Clarke sits on her tiny bed and reads. She is only 8 years old, but she's already read more books than anyone else in the orphanage, of that she's sure.
She devours stories like she's starving and her books are the only edible thing in the room. She eats them and she's always hungry for more. Through words she gets to travel, for a few moments she gets out of the dull orphanage where she's been her whole life. It's an escape, a very entertaining escape.
Plus, the employees of the orphanage seem to be happy when she keeps her mouth shut. Everyone wins: Clarke is not picking fights and the employees aren't shouting at her.
Clarke's visiting her favourite fictional friend, Blade, and they are just about to kick the evil pirate captain's ass. Clarke has read the book enough times to know Blade will win easily and get the treasure back.
"When the girl's long golden hair got stuck in a tree, she cried: Oh, poor me! How I wish I wasn't cursed!"
Suddenly Clarke isn't in the middle of a sword fight anymore, but back at the orphanage. Blade disappears. There's no treasure. The colours of the room are gray and brown and dirty yellow and she hates that the loud voice interrupted her reading.
Clarke turns her head and narrows her eyes in anger.
"Did I hear right? The prince isn't coming, the prince isn't coming! said the princess and cut her beautiful hair."
9-year-old Bellamy Blake and his 4-year-old little sister Octavia have only been in the orphanage for a month. Clarke knows that they don't have any friends because Bellamy purposely scares everyone away.
Overall Bellamy Blake is a very scary 9-year-old. He's taller than most and looks angry all the time. He's not nice to anyone and he doesn't behave well. The employees of the orphanage seem to dislike him almost as much as they dislike Clarke.
So, all the other kids stay away from Bellamy Blake, but Clarke's never afraid of anything. She wants to read without anyone distracting her and has decided to tell Bellamy Blake to keep his mouth shut, even if it's the last thing she ever does.
She walks to the other side of the room and puts her small hands on her hips and stares at the siblings. She looks at the book resting on Octavia's lap.
The girl looks up, but Bellamy pretends like Clarke isn't right there in front of him staring at him with all the rage of an 8 year old. He keeps reading. Little Octavia looks confused.
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair."
Clarke clears her throat, mimicking Mister Kane, who owns the orphanage, and finally Bellamy looks at her. She can see he's extremely annoyed.
"What do you want?"
Clarke studies the boy's dark brown eyes. She finds something in them she didn't think she would. She finds fire. The kind of fire she likes, fire for adventure. There's something about the fierce look on Bellamy Blake's face that makes her want to take his hand and run straight ahead into danger with him. She's sure the two of them could take on ten pirate captains at once.
Clarke's taken aback by his eyes. Her mouth opens a bit.
"What... What are you reading?" she asks, trying to stay calm and ignore the urge to run away with him. Her earlier need for silence is gone.
"Rapunzel!" tells Octavia and raises her hand excitedly.
Clarke holds her head high. "I've read that book thousands of times already", she announces proudly.
"Liar", Bellamy spits out of his mouth.
Clarke can tell Bellamy doesn't like her, he's not trying to hide it. She doesn't take it personally. She's quite sure Bellamy hates everyone. Still, she's a little disappointed that the boy doesn't seem to share the same strange thirst for the possible adventures they could have. 'The dangerous quest of Clarke and Bellamy' would surely make a great book.
But because they are not friends and because Bellamy Blake definitely isn't the only stubborn one in the room, Clarke crosses her arms over her chest and says: "Are you saying you've read more books than I have? Hah, you're so wrong."
She watches as Bellamy's jaw clenches, his lips tightly pursed. His face turns red. Clarke smirks.
"Yeah, I am", Bellamy says and comes to stand in front of her as if to remind that he's taller and bigger and scarier and that she should back off. Clarke doesn't even flinch.
"I've read more books than you. I'm also a quicker reader than you", Bellamy says.
Clarke narrows her eyes. He doesn't know he's digging his own grave.
She lets out a short, dry laugh. Then she walks up to her pile of books and pulls out one of them randomly.
Dreams And Dragons. It's perfect because she's never read it before.
She hands the book to Bellamy.
"Ok", she nods. "Let's see which one of us is faster. The one that finishes this book first, wins."
If Bellamy is surprised by the challenge he doesn't show it. He touches the cover and softly runs his fingers on the dragon's golden tail. Clarke watches how gently the boy handles the book, how he seems to cherish it. Then, with a very serious look on his face, Bellamy nods and they shake hands.
"Fine", he says and pouts. "But next time we're reading The Odyssey."
"Deal." To stop herself from smiling, Clarke bites her lip. "Time starts now."
As strange as it may sound, from that point on they were friends.
Even stranger is that after Clarke wins the bet they became inseparable.
