Hola amigas. This story is going to be a little different and I'd like you to make the choice on how I continue. Have a read…
Sinking deeper into the sand I curled and uncurled my toes as the cold wind caressed my face. Tilting my head back slightly I listened as the nearby waves crashed against the domineering cliffs, all else was silent. My head was a mess of scrambled emotions and morals and for once in my live I didn't seem to have an answer. Beside me Paul shifted uncomfortably in the sand, automatically I flinched away from his comforting warmth. Everything was so confusing. Too bloody confusing.
"I don't know why I told her," he murmured. As always his voice sent shivers down my spine but for once I did not try to push them away. Everything I felt seemed so natural. So right. Too bad I was living in a world that shouldn't be real, that according to logic should not exist. Before meeting Paul I had been a closet fan of fairytales and happy endings but since meeting him I had learned that fantasy may be magical but it can be twisted and permanently damage people in unimaginable ways. I bit down hard on my bottom lip as I thought of Emily's scarred face.
But whatever I felt for him- I shivered slightly- for Paul, I had to ignore because according to his crappy magical mumbo jumbo he was not mine. He was never going to be mine. I thought I had accepted that, but instead I realised I had been suffocating myself, forcing myself to deny my feelings instead of admitting I had them and turning away. He was hurting me, he was always hurting me. And I didn't know if I could handle much more pain in my life.
"You had to tell her," I tried to keep my voice calm for his sake, he was already going through enough turmoil, "she's your other half," I swallowed loudly, "your soul mate."
"I did it all wrong," his voice was laced with anger but I did not flinch, "all wrong. It should have been simple. It should have felt like a relief. It should have been like when I told you and-"
"Lisa is not me Paul," the bitterness could not help but seep into my voice. Feeling his eyes on me I curled my hands into fists and continued to stare out at the sea, wishing somehow that it would drown all my sorrows.
"I know that," Paul whispered, "sometimes I just wish she was. Sometimes I just wish-"
I edged away from his outstretched hand as an image of my sister flashed into my head. Her wide eyes rimmed with redness and her sobbing as she had crawled into bed the night before. Her anger as she had slammed the door in Paul's face. I couldn't hurt her, she was more important to me than anyone else in the world and she would always come first. I knew she loved him, I could see it in her every movement, her every sigh. I would not be the one to destroy that love.
"This is real life Paul," I spoke calmly still refusing to face him, "there is no room for wishes-"
"Lily-" he began his voice strained. I curled my hands tighter letting my fingernails dig into the palm of my hand reminding myself of the pain that had engulfed me when he had first laid eyes on Lisa. Life was not a fairytale. Not everyone got a prince.
"No. There is no room for wishes. You love her, she loves you," my voice quietened to a whisper. Spits of rain began to fall around us and I closed my eyes so he would not see me cry. I had to be strong. I was always the strong one despite what others thought.
"But I love you too," his voice was hushed almost as if he was scared to speak the words aloud. His confession kicked me in the stomach and I felt the urge to vomit. Scrambling to my feet I whirled to face him, he had no idea how he was effecting me, how my life was a mess because of him.
"No," I shrieked, "No way. You do not get to say that ever. Don't dare say you love me Paul Meraz. You love my sister. She is you imprint, the love of your live. The End. Finito. Finished. You are not allowed to love me."
Forcing myself to look into the silver of his eyes my breath caught at the pain I saw in them. Stumbling backwards I remembered the softness of his lips on mine and his laughter as he had chased me down the very beach that we stood on. The rain fell harder around us.
"But its true," I took another step backward as he stepped forward trembling slightly, "nothing is going the way it is supposed to. I am not supposed to love you but I do. I am not supposed to want to kiss you but I do. I am not supposed to feel jealous when I see you in some other idiot's arms but I do. I do Lily. I do!"
"But none of that matters," I snapped a tear leaking out of the corner of my eye, "can you see none of that matters? You cannot deny the imprint and I will never cause my sister pain ever. This is the end Paul."
"No it's not," his voice was firm and I felt small as he stood up to his full height. My heart seemed to crack a little with every word he spoke. Breathing in the salty air around me I smiled up at him. A watery smile.
"Tell me you don't love her Paul. Tell me you don't love Lisa," I felt like an awful person, my selfishness tore at my insides and I found it hard to breath. But I already knew the answer, of course I did.
"I…I-" Paul began but he couldn't finish as he shuffled from foot to foot lines forming on his forehead. His whole frame began to shake.
"Goodbye Paul," I murmured, "apologize to my sister, live your life."
"Lily!" he roared after me as I turned to walk away. I forced my legs to keep moving. I felt like I was leaving a little piece of my heart behind me.
