Once upon a time, there lived a young boy named Eduardo. He lived in a casa along the coast of Mexico. He never knew the dangers that lay in his home town until that one fateful day. His father, Carlitos, was taking a stroll through the famous gardens of the Queso tribe, when he decided to let his son in on his secret. "Eduardo, my son," he looked down the few inches his son lacked in comparison to his 6 foot frame, "everything you think you know about this town is a lie."
"Como?" Eduardo exclaimed, "Say it isn't true papi!"
"Ummmm… son, I haven't even told you what the lies are yet? Why are you being so melodramatic? I should slap you."
"Then tell me, Papita, because right now," Eduardo sighed noisily, "I can't trust you."
"You know Eduardo, I don't think I want to tell you anymore. You can just run off with your worthless sister Alicia without the knowledge and your big brother Emeto and I will be the only ones who will survive the attack."
"Ay!" Eduardo flinched as if his hand had just been slapped. "You know Alicia wouldn't be able to protect me from anyone!"
"Ay yai yai Eduardo." And with that he wacked his son on the back of the head with a Fred Flinstone club and picked up his limp body. Dragging his sons lightweight body deep into the woods, Carlitos wiped his hands and headed home to pack his things and leave town with his favorite children.
Eduardo awoke several hours later in a daze. He fumbled for his watch to check the time, only to realize that his father had probably swiped it.
With his father on crack, his body dumped in the forest, Eduardo knelt down and screamed up to the heavens, "Why God, why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, "There's just something about you that pisses me off."
"Gosh darnit, really God?"
"Yeah, really son. Like, your gon be turned into a vampire soon which means no Heaven for you… So…. Later."
Eduardo gaily snickered. "Ah, silly Dios. Vampires do not exist!"
And with that, God too, like his father, disappeared. Rejected for the second time within the span of a few hours, Eduardo hung his head. He took a few steps west, and then noticed a ripped piece of paper with a scrawled note, with handwriting that resembled his father's!
'Buscas probar algo diferente? Kerns te ofrece la deliciosa refrescante e autentica agua de horchata, la favorita de Mexico y otros paises Latinoamericanos.'
Translated into English, this means, "Discover the truth or die you little piece of shit."
TO BE CONTINUED…