What's One Life?
Part 1: In His Hands
A/N: This is a long Attack on Titan Oneshot devised into a few parts because of how many pages it's turning out. Mostly Jean-centric but follows from other character perspectives as well. It's basically a take on Jean Kirschstein's thoughts as he faces his imminent demise, from his current hopeless situation as well as the events beforehand and after. I've decided to write this after hitting a major writer's block on both of my MC stories, I will getting back to one soon but first I need a break because those stories are driving me crazy and I can't seem to get the creative juices following.
Slight AU considering that I don't know just where to have this story start from but it is after the gang has joined the Survey Corps and where the traitors are no longer within the group. Please note that this story will have some spoilers. Also note that I do not own Snk(AoT), I only own my story and fan art.
I hope any fan of SnK(AoT) and fan of Jean will appreciate this, Jean is my favorite character of the fandom... can't say why. I was first having trouble picking a favorite between him, Eren, and Armin when I got into the manga/anime. Eren came in second while Kirschstein somehow captured my admiration. I know his character at the beginning of the series is basically a jerk, and a coward, and sort of self-centered and arrogant guy; but as I read through the manga he has changed quiet a bit to my surprise, ever since Marco's death and a handful of unpleasant experiences in the Scouting Regiment. So, I just came to favor him most and had to write about him because he is showing the potential of leadership, now only if he would just see how. Enough rambling... please read and enjoy.
"If I am a good leader then why am I dying here of all places? Why would you even say something that stupid? Marco was the first to- and now you? I am no leader, I was never cut out to lead, I am just a coward. What's one life like mine compared to one of great importance like yours Eren? I am nothing but a shield, Titan fodder if anything less."
"How- How in the hell… did I end up like this?" A pained voice echoed softly around. Golden brown orbs lightly fluttered open. His eyes roamed the darkness around him but there was nothing to see, only fleshy walls of deep red on every side of him and the warm and red slippery fluid he was mostly lying in. "Ehhh." Jean grunted with repulsion as he carefully lifted his hand out of the warm slimy substance. Like saliva; a trail of the fluid pulled up with his arm and slowly flowed down into the rest of the pool. "Disgusting." He bitterly spat from the coating of slime; a layer of the stuff stuck to his skin, his clothing, his face, and it was in his hair too and he could feel the fluid slowly slide off of his form as he remained somewhat upright. He shook his hand carefully to get the nasty substance off but it stuck to him to his annoyance, so he waved it harder; he needed to get a clean enough hand to wipe away the filth on his face as soon as he could. His eyes snapped wide open when he tried to sling the stuff off of him with more force, pain shot from the tender gaping wound on the right side of his torso and flooded all the way across his bleeding abdomen. He wailed loudly as he stretched the wounds, the Titan's fluids only helped in adding to the agony as the stinging substance seeped deeper into the lesions.
Jean held still for a brief moment and took in a deep breath of the hot vile air, blood flooded his nostrils and the stomach acid had it's own stench to add to the repugnant odor. It was nasty. The sad part about it was that the blood was his own; he could barely see it but his wounds were staining the clear bodily fluid that he floated in, the red seeped from his abdomen and slowly spread around him. "Damn it." He cursed as he moved his hand more carefully back into the slick phlegm to see the extent of his injury, he peeled back the edges of the tethered cloak and the fabric of his uniform to see the damage he had taken. What he saw in the faintly red pool made him want to puke more than the fact of being covered in saliva and lying in a large stomach. It was hard to tell but a large chunk of his flesh was missing on the side of his ribcage and so was patches of his skin that used to be on his stomach. He had huge bleeding indents across his midsection, there was no telling how deep they went.
The man's expression twisted to one of absolute horror, he was lucky that the abnormal Titan didn't bite him in half. He had his sturdy equipment to thank for that, but knowing he was mostly intact didn't help his current situation. If Titan Eren hadn't lost interest in fighting Levi and attack the vicious Titan chewing on him then he probably would have been in pieces and dead by now. But then again… it was Eren's fault that everyone's life was jeopardized in the first place, his fault that Armin was put in grave danger. Jean himself had acted quick enough to save his friend from being eaten, but at what cost? Himself being eaten.
