Chapter 1:
The Sex Tiger was especially shiny that fine evening; the various different peppermint candies reflected the lazer storm's shaped lazer beams with fantastical wonder. Captain "Fox" Sanders McGee was with Wickerman, his first mate, Surfboard Satan's best friend forever. Several hot chicks emerged from the hull of the bloodship, cascading the two in a shower of delicious bananas. That's just how they roll. The Sex Tiger was a state of the art airship, containing the weaponry to kill flowers, babies, critters, lizards with mustaches, and dragons, but nothing else. The weapons were actually motorcycles that shot man-meat seeking missiles; nothing could match the raw sexy strength and curbside appeal of the Sex Tiger.
After the banana shower, Captain Fox returned to his quarters deep within the ship's hull, past bronzed statues of himself in different manly poses, all of which were mostly in the nude. It was something of a ritual that after a banana shower with hot chicks during a lazer storm he would visit the pantry to spend some quality time with the hard fluffy. The expiration date of the marshmallow fluff was centuries ago, before marshmallow fluff even existed. It was the legendary pantry meat socket of truth and lies. It was all for Fox.
After an exhausting reunion with the hard fluffy, Captain Fox was still not satisfied. He called Nidalee, one of his sexy babes. A maiden so fair that it was said she originated from the very uterus of Venus herself, and was bathed in the blood of the hottest succubus ever conceived by mere mortal. Nidalee entered Fox's chambers wearing her French maid costume, which was mandatory on the Sex Tiger. Everyone on the ship wore the outfit, even Captain Fox himself. A disgruntled look appeared on his face however when he noticed Nidalee was missing a key asset. "Where the hell is your sex katana? You know we can't make sparkle chips without it." Nidalee looked like she was in deep thought for a moment, and then exclaimed, "Here mousey, mousey, mousey". She made a strange movement as if she was breaking a stick with her knee and suddenly two separate pieces of the diamond katana flew into the room and combined into a solid form. "I didn't know you had levitation powers", Fox said. Nidalee simply replied, "I don't".
However, the five most infamous cock blockers were out fishing very far away from the Sex Tiger and in no way had planned to actually do any sort of cock block. Megaman, Captain Falcon, Dr. Wiley, Dr. Phil, and the Eggman were actually Japanese, and were whale hunting for the infamous Richmond, the whalinator so that they may feed their starving native American families. They shot Richmond with ten spears, one for each of the cock blockers. When Richmond was so rightfully murdered, his body weight increased to that of a hundred thousand overweight babies, opening a gravitational rift that could only be seen by overweight babies. The gravitational rift pulled the Sex Tiger several centimeters off course, causing Captain Fox to stop sniffing Nidalee's feet for about three seconds. What a bunch of cock blockers.
The gravitation rift also damaged the Sex Tiger's main gun, also known as the Bush. The Bush was an anti-weapon of mass destruction. It worked by shooting weapons of mass destruction that were magnitudes more powerful than the other weapons of mass destruction. None of the Sex Tiger's crew noticed that it was damaged though, because they were watching My Little Pony on mute while listening to Ice Ice Baby, attempting to make a horrible five second YouTube parody. When the video was posted it received 100 billion views after several minutes, the crew was later brought onto several talk shows, like the Nate Berkus show. But none of that matters because that happened in the future. After being rudely cock blocked, Captain Fox unsheathed his popsicle stick which held bioluminescent properties. Captain Fox told Nidalee that it was Fox flavored, but that didn't make sense because Nidalee knew someone who knew the owner of the popsicle stick company, and the Fox flavored popsicle sticks didn't come out until Easter, and Easter was three years ago. But Nidalee went with it anyway, but she would quickly regret it. Fox's bioluminescent fleshy Popsicle stick was too much for any one sexy babe. Nidalee literally exploded into pieces from the pure deliciousness. Captain Fox was horrified and ran into the kitchen to get some snacks. He saw the oven turned on, with cookies inside; his eyes widened. Captain Fox shouted "Who the fuck burnt the damn cookies!". Then he realized that it was Nidalee's turn to cook that night. Nidalee fucking sucked at cooking.
Captain Fox wasn't the only one who was making sparkle chips that night. Wickerman's best friend, Surfboard Satan was having a sexy disco party with Anivia, who was actually a phoenix furry. Everyone knew that except Anivia though. Surfboard Satan grew tired of trying to impress the mechanical furry phoenix, and used his special babe magnet: his box of pentagrams. Anivia was instantly getting it on with Surfboard Satan, but the box of pentagrams had a terrible drawback. The best friend of whoever it was used on would explode instantly into a delicious gelatin of meat sockets. Naturally, Anivia's best friend was Cassiopeia who was legendary from being fed by yorick. She exploded into a thousand million piles of delicious green goo, which was actually just one huge pile of delicious green goo. Her team began bitching at her for feeding Surfboard Satan, but she was dead so she couldn't say anything back.
Anivia was fuming with rage after she snapped out of pentagram box's hypnotic charm rays; she was part of the lesbian clan. The lesbian clan consisted of Cassiopeia, Caitlyn, LeBlanc, Nidalee, and Taric. Anivia was the king of the lesbian clan which meant that she had levitating powers, and drove around on an asskicking fagcycle- the sign of dominance in the lesbian clan. However, she could not use her levitation powers if any other male champions were gay. She wanted to levitate so she could pretend to fly like a phoenix, and continue to be in denial about her entire existance as a mechanical phoenix furry with an ass made out of tailpipes. Anivia found Kog'maw and Cho'gath planting flowers near midlane and shot a giant icecube out of her mechanical ice cube dispenser mouth. Cho'gath used ghost, flash, and ignite on Anivia and feasted on her. She was still alive though ,but in eggform, so Cho'gath feasted every half second on Anivia's egg until she was an omelet in Cho'gath's stomach. Cho'gath was disappointed that he had not brought gay bacon strips. Cho'gath increased in size because that's how it works and began planting more flowers in midlane, but then Karthus pressed R and everyone's skulls were drilled by lazerbeams that exploded after Karthus put down his arms. A chasm then cracked the earth open from the deepest layers of hell and an ice cream truck flew out of it playing catchy music. Captain "Fox" heard this music while he was flying overhead in the Sex Tiger; he was in the kitchen cosplaying with the hard fluffy while crying about what happened to the hottest babe known to mankind. The music glided through his ears, giving him a renewed passion in life and reason to live. He returned to the Sex Tiger's control room and put the metal to the pedal, which obviously decreased the ship's speed because putting the pedal to the metal increases speed. The Sex Tiger was going 80 miles per hour toward the ice cream truck playing the catchy ass music. If only he knew that Teemo was trapped in Tyler's basement oven.