Lantis: A Parody of Aladdin
By: LeMistressV
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, etc., etc. This is a parody of Disney's Aladdin. Also, some characters may act out of character. If you dislike this, don't read. Flames are not welcome here.
Characters:
Kailu Lantis as main character
Shidou Hikaru as princess
Eagle Vision as royal advisor to the sultana
Zazu as Eagle's pet parrot
Ryuuzaki Umi as sultana
Lafarga "Laffy" as palace guard
Princess Tarta & Tatra as the two genies
Mokona as Lantis' pet monkey
Rayearth as Hikaru's pet
Fuu & Ferio as main extras
Presea & Caldina & Aska as other extras
Guru Clef as the storyteller
Selece as cave of wonders
Geo Metro as Hikaru's suitor
Ascot as thief
Giant Sang Yung as crazy Lantis fan
Part 1
Scene 1
(Scene starts with Clef riding on one of his pets, while singing…horribly if I might add)
Clef: Oh, I come from a land in a far away place where the caravan cattle grow. Where it's flat and immense and the heat is intense, it's barbaric, but hey, it's home! When the winds from the east, and the suns from the west, and the sand in the glass is right. Come on now stop on by, hop on a carpet and fly, to another Chizeta Night. Chizeta ni------ght like Chizeta da------ys! More often than not, or hotter than hot in a lot of good ways! Chizeta ni-------ghts 'neath Chizeta mo------ons!! A fool off his guard will fall and fall hard up there on the dunes…
(finishes song and accidentally falls off his animal)
Clef: Stupid animal…(glances at camera) Ah! Salaam and good evening to you all. Please, please come closer.
(camera zooms in, squishing Clef's face)
Clef: Hey! Too close, a little too close! Dammit move away!!!
(camera zooms away)
Clef: There, that's better. Welcome to Chizeta, country of mystery…and enchantment. We're having the finest sale right here today, come on down, hehe. Look at this, yes, look at this. This is the genuine coffee maker, it even comes with fries! It will never break! (taps item on desk) It will never…(item breaks) It broke. (tosses item away) Oh, look at this. (takes out another item) This is the famous Chizeta toper ware. Listen, (opens it, while no sound comes out) um…ah! Still good.
(camera moves away from him)
Clef: Wait don't go!
(camera continues to move away)
Clef: Hey! Come back here!!!
(camera stops)
Clef: Hmph, cheap customer. I can see that you are more interested in stuff like this (takes out curry pot). Do not be fooled by its delicious appearance, for it is the inside that counts. This is no ordinary curry pot! It once changed a young – cough, cough yeah right–man's life. Perhaps you would like to hear the tale? Well, it begins on a, um, dark night, where a, er, dark man waits, with a dark purpose…
Scene 2
(Ascot arrives in the scene, tripping over his robes)
Ascot: Dammit! That hurt!
Eagle: (helps Ascot to his feet) You're late.
Ascot: My bad.
Eagle: You have it then?
Ascot: I had to nibble a few of them, but I got it (holds up half of a chocolate beetle).
Zazu: (sarcastically) Woohoo, it's a chocolate beetle. Like that's very rare to find, especially when it's only half of it!
Ascot: You're not supposed to be talking, you stupid bird!
Zazu: Who you calling stupid, vegetable boy!?
Eagle: (clears throat and takes chocolate beetle) Don't worry, Zazu, the prices for this is surely rewarding! (takes out other half of the beetle and puts them together)
(two pieces snap together and fly off quickly)
Eagle: FTO go! (follows trail)
Ascot: Beast Summon! (follows FTO)
Zazu: Hey! What about me? How the hell am I supposed to get there?! HEY!! (runs after FTO and Ascot)
Fuu: Isn't Zazu supposed to be a bird?
Umi: Can't fly. After all, the wings we super glued onto him are just the cheap plastic toys.
Clef: That's right. If he tries to fly, the wings will break apart.
