A/N: Crossposted from my AO3 - archiveofourown dot org / works/10090265
It was two days before he finally noticed something amiss and realized it was the silence. It wasn't the usual 'we're good, but leave me alone for a bit' silence, much less the companionable, lounging together doing their own things silence. This was a cold shoulder, and for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what he'd done wrong.
The second indication that he'd fucked up somehow came when he tried to talk to Guang-Hong about it, using the pet name they both enjoyed so much, only for said minx to snap and tell him to stop calling him that. By the time the shock wore off, Guang-Hong had shut himself in the bedroom. He couldn't bear the thought of making things worse by following and collapsed on the couch instead.
Maybe they'd moved too fast. Maybe he should have held back more on the kinks, but Guang-Hong never complained or said no... which in itself was still a concern, but they always discussed the toys they were going to use next before incorporating them. He'd never noticed anything outside of eager apprehension. Maybe he was losing his touch. Maybe he'd only seen what he wanted to see, but... he'd thought he was getting pretty good at reading Guang-Hong.
He curled around one of the pillows on the couch with a deep sigh. He'd just wait a couple hours to let Guang-Hong fall asleep before joining him, though the thought of sleeping facing Guang-Hong's back physically pained him.
He woke the next morning to the door creaking open and sat up in time to see it swing shut, flopping back down to the couch with a groan. How the hell was he going to fix this? He dragged himself to the shower, debating on lying naked on the bed until Guang-Hong returned, but he doubted that would go over well. They hadn't made plans for the day, and if Guang-Hong was avoiding him, he likely wouldn't be back until late.
He wasn't quite prepared to find Guang-Hong in the kitchen when he finally finished his shower and dressed, biting his tongue to keep from spouting the first thing that came to mind. This was all wrong. He hated the hunched shoulders and the way he could tell Guang-Hong had noticed he was there and refused to turn and face him.
"I'm sorry. Whatever I did or said, I'm sorry, please just talk to me."
Guang-Hong shifted, wrapping his arms around himself as he glanced back, his eyes not moving above Leo's feet. "Wasn't you..."
"Why are you mad at me?"
"I'm not mad..."
Leo sighed and yanked his fingers through his hair, stepping closer and reaching out towards Guang-Hong. He froze as his minx flinched away. He curled his fingers into a fist, dropping his hand to his side and struggling to find his breath around the sudden, constricting tightness in his chest. "Then why are you acting like I'm going to hurt you?" He sucked in a breath as Guang-Hong hunched tighter into himself. "Okay," he whispered, stepping back and turning for the bedroom.
He pulled on his socks and shoes, throwing a couple shirts and pants in a bag and grabbing his skating duffle on the way to the door. "When you're ready to talk, call me. I'll find somewhere to crash for a few days if that's what you need." He didn't wait for a response, couldn't bear to look back to see Guang-Hong hunched in on himself. If he needed some space, he could give it. Better him leave than Guang-Hong; at least this way he knew where he was, knew he was safe, and could find him if needed. He thought he maybe heard a soft "Wait" as he pulled the door closed, but was sure it was only his imagination.
He tossed his things in his car, intending to go to the rink to lose himself for a bit, but his hands were shaking and he probably wasn't in the right frame of mind to even be driving, let alone skating.
His phone was in his hands a moment later.
You busy?
No what's up?
SOS
He banged his head against the steering wheel, cursing himself for sending that text, but it was the only thing he could think to do that might help.
Door's open.
He sucked in a breath in an effort to steady himself, setting his phone aside before backing out. The drive was thankfully short and accident free.
Once he arrived in front of the familiar house, he sat in the car, listening to his near-painful heartbeat. This was stupid, but it wasn't like he wanted to crash at home and try to explain to his family that his boyfriend was pissed at him and he didn't even know why.
"Fuck."
He knocked twice before letting himself inside. The place was exactly how he remembered, right down to the hyper-realistic mural along the longest wall - a waterfall at the back of a forest. He glanced up as he heard footsteps on the stairs, shivering at the heavy thud of solid boots.
The thick black leather gave way to black jeans tight around muscled thighs and a black leather jacket open over a bare chest. The only thing that caught his attention though was the single-tail whip in hand. That was exactly what he needed.
"Been a while, Leo. What brings you back here?"
Leo tensed, straightening on reflex as he flicked his eyes up, stopping before he looked past the dark scruff. His mouth went dry as he tried to answer. Why was he here? He hadn't come here in forever, but when he started feeling like things were going to shit, Jake was the first one he thought to go to.
"You look like shit."