His three-dimensional-maneuver gear had malfunctioned at a critical moment while going before the abnormal bastard. Just. His. Luck. It's happened a couple times before, he was always stuck with crappy equipment it seemed. The mindless form had abruptly jumped out of the small horde of Titans and attempted to take the blonde in a quick pounce with it's freakish and disturbing innocent smile hiding it's voracious desire. Armin was out of gas; he was a sitting duck without his horse that the rampaging Titan Eren killed, and without anybody else close by he'd be dead in a matter of seconds. Everybody was occupied with other Titans far out away for him, Armin's only hope was Jean at the time since the captain was taking out the rest of the horde alone while fighting Titan Eren as well. Levi skillfully missed the many limbs that swung forcefully at him, he was too preoccupied to worry about Armin at the time seeing as he had more than a handful of deadly problems than his blades could slice at once.
Jean really contemplated on aiding the captain but hesitated by the number of Titans, the faultiness of his equipment, his lack of abilities to effectively execute kills, and Eren; who was swinging wildly at everything in his way and trying to kill the elusive small dark-haired one. For some reason the muscular Titan was so focused on killing the one he couldn't catch, he seemed determined to but was failing thankfully. It was like it was playing a game of cat and mouse. At least he had plowed through some of the attacking Titans trying to get to Levi, he smashed faces in and knocked some backwards and some even down to the ground. He took out a few that way fortunately enough, Levi was being smart in using the fierce Titan to take out the rest before finding a way to subdue the rampaging subordinate. The few that were knocked over recovered quickly however, they only got back up to be knocked down again. Then that was when the ten meter abnormal mid-aged male rose up and turned it's head to the side, it had set it's sights on Armin and so it now had a new target. It turned fully around and crouched down like cat and then lunged with it's maw hanging wide open.
The blonde had no use of his gear except for his blades but that was all he had; he would never be able to outrun them, especially an abnormal. His fate was sealed being out there all by himself.
When Jean noticed this; that was when he bashed a fist on the side of his faulty gear and flew across the open land and towards Armin. He increased the gas flow when he got closer and made another jump as he slowly descended to the ground, it was hard to stay sky born without trees or buildings but a good leap kept him up for a good amount of time with the help of the air apparatus. He neared his companion and redeployed the cables to the ground before the blonde to help him swoop in and collect the panicking form and fly out in that fashion; it didn't go as planed unfortunately. His right cable didn't eject as it should have when he got close enough and he ended up careening further out at an awkward angle from the lack of balance; Kirschstein stalled for seconds in mid air while missing his target thus making him an easy target himself. Jean rammed his fist on the equipment repeatedly in frustration and released more air to flee oncoming danger but soon found himself halfway ensnared in large human jaws in a second's time, he was not fast enough to escape.
He screwed up. It was senseless to use faulty gear in Titan territory, but he really didn't want to see anyone die; definitely not another friend so he took the foolish suicidal Eren-like-endeavor to save a life. Now half of his body was inside a Titan's mouth, it was a nightmare and he had absolutely no time to react as the thing instantly bit down as it landed.
A loud bloodcurdling cry filled the air. A cry from his comrade was heard.
It was hell from that point, teeth had sank into his flesh while his blade compartments were crushed by the monster's large molars as the thing now mercilessly chewed on him. Not only was his gear taking great damage with each chomp; but he himself did and it was so unbelievably excruciating that he was screaming to the top of his lungs until silence befell him from the flow of his last reserves of adrenaline somewhat numbing out his pain. He couldn't fight the damned thing with his bare hands alone, he pounded at his tormentor's lips but did nothing to free himself. His blades and their compartments were the only things keeping him from being completely mashed at the moment; his weapons were being dented up and jammed within the damaged metal boxes. All he could do was watch in horror as the monstrosity disguised as a human being try to gnaw him apart. His 3DMG was being crushed and teeth were slowly sinking further into his torso the more it bit into the metal.