-/-/-
Clarke really likes Bellamy. Her favourite part of him is his heart. And freckles. Especially his freckles. When she sees them she thinks of a waterfall that streams over the boy's shoulders. She thinks of stars, constellations that draw the sky. Mister Kane once said she was ridiculous for trying to identify the patterns on Bellamy's skin.
Clarke loves his freckles because they are pretty, because they are Bellamy's, because the constellations are a masterpiece. She wishes she had freckles, too, but doubts the dark dots would look as good on her as they do on Bellamy.
Clarke draws the small details of his face over and over again. Bellamy asks her why. Her answer is because he's beautiful.
"What do you think? Do you like it?" Clarke asks the first time she shows him a picture she drew of him. She swears she sees Bellamy's eyes sparkle for real when he takes the piece of paper in his hands. He doesn't say a word, just nods his head vigorously.
Clarke smiles widely.
Bellamy really, really likes Clarke. He likes her long wavy Rapunzel hair and the way she smirks whenever he suggests they do a prank on Mister Kane. He likes her sharp mind and the way she takes his hand when she's excited. Bellamy likes seeing Clarke happy.
He says none of this out loud, just hopes Clarke understands him without words. He's quite sure she knows, her smug smile tells him more than her words ever could.
Bellamy loves writing almost as much as he loves his sister, Clarke and books. Mostly he just writes short poems about Clarke in his notebook, but he's very proud of himself anyway. Naturally, Bellamy shows Clarke most of his poems and Clarke genuinely likes the way he uses words. However, they are too young to say for sure whether Bellamy's writings are actually good or if his big words only sound cool to ten year olds. Still, Clarke praises his writing skills the same way she praises his freckled face.
"You have a nice heart", she tells him one day when he's holding her hand, refusing to let go. Earlier, while trying to stop one particularly adventurous child (Jasper Jordan, obviously) from climbing out the bedroom window, Mister Kane got angry and told Clarke she was never going to get adopted. Bellamy has been holding her hand since those cruel words left Mister Kane's mouth.
Bellamy tells Clarke that Mister Kane speaks nothing but bullshit and lies all day long. This is not Clarke's fault. After all, all she did was encourage the kid to jump, but the building is not high enough for anyone to get badly hurt. It makes Clarke feel a lot better and she compliments his heart.
Bellamy's smile is wide, his hold on Clarke's hand tightens. Her words sound so beautiful to him that he starts one of his poems with that sentence.
Suddenly Bellamy realizes that this is something special, the way Clarke and him fit together. Maybe not rare, but special nonetheless.
You have a nice heart.
Clarke learns that the Blakes ended up in the orphanage after their mother died of lung cancer. She had been smoking her whole life and death decided to come knocking very early. Bellamy predicts he and Octavia will be in the orphanage for a long time because not many want to adopt more than one child at a time and the Blakes have no intention of leaving each other behind. One time Octavia even bit a woman who was ready to adopt her but not Bellamy. Needless to say the woman thought she was insane and asked to meet another child. Clarke and Bellamy just giggled together in secret and told Octavia they're proud of her.
Clarke tells Bellamy that she's been in the orphanage her whole life basically. No memories of her parent or parents, she can't recall anything before the orphanage. Clarke tells him that she's tired of rotting there and that she's ready to get out.
So, they make a plan: they swear they'll save up enough to buy a small apartment when Bellamy turns 18. Clarke is ten and Bellamy is eleven and they think the plan is perfect. They discuss the things they want to buy once they have their own place. Octavia wants a Playstation console. Bellamy wants a bookshelf filled with books. All Clarke really wants is Bellamy but she can't tell them that, so, instead, she says she wants a polaroid camera. It's not a lie. Clarke wants Bellamy and a polaroid camera to capture his beauty the way her drawings can't.
(And to be honest, she feels like she already has Bellamy.)
Clarke and Bellamy read Dreams And Dragons frequently and know the book by heart. It's a cool book. There are talking dragons and sword fights, pink fairies and time travelling.
Bellamy nicknames Clarke 'Rapunzel The Dragon' which sounds absolutely terrible and Clarke can't help but flinch every time Bellamy uses it. Clarke names the Blakes Dream#1 and Dream#2 which is equally dumb so they're even.
Soon enough Clarke realizes she's no longer in a hurry to get away from the orphanage.
They are happy.
Then something happens. Something that Bellamy and Octavia wanted from the start. Someone is willing to adopt them both.
-/-/-
Clarke doesn't cry. She doesn't cry simply because she never cries. But for some reason she's having trouble breathing. She feels like she's choking.
Clarke wouldn't want to be selfish. Bellamy is 12 and Octavia is 7 and at last there's someone who wants to give them a proper home. A real family.
Clarke closes her eyes tightly.
Bellamy and Octavia will get a home. The house will be big and gorgeous and they will live in separate rooms. They'll eat so much candy that they'll get sick and Bellamy will write hundreds of beautiful poems and finally get his huge bookshelf.
