Hey there! I haven't been on the fanfiction scene in so long! One thing that always bothered me was the completely obvious plot lines, or things that have been done and redone…so this is my attempt at something completely different from what I read. I hope you do like it, I promise this is rated M for a reason.
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Everyday of my life, I'm ordering people around. Every damn day I'm making decisions; I'm running errands, I'm making plans, I'm budgeting accounts, I'm sending out notices, I'm firing people and hiring people. I'm always in command, I'm always taking charge and any normal person would think that's power, they'd think anyone able to run companies with a 96.7% of efficiency would have an easy life. Normal people would kill to be in my shoes. You'd think that every day they'd have nothing to worry about….if only that were true.
Every night I lie in bed, running numbers through my head when I'm supposed to sleep. I miss family get togethers' because my head is so jumbled with what I have to do at work, I can't even remember a simple birthday. I am in a constant state of control and I fucking hate it. I hate every godforsaken minute that I am forced to make a decision about something, yet I do it repeatedly.
But what I really want is to let go. I don't want any control. I want to go to bed at night with a completely clear conscience, with no thoughts of tomorrow in my head. I just want to rest my head on my pillow and sleep like a normal person. But I can't find that release; I can't find that one hobby that makes me relinquish all control.
Maybe for once I just want to feel like shit; I want to feel like the scum of the fucking earth because someone tells me to, I want someone to take every ounce of power that I have and tell me that it doesn't mean shit, hell, I want them to tell me that I don't mean shit. And that no matter what I do, I won't ever be shit. I want to be so degraded and broken down that I question my own ability to run a business. I want to be so beaten and mangled and scarred that I don't even want to keep breathing.
There comes a point in every person's life when they've got to take control of their lives. In some way shape or form they must sit back acknowledge that they've lived like a bitch and grab the bull by the horns, and ride that motherfucker till the end.
What makes the riding so hard is finding that outlet of control. Sure you can exert your control over your job: by becoming a workaholic. Or by a main stream notion of holding your control over your relationships by becoming the demanding partner who controls every second of everyday…or even something as simple as what time dinner is ready. Control can lead you down a path you would've never ever imagined in your wildest dreams.
What works for me isn't for the faint of heart. It is not for the overly sensitive and it is definitely not for everyone. I've found that the most pleasurable way of exerting control… is over another human being.
Making them bend to your will, making them your bitch. Completely taking any kind of will power to disobey, and when they do disobey, punishing them in a way that humiliates them and force them to behave the way you demand.
Watching the light diminish from their eyes, watching their will power completely slip and drain away, as their body and mind becomes puddy in your hands with one word. That is the complete and most beautiful definition of the word control. And I exert that control often in two completely different ways. The first and most dramatic way is the knowledge that I can go home and breaks someone's will and spirit at any moment. The second and most subtle is all in my appearance; from the outside you would never know the kind of pain I like to inflict on people, from the outside you'd never know that I constantly crave the sound of tears and sound of leather hitting bare flesh, and that quiet hiss that leaves their mouths on contact. You'd never know that I crave the idea of completely and utterly breaking a human beings will.
I hope you liked it! The point of this chapter is to be SUPER ambiguous, I didn't want you to know EXACTLY who was who yet. Like I said this story is going to be something COMPETELY different, so please be patient with me! I know this first chapter is short but I shall try and make the next one worth reading in length as well as quality. So make sure you comment, tell me what ya love and what ya hate. And Most of all let me know if you enjoyed it
p.s My friend Liz helped me with re-reading and what not. So I dedicate this story to her :) Also obviously, I don't own nothing :)