Chapter1: Relapse.
Kate is fugitive; Jack is still a spinal surgeon. They crashed on the island the same way they did in the show. Everyone knows Kate is a fugitive thanks to Sawyer.
Sorry guys! Definitely meant that Kate IS fugitive. See I told you word vomit.
Jack sighed in annoyance. Sawyer had so gleefully announced that Kate was the one that the Marshall was escorting back to the states. No one was supposed to find out about that, how he got a hold of that information, he didn't know. He had kept her mug-shot pictures safely tucked away in his suitcase so no one would find them. Hell, Kate didn't even know that he knew about her. After finding out that Kate was a fugitive, the survivors didn't know what to think, they went into defensive mode.
Jack cursed under his breath as he tread through the jungle looking for Kate. He wanted to give her space, but it was almost dark, and he couldn't just leave her out there all alone. Jack stopped moving as he heard a faint noise. It sounded like someone was crying, no sobbing. It almost sounded like a noise of anguish. He slowly, and as quietly as he could, followed the noise. His heart swelled at what he saw, Kate was curled up in a ball, rocking herself back and forth sobbing her heart out. He could barely make out her body because it was becoming dark. He slowly moved closer and softly called out her name, so as not to startle her.
Kate's head immediately snapped in his direction. She quickly tried to wipe the tears away from her face. "What are you doing here Jack?" she said, trying to keep her voice from wavering.
Jack studied her for a moment, his eyes now used to the dark. "Kate, come on. Let's go back to camp, it's dangerous out here." He said gently
Kate let her tears fall, she didn't care if she cried in front of Jack anymore. She just wanted to be left alone. "I-I can't." She cried
Jack moved closer to her "Kate, you can. Don't worry about them, they'll come around. They're just in shock" he tried
Kate shook her head vehemently "Why aren't you with them? Aren't you angry at me?" She whispered
Jack shook his head "I knew." He shrugged
Kate's head snapped up at him "What?" She asked incredulously
Jack looked at her "I knew." He repeated, hoping she wasn't going to bite his head off. "I found your mug-shots. I figured it was no one else's business so I just tucked them away." He explained
"Jack" she choked on a sob, overwhelmed with emotion, all the events of the past few months and years catching up with her. She felt terrible for the way she had treated him. She wished she could take back the day she kissed him and ran, that day ruined everything. She ran because she didn't want to ruin his life, much less complicate it with her being a criminal…but he knew?
She dropped the blade she was holding and walked towards him, needing comfort now more than ever. Jack opened his arms out to her and wrapped them around her as she leaned into them.
"Shh Kate, it's all going to be okay. Its—" he paused as he felt moisture on his neck. Not water but thicker. Kate's head was on his chest, and her arms were around his neck. Gently he pulled back and took hold of her arms before bringing them up to look at them, ignoring Kate's pleas not to. What he saw saddened him, at least 4 clean cuts going back and forth on each wrist. He shook his head and looked up at her, trying to look into her eyes which were cast downward.
"Kate." He whispered "Kate look at me." He said gently, yet firmly
Kate sobbed and shook her head. Jack let go of her wrists and cupped her face, forcing it up to look at him. "Please don't" he said, his voice wavering slightly. And Kate thought her heart would break when she saw a single tear make its way down Jack's cheek.
"Please don't cry Jack…don't please? I couldn't take it if you broke down too…" Kate sobbed
Jack just shook his head slightly and crushed her against him, letting her cry it out.
"I-I can't Jack, I just can't anymore. I deserve to die! I don't want to be here anymore…No one wants me…they can't even look at me. Just let me go- I –" she cried hysterically
Jack moved them to a sitting position and moved her so she was in his lap, despite her struggling, he held her firmly to him.
Kate couldn't stop crying, it was getting difficult to breath. She just let it all out, all the anguish she suffered from Tom, her mother dying, her mother calling out for help when she went to see her, killing Wayne, and now…losing all her friends.