Clarke's bitter. She wanted to be the one to buy Bellamy that bookshelf.
She knows she should be happy for them but has to force herself to smile when Octavia tells her about the married couple they met a few hours ago. Bellamy is unusually quiet. There's a shadow on Octavia's face, too. Clarke knows they notice her sadness. All three think about the same thing: Clarke will be alone.
What is the dragon without the dreams? Bellamy writes in his notebook later that night. Then he writes the 40th poem about Clarke's pretty hair.
The owner of the orphanage is thrilled to get rid of Bellamy Blake. He's happy to send the rebel away, to have one less troublemaker in the orphanage. Clarke rolls her eyes angrily every time she sees him smile. She does her best to ignore the mighty need to punch him in the face.
The Blakes meet their future parents for the second time. Clarke sees the couple come in looking very excited. Mister Kane leads the Blakes to a small room to discuss the adoption in detail.
Clarke sits on the floor outside the door and reads Dreams And Dragons. She's afraid the couple will take their new children away from her immediately after they come out of the room. She's afraid she will never see her best friends again if she doesn't sit right there waiting.
It doesn't take long until Clarke hears a scream, an angry one. Then she hears Bellamy speaking very loudly. She looks up from the book. More angry yelling.
An hour later she finds out that Octavia spit in the woman's face and that Bellamy let out all the curse words he knows.
The Blakes are going nowhere.
They chose Clarke. They chose family.
And still, it ends this way.
-/-/-
There's a man and woman in the room with Clarke. Both adults are dressed in expensive looking suits. The woman's wrists are decorated with pretty shiny rocks. Dragons would love the purple stones surely, but for some reason Bellamy feels sick. He hates the bracelet with all his soul. He is no dragon.
Mister Kane sternly tells him to wait outside. Bellamy is sure that if the orphanage existed inside a story book, Mister Kane would be the villain.
Before the door is closed, Bellamy sees Clarke, her smile reassuring him that everything will be okay, and so Bellamy steps out quietly. For a few moments he stares at the old oak door that was slammed shut in his face. It's very early. Octavia is still sleeping.
Thank you for being by my side regardless of any situation or circumstance. I promise to always smile :) because of you. -Clarke is what she had written to show her gratitude after Bellamy and Octavia decided to stay in the orphanage with her. Bellamy believes Clarke will choose him, just like he and Octavia chose her two years ago.
Everything happens so quickly.
A week later Bellamy is chasing a black limousine. A limousine that's carrying Clarke in it, carrying her further and further away from his life.
Breathing becomes hard and his legs hurt. Bellamy trips over a rock and hisses in pain.
He wants to see Clarke's golden hair one last time but it's too late. The car disappears out of sight.
Bellamy feels betrayed, he feels foolish.
"They took her away", 9-year-old Octavia sobs. "How could she let them take her away? How could she, how could she..."
Bellamy has a hard time holding back his tears. Before he came to the orphanage and met Clarke, he thought he'd be fine as long as he could breathe, as long as he had his sister by his side. But tonight he's choking on his misery.
The only thing he has left of Clarke is the small golden book she didn't take with her.
-/-/-
Sometimes Clarke wishes she hadn't made the choice to stay quiet and let her new parents adopt her. Sometimes she regrets that she turned her back on her hopes and... dreams. She wishes she hadn't abandoned the Blakes. Leaving them behind was painful, obviously, but she had to do it.
She often tells herself that Bellamy and Octavia are doing just fine. They are all better off this way. Now that Clarke is not in their way anymore, some lovely couple is going to find them and adopt them and love them and one day the three of them will meet again and they'll all be happy.
Clarke's new life really isn't that bad, to be honest. She likes having a last name. It's something she never had before Abby and Jake Griffin adopted her. Her new parents are rich, she has her own room, she can buy anything she wants. Some nights she dances around her room and sings Part of Your World.
"Looking around here you think... sure, she's got everything..."
Everything, except a polaroid camera. Clarke knows it's dumb but she still kind of wishes Bellamy would buy one for her, just like she wants to buy him the huge bookshelf. Now Clarke finally has the money to make his dreams come true, to make him happy.
Clarke lives the next 10 years of her life spending money and eating at expensive restaurants. The only thing her parents ask for in return is that she studies extra hard and becomes successful later in life. They want her to become a doctor. Clarke is very smart indeed but also very artistic. Abby and Jake are 100% ok with their daughter's drawing hobby – as long as it stays as a hobby.
So far Clarke owns 6 different editions of Dreams And Dragons. She intends to buy all of them and one day give the books as a present to Bellamy Blake. One day she will share her fortune with him.
I'm doing this for Bellamy, she tells herself. Or am I?
Clarke keeps doodling Bellamy's features.