Hikaru: Shouldn't we warn Zazu about it?
Everyone not in scene: Nah.
(finally Eagle and Ascot make a stop, while Zazu catches up with them)
Zazu: Damn!! I thought I was gonna die!! I mean, ack, curry pot! Curry pot! (acts like a parrot)
Eagle: Um, Zazu, I'm supposed to say my lines first. Um, okay Ascot. Now's your chance. Bring me the curry pot!
Ascot: What am I, your servant? Okay, okay. I'm too young to die…(walks towards Selece)
Selece: Show me the strength in thy heart that makes thee worthy of becoming a diamond in the rough.
Ascot: Gee, you're so original, Selece. I better be paid to do this. It is I, Ascot, here to rob you of your treasures.
Zazu: (slaps forehead) Nice going, Ascot. How the hell are we gonna get the damn pot now?!
Ascot: Hey, you wanna walk through this thing and get the stupid curry pot! I thought so! So shut up!!!
Zazu: You wanna piece of me!
Eagle: (laughs) Zazu, calm down. Let Ascot do as he pleases, as long as he gets my curry pot.
Selece: Know this. Only one may enter here. One who is worth –
Ascot: Yeah, yeah. This isn't Aladdin, you know.
Zazu: Well, what are you waiting for? Go on!
Ascot: I'm getting you back for this, short boy. (walks inside Selece's open mouth) This is the part where you eat me, you know.
Selece: …
Ascot: Hello? HELLO!!! (jumps up and down inside Selece's mouth) Hey, wake up! Oh well, I guess I'll stay to live to be as old as Emeraude (walks away).
(suddenly Selece shuts his mouth, chomping poor Ascot to bits)
Zazu: (screams like a girl) AHHHH!!! YOU KILLED ASCOT!!!!
Eagle: Umi! Your Rune-God ate Ascot!!
Zazu: Roll the film onto the next scene!
Scene 3
Lafarga: Come back here you thief!!!! (runs after Lantis, waving a big sword) Give back that money and food you stole!!!
Lantis: I didn't do it!!! (drags bag full of food and money and runs away from Lafarga and other guards)
Lafarga: Hey! Come back here!!!
Lantis: Oh man. If I die because I jumped off the roof, my soul's gonna sue!
Lafarga: I'll take your eyeballs for a trophy, boy!!!
Lantis: All this for a bag of money and food? (jumps off roof) AAAAHHH!!! I'm gonna die (lands on something squishy).
Mokona: Puuuu…(is knocked unconscious)
Lantis: Finally, I found a use for you. (glances at three women staring at him) Uh, ehehe…Morning ladies!
Fuu: (glances at watch) It's already noon.
Lantis: Same thing.
Caldina: Aren't ya gettin' into trouble a lil' early today?
Lantis: Nah! Trouble? You're only in trouble if you get caught.
Presea: Oh good, so those men coming here right now aren't coming after you (points towards Lafarga and other soldiers).
Lantis: (glances towards Lafarga) What? Oh shit (runs away with bag and Mokona)!!!
Lafarga: Come back here!
Mokona: (waking up) Pu! Pu, pu, pu, pu!!!
Lantis: Yeah, yeah, whatever. C'mon. (begins to sing real bad, worse than Clef) One jump ahead of the breadline. One swing, ahead of the sword. I steal only what I can't afford, and that's everything. One jump ahead of the lawmen. That's all, and that's no joke. These guys don't appreciate I'm broke. (jumps on a giant Mokona statue)
(Giant fishes begin to fall on guards. Lafarga and the rest begin to throw stuff at Lantis.)
Lantis: Hey! Hey, cut that out!!!
Lafarga: (singing) Riffraff! Street rat! Scoundrel!! Take that!!! (tosses Mokona plushies at him)
Lantis: (dodges plushies) Just a little snack guys.
Lafarga: Rip him open, take it back guys! (shakes Mokona statue)
Lantis: Hey!!! (falls off statue and through a window) I can take the hint. Gotta face the facts. You're my only friend, Mokona.
