You love her (and nothing could ever change that)

coming out and heartbreak

disclaimer:I don't own girl meets world

It seems like a normal day at school. Like any other day. You go to your every day classes and you eat lunch like you have every day since sophomore year started. Until last period.

You're sitting there next to her absentmindedly talking about your lives and things going on. And somehow you get to sexualities and relationships. And she talks to you about that girl you knew she was friends with for the longest time. You hear her voice crack and your heart cracks along with it. She doesn't stop until she's in tears. Tell you how much she loved her and how she's scared to tell you she's gay but she is and she doesn't exactly know what she is but she knows what she likes. And you're lost and confused. But all that matters is her. So you hold her and assure her that everything's gonna be okay and that you won't leave her no matter what.

It's time to leave school and you hug her goodbye tighter than ever it seems. The "I love you" seemed more definite than it ever had. You want her to know you do. Nothing could ever change that.

You walk home with her on your mind. You realize how close you've gotten, how close you are. And you think about her coming out to you. She's gay. You can't wrap your mind around it. You've always been taught that it wasn't okay, that it wasn't right. But how can it not be? You think it is. And now you know for a fact. Because it hit home, and she is your everything. So you accept it and you begin to accept more and more until you realized you've lost all beliefs that were ingrained in your head as a child. Now you have your own beliefs and they all revolve around her. She eventually tells you she thinks she's bisexual. But it didn't matter what she was because she's your world. And nothing could ever change that.

You get so much closer as the year goes on. You don't realize how much you hold hands, until you do. And she kisses you on the cheek for the first time since she came out to you and it feels different. It feels right. And you get closer and closer though it seems you can't, that you're already as close as possible. But you do. And everyone know it, you're inseparable. It's Riley and Maya. It will always be that way. And you love it. You love being around her and holding her. And you're sitting in class with her, on the floor. In between her legs, head resting on her chest, fingers intertwined with yours, and you look back at her and she smiles at you with the biggest smile. And you've never wanted to kiss someone so bad in your life. You think you love her. But you don't know. All you know is you want her on your life. And nothing could ever change that.

It's the summer of junior year when you realize it. You've dated guys; Charlie, Lucas, Evan. All which never worked out. You didn't like it. Their hands weren't soft when you held them like you wanted. And their lips weren't what you expected. You were never happy. But then it hits you one day. You wake up in a cold sweat. You're gay. You're not bi like her. But lesbian. And you cry and cry and cry because even though you accepted it for everyone else you haven't for you. You deny it. You force yourself into these harsh relationships because you need to learn how to be straight. And it hurts so much and now you know how she feels. How she feels when her mother makes homophobic comments, it always bothered you but now it burns. How the ignorant people hurt more than you expect it to. And all you want is to tell her. But you don't because you're best friends. And nothing could ever change that.

You don't tell her. Until you do. You text her because this pent up feeling of loving someone so much hurts so bad. And you know for a fact she doesn't feel the same way. (Not for a fact but you find it very hard to believe) so you tell her you're gay. And you cry when she answers with the most Maya response in the world. She tells you she's happy for you. And that she loves you. And all that matters to her is that you're happy. And you cry because you're once again reminded why you love her (you know it's love) and all you want is to tell her that. But you don't. And it still hurts. The constant pain in your chest never goes away. You have feelings just waiting to burst out. And you wonder if she feels the same way, you know she doesn't. But you hope hope hope that one day you can. The summers almost over and you can't wait to spend every moment of the day with her again. To get as close as you did. And eventually tell her, but in the back of your mind you know you'll hold it in. You hope something can happen. You love her more than anything else on the planet. And nothing can ever change that.

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based on a true story::mine

xx, Alice