Jack noticed she was gasping for air and was having trouble breath. He leaned in close to her ear while rubbing her back. "Shh, just breathe Kate. It's okay, just calm down alright?" Jack whispered
"Jack." She whispered when she finally caught her breath and stopped crying.
"Yeah Kate" Jack whispered
"Please let me go, I'm okay." She pleaded with him.
Jack firmly shook his head. "No" he said incredulously "We're going to talk about this." He stated
"Please Jack. I-I just want to be alone." She said unconvincingly
"No Kate, you don't. You want and need someone here with you, and I'm going to be that person whether you like it or not." Jack said strongly
Slowly, while still holding Kate in place on his lap, he maneuvered his backpack off of him and took out some supplies and laid them beside him. "Where's the blade?" He asked gently while holding his hand out.
Kate couldn't meet his eyes, she felt around for it where she dropped it and picked it up before handing it to him. She tried to pull her hand back when Jack held it firmly in his.
"It's going to be okay Kate." He said while rubbing her knuckles soothingly
"I'm sorry Jack…please—please don't hate me." She whispered pleadingly
Jack shook his head "No Kate, no. I don't hate you Lets just try and figure this out okay?" he asked softly while moving her to sit on one side of his lap sideways.
Jack smiled a little and felt relieved when Kate gave him a small nod. Jack took the blade and stuck it in his backpack before moving back to his supplies.
"Can I have your wrists?" he asked, while motioning for her to place them on his knee in front of her. Kate didn't protest, she silently did as she was told. Jack took out some gauze and poured alcohol onto it before looking at Kate's wrists. "This is going to sting okay?" he said, wanting her to be aware of what he was doing.
Kate nodded and leaned sideways into his chest, burying her head in the crook of his neck and unwillingly let out a cry of pain when he placed the gauze on her wrists. Jack cleaned them up as quickly as he could. "Shh I'm sorry" he whispered while soothingly blowing on her wrists to ease the stinging sensation. He wrapped up her wrists I a bandage and softly placed them back down on his leg.
Jack put all his things back in his pack, and began to take out a small battery powered lantern. Kate saw and quickly tried to clean her face up, whimpering in pain when she put pressure on her wrists.
"Stop Kate, don't put too much pressure on them yet. Put them back down" he said softly
Kate turned her head into his chest as he turned on the lantern, illuminating a small area around them. Jack looked down at her and rubbed her arm comfortingly. How was he supposed to approach this? "Kate?" he asked, no response.
Jack gently sweeped her hair out of her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. Kate closed her eyes and felt her heartbeat speed up at the simple gesture. Jack figured she probably didn't want to talk about this, so he began talking.
"Why did you do this Kate?" he whispered, but still got no response. "You can't do this Kate, Please don't…for me?" he pleaded, on the verge of tears himself.
Kate slowly looked up, into his eyes and shook her head, wiping his tears way, wincing as she lifted her wrists. Jack gently took hold of her hands and supported them in his own. "I'm sorry Jack." She whispered "But please…don't cry over me. I'm n-not worth it" She whispered
Jack stopped her right there "Don't Kate…don't even think that. Do you know what would happen to me if you were gone? I'd go crazy, I would be dead inside." He said affectionately before pausing "Kate…you say you don't deserve good things, but look at everything you've done. You delivered Claire's baby, the way you always take care of everyone, it shows. You don't deserve to die, and I don't ever want to hear you say that again." He said firmly
"Anyone could have done those things" She protested weakly
"No they couldn't have, Just……." He took a deep breath "you have to stop…okay? I need you to stop this." He said pointing at her wrists "Every time you feel the need to do this I want you to come talk to me or kick something…do anything but this okay?" Jack practically pleaded "You know you can talk to me about anything right?" he added seeing the small flicker of doubt in her eyes.
Kate looked down and nodded mutely. "Okay Good" Jack breathed out.
"What-what if you're busy?" She asked quietly
"I'm never too busy for you. Got it? If I ever say I am, which I won't, but if I do, I give you permission to slap me" he said seriously, earning a small smile from Kate.
