A Jumping Death Trap Walks Into a Bar

Part 1

"Yo, Baby Bird," Danny called. "Got any champagne back there?"

Justin looked up from his third attempt at swabbing the bar clean of lime juice (how did that stuff get everywhere?) and made a face. "Dude, it's a bar. What do you think I am, some kind of amateur?"

"I dunno," Danny drawled, crossing the bar from the entrance and standing before Justin and his ragtag group of undateables. "I didn't want to assume, since Zayn left One Direction and everything. I thought you'd have put everything else in storage to make room for your butterscotch liqueur. I get it, man, we've all gotta drink away the pain sometimes."

Justin grimaced, his hand going to the nearly empty flask he was hiding under the bar top. "First of all, I completely support his decision," he lied. "Second: why do you need champagne? Did beer finally numb your tongue?"

"It can do that?" Candace asked in shock.

"After a while," Brett reaffirmed. "One time, Burski got rejected so hard and drank so much, he tasted it in his sleep."

From his table, Burski sat up and glared. "I told you never to bring that up again, dude!"

"Huh, I guess you did," Brett sang, not at all perturbed. "Must've forgotten. I guess I had a little bit too much to drink that night, too."

"Anyway," Danny cut in, rolling his eyes. "I'm asking for it because your boy Danny did a thing. An awesome thing."

"You scheduled a hair cut?" Brett guessed.

"Did you finally send Scarlett Johansson that letter you told me about?" Burski asked.

"You got that restraining order lifted!" Shelly shouted.

"No, no, and court isn't 'till October," Danny replied, pinching the space in-between his eyebrows. "No, no, gentlemen and Candace, your boy Danny…got a pogo stick."

Everyone gasped. Even Justin couldn't keep his jaw from dropping a little. Danny had been going on for months about how it was on his bucket list to successfully pogo ten times in a row with no wobbling. Of course, in order to do that, Danny needed a pogo stick and he needed to know how to use it. Up until that day, neither had been a reality.

"Where did you get a pogo stick?" Justin asked, throwing his towel over his shoulder.

"Some guy was selling it at a gas station for five bucks!" Danny told him, flipping the collar of his leather jacket. "Is that a bargain or what?"

"Um, or what," Justin said, frowning. "Dude, you can't seriously think using a five-dollar pogo stick is safe. The thing's gotta be a jumping death trap."

"Pauline is not a 'jumping death trap,'" Danny retorted, using air quotes and mimicking Justin's voice. "And yes, her name is Pauline. I like alliteration. Besides, we'll all just cover each other if we fall. So, enough tiddlywinking. Anyone wanna jump on board?"

"You had me at the jumping pun," Candace gushed.

"I'm always in when it comes to a Pauline," Burski agreed.

"Aw, what the hell?" Shelly said, shrugging. "I've always wanted to be the first black Tigger."

They started out of Black Eyes, ignoring Justin's calls of warning. He turned to Brett and threw the towel down on the bar. "Ugh, that long haired idiot is gonna get himself or one of my friends killed! I've gotta go stop them."

"Dude, go for it," Brett said, starting on making himself a martini. "I can hold down the fort. It's, er, not that crowded today."

They were the only two left in the bar.

"Thanks, man," Justin shouted over his shoulder. Pushing the front door open, he glanced around, desperate to find his friends before something went wrong. It was crazy to him how only Danny could vanish in such an open part of Detroit. But then he heard Danny's sucky Arnold Schwarzenegger impression to his left and followed it down the sidewalk until he came to an alleyway, where his friends were gathered. A pogo stick with chipping red and blue paint was between them, one of the handles bent and the spring making a sound that sent shivers down Justin's spine.

"Guys! Seriously?" he asked, entering the alleyway, hands in the air.

"What?" Danny demanded, quirking an eyebrow. "There's more room for fun back here. Wanna watch me go first?"

Justin cut into the circle and stood between Danny and Pauline. "Dude, I can't let you do this. You're gonna get hurt, Leslie's gonna get pissed—she's already locked in another war with the gym over falsely advertising her calves! This'll send her over the deep end."

"Bro, you are overreacting. Give Pauline some credit! She may be down, but she's sure as hell not out."

"Um, news flash, Danny: she looks like she's been out since pogo sticks were invented!" Justin cried. "I can't let you be even more of an idiot than usual."

Danny narrowed his eyes, as if accepting a challenge. "You dare stand between me and the love of my life?"

"Well, not exactly, since it's a tinkered hunk of metal," Justin said, confused. "But, um, sure, let's call it that."

Danny reached out and grabbed the end of the pogo stick, and he and Justin engaged in what Justin could only call the stupidest game of tug-of-war he'd ever experienced. And he sucked at tug-of-war. War flashbacks of getting pulled into mud piles made him realize he wasn't going to beat Danny at a game of strength. So he held up a hand and yelled, "Okay, okay, stop!"

Danny complied, but his hands were still tight around his half of the pogo stick. "What?"

"Let's compromise," Justin huffed. "Let me go first." He looked around at Burski, Shelly, and Candace for support. "If the thing is safe, then I'll be fine. But I'd rather it me than any of you, if Pauline really is a jumping death trap."

Danny groaned, releasing his hold. "Fine, fine. Have your cake of seatbelts and ultra-cushioned helmets and eat it, too."

Justin uneasily got a hand around each handle and lifted one leg onto the foothold. The thing didn't feel stable at all, but he couldn't chicken out and let one of his friends get hurt. So, with a deep breath, he hiked his second leg up and started to bounce.

He'd used a pogo stick before—it had, unbelievably, been a sports option when he'd played Annie that one summer—but he could tell this thing was bad news. The spring made a noise that was a mix between a squeal and a screech—a squreech, Justin realized with a wince. This is a bad idea. But when he made a move to jump off, the top half of the pogo stick split completely apart, and then Justin was falling.

He hit the gravel with an outstretched hand, and there was a horrible crack in his forearm. Justin released a scream so loud that a group of nearby pigeons took flight in alarm.

He'd hit his head, too, and now everything was getting fuzzy. The last thing he saw before passing out was the beginning of a cuss word starting to form around the edges of Danny's mouth.