Geekward Shuffle Challenge
Pen Name: RaeCullen
Link to FFnet Profile: http://www. fanfiction. net/u/1876712/RaeCullen
Song Title: Face Down – Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Story Title: Face Down
Rating: M
Words: 7998
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer pwns all. We know this. ;)
Summary: Edward is Bella's geeky calculus tutor. Edward naturally develops a crush on Bella, but knows she would never be interested in nerd like him. But when something serious happens, and Bella needs help, who's the first person she calls? Geekward Shuffle Challenge entry.
A/N: Incase you don't know the song, here is a link the youtube video: http://www. youtube .com/watch?v=cOqua-Cny4g (just remove the spaces).
Tapping my pencil against the table, I felt anxiety building in my stomach and my hand practically reached up by its own volition to yank on the ends of my hair; an old, nervous habit. My fingers always seemed to find their way into my ridiculous mop of hair due to my perpetual anxiety.
It's hard to place why I'm in a continually anxious state, but just thinking about it makes it worse. When I'm alone in my apartment with my books, computer and Xbox, that's when my nerves are finally at ease. Putting myself in social situations always tied my stomach into knots and made beads of sweat form on my eyebrows and nose. This of course always made my glasses slide down slightly.
Like what was happening right now.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed my glasses back up so they rested firmly on the bridge of my nose.
I cut my eyes over towards the door, waiting for her to arrive.
Her.
Today's reason for my stomachache and clammy palms. The same reason as yesterday and three days before that… and last week… and last month.
I wondered about how I'd gotten to this point, putting myself through this bittersweet torture twice a week, every week, for the last three months.
My thesis advisor, Dr. Chang, suggested I begin tutoring some of the undergraduate students in preparation for the course I would be forced to teach next year as part of my Master's graduation requirements. Why they made teaching a course part of the program requirements was beyond me. Not to mention the fact that it down right terrified me. This terror was the reason for my advisor suggesting I tutor a few of the students in his classes. He wanted me to feel comfortable enough to stand up in front of 30 undergraduates. I laughed bitterly at the memory of that conversation. It wasn't likely that would ever happen.
My advisor had contacted me through email to tell me that he had found my first victim, what a jokester he thought he was. He informed me that he'd already reserved a tutor room in the library and that I would be meeting with this student two days a week, and once they showed significant progress and understanding of the material then we could cut down to one day a week.
Begrudgingly, I had arrived at the library early enough to set up and prepare myself for the meeting. I had assumed that it was just some Neanderthal frat boy or athlete who was failing. Oddly enough, that would have been better than the situation I found myself currently in.
Well, so much for assumptions.
Imagine my surprise, and mortification, when it wasn't a 6'4, 200lb, man that walked through the door, but a 5'2, 110lb, gorgeous brunette. She had come strolling in, chewing at her lower lip while waving shyly and introducing herself as Bella Swan.
My mouth had gone dry and my groin had hardened simultaneously.
She was a devil-angel sent from both my dreams and nightmares. She was beautiful and I knew immediately that these sessions were going to be nothing short of pure torture.
The first session was, as I had predicted, a nightmare. I stuttered through the majority of the lesson, making Bella think, I'm sure, that I was completely incompetent at best. It was much more probable that she thought I was a total idiot. I thought for sure she would complain to Dr. Chang, and beg for a new tutor, forcing him to kick me off of the program and consequently ruining my entire life plan.
Much to my surprise, Bella returned for her next tutoring session as though the previous one had been nothing but normal. She was smiling and eager to learn. She chatted with me about the material, but also told me a little about herself. She asked me questions about myself, and I found myself stuttering again, evading her questioning. Why would she want to know about me?
We had formulated a stable routine and slowly, very, very slowly, I began to feel more comfortable around Bella. I still got stomach pains and sweaty palms, but I was eventually able to carry on normal conversations with her. You can imagine how I felt when she gave me her phone number and asked for mine in return. I nearly passed out on the spot.
Bella and I had become… friends? Yes, I would definitely consider her a friend, but then again I was lacking in that department so my definition of friendship was probably a little skewed when compared to others. Would she consider me a friend? I couldn't be sure.
Despite my growing comfortableness with Bella, there were still plenty of times when I would become anxious and tense around her. Particularly when she would wear the color blue, or when she would place the eraser end of her pencil in between her lips while she concentrated. Oh my God! At those times, I found I couldn't take my eyes off her pursed lips and my somewhat limited imagination kicked into overdrive.
