Star Light, Star Bright, OR Wishing on Stars

It's a beautiful star studded night at Life's a Beach State Park, near San Serif, California.

I'm sitting across from John Gage, my new partner, and we're sitting across from each other enjoying a cold beer and a warm campfire. I can hear the Pacific crashing on the beach, one of my favorite sounds ever. Life is good, and I want this moment to last forever.

Johnny and I aren't talking much. Somehow, there's just no need. We haven't been friends for long, but for some reason neither one of us understands, we're so much in tune with each other, all we have to do is look at each other and know what the other is thinking.

We look at the stars for several minutes.

"Roy?"

"Yeah, Johnny?"

"Have you ever wished upon a star?"

I'm confused. What kind of a question is that?

Johnny sees my confused look and tries to backtrack.

"Ah, f-forget it, R-Roy. I-It's just a silly q-question. It d-doesn't m-matter."

Why does he stutter so much, especially at moments like this? It's like he's horribly embarrassed, but for what? I'm still confused about this question and I want John to explain it.

"No, John. It does matter. I'm not going to forget it. And I do want to know why you asked."

Johnny stares at his feet for a moment, then looks up at me.

"W-well, um, Roy. I just wanted to know if you e-ever have done anything f-frivolous."

Frivolous? Now, I'm the one staring at my feet, speechless.

"Please enlighten me about this, Johnny, what do you mean about frivolous?" I finally find my voice to say.

Johnny stares up some random star in the sky. His face, even with the heat of the campfire on it, looks redder than it should be. Is he blushing?

"Well, Roy. I know we've only known each other for a short time, but sometimes I think you're too intense. You are what you are. You have responsibilities I don't have. But do you ever just let go and have a good time without worrying what people think?"

Oh, boy. How do I answer that? Unfortunately, I think Johnny might be right.

It's well after midnight, and I can't sleep. We're sleeping out under the stars, and they seem to be trying to tell me something.

"Roy, have you ever wished on a star?" Such an odd question, but it won't leave me alone. Johnny's asleep on his cot, his hand covering his eyes as usual. Why does he sleep like that? Another missing piece to the puzzle that is John Gage.

Quietly, so as not to wake my partner, I climb out of my sleeping bag, put on my shoes, and go for a walk on the beach.

The moon is shining brightly on the ocean. It, too, seems to be sending me a message, though I'm not sure what it is.

A random phrase from some song finds its way to me. Something about still time to change the road I'm on. What's that group's name? Led Zeppelin, I think. I don't like rock music, but somewhere, I've heard the phrase, and it's sticking in my mind. The phrase seems so apt.

I sit down on a large driftwood log and ponder my road so far. Most of the time, I'm satisfied with my life. My wife is wonderful, my two children are incredibly special. I love my job, despite the danger it puts me in. I feel like I'm doing something that's truly worthwhile and makes a difference in people's lives. But even with all my blessings, and they are many, sometimes I feel something is lacking.

But I don't know what that something is. I wish I knew, but I can't put my finger on it.

Is it Johnny? I don't know that for sure, but something about my new partner seems to be filling or helping to fill a void in my life.

Johnny.

We've only known each other a short time. Even so, something told me right from the start we needed each other. He can be so immature and naïve about so many things. But, I sense that John is more complex than he seems at first glass.

So, I sit for a long time, staring out at the moon path on the ocean, and contemplate my still new relationship with Johnny. I don't know where the relationship will lead, but I know I want it to last as long as possible. Something tells me we came together for a reason. We need each other, though I'm not sure why.

Does Johnny need more than I need him, or do I need Johnny more than he needs me? Interesting question, but probably academic simply because we need each other like we need air to breathe.

I continue to sit for a long time, watching the moon shine down on the waves. Finally, I look at the stars, and pick out a random star. As silly as I feel doing it, I recite out loud the rhyme I remember so well from my childhood.

"Star light, Star bright. First star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might have the wish I wish for tonight."

I know what I'm wishing for, but it takes me a moment to find a way to say it.

"I wish for Johnny to be my friend for life, no matter what happens. There's no biological connection between us, but I want him to be my brother."

I walk back to our campsite, feeling more at peace with myself than I have in a long time.

Climbing back into my sleeping bag, I lie back down on my pillow. Just before I fall asleep, I smile at my friend, partner, and brother, and think of my wish come true.