Mokona: Pu?
Lantis: Not really.
Fuu, Caldina, & Presea: Oh it's sad, Lantis' hit the bottom. He's become a one-man rise in crime. (begin to strangle him)
Aska: (puts arm in front of chin) OHOHOHOHO!!! I'd blame parents except he hasn't got 'em! (hits Lantis with broom)
Lantis: Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat. Tell you all about it when I got the time! AAAAAAAHHH!!! (falls out window and lands on Mokona again)
Mokona: PUUUU!!! (gets squashed to death)
Lantis: (sees Lafarga waving a giant fish in the air and runs) Damn! One jump ahead of the slowpokes. One skip ahead of my doom. Next time gonna use a nom de plume.
Eagle: What's that?
Tarta: Dunno.
Lantis: One jump ahead of the hitmen. One hit ahead of the flock. I think I'll take a stroll around the block. (jumps into the air and accidentally lands on some dude lying down on some spike)
Some dude: ACK!!! (dies as Lantis crushes him, not because of the spikes)
Lantis: Oh crap!
Lafarga: Stop, thief!! Vandal!! Outrage!! Scandal!!
Lantis: Let's not be too hasty.
Giant Sang Yung: (pops up and practically suffocates Lantis) Still I think he's rather tasty.
Lantis: Yuck! Get away from me!! (blows up Giant Sang Yung into a million pieces)
Aska: HEY!!!!
Lantis: Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat. Otherwise, we'd get along.
Lafarga: Wrong!! (jumps into the air to tackle Lantis)
Lantis: Ah!! (runs away)
Lafarga: What?! (runs after Lantis)
Mokona: Pu, pupu, pu, PU!!!!! (jumps at Ferio)
Ferio: AH!! It's Mokona!!!
Lafarga: You idiot, roast it!!
Mokona: (gets scared) PU!!! (runs away)
Lantis: One jump ahead of the hoofbeats…
Lafarga: Vandal!
Lantis: One hop ahead of the hump…
Lafarga: Street rat!
Lantis: One trick ahead of disaster…
Lafarga: Scoundrel!
Lantis: They're quick, but I'm much faster…
Lafarga: (swings giant fish) Take that!!
Lantis: (takes rug and heads for window) Here goes, better throw my hand in. Wish me happy landin'. All I gotta do is–NO!!!! I'm not jumping!!!
Mokona: Pu, pu, pu!!! (shoves Lantis out of the window and bounces off of him)
Lantis: MOKONA!!! (gets up and starts gobbling up the food)
(Fuu and Ferio glance at Lantis hungrily.)
Lantis: Huh? (glances at Fuu and Ferio) You want a piece of this? (holds up piece of bread)
Fuu & Ferio: Yes, please!
Lantis: Hehehehe…(chomps down bread)
Fuu: Sir Lantis!!
Lantis: Okay, okay. (hands over piece of bread)
Ferio: That's all?! (mutters) Cheap bastard…
Lantis: Oh, please. Be grateful I gave you something.
Ferio: (mutters) More like a crumb…
(Lantis walks away with Mokona and glances behind two figures chatting.)
Fuu: Look, it's Prince Geo, on his way to the palace, I suppose.
Ferio: Another suitor for the princess.
Lantis: What?! Fuu? Ferio? How'd you get here before me?
Fuu & Ferio: Extras!
Lantis: Nevermind…(glances at Mokona)
(Fuu and Ferio run towards Geo.)
Geo: AHHH!! (points out gun and shoots)
Lantis: Hey! You can't do that!! You almost shot me!!! (glances at Fuu and Ferio behind him, then at Geo, where Fuu and Ferio were surprisingly standing) What?! But you were just right behind me!!!
Fuu & Ferio: Extras!
Geo: Hey! Get out of my way!!
Lantis: Make me!
Geo: (points gun) Have it your way.