On more than one occasion, I found myself daydreaming about the way she leaned closer to me as I was explaining a particular problem or formula and her scent would assault my senses. I found myself longing for the innocent touches of her skin against mine, or to see the way her cheeks flushed when she was embarrassed or how her eyes danced when she laughed.
I finally had to confess…
I, Edward Cullen, had a crush on Bella Swan and was nothing but a filthy creep.
The crush that had formed was utterly ridiculous. I knew I was wasting my time and energy, fantasizing about something that would never in a million light years happen. She'll never want me. Beautiful girls wanted men who were athletic, attractive, and confident. They wanted someone who was the life and soul of the party. I am, quite honestly and unfortunately, none of those things.
I am an academic and enjoy spending time with my books. When I am around a beautiful woman, my confidence level leaves something to be desired and I stutter more often than I form actual coherent sentences. I doubt that any girl finds me attractive. I have zero fashion sense and my hair is a ridiculous shade of red and sticks out wildly due to the constant presence of my hands in it. My eyes are a freakish shade of green, I wear glasses and my nose is crooked. I don't go to parties, nor do I socialize casually at all… Unless you count kicking 13-year-olds asses in Halo on a nightly basis, as socializing.
As I checked my watch, I ran my fingers through my hair. She was twenty minutes late. I wondered now if my anxiety was actually out of concern for her. For the last few weeks Bella had been consistently late, ranging anywhere between ten to thirty minutes. Additionally, she hadn't appeared to be as focused as she had been when we first began our sessions three months ago. I knew something was off, but she never brought anything up and I didn't have the courage to pry. She had also become slightly withdrawn and antsy.
I was beyond concerned for her, but what could I really do?
I glanced at my watch again, and then cut my eyes towards the door just as it began to open. My heart pounded furiously in my chest as I waited for the beautiful brown eyes to walk through the door.
"Hi Edward," Bella said softly as she walked through the door and into the room, her head tilted down towards the ground.
"Good afternoon, Bella," I responded, my brow furrowed together in confusion as I watched her walk across the room with her head down, sunglasses perched on her nose.
She threw her book bag down on the floor as she sat in the chair across from me. I watched her as she bent over at the waist, her shirt sliding up slightly to reveal a sliver of soft looking skin. My heart skipped a beat as I gulped. Her hair formed a shield around her face as she slowly took her notepad and textbook out, placing them softly on the table.
I eyed her surreptitiously for a moment, before speaking nervously, "I-I thought we'd start by reviewing the information w-we discussed l-last time about derivatives."
Bella nodded, as she opened her textbook.
"Okay, the next set of functions that we want to take a look at are exponential and logarithm functions. The most common exponential and logarithm functions in calculus are the natural exponential function and the natural logarithm function…" I let my voice trail off in mid sentence as I noticed she was paying absolutely no attention to me. So much for my amazing oratorical abilities.
She noticed my silence and turned her head in my direction saying, "Huh? Did you ask me a question?"
"Um, no. Bella?" I asked, softly. I was still confused as to why she was so distracted and really confused as to why she was still wearing sunglasses. How was she going to be able to see the text and the problems we were going to be working on if she wore her sunglasses?
"Yes?" she asked, her head turning back down and I saw she was biting her lower lip. I fought back a groan at the image.
"Um, I-I think if y-you want to learn the information to the b-best of your abilities, you're going to n-need to take the sunglasses off," I suggested, swallowing thickly.
Bella sighed, nodding her head slightly. Slowly, she brought her hands up to her sunglasses, pushing them up into her hair. She kept her face tilted downwards, as though she was studying her notebook intently. I knew she wasn't.
Silently, I stared at her, waiting for her to look at me. I don't know why I was doing that. I just knew something was terribly wrong. My heart pounded wildly, and my palms began to sweat again. I clinched my hands as I fought back the urge to run my fingers through my hair.
Taking another visible breath, Bella slowly brought her head up to glance at me.
"Bella, what the hell happened to your face??" I all but screamed, shocked at both her physical appearance and my ability to formulate a sentence without stuttering.
"Nothing, I just fell down is all. You know I'm clumsy," she stated blandly, unconvincingly. She brought her hand up to hide her face.
Without thinking, I reached out and grabbed a hold of her hand. She winced imperceptibly, but I still gently held her hand in mine as I examined the side of her face. Her cheekbone was swollen and had taken on a purplish tone. This was most definitely not from falling down.
"Bella..,"
"Edward, its fine. I'm fine. Can we just get back to the lesson please?" she questioned, giving me a pleading look.
Reluctantly letting go of her hand, I nodded my head and turned back to the book.
