Villaintine's Day
I hate what the Internet has done to me. I used to be a guy who would play video games, screw around with others, and be an all-around cool guy, even if I can be kind of an asshole. Now look at the crime the Internet has committed. It's turned me into a shipper! Sure I still do those things I mentioned earlier, but now I have this constant urge to look up fanfics of OTPs and find ways to help support it. And I don't like it! Not one bit!
And now look where that urge has taken me. It's caused me to write a dumb Valentine's Day fic about the real protagonists of RWBY. The villains!
You know this would usually be the part where I would take a playful jab at the show, but after the death of Monty Oum, it just seems in bad taste. I'm still mourning for him, and the only reason I'm still putting this fic up is because I already started working on this before he was even hospitalized.
That being said, in honor of Monty, I added in a small badass fight scene in this fic. It really has no reason being here and could even qualify as a "big lipped alligator moment", but it's something awesome that Monty would hopefully approve of, and I hope you enjoy it as well as the rest of this fic.
I think that's enough depression for now. It's the day of love for God's sake! Time to spread some Valentine cheer!
Rating: T for mild sexual references, language, and violence.
February 12, 2015
"Oh man! Have I ever mentioned how dull and mind-numbing that fat professor is?"
"Yes you have. Every single day since we've infiltrated Beacon. Which I'm pretty sure you only do it just to annoy me."
"I just wanna make sure you know how I feel."
The conversation occurring is nothing new. Mercury and Emerald had just finished another day of school for Hunters with their boss, Cinder. Of course the three criminals were only doing so, so they could sneak into the most prestigious Hunter Academy in all of Vytal and steal all of the valuable Intel the institute had. Cinder decided that the best approach was to hide in plain sight, though Mercury suspected it was simply so she had an excuse to wear a school girl's uniform.
Now the two teens were hanging out at the warehouse that the villains use as a hideout, with Mercury leaning against a wall with his hands behind his head and Emerald was next to him playing a handheld video game.
"Uh huh, yeah, sure. That's the reason." came Emerald's sardonic response. She was really trying to focus on her game.
"Come on Emerald, communication is a very important part of a healthy relationship." jested Mercury. He really did love getting under his partner's skin.
"Okay first of all, our 'relationship' is 'barely friends' at best." Emerald countered. "And second, I've already heard you whine about Prof. Port like fifteen-hundred times already." She proceeded to mock Mercury further by imitating his complaints. "Oh my god, he's sooooo boring! Where's the off button? When's the floor finally gonna collapse under his fat ass? Can you just show us how you can use that stupid impractical axe-gun? I've never seen such a ridiculous mustache!"
Mercury gave his "barely a friend" a puzzled expression. "I never dissed his mustache."
Now it was Emerald's turn to look confused. "Seriously? You never thought it was dumb?"
"Oh yeah, of course it's dumb." The truth is Mercury thinks Prof. Port has an awesome stache. He only lied to look cool in front of Emerald. "So what are you even playing anyways?"
"Pokémon."
"You're still playing that? Doesn't it get boring after catching 'em all after like the 9th time?"
The green-haired thief gave a nonchalant shrug. "Eh, I like it. There's always cool things to do like contests and secret bases. And battling is always fun. Something I would think you would agree on."
"Well while I do enjoy a good cockfight." Mercury began to explain himself.
"I'll bet." Emerald snickered.
"Ha ha." Mercury snarked before he resumed. "There's just not enough action to keep me entertained. When I play a game, I want to be beating the crap out of everything with cool moves and sick combos."
"Or you just want to play Mario." Emerald added, knowing about her partner's fascination with the platformer series, despite not being anything like the games he mentioned.
"Hey now, Mario is always fun." he defended.
"Well maybe when Pokkén Tournament comes out, we can both have some fun with that." suggested Emerald.
"Oh that'll be good." The kicker agreed. "Is Hitmonlee playable?"
"He hasn't been confirmed yet." answered Emerald.
"He better be playable! Hitmonlee's the best! Hey do you have a Hitmonlee?"
"Nope. Maybe I could catch one if I can get back to playing Alpha Sapphire in peace."
Mercury suddenly grew a big teasing smirk on his face. "Oh, so you picked the Sapphire remake did you?"
A wary look appeared on Emerald's appearance. She knew that look on her partner's face meant he was going to make a stupid annoying joke. Nevertheless, she hesitantly answered him. "…Yyyeeeaaah?"
"It's because you couldn't wait for an Emerald remake isn't it?" One could feel the smugness coming off of the gray-haired man's trollish grin.
And that was it. Emerald could only tolerate so much irritation from Mercury, and dumb puns involving her name hits her limit. With a growl, she closed her game and began to storm off.
Before she got far away enough, Mercury called out to her. "Emerald wait!"
She didn't know why she did, but Emerald stopped to hear what he had to say. It was probably because this was the first time Mercury tried to stop her from leaving when she was sufficiently annoyed enough. "What is it?"
"I was just wondering if you were doing anything this Saturday."
A green eyebrow was raised very high. The thief could only detect genuine honesty in her fellow criminal's tone. "Why?"
"Well Saturday happens to be a special day, and I was hoping we could spend it together."
A special day? Emerald started racking her brain to think of what it could be until it finally came to her. "Oh right, it's Valentine's Day. And you want to go on a date with me?" She laughed at the notion. "I would rather spend it with any man-whore on the street than with the one asking me out right now." She walked away continuing her guffawing.