He flinched, dropping his eyes to the floor. He needed to answer, knew he had to say something, anything, before Jake would lay a finger on him, but all the words were sucked into the gaping ache in his stomach. He tensed at the press of hard corded leather on his cheek, lifting his head and staring at Jake's nose.
"On your knees and present, boy."
Leo frowned at the order, but he trusted Jake enough his body obeyed on instinct. He sank down to his knees, sitting straight as he clasped his wrists behind his back.
"What's your name?"
He relaxed a bit at the question, the heavy thud of boots as Jake walked around him easing the ache a bit, or at least distracted him from it. "Leo." He flinched at the answering prod of the whip handle on his shoulder. "Leo, Sir."
"You sent me an SOS."
"Yes, Sir."
"What is it you need from me, boy?"
Leo licked his lips, glancing up as Jake passed in front of him. The direct questions were easier to answer, at least. He didn't have to try to explain why. "Grounding, Sir."
Jake paused behind him, resting a hand on Leo's shoulder. "Something happened to throw you off balance."
It wasn't a question, but he answered anyway. "Yes, Sir."
"And you want the bite of my whip to center yourself again."
Leo shuddered and closed his eyes, hating himself for having to come here, for not being able to keep himself together for Guang-Hong's sake. He wanted to be able to go to Guang-Hong for this, but he doubted Guang-Hong would ever be comfortable enough to hold a whip and hit him with it. That was okay, he could live with that since he didn't need this often, but he felt like shit that Guang-Hong didn't even know, much less that he was here now and-
He gasped as Jake tugged his head back, tapping the whip handle against his cheek. "Well?"
"Yes, Sir."
Jake released his hair. "What's your word then, boy?"
He closed his eyes and took a slow breath, trying to clear his mind. "Nickleback."
Jake chuckled. "I forgot what a music snob you are."
His lips twitched, refusing to rise to the bait, though he relaxed further as saying his word forced him to shift gears. "Yes, Sir." He shivered as the long tail of the whip dragged across his shoulder.
"Shirt off, boy." Jake stopped in front of him, taking the shirt and tossing it on a chair. "Five lashes."
"Yes, Sir." He moved his hands to the back of his head, leaning forward slightly at the press of fingers on his back. He closed his eyes, sucking in a deep breath. It'd been... over a year since he'd last been here, three since he'd found the scene. Jake had been the first to show him he could benefit from submission as much as he got out of dominating. Most of what he learned about toys and controlling a scene came from Jake.
He took another deep breath as Jake shifted behind him, bracing himself for the sharp sting. It came a moment later, leaving a searing line of fire across his back. His body jerked as he snarled, clenching his teeth against a moan. He panted for breath as he waited for the pain to ease, though he only got a single breath before the next strike landed.
This was why Guang-Hong didn't like the whip; he didn't like the sting, or the way the sharp pain and welts lingered rather than easing into a dull throb. Leo preferred it. He enjoyed the bite of the tail lashing his skin, the pain forcing everything else out of his mind. Or it usually did anyway. It wasn't working this time. Even as the third and fourth strikes bit into his flesh, he couldn't clear his mind enough to sink into subspace. All he could focus on was the way Guang-Hong had hunched his shoulders like he was scared of him, the way he'd flinched away like Leo would ever hit him without Guang-Hong wanting it, and even then, he'd never hit his face.
He squeezed his eyes shut and slumped forward as the fifth lash seared his back, slamming his arms onto the floor with a wordless yell.
"Leo."
"I don't know what I did." The words spilled from him between ragged gasps for air. "He pulled away from me. We were fine and... and then we weren't and he stopped talking to me and flinched- FUCK!" He slammed his fists against the floor with a broken sob. He pressed his forehead into his wrists, dimly aware of Jake's fingers in his hair.
Way to break down, idiot. He curled his fingers into fists, lungs aching as he forced in a deep breath. "I think I'm losing him." And God, that thought alone was worse than the pain in his back. He couldn't lose Guang-Hong. They may not have been together long, but... he'd never been so utterly head-over-heels in love with anyone before. Guang-Hong made him feel alive , was everything good in his life. He couldn't even remember what it'd been like before, bouncing from one bed to another when he had time between training and competitions, scening with anyone who caught his eye just to take an edge off.
"Please," he whispered. He wasn't even sure what he wanted or needed, though Jake's fingers never stopped stroking his hair.
"I'm not hitting you again, boy," Jake murmured, voice low and far more soothing than Leo really wanted right then. "I nearly broke skin with the last one." He sighed and stood, moving away a moment and setting a small throw pillow on the floor, lifting Leo's head onto it. "Lie down. And give me your phone, boy."