"L-like I was saying..,"
:-:
The next four weeks were much of the same. Bella showed up late, bruised and full of excuses. Each time I saw a fresh bruise, I had to fight down the protective instinct that rose up inside me. I knew I had no right to question her personal life but I had a pretty good idea what was going on. About a month prior I had learned about Bella's boyfriend, Jacob. Initially, I had felt an intense rush of disappointed, but I had beat the emotion down because what had I really expected? A beautiful and intelligent girl like herself would of course be taken.
But knowing she was taken didn't make her choice of a suitor any easier to swallow. I'd only met him once. He was a large man and towered a good four inches above my 6'1 frame. I was so intimidated; I couldn't even look him in the face. He had been wearing a tight t-shirt, showing off his bulging muscles. I definitely was lacking in the muscle department. I mean, I was fit, but nothing compared to this guy.
That one time I had seen him, when Bella introduced us I looked like a total imbecile, stuttering and not making eye contact, which of course, caused him to laugh and make fun of me to my face. Much to my surprise, Bella had defended me. This caused Jacob to become very angry. He yelled at her, things that should never be said to a woman, and stormed out of the room. As Bella blushed furiously, her eyes rimmed with tears and she quickly left the room, I wanted nothing more than to follow her and protect her. It was obviously it was not the first time this had happened and it was more than clear this Jacob fellow had a temper… a bad one.
Therefore, it was a pretty obvious conclusion to come to: That Jacob was the one causing Bella's brushing, not her clumsiness. I wasn't sure what I could possibly due to help her, but I felt I had to do something.
Over the next few weeks, I tried to ask her about it, she would shy away and tell me it was nothing. Not so smoothly, she would change the subject back to the topic we were studying or something completely different like music or movies.
I hoped that when she needed help, or wanted to talk about it she would come to me. I was honest with her and told her if she ever needed anything, she knew how to find me. Of course, I wasn't as smooth about it. I stuttered and looked down at my hands, because her beautiful brown eyes always had a way of bringing me to my knees, figuratively of course.
She had brushed me off, saying thank you and then quickly changing the subject again.
Despite these awkward conversations, I enjoyed spending time with Bella. Sometimes, I even got the feeling she enjoyed spending time with me. I quickly pushed the thought out of my mind, I would only become disappointed. She would never see anything in me. I was nothing more then her nerdy calculus tutor. I knew this, so I needed to accept it.
I was often caught off guard, when she would laugh or smile at something I would say or a joke I would tell. No one ever laughed at my jokes as few people got my dry sense of humor. But Bella was different. She got me. I loved hearing the sound of her laughter. It was like the sound of an angel. I wanted her to laugh and smile all the time. I wanted to be the one to make her laugh and smile.
:-:-:
Scribbling furiously across the paper, I crossed out all the equations and formulas I'd written down. None of them proving to be useful in finding the solution to the problem I had been trying to solve for the last hour.
I ran my fingers through my hair, groaning as I tugged on the ends. I pulled off my glasses, setting them beside me on the desk before rubbing my hands furiously up and down my face. I was far too tired to be dealing with this right now.
Sighing, I placed my glasses back on my face and headed to my room. It wasn't very late, but my body was exhausted. It had been weeks since I had a good night's sleep. My restless nights beginning around the same time as Bella's bruises had appeared.
I went through my nightly routine very quickly, so it wasn't long before I settled into bed and closed my eyes.
Just as my body began to relax, the shrill ringing of my cell phone cut through the room, startling me. I slammed my hand down on the nightstand beside me, grabbing my phone and flipping it open.
"Hello?" I asked, barely conscious, my eyes still closed.
"Edward?" a small voice asked, sniffling.
Immediately, my eyes flew open and I bolted upright and hopped out of bed.
"Bella?" I asked, concerned as I looked at the clock and saw that it was approaching midnight. She never called me, let alone in the middle of the night.
"Edward… I need help… help me," she whispered, her voice cracking at the end. I heard a sob escape her lips. My heart began beating rapidly in my chest.
With the request still ringing through the phone, I pulled on some sweatpants and flew to my closet, throwing on a pair of tennis shoes and grabbing my jacket. I didn't know what was wrong or where she was, but it didn't matter. She needed me and I would do anything for her.
"Where are you? What do you need?" I asked quickly, reaching on my night stand for my keys, grabbing my wallet and pushing it into the back pocket of my sweats.
"I had to… I had to get out of there… I didn't kn-know who else to call…," she said, her voice trembling.