As time passes, the memory of the boy gets a little foggy. His face looks messy. Clarke would give up all her fancy things and fashionable clothes just to have the real Bellamy sit in front of her with his eyes closed. She wants to draw him properly. She wants to appreciate his beauty, look at the stars on his skin. Hear his steady breathing. Kiss the tip of his nose. See him smile because she touched him with her lips.
None of those things happen.
Bellamy stays in the orphanage and keeps writing poems about Clarke. The tone of the poems changes from joyful to angry and from angry to heartbroken. Bellamy writes and reads and nowadays he's got more books accompanying Dreams And Dragons beneath his bed. But he doesn't touch that book anymore, no. Bellamy avoids it like the plague.
-/-/-
It's Friday and Clarke's spending her evening in the library. She went there to study but chose to read Dreams And Dragons instead for the millionth time. The week has been extremely stressful and her eyes feel heavy. She's so tired...
Clarke wakes up with a start when her book falls to the floor with a loud BANG. She rubs her eyes and quickly remembers where she is.
Maybe I should go back to my apartment, I can always study later. I really need some coffee right now, she thinks. A lot of coffee.
Just as she's about to pick Dreams and Dragons up, a man walks by, sees her book on the floor and comes to pick it up for her. Clarke smiles at him, a little sleepily. Before the stranger gets to pass the book back into Clarke's waiting hands, he freezes. He stares at the book in his hands, his eyes look upset.
The moment lasts awkwardly long. Clarke clears her throat.
"Um. Hi", she begins. "That's mine. Thank you for picking it up for me."
The man still doesn't give the book back to her. "Dreams And Dragons, huh? Interesting."
"Yeah, I guess." Clarke shrugs. She's well aware the book is intended for children.
The man eyes the book as Clarke studies his dark freckles. There are so many of them, so many stars. She has to admit, he's one beautiful specimen.
The man closes his eyes and exhales loudly for some reason. Clarke thinks about all those times she tried to draw her childhood best friend but could never get him quite right. She thinks about how much she wanted the real him as a model, with his eyes closed.
Clarke's eyes widen suddenly and her breath hitches in her throat. She stares at the man's eyelashes, his dark skin, his curly hair, his soft looking lips and she feels like vomiting.
Finally, the man shakes his head and hands Clarke the book. She takes it and holds onto it for dear life. She doesn't want to lose him.
"Bellamy?" she whispers. Her heart is screaming with happiness and joy but her mind is telling her to be careful. It is a strange mix of excitement and fear. She's been waiting for this moment for years.
"Is... it really you?"
The man frowns. "Sorry? I don't think I kno-" He stops abruptly and blinks. He stares at her hair for a moment before meeting her eyes. His face turns blue and he looks like he's just seen a ghost.
Clarke feels something pinch her stomach. Maybe she is a ghost to him. A ghost from the past that he never wanted to see again.
"You- Clarke- your hair-" he takes a deep breath to calm his stuttering voice. "Clarke?"
Clarke's heart is about to burst out of her chest.
Bellamy stares at her hair a little more. "Your hair. You've dyed it. It's... not golden anymore."
She's surprised her pink hair is his biggest concern after not seeing her in almost 10 years. She waits for him to continue and slowly the confusion in his eyes fades. His face turns from blue to red. He looks angry.
Bellamy throws the book on the table. "You still read Dreams And Dragons?"
Clarke doesn't think she needs to answer but Bellamy keeps staring at her like she's an idiot. If finding her with the book is not enough evidence to tell him that yes, she does still read her favourite book, then Bellamy Blake has turned out to be a lot dumber than she would have ever expected.
"Yes", she says finally, her own anger rising. "What about it?"
"Well, you should stop", Bellamy spits out.
Clarke looks him straight in the eyes and tries to find something. She's desperate to find love in his big eyes. All she sees is irritation. She doesn't know this Bellamy at all and it hits her hard. She stares at her ex-best friend with her mouth open with only one question on her mind: why?
All of a sudden Bellamy storms away. Clarke gets up instantly and runs after him.
"Bellamy!"
Some people in the library give her dirty looks. She doesn't care. This is not how it's supposed to go.
"Wait!"
He doesn't slow down before Clarke grabs his shirt and forces him to face her. He rolls his eyes.
In truth, there are a thousand things Bellamy wants to ask her. Why did you leave? Did you not care about me at all? Did you miss me? God, why are you still so beautiful?
He always thought that if they ever meet again, he will not be able to recognize her. After all, the girl who left her 10 years ago was a complete stranger, the Clarke Bellamy thought he knew would have never left. He thought she would look different, but for some odd reason she doesn't. Apart from her pink hair, she still gives him the same feeling. Apparently Clarke stayed the same while he changed.
"I think we started off on the wrong foot", he hears her say but her voice feels distant. Her lips move again, this time he can't hear her at all.
