AN: I know most of you have been yelling at me with demands that I post Chapter nine of GunDamChild Six and part three of Red Silk, it has after all been almost a month :: cring:: however, most of that time was indeed took up by writing, and my newest baby. EarthQuakes. This takes place a few years after the EndlessWaltz more the three less then seven. This is a TEASER, meaning its a not so brief look at part of the fic that comes later in the future. This is not where the plot begins. Please review. r-chan
Earthquakes-The Teaser
by Reveena
I slumped down in my light red chair, suddenly aware of just how big my office was. I felt like ghost doomed to live out a hollow eternity in blackness. The airy work room seemed to be filled with an intimidating amount of space and at the moment I felt tiny.
I was alone and so very cold. So cold...I deserved it. For what I did to you. God I made you cry... The tightness in my chest expanded and threatened to squeeze tears out of me. It felt painful and almost unnatural like water leaking from stone. My body began to tremble with the emotion I refused release. I didn't have any right to cry. You'd shed enough for both of us. You still are. I can almost feel it.
Stop it Relena...
(I'm telling you now, I'm going back where I belong. Its over. How could you think it would turn out otherwise?)
I don't ...don't want to leave, I want to stay...
(You're sorry?!)
I am! I am, please, please believe me!
(I don't love you. )
I didn't mean it...Oh I didnt
"I'm sorry.." I choked into the darkness. My voice sounded strained and too highly pitched as if this pain was strangling some part of me.
(I knew it! You're just like I thought you were, you know that?! You're shallow, uncaring. I can't believe I let my self think you might love me! You're right, how could I think it would be otherwise, Miss Perfect? It was too much to ask for!")
Oh, it wasn't too much to ask...I wanted to give you all I could, all you deserve. I still do...
"I didn't want to make you cry..." I meant it with every fiber in me. Never had I wanted to be the one to make her cry. Catherine's tears should never fall for any one. They're too precious to be wasted. Especially on me. It hurt worse than her anger or even her silence.
(It was enjoyable Catherine, but lets face it, you'd never fit in. You knew I'd leave at some point. This is reality, not fantasy)
I want to be with you Cathie, but they'd hurt you...
I choked on a sob that tried to crawl up my throat and tear at silence I was trying to sink into. "I..I didn't mean it...."I clamped my eyes shut struggling to smother the pain in my chest. To gain some composure. Build my walls back up, like I did when Dorothy had been killed... But the memory of her words tore at my heart with crystal clarity. Hearing what she said replay in my head would be my punishment for every single one of those tears roll down her face. I couldn't name a more painful or more appropriate penance.
(You're...you're so...you're horrible..." The red head wrapped her arms around herself, as if to shield against the harsh worlds tossed at her)
Please, please forgive me Catherine
"Oh, I didn't want to hurt you!" I cried out hoarsely. I was past caring if someone heard me or walked in to see me so vulnerable and broken. Somehow it seemed so pointless. I'll never have her again. I'll never smell the light scent of violets on my pillows when I wake in the morning...her scent. Those unspeakable lilac eyes will never look at me with that promise of mirth she always has around her. Never...
My hands gripped the wood edge of the desk painfully. This wasn't helping me any. Yearning for something I knew damn well I couldn't, wouldn't, have. This was madness. ::: Just forget it. It was the right action!:::I thought forcefully.
(Ahahaha come on Relena you look great in my outfit. Better than me, I dare say!)
I loved the thought of dressing in your clothes Cat, I felt so close to you..
(I love you, Relena)
I've loved you forever Cathie...
(Hey, Re....Smile!!)
I always smiled for you, even when I didn't want to, just to have you smile back.
(I just don't want you anymore, Cat.)
I want you more then any thing in the world.
(We had fun, but its time to stop being foolish.)
Love is never foolish...
(I should have known it was too much to ask!)
You've never asked too much..I'd do it all
(I love you, Relena.)
I'm not good enough for that love Cathie, but I want it....
