Perfect Fit

The Joker has come up with a way to finally defeat Batman, a fool-proof plan, but someone seems to be leaking information to the Dark Knight. AU. Harley/Joker fic. Joker/Harley Quinn; Batman/Catwoman. PG-13. Horror/Romance

I can paint my face
And stand very, very still
It's not very practical
But it still pays the bills

I used to be the smart one
Sharp as a tack
Funny how that skipping years ahead
Has held me back

The Dresden Dolls - the Perfect Fit

It was quiet. Almost too quiet. The only sound came from the wind outside, blowing gently on the warehouse walls, making an eerie whispering sound. Harley Quinn sat on a large purple chair, lazily flipping through the channels. All of the Clowns were gone, out at some heist with the Joker that she hadn't been invited on. Joker wasn't too happy with her ever since she had accidentally gotten one of the Clowns killed. It wasn't her fault, she didn't know that the police were right around the corner, or else she would have worked harder, faster. She shifted in the seat, trying to find a comfortable position, but her bruised ribs seemed to be against any movement at all. The bruises were her punishment for the loss of the Clown. 'I deserved it.' she thought to herself.

The entrance to the warehouse suddenly slammed open, and Harley jumped out of the chair, turned the TV off, and ran for the stairs, trying to run up them as quietly as possible. Joker didn't like her being in his henchmen's room at any time, for any reason. But their room was the only one with a TV., other than Joker's very own room, but Harley didn't dare go into there without permission. With her luck he'd have it booby-trapped or something. She cleared the stairs and tiptoed back to her open door, entering her room, and slowly closing it behind her, trying her hardest to keep it from being too loud. After she was sure it was secured, she walked over to her bed and lay down in it, feigning sleep.

She could hear the Clowns' noisy footsteps as they gallivanted around the room, talking in their loud voices. She could even hear some of them singing. 'It must-a gone good tonight. Wonder what Mistah J found that was so great?' she thought, but didn't really have much time to wonder any further before she heard a loud, brash voice call out her name.

"HARLEY!!!!" She shot up out of bed and stuffed her feet into black slippers that lay on the floor. She grabbed a robe and threw it on over her black tank-top and red shorts.

"Coming Mistah J!!" she yelled, opening the door and entering the hallway. She slowed her pace and then walked over to Joker's room, noticing that the door was slightly ajar. She peered in and saw Joker, his coattails partially gone and his hair in wild disarray. But he had a huge smile on his face as he peered at the largest diamond Harley had ever seen.

"Stop spying through the door and come in." he said. She walked into the room and offered up a huge smile.

"Hey Puddin', what's that? What happened to your clothes, get in a fire or somethin?" she asked. Joker turned and looked at her. Her heart sped up when she saw the displeased look on his face.

"Where's your costume, you know how I hate that bottle-blonde look." he said, his eye twitching slightly as he looked over Harley's blonde locks falling down over her shoulders. It had grown a lot since she first came here. Joker liked women to have long hair. The psychologist in Harley said that that was awfully sexist, but whatever her Mistah J wanted, she was fine with. Harley felt herself take a step back, trying to get out of Joker's reach.

"Sorry, Puddin', honest. Well If I had known you'd be askin' for my company this late at night, I woulda worn it. It's dirty from the last heist and-"

"Enough!" That one word reverberated through the room and Harley was waiting for the punch that was going to come with it. Instead, Joker walked closer to her and put the diamond in front of her.

"Ever seen a diamond like this, Harl?" he asked, delight playing across his face as he glared at it. Harley shook her head, utterly speechless. It was a pink diamond, almost as big as her palm. It was cut into the shape of a heart, with silver 'lace' carved around it.

"It's great Mistah J! But whateva you do is great, so it's not surprising." she said, and instantly regretted it when she saw the look on his face. He was still smiling but there was a coldness in his eyes. It was the same look he used when he killed people. He walked by her, still staring and smiling, and closed the door. "I only meant that it's great, Puddin! I didn't mean you ain't surprising any more, honest, you know I didn't!" she pleaded.

"Shh!" he said, putting a white finger to her lips. She hushed instantly, and started to quiver, waiting for the blow that she was sure was coming any minute. It never came. And to her surprise, she felt Joker slide his arm around her waist.

"What's goin' on, Puddin? You ain't mad?" she asked cautiously.

"Mad? Maybe. But a quick dance may take the sting out of your words." he said, the smile still on his face. Harley's heart skipped a beat as she placed her hands on his broad shoulders, the happiness of that touch almost making her dizzy. She followed his steps, staring up into his face as he waltzed them across his spacious bedroom.

"So you ain't mad anymore, Puddin?" she asked. He stopped their dancing. Harley froze, not breathing.

"Mad? No. Furious? Yes!" he yelled as he grabbed a handful of her blond locks and threw her away from him. She crashed against the wall and slid down, black spots in front of her eyes. Her ribs hurt even worse now. She barely had time to think before Joker had grabbed another handful of hair and pulled her to her feet. He reached his arm back to punch her. Harley flinched as he thrust forward, but never felt the blow. His hand punched the wall only millimeters from her face. She turned away from the arm and went to walk the other way, but he shot out his other arm, keeping her trapped, as well as pulling her hair.

