The Doctor pushed open the TARDIS doors and bounded out, Rose just behind him. As soon as he stepped out he froze. Literally just stopped moving, like time had frozen around him.
"No." He whispered brokenly. The tone of his voice made Rose feel hopeless, like everything that was holding her together was about to simultaneously fall apart and she would be left as a pool of nothing on the floor. She suppressed a shiver, and looked around at what might have disturbed the Doctor so; there was nothing. In fact, the planet was beautiful. There was lush red grass beneath her feet, spreading out evenly for what seemed like miles. The land was rolling hills, and just near them was a forest. The trees' bark was brown, but their leaves were a brilliant silver that shined and caught the red reflection from the grass. The sky was a burnt amber-orange, and twin suns burned brightly.
"Why have you brought me here?" He whispered, in the same tone as before. Suddenly, he turned back to the TARDIS. "WHY HAVE YOU BROUGHT ME HERE!" He roared, accentuating each word, pounding on the TARDIS. Rose shrunk back, glad she hadn't said anything. This was more than just the Oncoming Storm. This was a proper anger… but not. The anger was masking something else, Rose decided. Even so, it didn't make it any less scary. In fact, the other emotion, that she couldn't quite place, simply fueled the anger, making it worse than anything she'd ever seen. He stared at the TARDIS, hate and anger and something else in his gaze, and Rose had the feeling he was listening to a reply.
Though Rose didn't know, the TARDIS was whispering into his mind.
It isn't what you think it is. Look. Smell. Listen. It's not.
"What do you… Of COURSE this is it! What else could it be? WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE?" He yelled again, voice cracking, seemingly having forgotten that Rose was even there. Rose had no intention of reminding him. The anger was fading now, and he just looked… like he was going to cry? Rose thought, bewildered. He sunk to the ground, hands first, eyes closed. When his hands touched the ground he froze for a second time. His eyes snapped open and he yanked up a handful of grass, looking at it closely. He then turned, standing up as he did so, looking at the rest of the planet as if for the first time. He sniffed a few times, looked up at the sky, then sat down against the TARDIS and threw the blades of grass in his hand away, disgusted.
"It's not… It's not…" He whispered, drawing his knees up near his head and grabbing them with his arms. He was wrapped up in a little ball, and part of Rose expected him to start rocking backwards and forwards. It was terrifying. Rose sat down beside the Doctor, leaning against the TARDIS. He looked over at her, startled, as if he'd forgotten he wasn't alone. His eyes met hers, and it was all that Rose could do to not flinch away.
"Rose." He whispered, reminding himself. "Oh, God I'm sorry." He said, and while he was looking at her, she wasn't quite sure who he was talking to. "So sorry." He turned away, looking back at his knees. Rose reached out hesitantly, prying his hand from his leg and taking it in her own. He gripped her so tightly it scared her, as if she was all he had. With a jolt, she realised that was almost true. Her and the TARDIS. Suddenly, with no warning, he jumped up, a bright grin on his face.
"Well, come on, then." He said cheerfully, but he still hadn't let go of her hand. He unlocked the TARDIS doors and bounded inside, up to the console, cheery as ever.
It was scarier than everything else she'd seen, the way he shrugged it off so quickly and easily. The only evidence it had ever happened was the Doctor's far too tight grip on her hand.
"Doctor." She said evenly and quietly.
"Hm? Oh, where to next?" He said, dragging her around as he pressed buttons on the console, refusing to let go of her. "I was thinking, there's this place that I know you'd love. The whole planet was made of sand, Rose, but late twenty-third century it was hit my a massive solar flare and it toasted the whole thing. Luckily everyone got out alive, but now the whole planet's made of glass. Glass, can you imagine? There are literally these huge, clear mountains, taller than everest, and the sunlight refracts off the ground and they have the best sunsets in the-"
"Doctor." Rose said again, almost skeptically, and she felt a pang as he visibly deflated, stopping pressing buttons and giving her a long, sad stare.
"It looked like Gallifrey." The Doctor said softly, not looking at Rose.
"What's Gallifrey?" Rose asked, her voice soft and kind. The Doctor looked up and met her eyes then, shocked.
"You don't even… I never told you?" He said, surprised. "I never… two years, and you don't even know the name of my planet." There was a pause as that information sunk in.
"Gallifrey is- was-" Rose said, beginning to understand.
"Yes." He interrupted, looking down again.
"Oh, I'm sorry- I mean, we can go and-"
"And it looked just like that, too." The Doctor continued, as if Rose hadn't spoken. "With the amber sky and the silver leaves and the red grass. " He said, eyes far away. "Not quite, though. There were cities, civilisations scattered all around, and you'd at least be able to see some sign of it, from anywhere on the planet. Bigger than the Earth, bit colder and dryer too. But the moon was missing." He said. "The moon, so bright you could see it during the day. And the ground felt wrong. And the grass, and the sky was not quite the right colour, and-" he broke off, taking a deep breath. "It was so wrong, and yet-" he broke of again, closing his eyes. "I need to go somewhere else, Rose. Somewhere really, really amazing." He paused, then whispered, "Need to forget."
"I don't think you need to forget," Rose said softly, "I just think you need reminding of what you saved." The TARDIS lurched as she took off of her own accord; neither paid attention to it.
"Yeah. Reminding." The Doctor said, as if he was convincing himself of something. "Right. Glass planet?" He said, snapping back into the cheerful mood he was before. Rose wondered how much of his constant, bubbling happiness was faked.
"We don't have to go right away." Rose said.
"Yeah, we do. Or, if you don't like the sound of that, I'm sure that there are plenty of other places. What do you think?"
"I think it's okay to be upset." Rose said, knowing the Doctor didn't want to stay on this topic, but feeling that he should, somehow.
"Oh, yeah, but where's the fun in that? Moping around? Being upset is, well, upsetting. Much more fun to go see the universe. Run a bit. Live a little. What do you say?" Rose searched for a hint of the sadness, or loneliness or even the anger that had possessed him before, but found no trace of it, not even in his eyes. It chilled her to the bone, but she sighed, pretending to be unaffected.
"Glass planet it is." She declared, defeated. The Doctor beamed.