"I'm coming to get you. Where are you?" I asked quickly, while briefly acknowledging my lack of stuttering. I didn't have time to wonder about that right now. Bella needed me. I wasn't going to let her down. I shut the door to my apartment, practically sprinting to my car.
"I'm… um… by Phillip dormitory… I think… I've just been walking around…," she told me, unsure.
"Go into the building and stay there. I'll be there soon," I told her, shutting my phone.
The ten minute drive felt like hours. As soon as I pulled up to the front of the dorm, I jumped out, not even bothering to turn the car off or shut the door. I swung the door to the building open, and looked around the empty lobby, my head quickly snapping from one side of the room to the other. I spotted someone curled up on one of the couches in the far end of the room. Instinctively, I knew it was her. I wanted to run to her but forced myself to slow down.
"B-Bella?" I asked softly as I approached, not wanting to startle her.
Slowly, she turned around to face me. I gasped, the air leaving my lungs as though someone had just punched me in the gut.
Her lip was cut open on the side and her hair was a matted mess. Her left eye was already swelling and she had a gash on the side of her cheek. She was clutching her wrist, and I could see deep purple lines, in the shape of fingers, forming on her skin. Her hair fell around her face, hiding the marks and her bloodshot eyes. Oh my God! What had he done to her? I wanted to tell her she didn't have to hide anything from me and that I would help her.
"C'mon," I told her gently, reaching down to gently lift her trembling body up off the couch and help her to her feet. Before she could even stand up right, her legs gave out on her and she fell to the ground. Without thinking, I picked her up into my arms. She whimpered, wrapping her arms around my neck and burying her face into my chest.
"I think I should take you to the campus infirmary," I said, knowing she should have some kind of medical treatment and get an official assessment of her injuries. If she decided to press charges, it would be important to have everything documented.
"No! No, please, I don't want anyone to see me like this. Please!" Her hands gripped my shirtfront as she pleaded with me.
"But Bella, it's important to get something on record…"
"No!" she interrupted. "No, please…"
Against my better judgment, I agreed. She huffed in relief and sagged against me once again.
Not knowing where else to take her, I decided to bring her to my apartment, where I knew she'd be safe. No one would know to look for her there.
Bella fell asleep on the ride home, so when we pulled up to my complex, I carried her up the two flights of stairs to my apartment. Without thinking, I went straight to my room, lying her down in my bed and pulling the covers over her.
After grabbing the other pillow off of my bed, I watched Bella for a minute, taking in her beauty, even with the cut on her face. I felt sick to my stomach. I didn't understand how anyone could do this to such a perfect and angelic creature. I wanted nothing more to kick that sorry excuse for a human being's ass. I knew this would not be a possibility, so instead I formulated a more practical plan.
It was clear Bella Swan needed to be protected and I would do everything I could to do just that.
:-:-:
Then next morning, I woke up to the smell of coffee brewing, and cupboards shutting quietly.
It took me a moment to realize where I was, and why there was another person in my apartment.
Slowly, I pulled myself up from the couch, raising my arms above my head and stretching out my limbs. For how expensive my couch was, it wasn't really all that comfortable for sleeping on.
I headed into the kitchen, to find Bella in front of the stove, the smell of bacon wafting through the room.
"Hey," I said softly, not wanting to startle her. She turned around slowly, giving me a smile and blushing slightly
"I uh… found food. I hope you don't mind. I just thought I'd… make you breakfast," she whispered, biting her lower lips sheepishly.
"Thank y-you, that's really kind of you," I told her, giving her a smile.
"I just wanted to say thank you, ya know, for last night."
I nodded at her, not sure what to say. Instead, just taking a seat at the table as Bella sat a plate full of eggs, bacon and toast in the middle of the table. She sat down and we began eating, a tense silence filling the room. I knew what needed to be talked about, I think we both did, I just didn't want to over step my boundaries. But, she had called me, after all, for help. So I would help her.
"B-Bella?" I asked, nervously. My stutter always came out when I was nervous, and right now I needed to be strong, for Bella. The stutter was not making me appear strong. I swallowed thickly, trying to push down the tension and anxiety.
She looked up at me, her eyes full of sadness and loss. Her lip and eye looked worse today. I mentally berated myself for not helping her clean it up last night before she went to sleep.
"Will you tell me, what happened?" I asked her, as confidently as I could.
She took a deep breath, nodding her head.
"It's just Jake. He has a temper. He's working on controlling it. I tend to do stupid things, so ya know, it's my fault when I get yelled it for it…," she said softly, but not meeting my eyes.