Leo groaned as he stretched out on his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. "In my back pocket," he murmured when he couldn't get his arm to work without pain lancing across his shoulders. He grunted as Jake pulled it out, thinking nothing of it as he closed his eyes. The cold cloths Jake spread across his back a few minutes later helped the pain if not the lingering despair in his chest.
It wasn't until he heard Jake talking in the other room that he realized why he'd taken his phone and he groaned, hissing as he tried to push himself up only to collapse back to the floor. Why did it even matter if Jake talked to Guang-Hong? It wasn't like he'd be able to find out what Leo'd done wrong.
He only caught a few stray words, Jake reassuring that he was okay, before he faded out as he paced.
Guang-Hong probably hated him more now for disappearing like that. Now that he thought about it, that'd been a pretty dick move. He'd hate himself for walking out like that and he winced as he realized Guang-Hong might have taken it as him leaving him, and he just hoped they weren't that far down that road.
He tensed as Jake returned, setting his phone down by his head before settling on the floor himself. "I don't think I need to tell you what you could have done better..."
He winced and clutched at the frayed edge of the pillow. "No, Sir."
"Your boy is worried and wants you to come back. I don't know what's going on, but I'm sure he's willing to talk to you. You think you can handle a car ride?"
Leo swallowed a groan and nodded. He could if it meant knowing Guang-Hong was waiting for him.
"I'll bring your car back to you when Alicia gets home. Come on."
He let Jake help him to his feet and to the truck, sitting hunched in the passenger seat to keep any pressure off his back. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm a terrible excuse for a Dom."
Jake sighed as he backed out of the driveway. "Are you his Dom?"
"Only in the bedroom."
"And outside of it?"
He started to shrug before thinking better of it. "Boyfriends." He winced as he slanted a glare at Jake. "And I'm a shitty boyfriend on top of it all..."
"That's not what I was getting at and you know it, boy," Jake snapped, and Leo clamped his mouth shut with a sullen look. "When's the last time you had a relationship with someone outside of the scene?"
"...Beginning of high school probably." Even then, he'd never been too serious with them; ice skating had been his mistress even back then. He always knew they wouldn't last, not long enough to really dedicate himself to them anyway. Not like now, when he could very easily lose himself in the dream of retiring together with Guang-Hong in a few years. Finding a mundane job or becoming a trainer if he did well enough to have people interested, getting a house together, maybe... starting a family together.
Even if Guang-Hong wanted to go back home to China for a while, he'd wait for him. Or move there with him. "So what?" he asked, voice rough with emotions he couldn't even name right then.
"So you've never had a vanilla relationship mix with kink and the scene. A serious relationship to boot."
Leo grumbled and leaned to the side, letting his head thunk into the window. He still couldn't focus on anything outside of the possibility of losing Guang-Hong, and for the life of him he still couldn't remember what he'd done. Had they done something that Guang-Hong didn't like? They'd only really fooled around a bit with a paddle since the panties incident, and he'd enjoyed it enough Leo was sure he could make Guang-Hong come untouched just spanking him.
Was it too much sex? He couldn't keep his hands off Guang-Hong most of the time, even when he wasn't actively trying to get in his pants. Just touching his hair or holding his hand, or kissing him - he wanted to be near him all the time, but he knew when to give space. Or he'd thought so, anyway.
He glanced up at the apartment when they pulled into a spot. "I don't know what to do," he murmured, reluctant to even get out of the truck, much less climb the stairs and face Guang-Hong, and the throbbing pain in his back had little to do with it.
Jake sighed as he killed the engine. "Talk, for one. I take it this is your first fight?"
He winced at calling it a fight; they hadn't had a verbal falling out or anything, but it was the first time they'd drifted apart. "Yeah."
"So talk. Through text if you have to." Jake opened his door, walking around to help Leo out and up the stairs. "Your back should be okay in a couple days, it's just that one spot that looks bad."
Leo grunted and leaned into Jake for support, gripping his shoulder as he made his way up the stairs. This certainly wasn't how he'd expected this day to go. He'd hoped to be deep in subspace by now, his back hot and just shy of too painful, and hopefully on the verge of an epiphany when he finally came back.
He fished his keys out of his pocket at the top of the stairs, the door swinging open before he could jam the key in the lock. Guang-Hong peeked out at them from behind the door and Leo felt his chest constrict as he saw the red-rimmed eyes. "Hey," he murmured.
"Hey." Guang-Hong stepped back, opening the door further.
Jake caught his arm before he could step inside. "Keys."
"Right." He handed over the key to his car. "Thanks."
Jake glanced between the two of them, squeezing Leo's shoulder before turning. "Ice your back. Call if you need me."