If Emerald bothered to look back, she would've seen the truly hurt look on Mercury's face. He made a sincere attempt to try to spend the day of love with the thief, and she just threw it back in his face with a harsh insult to boot. Sure he may be a criminal who would gleefully murder in cold blood without so much as a second thought, but damn it he had feelings too.
Speaking of feelings, the gray-haired teen clearly held them for Emerald. For starters, she was exactly his type. Green hair, chocolate-colored skin, really busty and wears skimpy clothing to show it off (granted that was part of every guy's type, but still) and a fun and sassy personality to boot. And after being partners with her for years, his attraction towards Emerald matured from simply eye-banging her to deep affections.
The problem is Mercury only thinks he knows how to appeal to women. He may be somewhat of a "battle savant", but his idea of flirting consists of "annoying the crap out of your love interest". Apparently no one told him that teasing girls to show that you like them stops working after Elementary School.
But Mercury was nothing if not determined. That lovely thief stole his heart, so he's going to win hers over in retaliation. He had a plan to show off how much Emerald meant to him and make her his Valentine.
"Ouch, that hurt from over here."
Mercury let out an exasperated sigh once he heard the smarmy comment. He turned around to see none other than Roman Torchwick walking towards him.
"Who knew her bark was worse than her guns, considering how badly she shot you down."
"Go to Hell Roman." told off Mercury.
"Oh I'm soooo sorry." Roman apologized with false sincerity. "Did I touch a nerve?"
"You wouldn't understand." Mercury wanted to end this chat as soon as possible as talking with "the ally no one likes" about this subject is like getting your teeth pulled by an Ursa.
"Oh please, you're easier to read than a children's book." remarked Roman. "Just give it up. She's clearly not interested. In fact, the street rat would rather prefer our darling leader than you."
Setting aside his aggravation at Roman's derogatory nickname for Emerald, Mercury had to admit that the crime lord seemingly had a point. Emerald would always be so happy when Cinder would show up, like a puppy waiting for its owner to come home. And while he did respect Cinder as a friend and has zero problems with homosexuals, he really hoped that Emerald wasn't a lesbian. If she was, that would mean he would never have a chance with her. And then what? She and Cinder become a couple and they start flaunting their relationship by constantly kissing and groping each other?
Actually that doesn't sound so bad now that Mercury thinks about it.
"Well that would suck for you too." The kicking expert proclaimed to put Roman in his place. "If they got together, you wouldn't be able to pork Cinder."
"Oh that's adorable." scoffed Roman. "You think I'm as much of a lovesick loser like you. I don't hate to break this to you kid, but unlike you, I don't act like I'm the star of some teen romantic comedy."
"You can't hide it Roman. I've seen the way you look at her when she walks away." Mercury pointed out. "The stupid grin on your face tells me you hate to see her go, but you love to watch her leave."
"On the contrary, I love to see her go. Because the farther she is away from me, the less likely I get to suffer from third-degree burns."
"Yeah speaking of which, and I don't know why I'm telling you this, but you're gonna wanna avoid her this weekend."
Roman looked at the young man as if the latter just lost a lot of brain cells. "Is there ever a reason to not avoid her?"
"I'm serious. She always gets…" Mercury paused to find a nicer word to describe his boss's condition. "…moodier around this time of year."
"Wait wait wait, let me guess. Shark week isn't it?" A joking, but condescending smirk danced upon the crime lord's lips. "And on the same week as Valentine's day of all dates. Ironic. Well then again, since it is Cinder, it's somewhat unsurprising when you think about it?"
"Is that so?" spoke up a voice behind Roman.
Said man was paralyzed in fear for a split second before he quickly turned around to see Cinder herself behind him. Just like Mercury said, she seemed to be unhappier than usual, and for some strange reason, Roman had a feeling it wasn't because she overheard his comment.
"OH! Cinder!" After his outburst, Roman chuckled nervously. "Heh heh. I was just…having a guy chat with Merc here. You know how…guys are. We always say rude things for the sake of an innocent joke because we're…guys."
After his desperately lame attempt to save his own hide, with the same look of disdain, Cinder simply lashed out her arm and lobbed a fireball at Roman's feet. Fortunately, he managed to hop away just in time.
"WHOA!" yelped Roman. "Hostile work environment!"
"Next time, I won't let you off so easy." And with that, Cinder walked off, probably heading to her office. However as she was doing this, Roman couldn't help but stare at her swaying hips.
"Mesmerizing isn't it?" teased Mercury. "You just can't keep your eyes off of her."
"I'm just making sure she actually leaves and doesn't come back to barbecue me." Roman nonchalantly countered. "You always have to be on guard with that woman and keep an eye on her movements. And if those movements happen to be a sexy strut, well then that's a precaution I have to take."
Mercury didn't believe him for a second, but he decided he endured Roman's presence long enough and wanted to get away now. "Well since you're clearly busy checking to see if Cinder's hips don't lie, I'm just gonna go now and not be bothered by you for the rest of the day. And hopefully the rest of my life." The teenager made his exit and went to go work out the finer details of his Valentine's Day plan.
"Aaaaw, but we were just connecting." called out Roman's sarcastic response. Honestly, if he never saw the thief and the butcher again, it would be too soon.