"You don't deserve to be hit, Bella," I told her firmly, but still trying to keep my voice soft. "It's wrong,"
"He loves me," she stated quickly. I don't know if she was trying to convince me, herself, or both of us.
"Maybe. But that's not the way you show someone you love them."
She didn't look up at me, but continued to stare at her plate.
"Do you have any where to go?" I asked her, gently. I knew she couldn't go back to her apartment, seeing as how he could be waiting there for her.
"He knows where all my friends live," she whispered, not needing to elaborate any further. I knew that meant 'no'.
"Then y-you can s-stay here," I told her, trying to sound confident, but the stutter, of course, gave away my anxiety. I didn't mind sleeping on the couch for a while if that meant Bella was safe. Bella didn't say anything about my offer, just simply nodded. I could see her lips curl up into a smile through the curtain of hair that had fallen around her face.
I cleared my throat, indicating that I had more to say. She still didn't look up from her plate, so I took that as my indicator to continue.
"Bella, my sister-in-law Rosalie, she's a victim of domestic violence herself…," I started to tell her, and her eyes snapped up at me, glaring.
"I'm not a victim," she spat.
I nodded, but continued with what I wanted to tell her. "She married her first husband young. She was just twenty. Anyway, he used to hit, kick, and burn her. Eventually, three years into the marriage, after a broken rib, fractured wrist, and a concussion, she decided to leave him."
I watched her face as I told her this information, and she just continued to eat her food.
"Bella, I think you should talk to her. After her experiences, she became a domestic violence counselor. She can help you get a PPO and file charges."
"I'm not going to press charges," she said quickly, looking up at me and shaking her head. Her eyes were full of fear. From my conversations with Rosalie about her own experiences and about her clients, I knew how terrifying it could be for a woman to press charges. I also knew that she had to do this. Otherwise, it would keep getting worse. I've heard way too many horrifying stories from Rosalie about women she knew that didn't get out in time and their abusers ended up killing them. That would not happen to Bella. I wouldn't let it.
"Please Bella, just talk to her. Please," I begged and without thinking, I reached over, placing my hand over hers. She jumped lightly from the contact, before relaxing and looking up at me. I pleaded with her through my eyes, hoping they showed the concern I felt. She swallowed audibly, before slowly nodding her head and whispering 'okay'.
After breakfast, I called Rosalie asking her to come to my apartment. I knew Bella wouldn't feel like going out anywhere, given her current appearance. I told her to take a shower if she wanted. She accepted, and I gave her a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt to put on, but she was practically swimming in them.
When Rosalie arrived, I introduced her and Bella and then quickly departed to my room to give them some privacy. I tried to concentrate on other things, even tried to play some Command and Conquer on my computer, but it was to no use. I couldn't concentrate. Instead, I spent the whole three hours they talked, pacing around my room and running my fingers through my hair. I was a nervous wreck.
Abruptly, a knock sounded on my door, startling me. I jumped, yelling out slightly. I heard Rosalie laugh on the other side of the door before she opened it. She came into the room, giving me a small smile.
"She's going to be okay. She's a strong girl," Rosalie told me, as she shut the door softly behind her, I nodded. This I already knew. She was amazing.
"I've convinced her to file a PPO and press charges. Deep down, she knows this is right and that he doesn't love her. I don't think she even loves him. She's more frightened than anything. She's going to need all the support she can get right now," Rosalie told me.
"I know," I whispered, running my hand through my hair.
"She told me she only has a few friends here at school. Her parents live out west. They don't have a clue as to what is going on."
I just nodded again, acknowledging that I heard what Rosalie was telling me, but not sure what to say exactly.
"She also told me you offered to let her stay here," Rosalie said, arching an eyebrow at me. A small smile began to form on her lips.
I groaned, running my fingers through my hair and started pacing the room again. "Y-yes I did. She said she didn't have anywhere to go, he could easily find her at her apartment," I defended.
"You love her," Rosalie accused.
I shook my head violently back and forth. No I didn't.
"Yes you do," she stated, confidently.
Did I love Bella? I didn't think so. I didn't know her that well. Did I care about her? Absolutely. But I cared for her like I would any other friend, right? I didn't know the answer to that. I knew I had a crush. A crush? That sounded so silly coming from the thoughts of a twenty-six year old man. But that's essentially what it was. She made me nervous and my heart beat fast whenever she was in close proximity to me. Her scent made me light headed and the way she nibbled on her lower lip made the desire swirl up in my abdomen.
I was at a lost cause when it came to women though. I didn't know what to do or how to act.
