Author's Notes: Odd style, as this is based on a strange but true urban legend on Snopes. Just go under Love, then Betrayal, then click on "Woman discovers on call-in radio show that her boyfriend is married."
Also, this is dedicated to rasha013, who suggested I write this.
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
302.6, the Wave. It's the best of Den Pasei. On 302.6, the Wave.
Who's this?
My name is Sasuke.
Okay. How old are you, Sasuke?
25.
Alright, and where are you calling from?
Soraku.
Alright, cool. Uh, this is "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not." I don't know if you heard this a few weeks ago—
Yes, I did.
Do you have a boyfriend or a husband?
I have a boyfriend.
Alright. How long've you been going out with him?
Just about a year now.
Oh, okay. And you 'spose he loves you.
I know he loves me.
Oh really? Why? How do you know?
Oh, special little love notes, or sending me flowers, or just the special time that we're able to spend together.
Alright, and what's your boyfriend's name?
Naruto.
And where does he live?
Mt. Oinari.
Ooh, long distance.
Yeah.
When do you see him?
We see each other every weekend, because he's in Mt. Oinari and I'm in Soraku, and it's a little hard to see each other during the week.
Okay—
—And that's our—our quality time.
So you have absolutely no reason to suspect that he might be messin' around on you.
No. None.
Well, then this is gonna be boring. But—but we'll humor you, okay?
Okay.
We'll give him a call and—and see what happens. Now please don't say anything, okay, Sasuke? I'll—I'll do all the talking.
Okay.
(Phone ring)
Moshimoshi?
Moshimoshi. Is Naruto there?
Yes, this is.
Naruto, how're you doing? My name is Den Pasei, I'm calling from the Wave Radio in Oto. How are things in the Fox?
Uh, a little frigid. What can I do for ya?
Well, I guess—I don't know. Do you get to Soraku from Mt. Oinari often, or what?
Yeah, every weekend.
Uh, yeah, because we pulled your name out of a fishbowl and every month we give a dozen roses to—
—Oh, great, great—
—anybody, and well, you're the winner this month, congratulations. Uh, the deal is you don't have to do anything, I know you're far away. We deliver the roses for you, and we'll even put whatever you want on a nice little card to go along with the roses. All we need from you is a name and an address of someone you want this delivered to.
Oh, uh, my wife, Sakura-chan.
What?
Okay…
Who's—
Sakura?
Oh, fuck…
Your wife Sakura?
Fuck no…
Your wife…Sakura? Would you…what—
Uh, Naruto, Sasuke's on the line.
Hi, teme…
Oh hi, dobe. Um…would—would you mind explaining this to me? Your wife Sakura? How long have you been married?
I was—I was kidding. Was kidding!
Kidding? Kidding, my ass. You're such a dick!
(Click!)
You son of a (bleep).