"What do you want me to say, Clarke?" he asks, clearly pissed. His ears are ringing.
"I don't know", she answers truthfully. "Nothing if you don't want to. I can be the one who talks."
Bellamy sighs dramatically. Do they even have to talk?
"Can I... Can I ask you why you're here?" Clarke asks calmly.
Bellamy doesn't answer. He doesn't owe her a thing.
He notices the hurt in her eyes but decides to ignore it. It proves to be too hard.
Bellamy Blake isn't a person who stops loving, ever. Once he loves someone he will love them until the end of time. He loves them even after they leave him, after they hurt him. He just cares, he always cares. His heart is big and full of love, it's constantly bleeding. And he can't stand seeing her old friend sad.
"Um..." Bellamy rubs the back of his neck. "How have you been? What is Clarke the Dragon doing these days?"
Bellamy regrets calling her dragon the moment the word leaves his mouth. He wants to slap himself. Awkwardness levels are extremely high.
Clarke doesn't laugh. "It's Clarke Griffin nowadays."
"Right." Bellamy knows his ears are bright red. "So, uh, how are your parents?"
"Parent", she corrects and bites her lip. "She's fine, thank you for asking."
Bellamy's eyes widen. He tries to clear his throat, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. This is not going well.
Clarke turns her gaze away. Bellamy knows she recognized the shock in his eyes. Shock and pity.
"Oh", he mutters apologetically. "Oh. I'm sorry."
"How's... how's Octavia?" Clarke asks, eager to change the subject.
She watches as Bellamy visibly tenses, the colour drains from his face. He clenches his jaw and Clarke expects the worst. After she left, the Blakes must have been separated and have not seen each other since. Her childhood best friends have been miserable for years and she didn't even bother to call them, not even once.
It seems like the conversation only consists of unintentional traumatic questions.
"It was hard, but", Bellamy swallows, "I got custody of her after I turned 18 and was kicked out of the orphanage. Life wasn't easy but at least we were together."
Clarke isn't dumb. She knows the last words were meant to make her feel guilty for abandoning the siblings but she can't help but sigh in relief now that she knows no one tore the Blakes apart.
"She ran away last year. After she turned 18."
Clarke freezes.
"Haven't seen her since." Bellamy lets out a quiet, bitter laugh that's filled with sadness. "To answer your earlier question, I'm here trying to find Octavia. Which is useless, of course. I won't find her if she doesn't want to be found."
Clarke stares at the floor. She feels like she needs some time alone. She needs silence.
But Bellamy keeps going.
"Anyway, now I want you to answer my question. What do you do these days?" he asks casually, like he hadn't just told her that he has lost the most important person in his life.
"I... I'm studying to become a doctor." Her voice is small and unsure. "I don't exactly like it, but my adoptive parents are very supportive of it. It's... it's their dream that I become a doctor one day."
Bellamy raises an eyebrow. "Their dream? What do you want to do then?"
Clarke shrugs. "Draw. Paint. Travel. See the world for what it is. I want to see beauty in the ugly, in the daily, in the suffering and then paint it."
Bellamy takes a look at her Burberry coat and blue Louis Vuitton bag. He nods.
"Then do it", he encourages but with a dry voice. "Seems like you've got the money to travel around."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"It's not that easy", Clarke mutters. "I... I don't want to disappoint my mum. I can't just quit everything and leave. It doesn't work like that."
Bellamy huffs. "Well, I mean, you quit me quite easily."
In that instant, the temperature seems to plummet. Clarke feels the chill within her bones, feels the acid, bitterness and heartache.
Her biological parents dumped her in an orphanage when she was an infant and her new father was taken away from her way too early. It's not fun being left behind, Clarke figured that out a long time ago. She knows the hurt Bellamy feels isn't anything new but that it hurts nonetheless.
Bellamy exhales loudly, waking Clarke from her thoughts.
"I think I should go. Goodbye, Clarke."
Clarke feels her world shattering. Bellamy is not happy and neither is she. She wonders if it's even possible for them to be truly happy without each other.
Clarke prays that at least Octavia is happy, wherever she is.
"Yeah, okay, take... take care."
She watches Bellamy leave. The world feels dull suddenly. There are no more colours, no beauty, no ugliness. Everything is just gray and Clarke doesn't think she will ever paint again.
Dreams are made to be crushed.
She turns around slowly. A small voice in her head cries that she will never see Bellamy Blake again. The voice begs her not to let him go.
I'll be fine, she tells herself. I'm going to become a doctor, I'll make my mum proud and I'll be happy.
She believes her words. She believes it's possible for her life to turn out alright. But she would've much rather done everything with Bellamy Blake by her side.
Guess it's just too late.
All of a sudden, Clarke notices a small wrinkled piece of paper lying on the floor. It must have fallen out of Bellamy's pocket or something. She takes it and opens it cautiously.