With nothing else planned, the well-dressed criminal figured he might as well see what his partner in crime was up to. He didn't have to search for long as he found said girl with multicolored hair sitting on a stool and apparently drawing something in a sketchbook.
"Ah Neo, how are you doing this lovely evening?" Roman asked, making small talk.
Neo looked up from her sketchbook and flashed Roman a quick smile before focusing on her sketchbook again.
"That's good to know." said Roman, understanding Neo's gestures. "At least one of us is doing well and not being constantly threatened by a certain witch. Seriously, what is her problem?"
Neo simply shrugged and continued drawing.
"I know right? It's one of life's great mysteries isn't it?" By this point, Roman noticed Neo was intent on completing her illustration. Curiosity got the better of him, so he decided to ask "So what are you drawing?"
Neo just happened to finish said drawing and she showed it off with a happy grin on her face. It was a sketch of Roman and Cinder passionately kissing with a giant heart framed around them.
The Roman of the real world was not amused. "Really Neo. You too? I thought you were beyond this."
The small girl just continued to grin, showing no shame whatsoever. Yes, Neo loved to pair up Roman and Cinder together. The chemistry between the two is obvious (as is the sexual tension), so why not speed up the inevitable and guide Roman so he can realize his feelings sooner. A little hint here, a simple nudge there, and a lot of obvious signs everywhere else and they'll be wed in unholy matrimony soon enough.
Not to mention every hint, nudge, and sign pisses off Roman, so that's a bonus. Screwing with people is so much fun.
"Ugh, you're lucky you're the only tolerable person around here." Roman muttered. "And why would I love Cinder in the first place? I mean sure she's got the looks, but believe it or not, I'm not a masochist. I don't want to be in an abusive relationship."
Neo simply gave a smirk in response as if she was tauntingly saying "You sure about that?"
"Tch, I don't like pain Neo, no matter how much you love to give me migraines." Roman looked back to where Cinder had left to. "Still though, she looks like she'll be in a bad mood for a while, and when that ever happens, she takes it out on me. And while I don't have feelings for her, I am a gentleman, so I don't like seeing a frown on such a pretty face. How can I cheer her up?"
Weird sucking sounds started to form behind him. He turned around to see that Neo was the source of those with her back facing the crime lord and her arms wrapped around her. The whole scene made it look as if Neo was making out with someone.
Understanding what she was suggesting, Roman angrily narrowed his eyes. "If you weren't mute, I'd tell you to shut up." He stormed off, having had enough of his only friend's irritating antics.
Neo just watched him go with a trollish grin. This was going to be a fun Valentine's Day.
February 13, 2015
Another day at Beacon Academy where the three infiltrators were currently enduring their last class. The reason they're enduring it is because it happens to be Professor Port's class, which means they do nothing but sit around in the back and listen to the fat man's boring stories.
"And with my last round of Dust ammo, I managed to place a well-aimed shot straight through the Nevermore's jaw and out through its head!" the portly teacher continued telling his current tale. "Down from the sky it went! But alas, I was faced with a new dilemma. Because that creature hoisted me atop an 80ft. tree before I fended it off, I had no means of getting down. However, Lady Luck smiled upon me as my eye caught a dastardly Deathstalker crawling on the ground. I leapt from the top of the pavilion and dived straight down, focusing my aura into my fist and drove it right into the Grimm's skull, cushioning my fall!"
Okay, so this particular story wasn't boring, but the students have heard so many of these longwinded accounts so often, they just end up tuning them out. So unfortunately for Professor Port, no one was listening to his epic yarn.
Mercury was no exception. Instead of taking notes of the ramblings of an old man, he used this time to entertain himself by making up ridiculous thoughts the real students around him could be having, adding in his own "Hilarious Mercury Charm™". It's easier to do it than one would think, thanks to all of the Intel on the Hunters-in-training they gathered. They have the info, might as well make some use out of it.
His first target: a young girl who is hardly ever seen without a red hooded cape. "My daddy is Cookie Monster and my mommy is B.B. Hood. And every night before bedtime, I pork my weapon."
Up next: some busty blonde babe. "When I grow up, I wanna be a Dead or Alive character!"
Now his sights are set on a known spoiled heiress. "I'm a bad bitch~ I'm a I'm a bad bitch~ I'm a bad bitch~ I'm a I'm a bad bitch~"
Contestant #4: A black-haired girl wearing a conspicuous bow. "It appears to be working, no one knows I'm a Faunus."
Pink-eyed pretty boy, come on down! "It appears to be working, no one knows I'm stoned."
Now let's go for that blonde dopey guy. "Why does everyone think I lose my pants all the time? It's only happened like six or eight times!"
Let's not forget about the "Invincible Girl". "Notice me Loser-Senpai! And let me have your babies!"
Wonder what's going on with the bubbly ginger. "To derive the law of haversines, one starts with the spherical law of cosines: cos(c) = cos(a)cos(b) + sin(a)sin(b)cos(C)." What? Have to throw a curveball now and again to keep things entertaining.
"How would you know something like that?" Emerald spoke up next to Mercury. Apparently she had been listening in on his humorous quips the whole time.
"I'm full of surprises. You should know that by now." Mercury gave a playful smirk, making Emerald roll her eyes. "And since we're asking stupid questions, why do you have a notebook out? Are you seriously taking notes for this class? At a school we don't even go to?"
