The Quest for the Holey Bread
Once upon a time in a faraway land, there lived four gothic knights of the Bum Table. They were Sirs Robin, Lancelot, Galahad, and Arthur. They were four manly knights, and they all loved unicorns and singing. Everyday, they would gallop around on their imaginary horses and sing:
"We're Knights of the Bum Table.
We dance whene'er we're able.
We do routines and chorus scenes
With footwork impeccable.
We dine well here in Camelot.
We eat ham and jam and spam a lot."
But although they had plenty of ham, jam, spam, and the occasional potato, they did not have bread. Eventually, they decided to hold a council about it.
"No bread," said Sir Lancelot. Sirs Robin, Galahad, and Arthur started to cry.
"I'm glad I'm so touching, but we need bread. I want a spam sandwich," said Sir Lancelot.
"I want bread," pouted Sir Robin. "Come here breadie wedie…"
"Now, Sir Robin," said Sir Galahad. "If the bread won't come to us, then, why, we'll go to the bread! In fact, we'll start a quest! A quest for the bread!"
"Now that's a good idea," said Sir Lancelot. "But, but, I don't like bread. It's too hard."
"Well, then," said Sir Robin, who had regained all enthusiasm, "We'll get bread with holes in it. It'll be much softer. A quest for the Holey Bread!"
"But I don't like bread with holes in it," said Sir Arthur.
"Well then, eat the bread and leave the holes," said Sir Galahad.
∞
The knights of the Bum Table were impatient to begin their quest, and so they started.
"But, where do we start?" asked Sir Lancelot.
"Let's try sniffing. Bread smells good, so if we smell anything good, then we know that bread is near," said Sir Robin.
They spent the whole morning sniffing the castle grounds for bread.
"But there is no bread," said Sir Galahad.
"Which is why we're questing for it," said Sir Arthur.
"But where is bread?" asked Sir Robin.
"You tell me," said Sir Lancelot. "You're the brave one." This of course, made them start singing again.
"Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Robin.
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin!"
∞
The knights decided that they would walk in the city for a change, and see if anyone there had bread. So they spent the whole afternoon, sniffing around to see if there was any bread.
"Hey!" shouted one particularly nasty little boy. His name was Kimberly. "Don't sniff me!"
The knights looked at each other. Then they started to gallop as fast as they can the other direction, all the while singing
"Brave Sir Robin ran away,
Bravely ran away, away.
When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.
Yes, brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly, he chickened out. Bravely taking to his feet,
He beat a very brave retreat,
Bravest of the brave, Sir Robin."
"Hey!" shouted Sir Robin after they had gone about a mile away. "I did not!"
"Yes you did!" shouted Sir Galahad. The knights launched into song
"He is packing it in and packing it up
And sneaking away and buggering up
And chickening out and ----ing off home,
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge."
∞
Meanwhile, Kimberly had informed the police about the knights. So half an hour later, the police caught up to them and arrested them all. The four knights were held in a lunatic asylum. There they got bread and water every day, to their delight. And so they all lived happily ever after.