A poem.
Clarke's heart is thundering in her chest. He still writes poetry.
She looks up. Bellamy has already disappeared from sight. It's wrong to read something so personal without the creator's permission but she can't help it.
She likes stars,
but not the ones I stole.
She draws dreams,
but not me.
You ask me to fall in love,
I can't.
I already am.
You call me a stargazer,
but you don't know what that really means.
She could paint roadmaps on my skin,
a map that leads
not to you
but to
Clarke.
Clarke gasps loudly, her eyes threaten to fall out of her head. The whole world seems to be shaking. Clarke feels dizzy as she moves her eyes to the date written in the right corner.
The poem was written last week.
Clarke starts running.
"No, wait! Bellamy!"
She knows her life has been easier. She knows Bellamy is angry, but she won't be able to live with herself if she lets him go.
Finally Clarke catches him just outside of the library. Bellamy shoots her a glare. It's obvious he's screaming for Clarke to quickly leave him alone. She decides to ignore the accusing look in his eyes.
"Run away with me", she blurts.
Bellamy's angry glare vanishes. He almost stumbles.
"Excuse me?" he blinks.
"Bellamy, run away with me. Let's start over together. I know it sounds crazy but..." she shows him the poem she was hiding behind her back. Bellamy rips the piece of paper from her immediately.
"How'd you get this?" he asks, angry. "How on earth did you... Wait." His hand flies to his pocket. Clarke watches Bellamy swallow visibly.
"Did you... Did you read it?"
Clarke nods slowly.
Bellamy looks unsure.
"You left us, Clarke", he says through gritted teeth, but his eyes are sad and soft. Clarke reads it as a good sign and takes a deep breath.
"You might not believe this but I did it for you so that one-"
"Yeah, right, don't be ridiculous."
"-day I could buy you that bookshelf you so badly wanted. I did it so we could get millions of books. I did it so I could buy you notebooks and pencils every day. I wanted to guarantee you'd find food in the fridge, guarantee you and Octavia had a home. I still want to live with you, Bellamy."
Bellamy keeps his mouth shut.
"I-I want to watch your peaceful face when you read Dreams And Dragons. A-and I love-"
"Clarke, stop it."
"No, let me finish." She knows she sounds desperate. She is.
"Bellamy, I'm sorry. I just... I was 13, all I wanted was to be a dragon that took care of her dreams."
Bellamy looks at her with his mouth open. Clarke knows she shouldn't have said that.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Clarke?" he yells. "That's fiction! We were real, I am real! But yeah, whatever, I guess I can't really blame you for leaving. You did it to have a better life, a future, stable relationships. You got what every orphan dreams of. Parents, a home... Money! I mean, who could refuse an offer like that?"
You did, Clarke answers in her head. You and Octavia.
Clarke says nothing because she knows he's right. A moment passes in silence. Bellamy is the one to break it.
"I didn't..." he starts muttering. Neither can look the other in the eyes. The situation is extremely uncomfortable.
"I didn't need a dragon", Bellamy finally says. "I... I needed..."
He doesn't have to say anything else. Clarke knows.
"Run away with me", she tries again.
"I can't. I have a job."
"But... But you're all I can paint..." Clarke whispers sadly and hangs her head. She doesn't know what else to say, what else to do to make him believe she's serious about this.
Clarke feels defeated. She would want to cry but it's not that simple. She can't, she never cries.
"What is the dragon without her dreams? What am I without you?" Her voice breaks.
Something changes in Bellamy's eyes and this time his answer is immediate: "The dreams don't exist without the dragon."
Raising her head, Clarke's mind starts racing. It takes her a while before she understands that those words really did come from Bellamy's mouth.
"This might sound strange but..." Bellamy keeps mumbling, his ears burning, "for some reason you make me want to take your hand and run towards tomorrow and, I don't know, kick ass. I think, with you the future wouldn't scare me at all."
Clarke remembers the feeling she had when she was 8 and first met Bellamy. The thirst to go on an adventure.
A wide smile spreads across her face. Their story would still make a great book, she believes.
"Maybe it should sound odd but it doesn't. I totally understand what you mean", she answers.
Bellamy just nods, a very serious look on his face. His eyes move to the book in her hands. Small and golden. It's the original version of the book, the dragon has its mouth open and its tail is full of spikes.
"I-I have not touched that book since you left", he admits, voice shaking a little. "I just couldn't do it."
Clarke's eyes are gentle when she touches his arm lightly. She offers him Dreams And Dragons. Bellamy's eyes suddenly well up with tears. He bites his lip and nods again. He takes the book.
Clarke's smile reaches her ears. She already knows she'll draw the small details of this moment when she gets home. She will draw the transparent tears on Bellamy's cheeks. She will draw the relief she felt when she saw his constellations again after 10 years. She will make a huge painting using only gold and brown as colours.