"Of course not. I have this out just in case there's anything noteworthy to record. Special students we should look out for, possible entrances we can sneak in through, things like that."
"You're such a nerd." teased Mercury.
"I prefer the term 'intellectual'." Emerald said irately.
"I prefer you two to keep quiet." stated an even more aggravated Cinder next to Emerald. "Lest you two single us out in front of all these Hunters."
Emerald looked to her superior appearing completely apologetic. "Yes mistress. It won't happen again."
Mercury however, wasn't done having his fun. "Don't worry Cinder. I'll make sure Emerald behaves."
And just like that, the thief was mad at him again. "You know…"
A buzzing sound went off in the classroom, signifying the end of Grimm Studies.
"That's all the time we have for today class." affirmed Professor Port. "Stay vigilant! And have a Happy Valentine's Day."
All the students began piling out into the halls, the undercover criminals included. They found a nice secluded spot so Cinder could debrief them on what's next on their agenda.
"Well today has been uneventful." The fire witch noted. "Though considering I'm not in the mood for surprises, this is certainly pleasant."
"Anything we can do to ease off your stress?" asked Emerald.
"I rather be left in solitude." Cinder simply answered. "So I'll leave you two to your own devices."
"Awesome, we get a day off." Mercury said happily. "So Emerald, wanna join me in taking this city by storm?"
Emerald gave him an "Are you serious?" look. "Take the city by storm? Maybe. Join you? Not a chance in Hell, Purgatory, or even Heaven." After that putdown, she left.
That could've gone better. Granted Mercury did need to be alone to get her Valentine's gift for part of his plan, but still it would be nice to take a stroll down the streets of Vale with a dream girl by his side. What's a guy have to do to get a date nowadays? Looks like that plan of his is his only hope.
"Mercury, let me offer a piece of advice." Cinder suddenly spoke, grabbing the kicking expert's attention. "Cease your pursuit of Emerald."
"Huh?" Mercury was legitimately confused. Why would Cinder care if he wanted to start a relationship with Emerald?
Seeing her subordinate's bewilderment, she began to explain herself. "Love is a weakness. It can be used against you in many ways. An enemy can threaten your loved ones to force you to do their bidding. You might forfeit your life for the sake of preserving their own. And worst of all, the moment the one you love perishes, you will experience nothing but pain and despair." She became incredibly solemn after that last statement. "So that's why…you shouldn't become emotionally attached to anyone."
This is all news to Mercury. He never knew his leader had such ideas about this. He wonders if it has anything to do with the reason why she's always so…temperamental around this time of year.
Regardless, Mercury didn't share those ideals. What he felt for Emerald was strong, and at the very least, he wanted to show her how much she meant to him.
"With all due respect Cinder," he began. "I'm gonna disobey a direct order."
The message was clear. It also basically translates into a death sentence, considering how much emphasis Cinder places on obedience. Well Mercury was ready to take whatever punishment was in store for him.
"Do what you want." she merely stated. "Just don't say I didn't warn you." The Dust wielder became the second villain to leave at that moment.
Now that was unexpected. Mercury cannot believe he got out of that without so much as even a verbal lashing. What is it about this time period that makes the big bad boss act so weird?
Whatever, it was time to go into town and get Emerald's gift.
Mercury was now walking around the city of Vale, heading for a certain store that had the perfect present for his green gal. Now out of those stupid school clothes he's forced to wear undercover (though he had to admit, he looked damn good in it), he can walk freely in his sleek combat outfit with his gun greaves strapped on.
He decided to take a shortcut through a narrow alley. However, it seems like life wanted to give him one more trial before he can try to make Emerald his girlfriend.
"Mercury Black!" A voice shouted at him.
In front of the young crook at the end of the alley were several White Fang members walking towards him. And boy did they look cheesed off.
"Hey fellas." Mercury tried to be polite (something he should practice more often). "What do you need?"
"Your head on a platter!" spat the Faunus in front.
Mercury wasn't worried, but he sure was bewildered. He was sure he hadn't done anything wrong to any of the White Fang recently. "Something wrong guys?"
"You bet there is! Do you know how many of our brothers died in that little underground train scheme of yours!? How much our numbers decreased because of you humans!?"
Ah, so that's what this is about. Mercury did voice his concern that the White Fang could refuse to work with them after all of that, but apparently one man should've been able to keep them in line.
"Didn't Adam tell you that everything would be fine or something?" Mercury questioned.
"Adam Taurus is a selfish asshole!" angrily stated the front Faunus again. "He controls us through fear, but we're not intimidated by him. We'll kill him and you human oppressors, and our brothers will be set free!"
"Oh man, who called in the whaaambulance?" Mercury taunted. He finally got the bigger picture now. This ragtag bunch were just some separatists who were always against working with humans in any form. The train incident just pushed them over the edge to finally take action. They weren't going to listen to reason, but they also weren't a threat to him. So why not have some fun?
"You think this is a freaking joke!?" All the Faunus pulled out their weapons. Most of them had red scimitars and one of them had a pistol. "We'll slaughter you here and now! And then maybe we'll take out that green bitch you're always hanging around!"
That last statement changed Mercury's demeanor for the worst. Sure Emerald could easily take these mooks, but anyone who insults and threatens to harm her in front of him was begging to be buried six feet under.