Leo stepped inside and paused as Guang-Hong closed the door behind him, unsure what to say, though he didn't get a chance to figure it out. Guang-Hong turned away, heading to the kitchen. "I'll... be in the bedroom," he murmured. He almost felt guilty for using his own bedroom knowing Guang-Hong had been holed up in there to avoid him, but he grimaced at the thought of trying to lie on the couch right then.
He kicked his shoes and pants off, grabbing his phone before collapsing onto the bed with a groan of relief, bunching his pillow up under his chin. He distracted himself with his phone, pausing as he eyed his messages and letting out a slow breath as he pulled up Guang-Hong's thread.
Can we talk?
He counted heartbeats as he stared at his phone, hearing Guang-Hong's Chinese message alert go off in the other room. He pressed his face into his arm, waiting a full five minutes with no response before sending another.
Please. I'm sorry I hurt you. Please just let me know what I did so I don't do it again I swear I never meant to upset you
He heard the alert again, clutching his phone and resisting the urge to throw it across the room as it remained silent. He glanced up in surprise as he heard the bedroom door squeak, glancing back to see Guang-Hong with a towel and ice pack. He bit his tongue to keep from saying anything just yet, refusing to get his hopes up. The towel and pack settling on his back drew a groan out of him, gritting his teeth against the pain before slumping as it started to dull the ache. "Thank you." He tilted his head as Guang-Hong lingered a moment before stepping back. "Guang-Hong."
Guang-Hong tensed and glanced at him, his lower lip raw from where he'd been biting it. "I'm sorry."
Leo choked on a sob as Guang-Hong finally spoke to him. "What'd I do?"
Guang-Hong whimpered, pressing his hands to his lips as he shook his head. "Nothing."
"Then why-" He stopped as Guang-hong dropped to his knees, pressing his face into the mattress, his shoulders shaking as he tried to stifle his sobs. "Please talk to me."
"I-I don't want to be just a sub."
Leo blinked, pushing up to his elbows and clenching his teeth against a groan as he shifted to rest his head near Guang-Hong's. "Where's this coming from?"
Guang-Hong rubbed at his eyes before lifting his head, hesitating a moment before resting it against Leo's. "They were talking about it at the meeting," he said softly. "How much they enjoy kink and being dominated and-" he hiccupped, "their Masters making choices for them and-"
"Hey, hey, it's okay," Leo murmured, inching his hand up into Guang-Hong's hair and closing his eyes with a shudder of relief when he didn't pull away. "Why would I ask you to do something you don't want to do?" He gave a gentle tug and pressed his forehead to Guang-Hong's when he finally looked at him. "I don't need or want you to be my sub if you don't want to, babe," he murmured, a smile tugging at his lips as Guang-Hong leaned into him.
"I like what we do..."
"So do I." He groaned as he couldn't ignore his protesting back anymore, pulling back and slumping against the pillow again. "Join me?" He patted the bed next to him and held his breath, letting it out in a whoosh when Guang-Hong climbed up beside him. "So. You don't want what we do in the bedroom creeping into the rest of our lives, right?" He threw his arm over Guang-Hong, pressing his face into his hair as he nodded. "It doesn't have to. I'm fine keeping it just in the bedroom. Is this why you stopped talking to me?"
Guang-Hong whined and curled into Leo, burying his face in Leo's neck. "Sorry."
Leo sighed and closed his eyes. "You could have talked to me, babe. I can't read your mind. I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong," he murmured, massaging at Guang-Hong's scalp when he sobbed. "I'm not angry, babe. I just wish you'd trust me enough to talk to me."
"I trust you. I was just..."
"Scared?" He pressed his lips to Guang-Hong's temple when he nodded. "Don't ever be scared to talk me, babe. It doesn't matter what it is, we'll figure something out, okay?"
Guang-Hong burrowed closer and wrapped an arm around Leo, jerking back when Leo hissed at the pressure on his back. "Sorry!"
"It's okay, the ice is helping." He tightened his arm around Guang-Hong to keep him from getting away. "Are we okay now?" he asked softly.
Guang-Hong nodded, kissing Leo's nose and cheek, squirming as Leo returned them.
"Can I call you minx again?" He sagged in relief when Guang-Hong nodded and tugged his hand up, smiling as his minx kissed his fingertips.
"I still love you, Leo," Guang-Hong whispered.
He shifted to settle half on top of his little minx, ignoring the exaggerated protests and nuzzling into Guang-Hong's neck, biting at the sensitive flesh before leaving a large hickey to make up for lost time. "I still love you too, Guang-Hong."