He never wanted that to happen and now it was; it was only a matter of time and he knew it. Joining the Survey Corps was suicide. Jean thought it was all over for him now, he'd be a half eaten corpse like Marco. He had shoved his grief deep inside and held it down for so long and now he couldn't at the flash of Marco's haunting image. Moisture gathered at the edges of his eyes and he didn't care that small warm streams ran down his face, he was as good as dead anyways.
A fierce roar sounded through the air.
It wasn't much longer after when he was freed by a giant fist slamming into the jaw of his tormentor, he flew out of the warping mouth as soon as the teeth lost their grip. At this point he was surprised to find that it was Eren to save him, that all too familiar; ear-piercing and echoing roar was unmistakable. He was astonished more in even being alive at all once he fell several meters and smacked against the ground and tumbled a few feet away while remaining fully intact.
Armin had quickly ran over to him when the Titans moved away and immediately took notice of his injuries whilst panicking and shaking as he normally did, the gruesome sight of human blood always terrified him. Once he calmed he then proceeded to help his injured comrade; but then the hell started all over again when Eren killed the target Titan and turned his attention to him and the incapacitated. Jean couldn't flee from the infamous 'Rouge' Titan without his gear and because of his injuries when it's large hand reached down for him and plucked him off of the ground; completely ignoring the blonde. Armin hesitated and didn't even draw a blade; all because of his trust in his semiconscious friend in his Titan body. Big mistake.
Jean had been eaten, and not by the Titan that was trying to devour them up in the first place, but by Eren in his Titan form for god's sake. The last Titan he would have expected to do such a thing.
"Really Eren?" Jean asked with disbelief, he growled and his eyes glowered in the dark. "That sick idiot shouldn't have went out today because he's gone and lost complete control of himself, he was already showing signs of having faltering control in the past few outings in Titan infested territory." He said to himself heatedly. "Damn it all. You pushed yourself too hard to kill as many as you could; which wasn't much and then went Titan for Hanji's stupid observation and research. I knew this was all a bad idea." He couldn't believe that the captain had let them go this far; everybody had their limits, even Eren Yeager. Now he was acting like a normal Titan and humans were now a part of the menu it seemed, Jean only hoped that either the squad brings Eren down soon or makes him come to his senses. He honestly didn't want company in his current place, that was for sure. Both possibilities seemed unlikely as sad as it was to say. Mikasa and Levi were experts at slaying Titans but Eren was no ordinary Titan, plus they wouldn't kill him. He's humanity's last hope and one of Mikasa's closest friends.
He thought about just cutting his own way out with no harm done to Eren but he was quick to notice that his blades and their compartments were missing. He mentally slapped himself. The irregular Titan bit through one side of them and apparently swallowed the other; Armin removed the remains of the damaged gear when he was freed of the unforgiving mouth, well it's not like he'd have the strength to cut his way out now in his condition anyways.
"This… this is all you're fa-fault you hear Yeager?!" He grunted and winced as he shifted his position to keep his head above the pool. The wounds stung like hell and now the pain was growing with each passing second; his adrenaline from fear, pain, and trying to flee the Titans was wearing off from his exhaustion, he didn't have enough to keep the tenderness down anymore so raw pain was coming to greet him once again.
The man suddenly growled, although it was filled with pain which made his growl sound more like an angered whimper. "Damn it Eren, why wouldn't you just listen!" He hissed, his left eye twitched from his growing irritation. 'Stubborn brat just had to go against orders you?' Jean thought as he grimaced. "You had to go and lose control… and for what? If you hadn't occupied captain Levi then Connie wouldn't have gotten hurt, Armin wouldn't have nearly been killed, and I wouldn't be sitting here bleeding to death in your disgusting Titan stomach! You should just have went to back to bed this morning you hardheaded idiot!" He screamed, nothing happened though; just as he expected. The only thing that changed was he was lightly rocking around in the disturbed fluid; which indicated that Eren's Titan was on the move. Probably fighting the squad, hopefully not killing any of them. That was but a wishful thought.