*Cue battle music*
Mercury crouched down and fired both his greaves into the ground, using it to give him a boost as he launched himself in the air and performed many flips. His feet landed on the front Faunus's face, and he fired off his greaves again, hurling himself into the air once more while simultaneously taking out the Faunus.
After doing some more flips in the air, Mercury aimed his greaves 45 degrees above him and fired them again, using the force to send himself hurtling towards the ground. He twisted his body and stuck one foot out and finished off another White Fang member with a single dive kick. Two down, five to go.
Mercury jumped up and somersaulted back to where he started. When he landed, he gave a cruel grin. "Who's next?" he goaded.
The remaining Faunus were shaken for a moment. This one kid immediately took out two of their guys by catching them off guard. Well now they've got their act together, as three of the scimitar wielders rushed the crazy kicker.
Using plenty of well-coordinated kicks, Mercury deflected dozens of slashes from the three swords. He found an opening, hopped into the air and stuck out both of his legs into a full split, nailing two of the attackers in the sides of their heads and pinning them between Mercury's feet and the opposite walls of the alley.
This feat shocked the third guy, so he stumbled back a bit. Mercury shot his greaves into the two White Fang's heads to shoot himself into the air again. He did a single front flip and came crashing down on the faltering enemy's skull with an axe kick.
The Faunus tried to lift himself off of the ground, but Mercury stomped on his head while firing a round. He then proceeded to constantly do more gunshot stomps on the poor victim's skull. The one with the pistol took aim at the gray-themed teen and shot a round of his own. Mercury kicked the now-corpse up into the air to deflect the bullet and kicked the body again, but this time he sent it flying towards the gunner, taking him out of commission for a while. He was down, but not out.
The last sword wielder picked up a second scimitar from one of his fallen comrades and then charged forward with a dual-wielding style. After parrying around five to ten slashes with some well-placed kicks, Mercury managed to land four kicks in and propelled both him and the baddie far into the air with a flying kick powered up with a gunshot. Mercury rode the soaring White Fang's back like a skateboard before performing a spinning handstand on him. He then rapidly launched a flurry of downward gunshot-powered kicks, finishing with a powerful one which drove his opponent face-first into the ground. Afterwards, Mercury made a three-point landing.
The gunner finally recovered and took aim once more. Mercury kicked up a scimitar on the ground up into the air like he did with that carcass earlier and kicked the hilt to send the sword zooming towards the last foe. Said foe fired a round, but the moment the bullet made contact with the edge of the blade, it split in half and each half veered off its original path and zipped past Mercury far off to his sides. The scimitar however, kept rocketing forward in midair until it lodged itself in the final enemy's forehead.
*End battle music*
The battle was over and Mercury didn't even break a sweat. He even had breath to spare. Sure the whole thing was brutal and messy and now he had even more blood on his hands (or rather his feet), but it was all part of his job. In fact, news about these members' betrayal would've reached Cinder's ears eventually, so someone was going to have to kill them sooner or later. Might as well complete that task sooner.
Anyways, he wasted enough time with these traitors. He needed to go pick up Emerald's gift.
He managed to arrive at his destination and entered the shop. Seeing the cashier behind the counter organizing some merchandise, Mercury called out to him to get his attention.
"Hey, remember me?"
The cashier turned around and noticed he had a customer. "Yeah I do. Not too many teens with prematurely gray hair."
"Hilarious." Mercury deadpanned, though he had a smirk on. "I'm here for my reservation. You got it?"
"Just came in today." The cashier turned back around to retrieve Mercury's reserved product.
"And giftwrap it real nice will ya. It's a Valentine's Day present."
"Dude, you really think this place does giftwrapping?"
"Fine. I'll do it myself." Anything to make the surprise perfect.
The cashier went back up to the counter with the gift in his hand. "Here it is. That'll be— wait a minute. Is that blood on your shoes?"
Mercury looked down at his feet and noticed there was indeed blood on shoes. No doubt it's from the battle earlier.
"Yes it is. Got a problem with that?" he threatened.
"I do actually. You're tracking it all over the floor, and that means I gotta clean it up."
Not the answer Mercury was expecting, but at least there was no point in threatening this guy anymore. "That is not my problem." he mocked.
The cashier glared at his customer. "Just pay for this gift of yours and leave."
"Will do."
February 14, 2015
Valentine's Day is here, but strangely more notable, it's a Saturday. This means that there were no classes for today and no reason for the terrible trio to pretend they were students. Just head straight to the warehouse and find something to occupy their time.
Emerald was doing just that. Strutting by the White Fang members doing whatever grunt work Cinder or Adam assigned them. She actually felt bad for these rogue Faunus. While she has been getting annoyed with Mercury lately about Valentine's Day, it is still a holiday about love. They should be spending today with their romantic partners.
"Hey Emerald, wait!"
Speak of the devil. Emerald stopped in an entryway so Mercury would catch up and she could hear what he had to tell her. She wouldn't admit it, but she was honestly looking forward to what kind of scheme he had to woo her.
"So, what's up?" she asked.
Mercury smirked. "Took the words right out of my mouth."
Emerald lifted an eyebrow before realizing what he meant. She looked up and noticed a mistletoe hanging from the top of the entryway.
