A/N: Wrote this to get myself in the mood for writing. Because I have so much I'm working on, I wasn't feeling very focused, but this helped.
As usual, at the mansion of Charles Xavier, the mutants who lived there trained in using their powers, unawares of what was going down with one of their usual adversaries.
'Twas Mystique, the long time partner in crime of Magneto, and on again off again leader of the Brotherhood. After having tried to find herself, once the ordeal with Apocalypse was over, searching for deeper meaning as to why she was the bitch she couldn't help being, she did indeed find herself... being hunted... by Sentinels.
"Damn it all! Why me!?" She yelled as she tried hoofing herself out of the situation.
"Mutant. Detected. Must. Destroy." The Sentinels spoke, just before firing rockets in her direction.
Within the woods she was traveling, the explosion rang out wide and far, though no bystanders were injured, being such an isolated area.
"Mutant. Detected. Mutant. Neutralized." The Sentinels again spoke, as Mystique lay on the ground, unconscious.
As they prepared to finish the job, one of the Sentinels looked more intently as she lay in the rubble of rocks and blown apart trees. He looked close, and saw more than a target to be obliterated, more than a objective to be annihilated, but a sweet delicate creature to make into his mutant wife.
"Back. Off." He told the other Sentinels, to which they all gave a look of Sentinel confusion, before looking back toward Mystique to finish her off.
"I. Said. Back. Off!" And with that, he used his rockets on his Sentinel co-workers, feeling somewhat bad about the decision later, when he realized he'd have no more drinking buddies.
He then picked Mystique up off the ground, and flew off with her to an even more isolated area than the woods they were in; it was another set of woods.
When she awoke, she found him making a campfire, which he believed would keep her warm, though it was many sizes too big, and would probably incinerate Mystique if she got too close.
"Where is I? Who am this?" Mystique spoke in jumbled manner as she tried to get her head together.
"You. are. my. mutant. wife. now. Please. make. yourself. comfortable."
"Excuse me? I am no one's wife!"
Mystique jumped into action with a high flying kick toward the now gentle giant. Once her kick landed, and once she found it did absolutely nothing, she again questioned the Sentinel.
"Who are you!? And what do you want with me!?"
He then gave her a rose, and lifted her in his palm. "You. are. the. most. beautiful. mutant. I. have. hunted. Be my. wife. with. no. complaints."
As mystique took the rose, and began to understand his Sentinel love for her, while lifted up, she put her hand to his Sentinel mouth.
"Shhhhhh-ussshhhhhh" Mystique said. "We can be together, I think I found myself... in you."
Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Logan and Xavier were having a conversation, in his office, about which X-man would die on the next mission they were sent on.
"It's gonna be that dog chick, Bub. She turns into a dog, and that's it."
"Logan, this is a not an appropriate matter to discuss... right now. I told you, we'll talk about it after we send them on a mission." Just then, they got a visit from Magneto, who made his entrance through Charles' window, by slinging a crowbar through it.
"Can this mofo not use a damn door like the rest of us?" Charles pondered, which he accidentally projected into everyone else's head within the mansion, which caused them to rush to his office.
"Ah, great, you're all here." Magneto stated. "I brought my crew, too." And the Brotherhood were all balanced on some metal bench Magneto stole from a park, though Blob was barely hanging on.
"What do you want Magnus, or should I say, FAGnus!?" Charles asked.
"We need your help. You see, recently we had a visit from Nick Fury, who curiously was white again, though he's been black, too(can he make up his fucking mind on which race he is?), and anyway, he told us Mystique's been kidnapped by some Sentinel who seemingly fell in love with her and we need to track them down, because who knows what kind of damage this might do to the Sentinel program's reputation. He said never mind to them hunting living, breathing, thinking, feeling beings like us mutants, because that's no matter. It falling in love was the issue. He might commit Sentinel rape or some shit."
"Alright team, move out!" Charles stated.
"Wait! Professor, why should we help her or any of them when they've always been against us and everything we've stood for?" Scott asked.
"Yes." Charles answered him back with certainty.
And with that, they were on the X-jet toward Mystique's location, then the X-boat, then the X-helicopter, then the X-rollerblades, until they finally caught up with Mystique and her Sentinel husband.
But what they found was horrendous to their eyes. She was pregnant. And on purpose!
"How in the hell did this happen?" Nightcrawler asked aloud.
"Nevermind that." Charles projected in his thought, as he was still at the mansion. "You need to port her back here Nightcrawler, and everyone with you. For if you do not, Mystique will die, boy!"
And Nightcrawler did as he was told, leaving Sentinel hubby behind, much to Mystiue's dismay. When asked how Mystique would die, Charles explained that being impregnated by some big ass robot would result in a really big ass baby she'd not be able to birth, and that in one day, it would ultimately rip her body apart. So, they needed to perform a C-section right away.
"Won't that kill the baby? My baby half brother or sister?" Nightcrawler asked.
"No, sentinels are built to survive. This mofo will live." Charles finished explaining.
"So let's do this shit!" Magneto proclaimed.
"Pietro, get me medical supplies, all made of metal so I can perform the surgery! Blob, explain to me what it feels like having a huge ass stomach so I can have insight on Mystique being so big. Avalanche, stop hitting on Kitty. Toad, stop hitting on Wanda. Wanda, fix your damn make-up; daddy ain't raise no ho."
"You didn't raise me at all, bastard!" Wanda protested.
"Exactly, so I sure didn't raise no ho!" Magneto gave a comeback.
Charles gave his team orders following after Magneto. "Jean, read Mystique's mind and tell us what the hell was going on in it when she decided to bang some robot. Cyclops, be ready to blast her sentinel fetus if it decides to attack my posse. Nightcrawler, be prepared to warp me to safety. Kitty, stop leading Lance on; he's a fucking delinquent! Storm, make it rain, bitch, make it rain. And throw in some lightning to make things more ominous. Beast, learn what a razor is. Wolverine, you do the same. Rogue, stand there not complaining! All right? Can ya do that? Now team!"
So, as they prepared, Magneto realized something. "I can't perform surgery! It's my day off! Someone else will have to do it!" He shouted.
"So, Nightcrawler, it's your job to get that baby out!" Charles stated.
"But how, professor?"
"Hmmm, lemme think, oh yeah, PORT motherfucker!"
"But, I've already come out of her womb, I don't vanna go back!"
"You're her only hope." Charles stated solemnly. "Or you could let the bitch die, I don't care two ways about it. She ain't my mama."
Nightcrawler then felt some since of duty, and teleported into her womb.
When he came back out, three hours later, with the Sentinel half brother of his, he found his friends and the brotherhood watching Justice League Unlimited.
"I ain't gon' lie, but hawk Girl is hot as hell! I'd smash." Angel stated, having recently joined the group.
"Yeah, dude, but Green martian man hunter is sexy, too, with that reading people's minds and stuff." Scott stated.
"Yo, that's you. I didn't know you swung that way tho."
"I just like his telepathy; that's hot. I'd make him turn into a chick or something... maybe."
"Just vhat are you all doing?" Nightcrawler asked, being somewhat confused.
"I was here risking my life in the bitchy womb of hell, and you're all here vatching cartoons!?"
"Look, don't make me make you unconscious, yelling in my house! I'll put you in a coma for years!" Charles exclaimed.
And as they spoke, the Sentinel daddy came to pick up his wife, who was still knocked out for the procedure, and also came for his Sentinel baby.
He flew off with both, and all the X-men and Brotherhood went out for McRonalds burgers.