Then it finally dawned on him, his death place. "So this is where I am going to die huh?" He said more softly and grunted as he tried to remain in a comfortable position to lesson the powerful throbbing in his side. "I never wanted to- you know?" Thin eyebrows then narrowed sharply. "This is the last place I would want to die in, I would be perfectly content dying on the ground outside. I would have been… fine, we'd all be fine if it weren't for you Eren."
…
…6 Hours Before…
'Please don't be up. Please still be in bed Eren. Please.' Armin Arlert plead quietly to himself as he hastily made his way down a set of stairs into the dungeon floor that was his friend's room, a hand carefully glided along the side of the cool stone brick wall as he neared the large wooden door at the end of the small hallway. He lightly breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the door was still closed, once he reached the doorway however; he stopped just inches from it and took a deep breath as he prepared to push it open. A shaking hand rose up to the wood but remained in place, nervousness was eating away at him. His friend was in no condition to fight or even leave the base for that matter, but he was one of those people that didn't like no for an answer… at least when it came to killing Titans. He hated the monsters with every fiber of his being and already pledged to kill them all, lately that was all the Survey Corps were doing; just cleaning up the inner wall of Maria of the majority of Titans as sort of a training and cleansing mission to make it safer around the base and hopefully uncover more secrets of the massive beings and the transforming human ones. His practices and tests with Hanji has helped him improve significantly but he's been in Titan form more often than late and it's taking a pretty big toll on him, Armin could see it and so could everyone else; it was just that bad.
The matter of the fact was though- he was going to have to either convince Eren to stay or just hope that he was still asleep so that squad can finish up today's objective in the meeting and get out on the field before he could even wake up, this way he'd have to stay put. Such an act made the blonde feel as though it was betrayal to leave him behind with commander Erwin, but he only wanted what was best for his friend so he had to go along with Mikasa's plan to sneak out. Eren couldn't just go out again so soon, he looked so ill and feverish. Plus, he was acting out of the norm as a human and struggling to stay in control of himself as a Titan; thus endangering everybody from his lack of mental and physical rest.
The incident from the day before proved this when the headstrong soldier turned Titan and tried to kill Hanji during a sweep up of the massive merciless fiends. She was quick thinking, fast, and agile so she didn't get hurt, but she put herself at risk as she analyzed him in battling other Titans. Eren had been struggling with control for a short while now; often shooting predatory-like glances at his comrades or even trying to swipe at them when they got too close. But it had been a close call that day with his fast unmeasured speed, Hanji got lucky that Captain Levi had cut him out when he was distracted. Once Eren emerge from his Titan body he looked awful; worse than the day prior. It seemed like Eren Yeager was declining in health every time he went Titan and now he goes and attacks Hanji with the serious intent to kill? The same case had happened before when he tried to kill Mikasa back in Trost. Eren said that he never recalled trying to kill her nor Hanji so Armin was very concerned and hoped that his friend only needed to rest for a few days.
"Here goes nothing." He said quietly to himself as he gently pushed the door open, a light creak from the rusted iron hinges made him cringe as the screechy noise sounded. But before he could push it all the way open; it opened all the way on it's own and the teal-green eyed young man stood fully clothed in his uniform at the doorway with a bit of surprise on his face.
"Armin, what are you doing?" Eren asked as he readjusted the green cloak along his shoulders to sit more properly, he moved rather slow for an action so simple.
Armin mentally sighed with disappointment, he was really hoping that Eren was still tired from yesterday's state of affairs and would still be sleeping. That was not the case unfortunately, but oh how it wished it was so.
He blinked a few times and gaped in shock when he noticed how much more pallid Eren's skin had become, he could also tell that he was ever so softly swaying when he didn't do that the day before when he looked sick then. Faded red marks still lined diagonally along his upper cheekbones, eyelids, and his forehead instead of disappearing over a few hours time like they used to. His eyelids looked a little more swollen and were a tint or two more darker than normal, a band of tarnished skin rested under his eyes. Now he was very concerned. "Eren… you look terrible." Armin started with reluctance as he continued to stare at the form of his friend that seemed to be deteriorating even more day by day.