"Edward, its okay if you do," Rosalie whispered softly, breaking through my thoughts before they started heading in a self-deprecating direction. I pushed my glasses up on my nose, after they began to slip.
"I've known you for eight years. I just saw the way you were with her when you introduced us. I've never seen you act so confidently and instinctually with a woman. You're usually an anxious, sweating mess," Rosalie teased affectionately, although there was truth to her words. I was slightly surprised that she thought I acted confidently. I thought I was a nervous wreck. Maybe I appeared more confident than I felt. I had to admit, she was right about the instinctual part. Being around and talking with Bella did come rather naturally, more natural than any past interactions that I'd had with other individuals of the opposite sex.
"I'm glad she has you right now, Edward. She needs someone who is going to treat her with care and respect and be supportive. I think she knows that you can be that person for her. That's why she's here right now and why she called you last night. She cares about you too. It's obvious by the way she was looking at you and by the expression on her face when she watched you walk out of the room."
My heart swelled at the possibility of Bella having feelings for me.
"Anyway, she gave me the key to her apartment. Emmett and I are going to go over there and grab some clothes for her. I already called one of my connections down at the police station. He's going to come with us, just in case Jacob is there," she told me.
"I can just go get her clothes," I offered. There was no need to involved more people then necessary into this mess.
"I didn't want you going over there just in case he was there. I don't want him knowing you're involved. He doesn't know who I am. I'll have Emmett and James as back up. We'll be fine. I'll be back in an hour. Just spend time with her, like everything is normal. After I get back, I'll talk her by the infirmary and get her injuries documented and then we'll all go down to the station together," Rosalie continued to explain.
"Thank you, Rose. I don't know what I would do if you weren't here," I told her, honestly so thankful to have her in my life. I couldn't ask for a better sister-in-law.
"Don't sweat it, little brother. This is what I live for. Helping women like her," Rosalie told me, shrugging and giving me a smile. I nodded at her as we headed out of my room.
After saying goodbye to Rosalie, I went into the living room to find Bella curled up in a ball on the couch asleep. I smiled, thankful she already felt comfortable enough here to let her guard down and relax. I pulled a blanket up over her small body then sat down in the large chair in a half adjacent to the couch. I propped my feet up on the ottoman, before turning the TV on.
:-:
The following two weeks were challenging and exhausting. Sleeping on the couch was hurting my back and I barely slept through the night.
I would be lying if I said having Bella stay at my apartment was easy and comfortable. For the majority of the time, it was far from either of those things. Considering we still knew very little about each other, it was constantly full of awkward moments.
For instance, just three days ago I had walked into my bedroom without thinking, to find Bella half naked after just getting out of the shower. As if I wasn't awkward enough, I just stood their mumbling and staring with my jaw hanging open and a tent pitched in my pants. The visions I had of Bella in my mind did not do her true beauty justice. She was fucking beautiful.
Of course, she had shrieked and hollered and the staring ended rather quickly before I turned the color of beets and slammed the door, tripping over my own feet as I ran down the hallway.
I wasn't used to sharing space with a woman, let alone one I was sexually attracted to. I had to remind myself hourly that I couldn't have thoughts about Bella like that. This was a vulnerable time for her. Her emotions were up and down like a yo-yo, but understandably so. I had no idea how to act around her when one minute she was laughing and joking with me, and the next one she was a sobbing and blubbering mess.
It was at those times that I was thankful for her friend Alice. She was the only person who knew where Bella was. She came over about every other day just to hang out with Bella.
The attorney that Rosalie had set Bella up with had taken the liberty to tell Bella's professors that she would not be attending classes for the next three weeks, until after the court date. Despite the fact Bella had a PPO out on Jacob, her attorney, who specialized in domestic violence, didn't want to take any chances of him finding out where she was staying. So Bella was basically stuck in my apartment.
Yet another exhausting factor. She was starting to get stir crazy and I think I was starting to get on her nerves. I tried to stay out of her way, but it was hard in my small, one bedroom apartment.
Balancing a pizza box in one hand, and my keys in the other, I unlocked the door and walked into the apartment to find music blaring. I cringed at how loud it was. Bella had definitely made herself at home. But I wasn't really complaining.
I walked into the living room to find Bella with her back to me, her ass shaking back and forth in time with the music. It looked like she was cleaning. I bit back a groan as I watched her ass sway back in forth. Pushing back the obscene thoughts that were invading my mind, I cleared my throat loudly, to get her attention.
She turned around, blushing profusely as she noticed I was standing there, watching her. Hopefully she didn't notice the slight tent in my trousers.