Lantis: Ah! Okay, that's sensible enough.
Geo: I thought so! (walks into palace)
Lantis: Jerk…C'mon, Mokona. Let's go home. (walks away to his home)
(Mokona instantly falls asleep as they get to their…er…home. Lantis grumbles about how to kill Mokona.)
Scene 4
Geo: (bursts into room angrily) I have never been so insulted!! Good luck marrying her off! (stomps away with torn underwear)
Umi: (sees Geo's pink underwear and cringes) That's a sight for sore eyes. (walks out towards gardens) Hikaru! Hikaru!
(Rayearth pops up with the rest of Geo's ugly underwear.)
Umi: Wha?! (grabs torn cloth and cringes again) Ewe…Hikaru, that's the 5th person in a week.
Hikaru: What are you talking about, Umi-san? It was the same suitor over and over again.
Umi: Shhh!!!
Hikaru: And he really wasn't my type.
Umi: (mutters) I wouldn't blame you. After all, he did have ugly underwear. I mean–Hikaru, you really shouldn't be so picky. The law says that you must be married to a prince by your next birthday.
Hikaru: Law? What law? Says who?
Umi: I do! Now shut up and pay attention! ( pulls out chart with stick from air) Hikaru, if you marry, you'll live happily ever after! (points to picture of badly drawn Chibi Hikaru looking happy) Now, if you don't marry, you'll be unhappy! (points to picture of badly drawn Chibi Hikaru crying)
Hikaru: (sweatdrop) Umi-san, did you draw that yourself?
Umi: Got a problem with it?
Hikaru: Uh, er…no! Of course not!
Umi: Good! So the next person I choose for you will be your husband!
Hikaru: (mutters) Better not be Geo again–I mean, I'm not ready to marry just yet! (begins to play with water in fountain) Eh? (sees Fuu and Ferio swimming in fish costumes) Fuu-san? Ferio-kun? What are you doing in there?
Fuu & Ferio: Extras!
Hikaru & Umi: (sweatdrop) Um, okay…(back away)
Umi: (clears throat) Hikaru, my decision is final! (walks away)
Hikaru: Umi-san, you're so mean!!! (runs towards bird cages and sees mini bird figures of Fuu and Ferio) Wha?!
Fuu & Ferio: Extras!
(Hikaru gets freaked out and sets the birds free.)
Scene 5
Umi: (walks in room) I don't know where she gets her stubbornness from. I wasn't nearly as picky.
Clef & Ascot: (snicker) Yeah, that's why she doesn't have a husband in this film.
Umi: Hey! I heard that! Don't make me command Selece to eat you up again. Now, as I was saying, before I was rudely interrupted! Where am I supposed to find a person for Hikaru?
(Eagle and Zazu enter the room.)
Umi: (jumps) AH! Don't do that! Oh, it's just you, Eagle. (sarcastically) Just the person I wanted to see…
Eagle: Sorry. I'm here to serve you, sir–ma'am! (salutes)
Zazu: This isn't the army, Eagle.
Umi: (frowns then smirks) Oh, Zazu. Have a cracker! (stuffs Zazu with stale crackers)
(Zazu chokes.)
Eagle: (laughs) Her majesty certainly has a way with dumb animals.
(Zazu glares at Eagle.)
Eagle: Ehem…Uh, perhaps I can find a solution to this problem.
Umi: Really?
Eagle: That's right. But it would require the use of your Rune–
Umi: Take it! It's yours! (walks away)
Eagle: But I didn't even finish. And I'm supposed to hypnotize you.
Umi: Oh, why bother? It wastes time and film. Toodles. (leaves)
Zazu: (spits out stale crackers) Yuck! Ewe! Gross!!!
Eagle: You said it. Who's going to clean the floor now?
Zazu: (sweatdrop) I wasn't talking about the floor, Eagle. Gee, thanks for caring…(storms out)
Eagle: (clueless) Huh? Was it something I said?