Eren Yeager sighed heavily and moved a hand up to brush the side of his aching head. "Again Armin? I'm fine, I have a bit of a headache and I am a little tired but I am perfectly fine."
That was a lie, Armin was already used to Eren's false face of assurance; his deceptive words weren't going to work this time because he needed to know that he was ill and needed to rest. "I-I can't believe that, I am sorry to say this; but I disagree. You look worse than yesterday, you can't possibly be thinking about leaving your room looking like that."
"I'm getting ready to go to see today's objective." He started softly while adjusting one of his harnesses that attached to the side of his leg, it appeared to be loose as did his gas can and blade compartment; loose equipment was dangerous and could easily effect his performance and cause him to crash. "Believe me, I feel okay even if I don't look it alright. We can't waste time standing here Armin, were going to be late to the meeting. Levi is probably going to have us going out on open terrain again, either that or go get more supplies since we're running low; but I guess we'll see if that's the case when we get there. There's no need to worry about me though, I feel fine. Besides, you guys need me out there."
"But Eren?" Armin started softly with doubt and worry. "Your health-, you don't look so good. Your pale and terribly sickly looking, just like when we pulled you out of your Titan body yesterday. All of these transformations and fighting recklessly in that form lately is putting a large strain on your body, you're getting worse. You need to stay here and take a break for a little while, just ask for a break. I am sure that Captain Levi will understand, and Hanji should too. It's been a while since you've had some down time. I mean everyone has set out at least once or twice in our missions of eliminating Titans, even the Captain had stayed back at the base once to clean while we went out to bait a few Titans to the woods and get the drop on them. You know? The usual. But recently we have been staying out in open fields instead of getting on higher grounds to face them; all of us struggle a bit on the grasslands with little to nothing to help us fly but with the Titans themselves, it's been risky but-."
"It's too risky, we've all struggled out there… even me." The brunette admitted bitterly with his teeth barred. "But I don't care about being the best with the gear, as long as we wipe out the Titans then I could care less."
"But what I am trying to say is that you've been killing Titans in your Titan form more than you have as a soldier." Armin started cautiously; he knew that trying to talk Eren out of killing Titans for a day would put his friend in a lot of distress. The blonde lightly gulped and daringly gazed into the brunette's eyes. "I know that you aren't good on plains with the gear either; seeing as the maneuverable mechanisms were strictly made for movement throughout the inner walls with rooftops of the buildings being our leveled ground with Titans. This is- no- seems to be why you prefer going all Titan than using your gear lately, and Hanji seems to always approve."
Eren lightly sneered at the slightly shorter form blocking his doorway. "Are you saying that I can't use-"
"No, not at all!" He abruptly shouted and lowered his head. "Look, we all have are weaknesses and I believe that the captain is just trying to prepare us for anything. It's real difficult to master our 3DMG on flat grounds but he seems to do just fine which means he's had a lot of practice. We should be able to as well in case we have to take Titans on open lands, you don't always have to give up on it and go all out as a fifteen-meter." The blonde blinked in surprise as a hand latched onto his shoulder and gently pushed him to the side, he showed no resistance but held his pleading expression in those blue orbs. "Eren?" He asked as the taller boy walked a few feet away and stopped but with his head turned away from his childhood friend.
"Almost every time that we have been out there; someone has been close to being killed by a Titan. Like you said, this gear isn't made for flat terrain." He said blankly as his hand brushed past his green cloak and placed his palm on the cold surface of the gas can that was attached to lower side of his thigh. "I don't know why Levi wants us to do something as ridiculous as mastering our gear on open flat land; but everybody needs protection out there. You know how Sasha planted the ground after trying to get away from one of the irregulars last week, she could have been killed if I didn't reach her in time."