(You're just like I thought you were!)
I didn't want to make you cry.
(This is reality not fantasy)
I didn't want to make you cry.
(I love you, Relena..)
I didn't want to make you cry...!
(I don't love you)
(I love you too Catherine)
..I love you Cathie.....I didn't want to make you cry.
I slid out of the leather seat and on to the floor. My arms above my head, still holding on to the table like it was anchor. But I was loosing my grip. I was falling. My mind reeled with the revelation that Catherine wouldn't be here to catch me when I hit the ground. Life without her suddenly seemed so very long and bleak.
"Oh God, it's not fair..."I breathed. A sudden warmth running down my face betrayed my illusion of self-control. I couldn't make them stop. Tears fell from my eyes inevitable as rain, landing on the ground soundlessly.
"I-I couldn't...I couldn't Cathie...I want you to be happy. They'd brake you."
(How do you always know what to say to make me happy huh Re? Darn, now I can't stay mad at you!)
I did this to make you happy Catherine.
The darkness of the room seemed to settle over me, laying its formless body, gently over my back. But shadows hold no warmth. It was a cold and barren comfort. I couldn't stop shivering. It was just not fair. Was being happy so much ask for? Have I really lost that right because of my position? It. Is. Just. Not. FAIR!
I jumped up with a sudden surge of anger fueling my body and grabbed the first thing that came into my hands. I needed an outlet. With a cry I heaved the object across the room. The glass shattered on impact and the frame cracked with a dry :: SNAP:: My mouth went dry. I'd never done that before. I never loose my control. How'd Catherine do this to me? I wondered helplessly.
"Oh no." Cold pain racked my chest at seeing what I had just done. My heart took another sharp twist. Dorothy's photo lay torn at the sides by the floor of wall, shards of glass glimmering in the faint light. The broken remains of the frame fanned around it.
The sun blonde's slightly mocking gaze ripped at my memoires, ruthlessly dragging up grief old and new, shattering what ever walls of reserve I left like an earthquake. I sank down to the padded floor once more and sobbed like there was indeed no tomorrow. Because I really felt that way. Without her, the world just didn't hold the same promise it had before.
I didn't want to make you cry.
Earthquakes-The Teaser
by Reveena
I slumped down in my light red chair, suddenly aware of just how big my office was. I felt like ghost doomed to live out a hollow eternity in blackness. The airy work room seemed to be filled with an intimidating amount of space and at the moment I felt tiny.
I was alone and so very cold. So cold...I deserved it. For what I did to you. God I made you cry... The tightness in my chest expanded and threatened to squeeze tears out of me. It felt painful and almost unnatural like water leaking from stone. My body began to tremble with the emotion I refused release. I didn't have any right to cry. You'd shed enough for both of us. You still are. I can almost feel it.
Stop it Relena...
(I'm telling you now, I'm going back where I belong. Its over. How could you think it would turn out otherwise?)
I don't ...don't want to leave, I want to stay...
(You're sorry?!)
I am! I am, please, please believe me!
(I don't love you. )
I didn't mean it...Oh I didnt
"I'm sorry.." I choked into the darkness. My voice sounded strained and too highly pitched as if this pain was strangling some part of me.
(I knew it! You're just like I thought you were, you know that?! You're shallow, uncaring. I can't believe I let my self think you might love me! You're right, how could I think it would be otherwise, Miss Perfect? It was too much to ask for!")
Oh, it wasn't too much to ask...I wanted to give you all I could, all you deserve. I still do...
"I didn't want to make you cry..." I meant it with every fiber in me. Never had I wanted to be the one to make her cry. Catherine's tears should never fall for any one. They're too precious to be wasted. Especially on me. It hurt worse than her anger or even her silence.
(It was enjoyable Catherine, but lets face it, you'd never fit in. You knew I'd leave at some point. This is reality, not fantasy)
I want to be with you Cathie, but they'd hurt you...