"Mistah J, you're hurtin' me!" she whined. Joker brought his face down to meet her gaze, and withdrew his arm. This time he was really going to punch her, straight in her face. She saw him thrust his arm out forward and, against her better judgment, she ducked and crawled through his spread legs to get away. She crawled halfway across the room before turning and looking at him. He was still facing the wall, as if she hadn't moved.

"Harley." he said, quietly, but she could practically feel the anger emanating from that one word.

"Yes, Mistah J?" she had to clear her throat twice before she could say anything. She watched him turn around, painfully slowly. He gestured for her to come to him. She gulped and crawled over to him. He entwined his white fingers in her hair again and pulled her up to face him.

"You're not supposed to run away, Harl." he said, almost gently.

"I know, Puddin, but you was hurtin' me. It was instinct, you know?" Apparently he didn't know. He backhanded her, causing her to go crashing to the ground. She landed on her back and began to crab-crawl back from him slowly. He towered over her, his leg lifting, as if to give her a kick. She crawled away a little more, causing the robe Joker was standing on to move, throwing him off balance. His heavy weight crushed on top of her.

"Harley!" he yelled, struggling to get out of the clutches of her robe, which had tangled itself in his legs, thusly dragging Harley into the mix.

"Sorry Puddin', the thing has a mind of its own, I swear!" she yelled. She yanked at the cord around her waist, but she tied the knot too tight and it wouldn't come loose. Without warning, or reason, Joker threw his head back and let out one of his loud, maniacal cackles. It broke Harley from her fight with the knot.

"What was that-" she tried to get out, but couldn't finish because Joker's lips suddenly found hers. They kissed, and Harley almost broke out in tear, happiness pouring over her. His hand found her cheek, and his fingernails ground into her soft flesh, causing warm blood to spill out over her chin. There was a confusion of ripping cloth, buttons snapping off and then raining down on them. She wrapped her bare legs around him and he carried her off to his huge, purple bed. And Harley thought she had never been happier.

--------

When Harley woke up she was back in between her red and black sheets, still covered in a thin film of sweat, with blood drying on her cheeks and back. She felt her cheek where Joker had slapped her and felt the swelling already beginning. She looked down and saw that her shirt had been ripped almost to shreds and her robe was gone. She felt a smile creep up into her face.

She got out of her bed and saw her red and black costume hanging on the hook on her door. She took off her tattered nightclothes and put it on, stuffing her hair into the tight headpiece. She went to her make-up mirror and put on the layers of thick white makeup needed to cover her face. The black mask was last. While trying to keep it from being crooked, someone called for her.

"Harley! Come here!"

She rushed over to the Joker's room.

"Yeah, Puddin'?" she asked. She walked into the room and noticed that the bedclothes were still strung about the floor and her robe was beneath all the purple silk. Her eyes finally caught Joker's form, back in a neatly pressed suit. He was stalking back and forth, muttering something to himself.

"I've got it! I've finally figured it out." he said, motioning for her to step farther into the room.

"Got what, huh, Mistah J?" she asked, maneuvering around the mess on the floor.

"I've got a way to finally get rid of Bats! It's perfect, foolproof even!" He turned and looked at her, approval at her costume obvious in his eyes. She couldn't keep the shock out of her face.

"Really? Foolproof! That's great Puddin'! Then he'll be gone and we can get on with our lives. But what did ya come up with?" she asked, sitting down on his bed. It was a bold move, but he seemed a little too preoccupied.

"Ah. I shall tell you later, my sweet, but for now," he grabbed her by the shoulders and brought her to her feet, "for now you need to clean up this mess. We'll be back tonight." he said, turning to walk out the door.

"But wait, Mistah J!" Harley yelled, rushing over to him. He turned, slowly, and glared at her.

"Yes?"

"I wanna go! I got dressed and everything!" she whined.

"No. You're staying here." he said firmly.

"But-" was all she got out before she found herself on the floor, blood pouring from her now-busted lip. She rolled her eyes upwards to look at him.

"We'll be back tonight. Maybe dawn even, that jewelry store is always covered in security. Clean up this filth." he spat at her, turning to leave, taking his army of Clowns with him.

Harley lay on the floor, listening as the silence engulfed the warehouse. Her stinging lip began to swell, and her head began to hurt. Wounds always seemed worse to her when she was left without his touch. 'There he goes again, without me. I musta done something wrong. I'll try and make it betta when he comes back. He musta meant that Jewelry store on the corner there. It's always surrounded by the police.' she got up and began to put the sheets back on the bed. When she was done she grabbed her robe and went back to her room. Her lip was practically screaming in pain, and now whenever she touched it, blood would start to come out again. The pain brought anger with it. 'Why doesn't he let me come along? He probably thinks I ain't good enough to bring on a heist, especially at a place where Bats will probably show up. Well I ain't taking this one laying down!'

Before she knew it, she found herself walking out of the front door of the mansion, a huge smile playing on her face.