"Eren, I get that but still- you should rest for awhile. Take some time to actually get a good amount of sleep, you need it. Levi was making his way there so if you didn't reach her then he would have. The captain is keeping a close eye on us out there and he'll be there if you can't, you trust him and so do I. There's no need to waste the energy, we're a team."
"I trust him with my life as well, but we won't have a team if everyone dies." He said blankly as he turned around. "I am still going and you can't stop me. I feel fine Armin so stop trying to hold me back, none of you can make my decisions for me; only I can. I will rest later so don't worry." He finished coolly as he ambled down the corridor.
"Oh- okay then." The blonde finally gave up with his upper body slumping downwards in defeat, he couldn't find the right words to convince his friend and he hated himself for giving in so soon when he normally held the brunette back for nearly half an hour with their recent standoffs. He failed to find the courage to say the right words at the moment but knew deep down inside exactly what he should have sputtered; Eren was a deadly hazard and could actually kill someone in his current state, maybe even his human-self if he wasn't careful. Arlert just couldn't muster the nerve to tell his friend the painful truth of going Titan again, he didn't want to stress their friendship while he was in such a character that didn't really seem like the real him. Eren was … different now. He wanted his old friend back, a little rest and relaxation should mentally put him there but that didn't seem like it was about to happen anytime soon. Stress would only make matters worse.
Armin lifted his head to see the young man now moving slowly up the steps with his hands on the wooden rails to help him up, it was a pitiful sight to see him staggering every few steps or so. "You need to be strong when we need you the most, just conserve your strength when you can. Just do that for me alright?"
"I will Armin, don't sweat it." Came Eren's voice and a light wave of the hand as he neared the top, his tone sounded more light and upbeat like his usual self.
Armin found a brief smile crawl on his lips from the short-lived normality of his friend before it fell flat when Eren walked around the corner and into the main hall, he only hoped that someone else could talk the poor guy into staying back because he really hated fighting against his childhood companion.
...
Eren's vision blurred in and out for a few seconds as he made for the exit of the stairwell and headed into the main corridor. He only shook his head and blinked repeatedly as if to wake himself up, this only caused his headache to worsen to his distress. He narrowed his eyes. He had to tolerate it, he had to protect his friends and kill every Titan he could see to make another step closer to freeing humanity from their cage of the giant walls. He also wasn't going to let another soldier die so long as he could prevent it.
Growling from the ache; Eren lowered his head and clasped a hand on the side of his temple as he moved down the hallway, his eyes stayed on the floor as he pressed through the hall with a light sway in his amble. 'Why do I feel so drained? I've had plenty of rest the way Armin speaks of my multiple hours of unconsciousness, so why? It feels like I've ran into a wal-' Eren was abruptly detached from his thoughts as he collided into something that seemed remotely like a wall, he grimaced as he stumbled backwards a few steps with his hand now covering his pained forehead.
"Hey watch it!"
'I know that voice.' Eren removed his teal-green gaze from the floor and looked up to see the guy he stumbled into. The taller form with honey-colored eyes and two-tone hair color was undeniably him. "Jean." He said with annoyance, his headache had increased in intensity from the run-in and now it was getting worse. He really didn't want to argue with the guy; especially after his argument with Armin to go out with the group, both of them along with Mikasa have been trying to hold him back and talk him out of going lately. They were wasting their time, no one was going to stop him from leaving the base and killing those freakish monsters. Not even the Captain, although he disapproved in the notion every time lately but allowed him to leave anyways on his own accord.
Jean had glared back, holding that same fierceness in his eyes as his comrade's; they were both locked in a staring stalemate, neither Jean nor Eren backed down from their rival.
Eren grumbled lowly to himself as he had noticed that Kirschstein was blocking up his pathway out, he tried to brush past the taller guy but the man quickly moved to the side to cut him off. "Out of my way Jean." He said darkly with his fixed glare still on his comrade.
"And just where in the hell do you think you are going Yeager?" Jean replied acrimoniously.