I choked on a sob that tried to crawl up my throat and tear at silence I was trying to sink into. "I..I didn't mean it...."I clamped my eyes shut struggling to smother the pain in my chest. To gain some composure. Build my walls back up, like I did when Dorothy had been killed... But the memory of her words tore at my heart with crystal clarity. Hearing what she said replay in my head would be my punishment for every single one of those tears roll down her face. I couldn't name a more painful or more appropriate penance.
(You're...you're so...you're horrible..." The red head wrapped her arms around herself, as if to shield against the harsh worlds tossed at her)
Please, please forgive me Catherine
"Oh, I didn't want to hurt you!" I cried out hoarsely. I was past caring if someone heard me or walked in to see me so vulnerable and broken. Somehow it seemed so pointless. I'll never have her again. I'll never smell the light scent of violets on my pillows when I wake in the morning...her scent. Those unspeakable lilac eyes will never look at me with that promise of mirth she always has around her. Never...
My hands gripped the wood edge of the desk painfully. This wasn't helping me any. Yearning for something I knew damn well I couldn't, wouldn't, have. This was madness. ::: Just forget it. It was the right action!:::I thought forcefully.
(Ahahaha come on Relena you look great in my outfit. Better than me, I dare say!)
I loved the thought of dressing in your clothes Cat, I felt so close to you..
(I love you, Relena)
I've loved you forever Cathie...
(Hey, Re....Smile!!)
I always smiled for you, even when I didn't want to, just to have you smile back.
(I just don't want you anymore, Cat.)
I want you more then any thing in the world.
(We had fun, but its time to stop being foolish.)
Love is never foolish...
(I should have known it was too much to ask!)
You've never asked too much..I'd do it all
(I love you, Relena.)
I'm not good enough for that love Cathie, but I want it....
(You're just like I thought you were!)
I didn't want to make you cry.
(This is reality not fantasy)
I didn't want to make you cry.
(I love you, Relena..)
I didn't want to make you cry...!
(I don't love you)
(I love you too Catherine)
..I love you Cathie.....I didn't want to make you cry.
I slid out of the leather seat and on to the floor. My arms above my head, still holding on to the table like it was anchor. But I was loosing my grip. I was falling. My mind reeled with the revelation that Catherine wouldn't be here to catch me when I hit the ground. Life without her suddenly seemed so very long and bleak.
"Oh God, it's not fair..."I breathed. A sudden warmth running down my face betrayed my illusion of self-control. I couldn't make them stop. Tears fell from my eyes inevitable as rain, landing on the ground soundlessly.
"I-I couldn't...I couldn't Cathie...I want you to be happy. They'd brake you."
(How do you always know what to say to make me happy huh Re? Darn, now I can't stay mad at you!)
I did this to make you happy Catherine.
The darkness of the room seemed to settle over me, laying its formless body, gently over my back. But shadows hold no warmth. It was a cold and barren comfort. I couldn't stop shivering. It was just not fair. Was being happy so much ask for? Have I really lost that right because of my position? It. Is. Just. Not. FAIR!
I jumped up with a sudden surge of anger fueling my body and grabbed the first thing that came into my hands. I needed an outlet. With a cry I heaved the object across the room. The glass shattered on impact and the frame cracked with a dry :: SNAP:: My mouth went dry. I'd never done that before. I never loose my control. How'd Catherine do this to me? I wondered helplessly.
"Oh no." Cold pain racked my chest at seeing what I had just done. My heart took another sharp twist. Dorothy's photo lay torn at the sides by the floor of wall, shards of glass glimmering in the faint light. The broken remains of the frame fanned around it.
The sun blonde's slightly mocking gaze ripped at my memoires, ruthlessly dragging up grief old and new, shattering what ever walls of reserve I left like an earthquake. I sank down to the padded floor once more and sobbed like there was indeed no tomorrow. Because I really felt that way. Without her, the world just didn't hold the same promise it had before.
I didn't want to make you cry.