't necessarily deal with, I prepared myself again knowing that I had to keep this together for Charlie's sake. The police man nodded to himself- he had obviously witnessed my preparations, he took a deep breath and repeated what he had told Charlie to me.

"Miss Swan, there was an accident today involving your mother Renee Brigg's and her second husband Phillip Briggs." He stopped and looked at me. My calm resolve had dissolved at the mention of my mother and I tried again to relax myself- my bad feeling changing into an icy fear.

"What's wrong? Are they sick? Is she okay?" I was anxious now, and although I didn't want the answer that I knew he was about to say I couldn't stop myself from asking, I was too concerned and afraid not to. I felt Charlie stiffen at my side as he braced himself to hear the news again.

"I'm sorry Miss Swan your mother and Phillip were in a car accident, I'm afraid that their injuries were..." I switched off as soon as I heard that word. Were meaning the past tense. Meaning that despite my hopes and prayers that my suspicions were confirmed. My mother and Phill were dead. The policeman was still trying to find the right words to announce what I had already guessed.

"My mother and Phill are dead." I stated cutting him off as he attempted to say the words that I really didn't want to hear. I was surprised of how calm my voice sounded and I wondered vaguely what my face looked like. I felt numb and I was waiting for my sadness to consume me, but the moment still didn't come. Part of me was screaming at the policeman in front of me, tell me I'm wrong! Tell me that I jumped to the wrong conclusion! Tell me that everything is fine with my mother! Off course he never said any of those things because I hadn't jumped to the wrong conclusion. Unfortunately I was right.

"What happened?" I asked, keeping calm and not screaming at the man to tell me. I resisted the urge to shout that he shouldn't be mean and keep me in suspense. I concentrated on breathing in and out, Charlie was still shaking in my arms and I still couldn't react. I wouldn't react not until I had to, not until he couldn't see me.

"There was a lorry and the driver lost control and swerved into them. They didn't have a chance to react. Phillip was killed instantly. Your mother passed away an hour later at the hospital. They were on their way to the airport when it happened." he gulped.

"Oh" that was the only sound that I could make. I refused to believe that my mother was dead. That the accident hadn't happened. Because I knew deep down that it was my fault. They had been on their way to visit me, it was always my fault.