He had a feeling that the 'horse-face' was going to try and stop him like everybody else… again for the third time this week. The only problem with it being Jean in the way is the animosity they had towards each other. The rivalry tension between them had been settling more calmly since they both joined the Survey Corps, but still; fights were still easily sparked as they were back in their training days and he wasn't eager for another one. "Where does it look like I am going? I am going to the stables Horse-face, now out of my way."
Eren attempted to scrape past him again and actually managed to this time until a hand grabbed the hood of his cloak and jerked him backwards, he barked from surprise and felt himself reeling backwards and then to the side until his back met the wall. He grunted from the rough impact and glared darkly at Jean. A hand moved up and latched onto the collar of his uniform and held firmly, it pushed the brunette back into the wall and kept him a good inch off of the ground; this meant that the 'Mr. long face' was serious.
"Like hell you are. How many times does it take to get this through your thick skull?" Jean retorted with his fists clenched, the hand that was clenched around the other's shirt lightly shook. "Have you even looked at yourself lately? You look like shit if you haven't yet noticed. What you need to do is take off your gear and get back to bed, you are in no condition to go anywhere."
Eren growled and clenched onto the wrist that kept him suspended, he then proceeded to push away at it but was strangely having some trouble when he normally wouldn't; Jean seemed a little stronger than usual. But then again; he's almost never got physically violent against the guy when they usually just exchanged abrasive words and shared glares so he didn't really know the other's strength, but he could take him because no one was going to stop him from doing his job, from exacting his revenge, and for following his dream of going beyond the walls. "Let me go." He sneered and continued to push; now with both hands shoving the clasped hand.
The smaller guy was struggling and Jean could tell, he honestly expected someone as resolute and hardheaded as Eren to put up more of a fight than this futile and mediocre attempt to free himself. Eren really did look ill, he even had the faded reddened marks still across his eyes and face from his most recent transformation. They probably wouldn't be so easy to see if it weren't for the fact that he was so pale, that was another aspect that showed that he was in no condition to do anything so taxing for a while. Plus he was lightly shuddering and unbalanced with a subtle lean to the side as if his head was somewhat weighing half of his body down. He looked pretty much pathetic and as much as Jean hated the guy; he couldn't help but feel a little bad for him.
Yeager was always so impulsive and impatient, so willing to get out there and get reckless and all he was doing was hurting himself. The stupid brat needed to learn that no matter how strong he was; he needed rest, he had limits just like everybody else. Even if he could take on the body of a Titan, he was still a human on the inside and still prone to exhaustion; even more so when that larger form of his drained him dry of energy and apparently his consciousness. Lately Titan Eren has been swinging at the good guys and trying to take on everybody like they were his enemies, it was like he didn't have teammates nor care for his friends anymore in that form. Hanji had made some decent speculations as to why, exhaustion seemed to be one of them due to the Titan's high core temperature messing with the Eren's head like a really bad fever. Jean didn't know the specifics and he could really care less about anything that dealt with Titans, all he had to do was follow the Survey Corps most basic demands: kill Titans, take care of the squad, survive, and unfortunately; protect the reckless Eren Yeager.
Jean's expression softened a bit. "Look at you, you can't even muster the strength to push yourself free. This right here is all the proof we need to see that you should stay here, you don't have the strength to go out and fight today. So forget it and stay put."
Teeth ground and teal eyes lightly widened and then narrowed from such words. He was strong, he had to be to protect Mikasa and Armin and everyone else. But the horse-face was right, if he couldn't break free from a simple man's grasp then how was he going to protect them? "No." He lowered his head to hide his face while his teeth visibly barred to show his frustration. He wasn't a quitter, he had to be stronger then. If he could fully transform into a Titan and only stay unconscious for a few hours as opposed to a few days then he was making progress and getting better. It was true that he used to be out cold for days when he first started to use his form but now he would only fall unconscious and be out for two to three hours, sometimes longer; but not as near as many hours as he used to and he can hold his entire form now. His practices and tests with Hanji had helped out considerably, but being out in the Titan infested territory was a test of it's own and he had to exceed his weaknesses no matter what.
