Best read in conjunction with 'Change'. But really, I just don't feel like copying the disclaimer and A/N over.

Losing Faith

I'd only been in this town for all of one week when Kairi decided to spring the news of a party at the house on me. The day of, of course. She was gushing about it, saying I'd get to meet her friends, and probably the rest of the school, before school actually started, so she was 'doing me a favor'.

All I could do was stare at her with a look that probably said, if I could strangle family members, I would.

When we were younger, she was my favorite cousin. Now, I questioned just how much I could stand to be around her. But that was only because of our differences.

My father had explained it to my aunt and Kairi. I was completely, and utterly, afraid of social situations. So I didn't have a panic attack every time I was in a crowd like I knew some people did, but it was not my ideal situation. It's not like I was afraid of people, just... I felt lost around too many, and like I was always going to do or say the wrong thing, or something bad was just always going to happen. Situations with new people or too many people; they just intimidated me. To the point of being scared.

When my father got sick and was sent to the hospital, I'd had to get over it a bit. When he came home from the hospital, I had to get over it a lot. I ran whatever errand he needed me to. And I focused all my energy on him rather than freaking out all the time.

Because he'd only came home from the hospital because they knew there was nothing else they could do.

He had set up my living with my aunt and cousin before he died.

And although he'd explained the bit of the social anxiety I had, Kairi was still ignorant to it. Of course she would be. She couldn't possibly grasp it. Because she craved social situations. Being around people, enjoying their company. She was the epitome of being extroverted. In that way, I was envious of her. Even only being here a week, I was beginning to thank her for rubbing off on me, at least in my head. I had thoroughly convinced myself that I could be just like Kairi, actually enjoying lots of people. She would get me through school this year.

And then she threw this party notion at me and I freaked, resulting in anger at her for her carelessness to my personality, rather than actual fear of the impending doom.

I didn't let her see just how angry, though. I contained it. I could never lash out at someone like I occasionally wanted to.

Still, she knew I was upset about it as I denied wanting to meet anyone, let alone come out of my room, but she only argued at me. At me.

"You're going to be in a building with all of them tomorrow, and then some. Plus teachers!"

I know she didn't mean to sound as harsh as she did, but I flinched a little. Plus, the scene she was setting up in my mind was scaring me. I'd only barely learned to survive each day at my old school. Focus on the work and get away with minimal interaction. Then to be thrown into my final year of high school somewhere else? With my high and mighty cousin who couldn't seem to grasp that not all of us find life to be as simple as she does?

Now I was sounding harsh. But only in my head. I would never take it out on her. Not like she was doing right now. Because I understood that we were different. And she... she didn't seem to.

So I quietly listened to her one sided argument and eventually slipped away to my room. She didn't have to know I planned to stay there as long as physically possible.

By the time the first few people arrived, lots of people were arriving. And the only reason I was thankful for this was because it meant Kairi had no time to come drag me out of my room.

Which, by the way, was the only perk I was finding to having moved here. I mean, it had a balcony. And it overlooked the pool (which, right now I'd be avoiding). But on normal nights, the weather was generally perfect enough for me to have it open, or at least cracked. And the white curtains (currently drawn because, as I said, avoiding window) matched the rest of the pure white room. And not only were my white comforter and pillows brilliantly snow clean, they were the plushest things I'd ever felt.

Then there was having my own bathroom, and a considerably sized one at that. Also immaculate, but mostly beige over white. It was a heavenly place to live.

But right now I was hating it.

Alright, so that was an overstatement. I was bitter about it mostly. I'd gotten away with not actually attending the party thus far, but by being forced to witness it (what with the shouts outside my window and the reverberating of the music through the floors) I felt depressed. Resenting myself. Why wasn't I a normal teenager, bent on spending time with friends and doing insane but fun things together? Why did I always get to feel socially awkward, inept, useless?

I pulled one of the double doors to the balcony open slightly, and slid on my hands and knees to crawl to the railing. I only watched the ongoings for a minute before sighing and going back inside.

I flipped to a clean page of my sketchpad and let my mind focus on that.

After distracting myself enough to have a few simple drawings completed, and a few others at least started, I noticed the shift in sound. The sounds of the pool had stopped first, then the music had turned off, and now most of the overlapping voices were gone. I looked at the clock. It was almost ten. A bit early for a party to end, but then again this party was being held the night before the first day of school. So I braved going downstairs to see if everyone had left, and if Kairi needed any help cleaning up.

At the bottom of the stairs, I heard a more reasonable amount of voices from living room. At least, a more reasonable amount than I'd been hearing all night. As I stood in the doorway, I still felt completely tiny. And yet the seven teenagers scattered around the living room were far less intimidating than whatever number had previously been around.

Kairi obviously being one of the seven, noticed me first.

"Nami! Come on in!" I wanted to roll my eyes at the cheer in her voice, considering the tone she'd been using with me earlier. I could say she'd probably had a few drinks (underage party or not, I didn't dismiss the fact that there probably had been alcohol, which I disagreed with) but at the same time, this was also just her usual personality, so who could say.

Instead of making any sort of remark to her, I simply obeyed, timidly entering the room and avoiding eye contact with anyone. Kairi was seated with two other girls on the floor, but in front of one of the arm chairs, so I curled myself up on that and kept my attention on them.

"This is Selphie and Olette."

I know you're not supposed to judge people and all, but I had these two pegged. After all, Selphie seemed to dress just like Kairi and wear the same perky expression, if not perkier. And that scared me a little bit. I could barely handle Kairi so far.

Olette at least looked like a simpler girl, kind and understanding. Maybe I would get along with her.

I'd noted that the other four people in the room were boys distracted by a video game. The girls were obviously sitting here socializing or gossiping or... something. I'd been thankful enough that Kairi had only drawn Selphie and Olette's attention to me, but she quickly made me want to strangle her again.

"Guys. GUYS!"

Managing to pull boys' attention away from a video game; only Kairi could.

"This is my cousin, who I was telling you about. Namine."

I couldn't help averting my eyes, pulling my legs to my chest. I rested my chin on my knees, refraining from completely burying my face in them, and worked on steadying my breathing before looking towards them. I forced a small smile in their general direction as I received some 'nice to meet you's and 'hi Namine', but was eager to have their attention drawn back to their game.

And as Kairi started telling me their name's, they did.

Except for one of them.

I was only barely able to catch the name's Hayner, Riku, and Sora, who I assumed were all sitting in order, but I didn't bother trying to memorize a face to the three names, instead I was focused on the fourth, farthest from where we were sitting.

He was still looking at me when I heard her say,

"... and Roxas."

I think I stopped breathing completely.

It has already proved interesting writing in Namine's point of view. I worry about capturing her personality properly. Having personal experiences with generalized and social anxiety disorders, I seem to tap into that history the way I've seen it first hand. I know each person and each case is different, and I've mostly seen Namine portrayed as this feeble, hiding behind someone, scared kind of shy. But that's not quite how I see her, and I hope she comes across the way she is in my head. More quiet and a bundle of nerves, which she tries to hide. Eh. Let it also be known that it does bother me that I'm too lazy to put the accent aigu on Namine's name every time. It's there in my head.

Oh, and I feel like some unintentional Kairi bashing has already begun, but they are such opposites, it makes for interesting conflict. And so, yes. Both first chapters are complete for your, hopefully, enjoyment.

Let me know thoughts x