Re-awakening

As Sonny gazed out into the vast openness of the Arizona desert he knew two things for sure. His Will had betrayed him and his heart would never mend. The pain inflicted by his knife wound, a lot less painful than the series of scenes depicted in his mind of his two former flames lying together. Scenes that a short time ago were only reserved for he and Will. He wasn't sure if it was his thoughts or the heaviness in the air but Sonny inhaled deeply, simply to make sure that he was still breathing. Moments went by when he wasn't too sure. Moments that seemed to fade into hours.

He picked up his phone and studied the face on the screen. Smiling up at him, mocking him through tender blue eyes, and for a moment he wondered if maybe he should give in and press that green send button. It would be an easy thing to do – right. One little action and he could begin to mend fences. Then why was his hand so still?

When his phone buzzed indicating a call, he wasn't startled a bit to see that all too familiar smile. He had been here a month and was accustomed to Paul's daily inquiries into his emotional and mental well being. 'Are you alright – If there's anything I can do – I hate knowing that you're hurting, and that I'm partly the cause.' But above all, 'I care about you Sonny and I know right now you don't want to hear it and it's not the best time for me to say it, but there will never be a day when those words won't be true.' And as always a comforting feeling overtook him and for a moment the pain in his chest lessened.

He knew that Paul's words were sincere and that made his heart soar and his mind recapture different images. Images of better days filled with laughter and love. Images he held locked away safe from the world around him. Images of picnics, movie nights, empty restaurants, where two young lovers could be together without the world interrupting. Although his relationship with Paul was marred with secrets, somehow he relished knowing that for a time he and Paul were the only two people in the world. The only two people that mattered.

Again his phone buzzed indicating a voice mail.

"Hey it's me. Not that you don't already know that." Sonny smiled at the nervous chuckle emanating from the recording. "I was thinking of you and just wanted to check in. I've enjoyed our talks and…well…yeah. Um, you're probably busy. Um, yeah, I guess I'll talk to you soon. I love you." Silence, than…"wait forget I said that. I miss you…um, forget I said that too. Wow I'm really fumbling here. I should just hang up. I'll talk to you soon."

"He really loves you."

"Alex, how long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough," he added walking over and taking a seat next to his younger brother. "And his calls…"

"I know what you're going to say."

"No I don't think you do."

"His calls are inappropriate and I should be talking to my husband."

"Sonny how often has Will called or even dropped a text message, hell an email since you've been here?" The happiness in Sonny immediately faded and Alex instantly felt like kicking himself. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have said that."

"No, your right. He has left me a couple of voice messages, mainly to remind me of how unreasonable I'm behaving and how unfair it is for me to think of only myself when we have a daughter to raise."

Alex clanged his jaw in order to keep from voicing his distaste for his brother-in-law. "You know you were smiling a minute ago." He stated choosing to change the subject. "In fact you don't seem to do a lot of that, unless Paul's name comes up."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Paul's not a bad guy."

"No he's not." Sonny found himself stating a bit too defensively.

Alex put up his hands in mock surrender. "Hey I'm stating a fact. I like the guy, and more importantly I like the way he makes you smile. Sonny remember he isn't the one who betrayed you." They were both quiet for a few minutes and finally the older man stood up and headed back inside the house, choosing to leave Sonny to his thoughts.

Sonny immediately recalled a specific conversation he'd had not too long ago. And a specific choice of words jumped out at him.

"Sonny, if I were married to you, I would never dishonor our wedding vows by cheating on you. I hope you know that. If I had known that Will was your husband, I would never have touched him. You're too important to me. You always come first and I would never intentionally hurt you."

Sonny dialed a number and waited. "Uncle Vic, could I borrow the jet. I'm ready to come home now." A few hours later Sonny was heading home with a vision of a pair of beautiful brown eyes on his mind.

God, what was he doing?

Sonny was in love with Will, he belonged to Will. So then why was Paul allowing himself to hope? 'Because life isn't fair and Sonny has moved on'. His mind reasoned. Putting his phone down he collapsed onto his bed face down. Pulling a pillow to him, he imagined it was Sonny he was holding and was at least comforted by the fact that his imagination would never fail him.

So many times he imagined himself jumping on a plane and flying to Arizona, pulling Sonny into his arms and kissing him senseless. Then he would get down on one knee and make the man his forever. Than his daydream would end and he would realize that his proposal would be ill received. An emptiness would immediately follow that realization and his reality would take over.

If he had only said yes to Sonny's proposal they would be happily married with a beautiful home and few little ankle biters running around driving them crazy. Paul smiled at the very idea. A father, a husband to Sonny, how would that feel? Fucking incredible!

Paul must have fallen asleep because the next thing he realized was that someone was banging on the door. Sitting up and wiping the sleep from his eyes he stretched a bit and walked over.

"Hang on, I'm coming. Where's the fire…"

Before Paul could finish he found two arms encircling him and his lips being pressed into a deeply passionate kiss. The kiss was short of amazing and his mind echoed the name of the man he'd been thinking about since they first parted.

Yes definitely a dream…his imagination was cruel.

"I love you Paul. I never truly stopped."

Yes definitely cruel.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

Paul finally forced himself to open his eyes expecting to see an empty room. When he realized that Sonny was indeed standing in front of him with a concerned look in his eyes he blinked just to be sure. Then the other man's words hit him full force and he smiled. A smile Sonny returned.

"You love me?" Paul asked a bit bewildered. "Sonny…"

"Paul, I know I don't…I mean…if your not…" Sonny chuckled. "Damn, now whose fumbling their words."

Paul placed a finger to Sonny's lips to gently hush him. "I love you too, so much." Pulling the other man toward him he tenderly pressed their lips together.

Paul's name left Sonny's lips on a whisper and in that moment it was the most beautiful sound the ex-baseball player had ever heard. And one he would make sure to hear again and again.

Short and sweet and to the point. I love this pairing and couldn't resist throwing this out there.

I must apologize in advance if there are any grammatical errors, it's three a.m. my time and well my mind isn't as sharp as it might be otherwise.

Reviews and comments are welcome!

Thanks!