"A mistletoe? Really?" Emerald couldn't believe that this was it. Although they bicker a lot, she will give him credit that he's a lot smarter than he looks. Usually. Guess this was one of those times when it wasn't usually. "You seriously put up a mistletoe just to catch us under it."
"Don't be ridiculous." affirmed Mercury. "That was just leftover from the Christmas party and no one bothered to take it down."
"How did none of us notice it was still there?" questioned a befuddled Emerald.
"I know right?" The truth was Mercury had always noticed. But he left it up there all this time for his Valentine's plan. That's right, he's been planning for this that far in advance. "Especially you of all people, considering how much fun you had under this."
Emerald was thankful her skin was so dark that it would be hard to tell that she was blushing. Like practically any other Christmas party, there was egg nog. However, Roman and Junior being the alcohol lovers that they are, felt the particular brand they had was weak. So they mixed in some whiskey, brandy, and vodka into the nog. The end result got a drunk Emerald and Mercury making out under this very mistletoe…and also made the intoxicated thief smack lips with Cinder as well.
She would be lying if she said that she didn't enjoy both moments of kissing. Which is why she likes to keep quiet about the whole ordeal.
"Welp, rules are rules. So pucker up!"
That brought Emerald out of her trance. "That's only for around Christmas time you idiot."
"Is that really a rule set in stone?" Mercury teased.
Emerald let out an exasperated sigh. "Is this seriously all you had planned to try to seduce me?" She honestly expected something more, like maybe the cliché flowers and chocolates, or maybe try to impress her with some new cologne again (she had to admit, he had great taste when it came to that). She didn't expect something so…pathetic.
Mercury gave a smirk for a reply. "You underestimate me." He suddenly reached behind his back. "TADA!" He pulled out a somewhat medium-sized present covered in red wrapping paper with a lovely bow on top.
Now this was a surprise, and it showed when the girl's eyes widened. She slightly hesitantly accepted the gift and tore off the paper.
Emerald gasped when she saw what it was. "Oh. My. God."
The male had a genuinely warm smile on his face. "I knew you'd like it."
Indeed she did. It was the "Nintendo NEW 3DS XL Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate Edition". She loved the Monster Hunter series and this saves her the trouble of pickpocketing every sucker within a 5-mile radius just to get this special "NEW 3DS XL".
"I love it." Emerald said beaming with happiness. "Thank you so much."
"I still don't get why you like this series though." admitted Mercury. "I mean if you want to fight monsters with cool transforming weapons, why not just do that in real life?"
"Well when you're exhausted from killing so many monsters, but you still want to kill more monsters, you can just sit back and wind down and kill monsters in this game."
Mercury pondered this for a brief second. "Hmmm…not a bad idea. Maybe you could show me what this game is like."
"Sure thing." agreed Emerald. "Thanks again so much. This might be the best gift I've ever gotten."
"I like how you said might be, as if you know I have a better gift for you." grinned Mercury.
Emerald looked up from her gift wide-eyed once again. There was more?
The gray-haired teen walked out of the entryway and into the room. "May I direct your attention to the large sheet behind me."
Emerald followed and was shocked to see that there was indeed a large sheet behind Mercury, and it was covering up a big thin rectangle on the wall.
"Okay, how did I miss this!?"
Ignoring her question, Mercury grabbed onto the sheet. "Alright Emerald. Feast your eyes on this!" He pulled the sheet off to reveal his final gift.
The green-themed crook couldn't believe what she saw. It was so ridiculous that she couldn't help but laugh even harder than she had two days ago.
This wasn't the reaction Mercury was supposed to be getting. Why was she laughing? Behind him was a beautiful piece of artwork of Emerald herself. Or at least that's what it was supposed to be. When he turned around to look at it himself, his jaw dropped. Instead it was a well-made artwork of all the criminals dressed up as the Team Fortress 2 classes.
"WHAT THE HELL!?" He looked around and found Neo, the one he commissioned to make the artwork in the first place, across the room. "Neo! You were supposed to draw Emerald!"
Neo took out her scroll and typed out a text. Mercury's own scroll went off and he checked out the new text he received. It said "I found your doodle of this and thought it was cooler."
"Oh you little—"
"Mercury relax!" Emerald tried to calm him down, although she was still chuckling uncontrollably. "I can guarantee you I like this better than whatever you had planned."
Mercury let out a heavy sigh. There's no point in complaining if she likes it anyway. Take the good with the bad as they say.
"So I'm the Sniper huh?" Emerald noted taking a closer look at the picture. "How did you know he was my favorite?"
"It just seemed to fit." admitted Mercury.
"Let's see…you're the Scout, Cinder's the Pyro, and Roman's the Spy. Is his hair sticking out of his mask's eyehole? Clever. And Junior's the Soldier. These are all good choices so far, but why is Miltia the Engineer and Melanie the Medic?"
"Look I had trouble finding suitable classes for everyone, so I just made Miltia the Engineer because they're both nice and Melanie the Medic because they both wear white."
"And because the Engineer and the Medic look totally alike." jested Emerald. "And Neo is the Demoman because…"
"Demoman only has one eye. Neo's eyes are always changing— look it was really hard to fit in everyone!"
"Alright, alright. But who's supposed to be the Heavy?"
"That's that one White Fang guy with the special mask."
"I don't remember Adam being that buff."
"Not Adam! The one with the chainsaw and the accent that comes and goes."