"There we go." He said smiling himself as he nudged her a little. For the next 10-15 minutes they just sat in silence, trying to absorb everything that just happened.
"You think you can walk back?" Jack asked, noticing how tired she was, she couldn't even sit up by herself, she was leaning on him heavily looking exhausted.
Kate looked at him and considered roughing it and lying…telling him she would be fine. But she decided against it. She shook her head "I'm too tired." She said
Jack smiled happy that she told him instead of lying and acting alright "Okay, just go to sleep then." He whispered as he moved her so she was lying down and her head was lying in his lap. Once he was sure she was asleep, Jack carefully picked her up bridal style and began making his way back to camp. Jack smiled as Kate shivered slightly and snuggled into him further, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
Kate woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. She groaned as she lifted her head and winced, immediately setting her hands back down after lifting them slightly. Suddenly everything came back to her, the cutting, crying and Jack…Slowly her eyes fluttered open, adjusting to the light. She looked around confused, this wasn't her tent.
"Hey you" Jack said as he got up from the chair he was sitting on.
"Hi" Kate said quietly
"How you feeling?" Jack asked softly as he came to sit next to her on the bed.
"I have a headache and I can't move my hands." Kate stated
"Well here's some Advil" Jack said, offering her two pills and then a bottle of water.
Kate took the Advil and then looked down at her bandaged wrists; tears flooded her eyes as she realized what she had tried to do.
"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry" She cried
Jack climbed up onto the makeshift bed and pulled her into his arms. "Shh Kate, its okay….its okay." He whispered
"Why did you do it?" Jack asked, once she calmed down, hoping to get something out of her.
"No one would care." She whispered "Except maybe you" She added when he shot her a look.
"Not maybe Kate…I would. Who would I sink with? Or who else would I share my guava seeds with? I would probably run myself ragged without you Kate. We look out for each other, how could I not care?" he finished sincerely
"I love you" Kate said quietly. When Jack didn't say anything, she began to panic "I'm sorry I ran away that day Jack, but its I do...i wish I cou-" she was interrupted by Jack.
"Not anymore" Jack dead planned
"What?" Kate asked in confusion and in fear that he was rejecting her.
"The woman I love just told me she loved me back, and I'm not letting her go ever again" Jack said, wearing a huge grin on his face. Before she could say anything, he sealed her lips in a passionate kiss, and for the first time, he wasn't worried about her running away.
Kate lifted her arms to put them around his neck, but Jack gently took them in his, never breaking away from her lips. Jack grinned when Kate whimpered in protest as he pulled back.
"No more of this Kate. I'm serious. Remember what I said last night?" he asked, and waited until she nodded "Good."
"You hungry?" Jack asked
Kate nodded "Okay come on, lets get some food." He said, helping her off the bed. Kate shook her head when they were about to go outside. Jack just nodded "It'll be fine Kate…don't let it get to you, they're just surprised" he said
"Could you….I mean I know it would be a waste of supplies, but I don't want everyone to know about this…?" She said, looking down at her wrists.
Jack nodded and wrapped her hands up to her palms so it looked like she had just fallen and scraped up her hands.
"Thanks" Kate said
"Anytime. Now come on, quit stalling" he teased "Lets go get some food" he said, smiling reassuringly at her and offering her his hand, which she gratefully took.
Kate walked outside and was half expecting to be shot or have food thrown at her. But, she wasn't expecting everyone to go about their day…no one said anything to her. All she got were strange looks once in a while…she could live with that. She and Jack got their food, and went to a spot on the shore to sit and eat. "See that wasn't so bad was it?" Jack asked smiling.
Kate offered him a small smile and shook her head "No, it wasn't." she said "Seems like you have a lot of practice saying that Doctor Shepard…" she teased referring to the cliché doctor line.