She hopes Bellamy will write millions of poems about this moment, too. About the second his strong hands first touch her back. She wants him to write a poem about the way he feels when her hair tickles his mouth, when she whispers in his ear.
When their lips finally meet for the first time, she hopes the whole world will one day write stories about the extraordinary tenderness and forgiveness of their connection.
Her thoughts are so cheesy she has to frown against Bellamy's lips. Bellamy just beams at her.
-/-/-
The first thing Clarke sees when she wakes up is Bellamy's peaceful face. His eyes are closed, his mouth open just a tiny bit. It seems like there are more stars on his shoulders than yesterday. Clarke has read many books in her life but Bellamy's freckles form the most beautiful words she has ever seen.
What a masterpiece.
Clarke tries to hold back her laughter as she moves to grab her yellow polaroid camera to capture the beautiful moment. The camera is a gift from Bellamy, he gave it to her when they'd finally settled down in the quiet countryside. Naturally, Bellamy's bookshelf is sitting in the living room filled with limited editions of Dreams And Dragons.
It's all quite crazy. They live near a lake and their neighbour Nate and his husband Bryan even own a chicken farm. Who knows what Bellamy thought, but at least Clarke never imagined she would live next to a freaking chicken farm.
She loves it.
A small click and the photo is taken. Bellamy starts murmuring.
"Stop. Taking. Pictures."
"I'm just showing you how much I appreciate your gift. It would be rude not to use this."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Bellamy turns to face the wall. He's asleep in seconds. His chest moves rhythmically under the blanket and his mouth opens again. The sight is just as pleasing as it was a few minutes ago so Clarke walks to the other side of the room and decides to take another picture.
She watches him close his mouth and scowl after another click sound interrupts his dream.
"Clarke, please..."
She looks at him for a moment, admiring his freckles. Memories come flooding back.
Clarke hesitates.
"Hey... Do you remember when I tried to identify your constellations but never succeeded?"
"Mmm... Constellations as in my freckles?" Bellamy mumbles sleepily. "Yeah."
"I realized I couldn't recognize them because they do not exist in the sky."
Bellamy laughs, his voice hoarse. "No shit."
"No, listen. That means your constellations are new and unknown and we need to name them."
Slowly, Bellamy opens his eyes and gets up, a frown crossing his face. "Don't tell me you want to name my freckles Clarke or something. Or even worse... Dragon."
Clarke rolls her eyes. Her voice turns soft.
"How does... Octavia sound?"
Bellamy's body goes stiff immediately.
Clarke knows it hurts. He has spend many nights crying in her arms about his sister. He can't sleep at night because he's worried about her. Clarke has lost count how many times she has heard the words 'I lost her, Clarke, I lost her'. Every week he asks questions like 'does she eat well', 'is she happy' or 'has she found a new family' without expecting an answer.
Not a single word from Octavia in two years. It's painful.
"It sounds..." Bellamy's voice is nothing but a whisper. "Hopeful."
A warm smile spreads to Clarke's face. "What a strange galaxy you are."
A moment passes, both of them are quiet. Bellamy thinks of his sister, Clarke thinks of poetry.
"I'm glad the poem fell out of your pocket that day", Clarke says. "I'm truly grateful."
"I know right, now you can annoy me 24 hours a day."
"No, I'm serious", she says but laughs.
"Ah", Bellamy shrugs but nods after a moment. "Wanna read some of them? The other poems I've written about you, I mean."
Clarke's laugh stops.
"Really?" Bellamy can hear how surprised she is. "Are... are you sure you want me to see them? You never let me read them. Not after I was adopted anyway..."
Bellamy smirks and hands her a black, plastic box that he keeps under their bed. Clarke stares at the box, then Bellamy, then the box again. She's too scared to open it. Bellamy lets out an amused laugh when she bites her lip.
"I promise it's not that bad."
Clarke shoots him a glare, takes a deep breath and opens the box. Her eyes almost pop out of her head. There are at least two hundred small pieces of paper inside. Every one of them is a small handwritten part of Bellamy. She's terrified.
"Those are all poems of you", Bellamy confirms as Clarke's face turns white. "All of them. I've never thrown away any of them, not even the ones I hated. That box contains the first poem I ever wrote about you, I was 10 back then. The box also contains the poem I wrote about you four days ago."
Clarke doesn't know what to say. She knew he writes poems about her, occasionally, she thought. She never knew there were this many.
Hand shaking, Clarke picks three poems randomly. She reads the first one.
RAPUNZEL
She shines
like the rays of the sun.
Her hair of gold
lights me up.
She's the princess,
I'm trapped in this tower with her.
I wonder if she still shines
like the rays of the sun.
Her hair of gold
doesn't heal me anymore.