"Oh right, him!" Emerald finally understood who he was talking about. "Mercury I have to say, this has all been wonderful. You did all of this for me?"
"Well yeah, of course I did." This was it. Confession time. It was now or never. "Emerald, the truth is…I like you. A lot. We've been through so much over the years and I find you to be an incredibly sexy, fun, and wonderful girl. I know I'm far from the perfect guy and I annoy you…a lot…and on purpose, but if you could find it in your heart to give me a chance, I'll do everything I can to make every day as enjoyable as this moment and show you that I can change and become a better man. And if you don't, I'll respect that and we can pretend this never happened."
There it was. It was all out in the open now. Emerald respectfully listened to everything he had to say before giving him a smile. "Took you long enough."
"Huh? Whaddya mean 'took me long enough'?"
Emerald began to enlighten the clueless love-struck teen. "You don't know how long I've waited for you to finally mature enough that you would finally admit you love me."
"Wait, you knew!?"
"There were some pretty telltale signs that you saw me as more than a partner. More than a friend as well."
"And you were just playing with my feelings this whole time!?"
"Don't be ridiculous. I'm not that cruel. I was just too proud to be the first of us to admit there was something between us."
"Something between us? Wait…" The gears finally started turning in Mercury's brain. "Does that mean—"
"Yes Mercury." Emerald interrupted while blushing. "I love you too."
The absolute dumbest grin grew on Mercury's face, but he couldn't care less about how stupid he looked right now. "REALLY!? Oh this is the best Valentine's Day ever! Thank you Emerald! I swear to you, I'll be the best boyfriend you'll ever have!"
"Whoa, slow down there! You already won me over." Emerald will admit that seeing Mercury all excitable and goofy like this was adorable, but a bit too OOC for her tastes. "And for the record, you don't need to change much about yourself. I did fall for the handsome funny dork in front of me after all."
"Dork?" Did she really think that about him? "Whatever. I knew you always wanted me." Mercury went back into that snarky attitude of his.
Emerald sighed, almost sounding displeased. "Mercury." She started to walk away from him. He was almost worried that he might have offended her until she stopped under the mistletoe and pulled out a wallet. "I will seriously pay you to shut up and kiss me."
Mercury let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and followed her. Happy to know that he didn't already blow it. "That's still not your money."
"But it can be yours for five minutes of making out with me."
Mercury pretended to think about it. "Mmmmm…no deal."
This confused Emerald greatly. Mercury was getting paid to have permission to taste her lips. Why would he turn down that offer?
She soon got her answer when he grabbed her wallet hand and lowered it while he gently placed his other hand on her cheek. "This one's on the house." He leaned in and planted his mouth over hers.
There was no denying it, this was the best moment of their lives. Standing here, passionately kissing the person they love more than anything else after they just confessed, this was pure bliss. Not to mention kissing your dream partner is a lot more enjoyable when you're sober.
At this moment, Roman happened to be passing through holding a bouquet of roses when he noticed the two teens making out.
"Ah young love." he muttered before continuing to his destination that is Cinder's office.
The leader of these misfits herself happened to be doing nothing special other than staring out the window behind her desk. All was quiet until the creaking sound of her door opening echoed throughout the room.
"Knock knock." Roman called out.
Cinder didn't even bother turning around. "Whoever is there, go away."
"Hey there Cinder." Roman greeted, ignoring her order. By this point, she knows who is visiting her. "I noticed you've been in a rotten mood lately, so I thought I'd bring you something to cheer you up."
Realizing that he wouldn't be leaving anytime soon, Cinder turned her head to actually look at him.
"Happy Valentine's Day!" He held out the rose bouquet towards her.
Cinder raised her eyebrow at the gesture. "What is this?"
Roman started to show visible signs of nervousness. "Um…it's a lovely bouquet of roses."
"And why exactly are you giving me this?" inquired Cinder.
"Well, uh…it's like I said. You have been such a downer these last few days. Such a painful, painful downer." He said that last as if he experienced that painfulness himself, which he probably has. "So I figured, you know…"
"You're wasting both of our times." Cinder simply stated. She turned her head to face the window again. "Leave my presence at once."
At this point, Roman went from nervous to aggravated in the span of two seconds. "Okay you know what!?" he raised his voice. "Whenever you get the slightest bit pissy, you always take it out on me! So when you started acting all Ms. Doom and Gloom around here, I was worried I might not make it out alive this week! And since you only apparently act like this when it's around this holiday, I figured it's probably because you've never gotten a Valentine before! So out of the goodness of my heart, I spent my hard-earned lien on the finest roses money could buy to ease your grief!"
He tossed said roses onto her desk. "But now I can see that no matter what I do, you'll always be an ungrateful bitch!" Boy did it feel great to get all of that off his chest. However, he now realized that he probably could've left out that last sentence, as saying something like that to a powerful fire wizard is usually a bad idea. The crime lord began to leave before his words sank into Cinder's thoughts.
"Roman, look at me." He got nervous again when Cinder called out to him. Nonetheless, he turned around against his better judgment and saw that she was fully facing him.
He calmed however when he noticed that she strangely didn't look ticked off and seemed like she was finally ready to give him a proper conversation.
"Do I look like someone who's never gotten a Valentine?" she asked him.
"Honestly, I couldn't believe it either. But it seemed like the only logical explanation." Roman answered.