Jack laughed "Not so much. Spinal surgeons don't really get to do that, because well…it's always bad" he said "I did however get to say it a few times during my residency…when I was working on kids. It sounds cliché but hey, what else are you going to say?" he said
The next couple days went well for Kate…she was feeling okay. However, the other survivors ignoring her was getting to her…she couldn't take it anymore. No one to talk to except Jack, sure Jack was amazing, but she needed friends. And Jack wasn't always free to just talk about stupid things. She cursed herself as she starting getting those thoughts again, she tried pushing them out of her head but they continued…she ran to her tent and opened her bag where she knew her blade was hiding…she looked at it for a few minutes before picking it up. She sobbed as she lightly ran it over one of her other cuts. She dropped it and fell into the sand…she had no friends. Hell she still felt like she deserved to die for Tom…oh god Tom she thought, sure Jack loved her but he couldn't always be there. Quickly she grabbed everything and stuck it in her bag before running to the caves as fast as her legs would take her. She ran into the caves, ignoring the questioning glances she received and headed straight for Jack's section where he kept his meds. She saw Jack wrapping up a mans arm and went over to him. She stood facing him, her back to the man. "Jack…" she whispered
Jack's head instantly shot up and looked at her. "Sun. can you finish this up?" he asked
Sun nodded and the man moved over to where she was sitting. Jack closed the curtain that allowed his patients some privacy and turned back to look at her.
"Take it Jack…just take it…..please" she said hysterically, shoving the blade into Jack's hand. "I don't want it…I-I can't. Just" she sobbed.
"Shh its okay baby, you did good okay?" he whispered while stroking her hair.
Kate shook her head and held up the wrist that had a single fresh cut on it. "I didn't Jack. I'm sorry I disappointed you………..Ja-Jack" She cried
Jack shook his head "You stopped Kate. Its going to take time…you did good" he repeated
"What happened?" he asked
"No one talks to me Jack. It's like I'm dead anyway…" she whispered dejectedly
Just as he was about to respond, Hurley's voice came flooding through "Hey dude, we're back" he said out loud to Jack. "Dude, is Kate okay? She was running up here pretty quick…didn't hear me call out to her…" he asked obliviously
Jack looked at Kate and smiled "She's fine Hurley. Just needed to talk. You guys need anything?" he asked
"Uh no. just wanted to let you know." He said before walking away.
"He doesn't know." Kate whispered "Once he finds out, it won't matter" she said
"Actually, he does know. He was there the day I found the mug shots on the Marshall" Jack said
Kate didn't have the heart to be mad at him…she wanted to say he should have told her, but he had always been there for her…getting angry at him wouldn't do any good.
"They all still care about you Kate…you saw Hurley. He was genuinely worried." Jack comforted.
"I want to tell you why the Marshall was after me." Kate said quietly
Jack nodded "Only if you're ready Kate…" he assured her
"You have to promise to hear me out completely though." Kate warned
Jack nodded "Okay. How about I clean that up, and we can go back to our tent and you can tell me." He said. Making Kate smile.
"What?" He asked, indicating her smile.
"You said 'our tent'" she said still smiling
Jack nodded "Yeah……" he drawled out, not seeing what the big deal was.
"Nothing, I liked it that's all" She said
Jack smiled "You were always a strange one." He said as he began cleaning up her cut.
"Hey Jack" Charlie greeted as he was walking up to the caves when Jack and Kate were walking down. Jack nodded in his direction and glanced at Kate from the corner of his eye, noticing her face fall slightly as Charlie didn't acknowledge her.
"You busy?" Charlie asked
Jack nodded "Yeah I am. Did you need something?" he asked still gently yet firmly holding Kate's hand in his, making sure not to hurt her.
"It's okay Jack. You can go; I'll see you back in the tent." Kate said quietly, trying to free her hand from his grasp.
Jack shook his head and was about to protest when Charlie spoke up. "Yeah Jack, she can take care of herself…did you know, she's a bloody criminal" he spat in disgust
"Shut up Charlie. As I once remember you were a heroin addict" Jack said venomously
Charlie backed up and muttered something before walking away. "You shouldn't have done that Jack. You shouldn't be compromising friendships because of me." Kate objected
"No Kate, he had no right. And just incase you haven't noticed, Charlie's never been a friend. I found him absolutely irritating on the little trek we pulled to the cockpit" Jack said smirking.
