Just a quick one shot for you- slightly inspired by Breakeven by The Script, oh and the trending theme of being mean...
Numbness. It wasn't that, that was a feeling. You couldn't describe it. You couldn't match any words to this emotion. You'd never felt like this before. This was the worst feeling you had ever had.
Your baby started to stir in your arms. He wanted his Mummy. His little hands waved in front of his, trying to grasp the usual long blonde hair that used to fall. She'd laugh when he did that, she laughed when Evie used to do that. His baby boy started to bawl out. You tried to comfort him. Nothing was working. He wouldn't take his bottle, he didn't needed to be burped, didn't need to be changed. You gave up.
You laid him down in his Moses basket, and you sat on the floor next to it. You joined him, letting the tears flow down your cheeks.
You expected the world to stop turning. You imagined that the skies would turn dark and stormy. You wanted people to stop and think of how the world would be without her. But it didn't.
No one else even knew yet. You'd only just received the message yourself. Two officers had come into your flat.
Mr Harry Cunningham? Would you like to take a seat please? We are very sorry to inform you that wife inform you that your wife, Dr Nikki Alexander, had been involved RTC. I'm sorry to say that she died on the scene before the ambulances got there. There was nothing they could do. Is there anyone we could call for you? Well, a family liaison officer will come around later to discuss the situation. We're very sorry for your loss.
Benjamin had stopped crying, he was still whimpering slightly though. He watched his baby take little uneven breaths, his tiny face tear stained. He was so young. They had only known him for a few months. He wouldn't remember his Mummy when he got older. Maybe Evie would, she was three and 4 months now. Children could have memories from them couldn't they? He hoped she did. It would be one more person to remember his Nikki.
His Nikki. His Nikki. His Nikki.
She was gone. Dead. This shouldn't be happening. They were going to be together until they got old. They would watch their beautiful children grow up, and then watch their grandchildren grow up.
He needed her. He wanted her arms around him. She held him together. He wanted to bury his face in her hair, smell that sweet coconut smell of her shampoo which she insisted on always using. He wanted to pepper kisses over her sweet body. He wanted to tell her he loved her. Just one last time. Hear that giggle. Hold her hand. Kiss her lips. Touch her hair. Look into her eyes.
The door clicked. Please let it be Nikki. By some freak of nature they had the wrong body. It happened.
It was Leo. And Evie. And Thomas, Leo's son. Leo called out a friendly hello. Harry realised he had done the nursery run and picked up Evie.
His little girl ran up to him and threw her arms around his legs.
"Daddy!" She called out joyfully. He picked her up and held her close to his chest. Her curly blonde hair tickled his face. Just like Nikki's did.
He caught Leo looking at him. He looked surprised, shocked. What's wrong, he mouthed.
Harry felt his body starting to break down. He held on tight to his beautiful daughter as his knees buckled. He was sitting on the floor, his eyes tightly closed, his arms wrapped around Evie. She wriggled.
"Daddy you're squishing me." She squealed.
"Evie, Thomas, go and play in the nursery for a minute." Leo said. Leo prised Harry's arms open letting Evie escape. No, he wanted to cuddle her. He wanted his little girl. "Harry, what's wrong?"
He felt a sob echo from his lips, tears now dripped down his face.
"Nikki." He managed to say coherently. "She's dead." He heard himself say. There was silence. Broken by laughter from two children playing in a couple of rooms away.
"No." Leo replied simply. Harry opened his eyes and looked up. Leo's eyes were filled with tears. He repeated it. And again. Harry watched him as he looked around the house desperately as if he were trying to find Nikki. With shaking hands Leo drew his phone.
"Janet, please get her to Harry's now. I need you here now." He muttered down the phone. He watched Leo walk around the room before he sat down and put his head in his hands.
Harry was still on the floor. He'd stopped crying. Tears could speak no more. He listened to Leo's sobs. Why did they comfort him? He hated them, yet it made him feel better. Someone else was missing her.
Janet came into the room looking very panicked. She saw Harry on the floor before looking towards Leo on the sofa.
"It's Nikki. She'd dead." Leo whispered. For the second time Harry watched grief and pain envelop a person. Janet put a hand over her mouth before she started sobbing. Leo stood up and went to hold her in his arms.
He wanted to do that with Nikki.
It could have been seconds, but he doubted that. It was probably more like minuets, but Evie and Thomas came running and giggling out the room they were playing in. Thomas recognised his parents and went over to get cuddles of them. Evie quietly approached him.
"Daddy?" She whispered in her curious pretty voice. "Where's Mummy?"
That's when he fell. He broke down. His world as he knew it started to crumble.
The scientist told him he was just grieving. His body disagreed. He was in pain; his heart had been ripped open, torn in half. His blood burned through his veins, piercing every sense, sending his mind into oblivion. He could hear himself shouting, weeping uncontrollably, begging for her. His muscles were screaming. He needed her, had to have her.
She was always the better half of him, she healed him. She brought his life together. His purpose was to love her. To care for her. He wasn't anything without her. Before she tumbled into his life he didn't know himself. Nikki made him realise who he was, that he wasn't his Father.
He was pounding his hands against the wall. Each rhythmic slam shooting pain up his fists. It was nothing compared to losing his Nikki.
A hand on his shoulder pulled him away and hugged him. It was Leo. Their Father.
"I can't do this Leo. I can't." He understood.
"You do it for Evie and Benjamin." Leo replied. "Concentrate on them. They need you."
"They need their Mummy."
"I know." Leo rubbed his back. Tears were screaming uncontrollably down both their faces. "I know."
It was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. Watch her go behind those curtains.
He'd lost her forever. He knew that now. He couldn't do anything about it. They walked out the church holding Evie on his hip. Leo was holding Benjamin. He suspected Evie didn't really understand what was going on at all, but she was crying all the same.
He put his daughter down on the ground and walked over to Leo. He took Benjamin from his arms. Neither of them had anything to say to each other. All the words had been spoken. They both needed time just to grieve separately. He balanced Benjamin in one arm and took Evie's tiny hand in his other. He bent down so he was staring into her eyes. Even at this tiny age she looked identical to Nikki. She had her beautiful deep brown eyes, her bowed rosy lips, and her blonde curly hair.
"Evie, you need to say bye bye to Mummy now ok?" He said gently to his little girl.
"Why?" She asked sadly.
"Because she's gone now beautiful." A few tears dripped down her soft skin. She looked up at the Church and sky.
"Bye Mummy. I love you." She whispered. He had to bite his lip to stop himself from bursting into tears again. "Are you going to say it for Benjamin?" He looked down at his tiny son.
"Benjamin says goodbye and I love you too Mummy." He whispered. He choked back tears.
"You're turn Daddy."
"Goodbye Nikki. I love you. I'll remember you forever." He whispered up to the sky. Somehow he knew she looked down on them.
I caved in to being mean! Sorry... *guilty face*... Anyway, please review! Thank you for reading!
Poppy x