She dashed over to my iPod deck, turning it off.
"Sorry," she whispered.
I shook my head, hopefully conveying that there was no need to be sorry. On the contrary, it was a nice way to come home.
"I brought home pizza," I told her, holding up the pizza box to show her. I walked into the living room and set the box down on the coffee table. She nodded, heading into the kitchen to grab plates and napkins. I sat down on the couch, shrugging out of my jacket and throwing it over the chair and a half.
Bella sat down next to me, handing me a plate. We ate in silence, absorbed in our own thoughts. When we were done, Bella took our plates and the empty pizza box into the kitchen while I turned the TV, slouching down and resting my head on the back of the couch, utterly exhausted.
Bella came back into the room, nibbling on her lower her lip nervously as she glanced between the space next to me on the couch and the chair and a half. I watched her curiously as she seemed to be dealing with some kind of internal battle. Just before I was about to say something, she took a deep breath and plopped down on the couch next to me.
She was so close, her scent assaulted my nose, causing me to inhale a shaky breath and squeeze my eyes closed tight, willing my body to not react to her close proximity. I opened my eyes to see Bella staring at me. I pushed my glasses up, not because they were sliding down, but because I was suddenly nervous. My hand then instantly flew to my hair as I let out a nervous laugh, cutting my eyes back and forth from Bella to the TV. I didn't understand her expression, and it was making me nervous.
"Edward?" she asked softly.
"Hm?" I responded, my eyes finding their way to hers.
"Um, thank you for everything you've done for me these last few weeks," she told me, her eyes moving away from mine, staring at the floor.
"I-Its no problem. No need to thank me."
Her eyes jerked up to mine and she abruptly bounced up on the couch, crossing her legs Indian style so she was facing me.
"No, Edward I really do. You've gone above and beyond what any friend should ever be required to do. You've helped me through one of the hardest times in my life. I don't know if I could have done it with out you," she told me, her eyes brimming with tears.
"I would do it again in heartbeat," I whispered. Instinctively, I reached up and wiped the tears away from her face. My heart rate picked up as she leaned into my touch and exhaled a shaky breath.
"You've made me feel so protected and cared for," she confessed.
I gulped audibly as she looked up at me through her lashes. My hand dropped down from her face and I'm pretty sure my heart stopped beating due to how beautiful she looked.
"No one has ever made me feel that way," she confessed again, inching closer to me. My eyes shot down to her lips, as I watched her pink tongue peek out and slide along her lower lip.
I hadn't even realized how uneven my breathing had become, too distracted by her words and how gorgeous she was.
"You deserve to be protected and cared for. You're special, Bella," I admitted, surprised by how easily the confession expelled from my mouth and by the fact I didn't stutter.
Without even realizing it, our heads had drifted closer together. I wanted to kiss her so badly that it made my chest ache but I didn't want to ruin the close friendship we had developed.
My eyes floated closed as her breath fanned out over my face. I let out a shuddering breath and rubbed my hands up and down my thighs, trying to get rid of the clammy feeling.
I opened my eyes again to find Bella's face closer to mine, her eyes closed. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the nerves aside and decided to take a chance. Before I chickened out, I clamped my eyes shut as I placed my lips gently on hers.
I couldn't help the moan that erupted from my throat as she began moving her lips against mine. They were so soft and she tasted divine. She let out a whimper as I brought my hand up to cup her cheek.
Her tongue trailed softly against my lower lip causing my mouth to open instantly and automatically. Our kiss deepened as she brought her hands up and ran them through my hair, scratching her nails against my scalp.
God it felt so good. Nothing had ever felt as good as Bella's hands did in my hair at this moment.
Before I even knew what was happening, she climbed into my lap, bringing our bodies close together. I gasped, not expecting her to be so forward. My chest was rising and falling rapidly, my heart beating so fast I thought it might pop out of my chest.
My hands were shaking and I didn't know where to put them. I wanted to touch her. God, did I want to touch her. I just didn't know what she was okay with.
My sexual experience left something to be desired, like most of my qualities. I'd had sex twice in my life, both times were laughable as I had been a nervous wreck. I'd never been this attracted to someone on this kind of level before.
She ground her hips into me, obviously now aware of just how attractive I found her. It was hard for me to disguise my desire. I moaned embarrassingly loud into her mouth, causing her to whimper. Hesitantly, I placed my hands on her hips, my fingers grazing lightly against the sliver of skin the peeked out from between the top of her pants and the bottom hem of her shirt.