Cinder couldn't fault him for that. In context, it could look like what he suspected, considering the date and all. She figures there's no harm in giving him some insight, especially since she could tell he was sincerely trying to make her happy.
"Everyone has a story Roman, and mine didn't have a happy ending." She turned around to look out the window again. "Many years ago on this day, I went through a life-changing event in what I can only describe as 'true Hell'. It made me the person I am today and why I strive for my ultimate goal. The date just happens to be a coincidence."
The melancholy feeling coming from her was palpable in the air. "Oh." Roman simply said, feeling bad now for yelling at her earlier. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Cinder cocked her head towards the man with a furrow in her brows. "I've told you more about my past than most other people know about." There was a noticeable harshness in her tone. "Do not push your luck."
Roman held up his hands, but he didn't look afraid. "Alright, alright." he gave in calmly. "We've all got issues. Believe me, I completely understand."
Cinder turned her body towards him again. "Do you now?"
"As much as I enjoy being a crime lord, I didn't become one just for shits and giggles you know." Roman tilted his hat forward. "I…didn't have the best childhood. And that's all I'm willing to share."
This was certainly a surprise for Cinder, and a pleasant one at that. It was good to know that there was someone who could relate to her pain. And while he wouldn't admit it, she could that he cared about her. Speaking of which…
"Roman, why did you really give me these?" she asked, picking up the bouquet of roses on her desk.
Roman's face started to blush. "I-I already told you. I did it so you would cheer up and not put me on a spit roast."
"Roman, you can't lie to me." Cinder knew there was more to it. "What's the real reason?"
The criminal mastermind let out a sigh, but the red wouldn't leave his cheeks. "Okay, the truth is…I…may have feelings for you."
"Is that so?" A small playful smirk danced upon Cinder's lips.
"Well…not may have feelings. I do have feelings for you. I don't know when it began, but I have been developing these affections for you for quite some time now. It's also the reason why I still put up with all the abuse you give me. I know I'm not your favorite person, but I'm okay with that. All I want is for you to be happy. So no more pouting, okay?"
That was hands down the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to her. And after that confession, Cinder couldn't control the wave of emotions flowing through her now.
"Don't sell yourself short. Any woman would be fortunate to have you in their life." Cinder stated, shocking Roman. "And since we're being honest, you have always been in my heart as well."
"REALLY!?" Roman screamed. Realizing how he just acted, he hastily regained his composure. "Er, I mean…then why do you always treat me worse than dirt?"
"I was always trying to push you away so I wouldn't get attached. In my experience, love brings nothing but pain. But I forgot it can also ease it as well."
She knew what she just said made her seem like a hypocrite considering what she told Mercury yesterday. But the truth was she was always hoping that she was wrong about her beliefs. She longed for someone to remind her that there is some good in the world to look forward to. And she ironically found that someone in this devilishly charming gentleman thief. But hey, she was always fond of a little danger.
"So please Roman, will you stay with me?" What happened next would be a historical moment. Cinder smiled at Roman. Not the usual cold sinister smirks she would always give to her subordinates, but a genuine warm smile. It made her more beautiful in Roman's eyes than ever before, and it spoke to him in volumes why he loved her in the first place.
He gave her a nice smile of his own. "I've stayed with you for this long. What's the rest of our lives in comparison?"
With that, Roman wrapped his arms around Cinder's waist, while she wrapped hers around his neck and they both engaged in a loving kiss. They kept at it for a while until Roman parted his lips from hers.
"Could you hold on for a second Dear?" He raised his fist and banged it against the door behind him.
"OW!" cried out Mercury's voice from the other side.
"Sorry kids! It's adult swim in here!" Roman called back. He then went back to sucking face with his new lover.
Meanwhile on the other side, Mercury was on the ground caressing his bruised ear with Emerald and Neo standing above him.
"I told you not to eavesdrop on them." Emerald patronized her new boyfriend with a smirk.
"Oh please, you were even more curious than me." Mercury defended his actions. "I did this all for you." He continued to rub his sore ear. "Ow."
"Aaaw, do you want me to kiss it to make you feel better?"
"If you don't mind."
Neo could only smile after everything that's happened. Her main ship has set sail, and Emerald and Mercury also found happiness in each other's arms. She knew it. This was a fun Valentine's Day.
I think we all learned a valuable lesson here. The way to a Valentine's heart isn't through flowers or chocolate. It's through video games and cool crossover fanart! I actually do like that fanart idea by the way. Someone should actually make that (hint hint, nudge nudge).
Well that's the end of that story. Hope you all enjoyed it! And I also hope you found love in your significant criminal as well. There really needs to be more fics about these couples. At the very least, it would be something different.
I wonder what I should do now. Hmmmmm. I suppose I could always work on Chapter 2 of "Precocious Love". I did promise I would turn that into a series if it got popular enough. And boy did it turn out popular. Yeah I think I'll go do that! I've got nothing better to do other than whatever's going on in my real life, but I could easily piss that away.
Oh before I shut up and let you people go back to making out with your boyfriends/girlfriends/non-existent harems, let treat you all to one last Valentine's gift in the form of an alternate scene I had planned.
Alternate Scene
Wonder what's going on with the bubbly ginger. "It appears to be working. No one knows I'm super horny for stoners."
Hilarious right? I'll leave it up to your opinion over which scene is better. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!