Kate smiled and started walking again. She was still slightly nervous about telling him everything. It meant she might lose him. But if she wasn't completely honest with him, she would definitely lose him anyway. There was no way she could lie…and eventually he would want to know, not to mention she was never able to lie to Jack.
"Kate! Hey Kate!" Jack shouted trying to get her attention
"Huh what?" Kate asked snapping out of it.
"You alright? You were sort of out of it." He asked concerned
"Yeah I'm fine. Sorry I just sort of dozed off there." She explained, just now noticing that they were already in the tent and situated on the makeshift bed. She realized she needed to start…
Jack looked down at Kate's hands, which were trembling slightly. They were sitting face to face cross-legged on the bed. He took her hands in his and laced their fingers together. "You don't have to tell me Kate." He said, trying to comfort her. Seeing how scared she was.
Kate shook her head "I want to. I'm sorry. Okay" She said, taking a deep breath. "First let me just tell you what I did…I'm warning you, it's going to sound horrible. But I'll explain afterwards." She said.
"The Marshall was escorting me back to the states because I murdered my step father, or at least I thought he was my step father…and I robbed a bank in New Mexico" She said, watching Jack's reaction. Jack didn't show much, he flinched a little when she said she murdered her step father but that was it. "Okay. You have to know that there was a reason Jack. Wayne…my step father, well my real father…he was well he was a bad guy. That's as simple as I can put it. He used to beat me and my mom, my mom mostly so I blew him up" She said, a few tears slipping down her cheek. "But I had to…I had to" she whispered "My mom claimed she was in love with him, no matter how much he hit her…she was in love with him." She said, her voice trembling and on the verge of tears.
Jack let her pause, he wanted to reassure her, but she needed to finish her story. He didn't want to make this any harder than it already was for her. Kate composed herself and went on. "The bank…I didn't take any money. The toy airplane that I always carry around with me was in a safety deposit box in the bank. I just took the plane. However, the 2 guys that were helping me rob the bank were threatening to shoot the bank manager, so I shot one of them in the leg. That's it I swear Jack…." She said sniffling a little
Jack nodded and pulled her into his arms "I believe you. But what about Tom? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He said, regretting asking now.
"No. It's okay. Tom was my best friend. Well he was during my childhood, we grew apart though. One day, my mom was in the hospital…she had terminal cancer." She said sadly "Tom was a doctor, I asked him for help so I could see her, knowing the cops were swarming the hospital." She took a deep breath for the next part "When I saw my mom and she realized who I was…she looked at me like I was a monster, she called out for help Jack, my own mother was afraid of me" She cried
"Okay, shhh its okay" Jack said, feeling horrible for her.
"I had to get out of there, the cops heard. So I borrowed Tom's car…but he got in. I told him to get out Jack…I told him so many—"She choked on a sob
Jack held her head to his chest and whispered words of comfort, not needing her to go on to know what happened next.
"You okay now?" Jack asked when she pulled back 5 minutes later.
Kate nodded "Yeah." She said quietly "That's it Jack. That's my pathetic life story"
"Okay" he said
"Okay?" Kate asked surprised. He didn't want out? He wasn't afraid of her?
"Okay" he repeated with a nod.
"Thank you so much Jack" Kate said, truly impressed with how he handled it.
"For what?" he asked confused
"No one's ever taken it that well…" she said
Jack didn't know what to say to that so he just smiled down at her and kissed her sweetly. "I love you" he said
"I love you too" Kate replied with a grin.
Okay so I got really bored one day, and had an urge to write. This is pretty much word vomit…and I can't believe I'm posting it, but I'm going to before I lose my nerve. Just know that I haven't spent much time on this at all. Please review and tell me if I should continue.