All at once, her hands were running through my hair and then up and down my chest frantically. Without any hesitation at all, she slipped them underneath the hem of my shirt, trailing her small hands up my chest. A groan tore through my throat from the unbelievable sensation of her fingers on my skin.
Our lips continued to move together in unison, only separating to take shallow breaths. I tried to control the pace in which our lips moved, not wanting to rush this moment. I had fantasized about this for far too long to rush it and I wanted to show her just how special I thought she was.
I tried to make my movements confident, but I was so terrified of messing this up. Ever so slowly, I moved one of my hands up and down her back before shakily bringing it around the front, cupping her breast through her shirt. When she didn't pull away, I began kneading her breast with the palm of my hand. She moaned into my mouth, arching her back, pushing her chest further into my hands.
Feeling confident, I moved my hand away from her chest and slipped it swiftly underneath her shirt. I cupped her breast, rubbing my thumb against her nipple through the lace of her bra. The whimper that escaped her lips reverberated through my body and went straight to my groin. I wanted her so badly it hurt.
Abruptly she pulled away, breaking our kiss. My eyes snapped open, my breathing ragged as I searching her face.
"I-I'm sorry," I mumbled, my stutter back in place, pulling my hand out from under her shirt.
I shouldn't have done that, it was crossing the line. Now I totally screwed everything up.
"Don't apologize," she whispered, licking her lips. She was inhaling and exhaling noticeably, in an attempt to regulate her breathing. "I liked it."
I swallowed, nodding my head. "Me too," I whispered, not breaking eye contact.
"I want… more," she whispered, blushing and I'm positive I nearly had a stroke from what her words were insinuating. "I just can't right now. It's too soon. I'm sorry."
Her eyes cast downward but I placed my hands on both sides of her face, forcing her to look at me.
"Don't apologize. I will wait as long as it takes, no matter how long that is," I told her, not stuttering once, my eyes searching hers, as it dawned on me exactly what she was saying and wanting to make sure she truly understood me. "I care about you, Bella, a lot. I want you in my life, any way you'll have me. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."
A smile spread across her face, and I couldn't help but smile back. "You're amazing," she whispered, before leaning down and brushing her lips against mine in a chaste kiss.
"No, you're the amazing one," I told her, shaking my head. She laughed and rolled her eyes before climbing off my lap.
"Want to watch a movie?" she asked as she snuggled into my side. I wrapped my arm around her, smiling widely.
"Sure."
:-:
One year later
"C'mon Edward, we gotta go. Shut the game off now or we're going to be late. You know how Alice gets when we're late!" Bella called from the bedroom. I rolled my eyes and groaned. She always interrupted during the most intense battle scenes.
Truth be told, I didn't really care. She could tell me I was never allowed to play these computer games ever again and I would happily oblige. As Emmett liked to say, I was whipped.
Unlike most guys, that word didn't frighten me. I had everything I ever needed right here with me in this apartment – and I wasn't referencing my books or video game collection.
I had Bella. She was mine.
The thought alone made me smile like a fool. I loved her and I knew she loved me.
I held true to my promise to her. I told her I would wait for her as long as she needed to. Fortunately, it didn't take nearly as long as I had anticipated.
Just over a year ago, I had accompanied Bella to her court hearing, where her ex-boyfriend Jacob was sentenced to three to five years in prison for assault and battery charges. It had been a stressful and emotional time for Bella, but after the sentencing she felt a sense of freedom she never felt before. She explained to me that it felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she was ready to start over fresh and new. She confessed she hadn't loved Jacob for a long time, but was too terrified to get out. It was with my support that she had finally gained the courage to let go.
After the hearing, Bella had moved back into her apartment. I felt an intense sense of loss when she left. I had enjoyed sharing my space with her. But, the separation didn't last too long. Two months ago, I mustered up enough courage to ask her to move in with me. She accepted the invitation without hesitation. It wasn't a huge adjustment since we spent a lot of time in each other's apartments and practically lived together anyway.
Shutting off the computer, I wandered into the bedroom as Bella was slipping on her shoes. "You're beautiful," I told her, wrapping my arms around her. I placed a gentle kiss on her neck, just below her ear.
"Edward…," she whimpered. I knew exactly what kissing her in that spot did to her. "We have to go," she breathed out.
"We don't have to," I whispered, kissing a trail down her neck. "I have everything I ever wanted and needed right here with me."
"I love you," I whispered, pulling away from her neck.
"I love you too, Edward."
I knew that as long as I had Bella by my side, I would never need anything else. I knew she'd always be safe.