She's the fucking princess,
why am I the only one trapped in this tower?
Clarke grimaces.
The date reveals that Bellamy wrote the poem a little after she left the orphanage. Makes sense. It does sound like the work of a 15-year-old.
Clarke can feel the hurt behind his words but calling her 'the fucking princess' makes her want to smash something with her bare hands, roll her eyes hard and punch someone in the face.
However, since the poem was written about 10 years ago, she decides it's better to move on without breaking anything.
She hands the princess poem back to Bellamy and reads the next one.
ONE FRECKLE
It's ok
to lie and say
it's ok.
My freckles remind me
I've lost
and lost, lost, lost.
My freckles are angry dots
made by the cruel sun.
The sun has bitten me
too many times
Too many times
my heart fell.
Too many times
she could have done that
but didn't,
doesn't.
It may be harsh
but at least the sun loves me.
Guess I'm still a masterpiece.
A broken kind of
masterpiece.
The room is silent as Bellamy eagerly waits for Clarke's reaction.
"Did I..." Clarke starts slowly. "Did I cause this one, too?"
She knows she did but wishes it wasn't true. Hearing Bellamy call himself broken truly hurts. Hearing that he thinks he only deserves to be loved in a cruel and spiteful way is horrible. He felt broken and she wasn't there to help him. She wasn't there and he had to mend his heart alone.
For the first time Clarke realizes how lonely they both were while growing up. How alone they were when they learnt to tolerate pain.
Bellamy leans closer to see which poem she's talking about. His face turns quickly white.
"Oh." He turns his gaze away. "That poem... Clarke, listen, usually I spend days on my poems, but sometimes... I just need to get my feeling out. Quickly. That's one of the quick ones. Don't think about it too much."
The silence is not awkward, just sad. In that moment Bellamy considers burning the small piece of paper in Clarke's hand, but doesn't. He has vowed to himself that he will never throw any of his Clarke poems away. Besides, him burning One freckle would not make the atmosphere any better.
Bellamy clears his throat.
"Sorry you had to see that one. Please just... read another one", he pleads.
Clarke nods warily. Holding her breath, she reads the last one.
SOULMATE
Stars stuck in her hair,
lungs and eyes
that's how she rules the skies.
How can she fly
when I clearly see
she doesn't have any wings?
Another universe swallowed,
I
didn't stand a chance.
Can you wish
on this kind of shooting star?
Passing fireworks.
I'm starting to believe.
She's the one
who will ruin me.
Ruin
and still I'll say
thank you.
Written four days ago.
Clarke is still holding her breath when she gets to the last line of the poem. Her eyes start to water, an unfamiliar feeling fills her.
Suddenly she hears a soft click followed by churr. Clarke's head jerks up, her eyes teary. Bellamy is holding her yellow camera in his left hand and a tiny new photo in his right. He's smirking like the little shit he knows he is.
Clarke's head is spinning and she throws a pillow at him. Fortunately Bellamy dodges it and the camera remains whole.
"What?" Bellamy's voice is playful. "My poems wouldn't be able to describe this fragile moment well enough. I had to take a picture."
"You're right, they wouldn't because these... these suck", she whispers, voice trembling as she looks back at the poem. She lets her pink hair fall and cover her face. "But you suck even more."
She hears Bellamy chuckle. "I know", he says and kisses the top of her head. Clarke pushes him away.
"Stop kissing me, you idiot", she says somewhat angrily. "Give me a paper and pen."
Bellamy looks at her, confused. Clarke repeats her request and Bellamy hands her a piece of paper and a red pencil, still baffled.
"Here you go, Dragon."
Clarke wipes her almost unnoticeable tears and starts writing. She writes furiously for about 3 minutes until she gives the paper back to Bellamy. He still looks puzzled.
"For you", she says. "Sorry if it sucks."
Bellamy raises an eyebrow before looking at the paper.
It's a poem.
Share a secret,
share a secret.
Once in a lifetime I will meet someone,
it's clear that the two of us were made to find each other.
I will understand their heart without words, they will look after my burning blood.
My heart will be thunder when they're around. I hope theirs will be, too.
Is it fate? Is it luck? Probably neither.
Share a secret.
I know this someone exists,
I've already
met him.
Am I the only one who loves the idea of poet!Bellamy? I am? K.
I actually like poet!Bellamy more than author!Bellamy or teacher!Bellamy, but lmao I know nothing about poetry so I apologize if my poems were cringe worthy.
(This story was heavily inspired by another fic I read a few months ago, from a different fandom. I'll post a link when I find that fic again.)
Anyway, thanks for reading! I highly appreciate feedback and you are more than welcome to point out spelling and grammatical errors since English isn't my first language! I'd be really grateful because I want to improve my skills! :)
So, come at me, bro. ʕง•ᴥ•ʔง