"No!" He shouted aloud and with a sudden rush of energy he forced Jean and his hand away from him; making the beige haired male release him and stagger back a few steps. Eren regained his footing, although his posture was off.
Golden brown eyes widened in astonishment for a short moment before narrowing, he didn't expect such force from someone so fatigued. "Damn it! Would you just listen!"
"If I can stand then I can fight!" Eren shouted and softly inhaled as if he had been running for a short time.
"Cut the crap spouting out of your loudmouth, you are not well enough to go out there; even with that little shove it's not going to take out any Titans that's for damn sure. You'll be killed if you go out there. Hell, you're barely standing up straight as it is. I bet you won't even be able to stay on your horse seeing as you keep rocking like that."
Noticing this; Eren quickly fixed his position and held his arms firmly against his sides to better balance himself, he continued to glare. "I am fine, a bit of shuddering is not going to stop me from riding out there nor will it stop me from killing Titans."
"Then just how strong do you feel right now? Physically that is? You're as pale as a ghost, probably running a high fever, and you're shaking. You're huffing from a simple action as a shove, it's not normal to have labored breathing by simply making a push. You look as frail as a butterfly; like a small gust of wind could just swoop in and blow you over. Deny everything I just said if you want but what I spoke was of the truth, you are in no condition to kill Titans; let alone turn into one."
"Then I will overcome this weakness, lives are on my hands!" Eren barked and brushed past Jean.
"Are you an idiot?! You can't overcome fatigue!" Jean spun and grabbed the brunette by the shoulder and stopped him again.
"Damn you! Will you just let me go!?"
"Not until you realize what you are doing! You're so sick right now that you aren't thinking straight, if you were well rested and healthy again then you wouldn't be acting like this. You're only going to end up hurting yourself and your friends if you just storm off and lose focus on what's important, you've already put one life at risk this week and swatted at the rest of us like bothersome flies when we neared your Titan body. So please just stop this madness and listen for once. Everyone's lives is on your hands right?" Jean spoke more calmly when he noticed that Eren seemed less tense by his words. "By going out there you are putting lives at risk, we already know what you tried to do to Mikasa once and now Hanji. You will be doing no one any favors if you leave now, everyone has limits and you've hits yours. It's kind of obvious now, all of those transformations have worn you down and yet you continue to rely on that Titan form instead of the abilities you gained after all those years of training by Shadis. You've exceeded me in the ranks so you should know better than to rely on one specific ability. I've tried to best you in every ability back then and I fell short at everything except for the 3DM gear; everything else you beat me in. So take time to think instead of acting on impulse, get some rest for once. Use common sense, …you're only human."
Hearing those words made Eren look away as he stood there. "I am just doing what you asked me to remember?" He tilted his head to the side a bit. "When everybody joined the Survey Corps you told me to weigh the lives who are willing to sacrifice themselves …for me…" He hid his eyes for a moment and clenched his fists. "And I am doing just that. I am going to make sure that no one else dies because of me! I hold their lives in MY hands!" He voice rose. "Never again will people fall to protect me so as long as I can do something to prevent it!" Eren then ripped his shoulder from Jean's grasp and moved quickly down the hall with a slight stagger in his steps, he soon disappeared behind an open doorway.
Jean scoffed and folded his arms with a small scowl on his face. "That's 'exactly' what I asked of you." He started quietly to himself. "But you still aren't thinking clearly. How can you protect those lives that are shielding yours when you're the one trying to take them? Did you ever think of that? If you can't control your Titan self then we'll be the ones to pay Eren, you won't even know we're dead in your hands."
…
A/N: So how was it so far? It has been edited. Please review and tell me what you think and if I should continue. Also, I do apologize if I use terms and words like Survey Corps(Scouting Regiment) from the manga and some from the anime, it's not as much as it is preferences as it is just being used to them considering I've watched the first fifteen episodes and then read the manga all the way to up to date so I am used to a variety of Snk(AoT) terms.