"Goodbye Paul," I whispered again as I sped up into a run. I heard a distinct growl and a ripping sound. I was too much of a coward to look back and see the wolf I had come to love standing in the rain.
As I neared home I crumpled to the sidewalk as tears fell furiously down my face. I had never been in so much pain. I could taste Paul's lips on mine. I could see Paul's crooked smile and hear his voice raised in anger. I could feel his warmth as he pressed his body against mine and feel the fur of his wolf as I stroked it. My heart sped in and the slammed against my chest as I continued to sob. He was not mine to remember. He was not my soul mate. He would never be mine. Ever.
"Lily?" a small voice murmured. Peering up through my tears my breath caught in my throat as Kim knelt cautiously down beside me her mouth tilted downwards into a frown. Unintentionally I grabbed onto her arm tightly, as if she were the only thing left I had to hold onto. She pulled me tight against her and murmured quietly to me as if she had been waiting for my heartbreak, as if she had rehearsed what to say. Everyone had known the 'just friends' title was never going to work where Paul and I were involved, why had I been so blind? Or maybe I had just been reluctant to see what was right in front of me. I had been a coward. A selfish coward.
"Everything is going to be alright," Kim continued to whisper soothing words in my ear but I continued to sob as the pain consumed me. I was being so weak, that realisation triggered more tears.
"H-he was n-never mine," I hiccupped clutching Kim tighter, "I-I'm a b-bitch."
"No," Kim's voice was strong but I saw her wince as I continued to grip her tighter, "you are not-"
"Kim," a low voice interrupted, "we should take her home. I'll go get the truck?"
Looking up I flinched backwards from Jared's soft gaze. The awkward way in which he stood looking down at us reminded me of Paul and even from the ground I could feel the warmth radiating from him. I choked back another sob. Of course Jared was with Kim. They were always together. Always. They were soul mates after all.
It struck me suddenly that I would not only be losing Paul but Kim too. And Jared. And Seth. And Emily. And Brady. And Colin. Everyone I had come to love unconditionally throughout the months would no longer be a part of my life. They were Lisa's new family, not mine. I had been foolish to think they cared about me, they all knew what had been coming, they had all known I would be thrown to the side as soon as Paul imprinted. Realising what I had to do my body began to numb all over as if detaching itself from my emotions. I hated myself for what I was about to do, but it was necessary.
"N-no," I snapped pulling myself away from Kim as I stood up, "I do not need a lift home. I'll be fine."
"You cant walk home in this weather," Kim smiled weakly at me, " we'll even make a pit stop so you can buy ice cream on the way home?" Jared stepped closer to her and I swallowed a lump in my throat as she snuggled almost without thinking into his side. My heart thumped in my chest. They were too sickeningly perfect together.
"I don't need your pity," I snarled turning to walk away but Jared caught my arm before I could move, his eyes were narrowed.
"I'm your friend," Kim's voice was unsure as Jared rubbed soothing circles on her arm.
"No your not Kim. We don't all live in your perfect little world with your perfect boyfriend and your perfect family. I am not your friend. You're nothing but dependant and meek. All you do is hide behind's Jared's shadow," every word I shouted seemed to burn the back of my throat and I felt physically sick as Kim's face crumbled with my every word, tears shone in her eyes.
"How dare you?" Jared clutched my arm tighter as his eyes blazed with fury, his whole frame trembled.
"You don't mean that. You're just angry with Paul. You're not thinking straight," Kim shook her head in denial. Why was she making everything so damn hard? Couldn't she see that I couldn't be her friend? Couldn't she see that every time her and Jared kissed it filled me with pain and every single thing I said in her presence her boyfriend could replay to Paul later on patrol. Everything was messed up. She should have been thankful that I was saving her from a pain in the ass, deranged failure such as myself.
"I really do Kim," I lied through my gritted teeth, "you are pathetic. Pathetic."
I held back a scream as Jared clutched my arm tighter, swinging his free hand back his eyes narrowed as if he was ready to swing at me.
"Come on Jared," I urged, "hit me."
He looked blankly down at my arm as if only just realising he was holding it in his grasp before taking a step back his whole body still trembling.
"I know Paul has hurt you," Kim continued to plead with me, "you're not thinking clearly. Please just let us take you home."
"Goodbye Kim," I tried unsuccessfully to lace my voice with bitterness, "don't sign your live away to that jackass too easily. See you around."
"Lily," she called after me but I was already gone.
In the space of an hour my whole world had collapsed around me. I had to get out of La Push or I was never going to survive. Everything was in pieces.
Thoughts? So I can either go back in time and tell the events leading up to this point or I can continue from here and see if you can work out what happened. You decide. Thanks.