Seriously, there is nothing good here. It's just a dumb idea that popped in my head.
Dirt.
Nature's middle finger to anyone who was intoxicated enough to get a mouthful.
Unfortunately for that guy you clicked on HE got a mouthfull.
And he wasn't even drunk.
So begins a fever dream of a fanfiction, brought to you by: Yours truly, Frozen (over), Chuck Borris, Akumokagetsu (Heh, I wish), and that expensive prostitute down the street who says she'll do anything but doesn't do a Damn thing.
So anywho, this douchebag got a mouthful of dirt and he is so unamused it may rival a cat picture.
"Thwee owut oft ten" He stated
Even though brown was quite a color, he was worried it may affect his GORGEOUS yellow teeth. So he spat it out like gum when it loses it's flavor, even though it still had it's detailed flavor. Actually it was so detailed, he could taste anyone and anything that walked on it.
He could taste what year it was, how often it rained, the nearest life forms, even who did their dirty things (No pun intended).
But I never said it was good tastin'.
He puked.
So after many minutes of counting how much pounds of chinese noodles he ate yesterday, he actually began to observe his surroundings.
"Green green green green brown blue grey white. That's too much for me to process... KITTENS! Ok now I'm good"
So even though it was early in the morning, he didn't rise to the street, nor did anyone light him up a cigarette as he strapped shoes on his feet...
Probably because he didn't have feet.
This didn't faze him much, because he's been in worse situations. like the time he forgot to capitalize the 'L' at the beginning of this sentence.
He looked at himself through a convenient mirror labeled 'Convenient mirror' with the trademark symbol next to it and began to study himself intently.
"Let's be honest here, nobody cares what I look like, nor do they want a description of me that they will forget later in the story. So the best way to describe moi is to get a base picture of a pony, click that paint can thingy and splash me in white, then bada-boom you got one hunk of a horse."
"Actually, you know what? F*ck formalities, f*ck details, f*ck cliche OC's, f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck. Oh and also F*CK NEIL KLASKOVSKY!
He stood on top of a rather large boulder and pierced the clouds of heaven with his roar.
"NO MORE SLOW PACED BEGINNINGS-" Multiple animals began to form a thick crowd around him.
"NO MORE SILLY STORYLINES- It seemed he attracted the attention of the most deadliest creatures in Human In Equestria stories, the Timber wolf.
"NO MORE OVERUSED THEMES-" And like that, the Timber wolves were gone.
"I SHAN'T BE KNOWN AS JEAN THE VIDEO GAME PIMP-" He had attracted some hiking ponies who had thought he was a wounded animal crying for it's mother only to be met with this.
"NOR SHALL I BE KNOWN AS SUNFLOWER THE HUMAN AMBASSADOR-" Many ponies have gathered around this man, some whispering quietly amongest themselves, others just arriving asking what's going on.
"I SHALL BE KNOWN AS..." All the ponies and animals holding their breath in anticipation, even the frogs who had their throats bloated with oxygen.
"HORNY"
"THE"
"UNICORN!"
All the ponies and animals stomped their appendages on the dewed grass and cheered as loud as their cute little throats would allow them.
Among the crys of inspired horses, one particular aged pony climbed onto the rock which occupied the newly deemed "Horny the unicorn", and raised his hoof into the air similar to one would to a victorious wrestler and shouted
"I MAYOR MARE NOW DECLARE THIS STALLION'S NEW NAME TO BE: HORNY THE UNICORN! IT IS NOW OFFICIAL!"
The cheers of approval only ascended to window shattering levels as the mayor pushed poor Horny into the crowd of magical talking horses and carried him off.
"CARRY THIS NEW STALLION TO HIS RIGHTFUL HOME WHICH WILL BE PAID FOR WITH TOTALLY NOT YOUR TAX MONEY!"
The cheers stopped for a moment before continuing to carry the man off to his new home.
"Note to self, keep ramblings to myself...Also note to self, when in doubt, and in a forest, name yourself after your random boner."
My god... I just read it and I realized how stupid it is... well you only live once (Clicks enter while covering eyes).