Thunderbirds aren't mine, not fair and I wrote this so I hope you like it. All the spelling are in UK English so sorry if they look wrong to people in other places. Than you and enjoy!

The past can hurt!

"Tracy Island is so large and beautiful so why do we keep are old memories in this dark and dusty cellar " Scott wondered as he walked into the cellar the light shone in from the un-broken sunshine outside and glistened off the metal of a old bike of John's. Scott began to search though the decades of memories keep in the place consisting of Virgil's first guitar from when he was young to Alan's less important trophies for racing and a few of Gordon's smaller medals whereas most of the larger ones were kept on great show in Gordon's room to treasure the day he won them all. Scott had been searching for about 30 minutes before he came across his and his brother's childhood pictures and birth certificates, a small picture of John getting snowballed by Virgil and Gordon made him laugh slightly but enough for a deep voice to over hear and enter the room behind him. " What you doing Scott?" Ever the first to be noisy and interested in other peoples business, has to be Virgil" Scott found himself thinking but resisted voicing his opinion. "Erm… nothing really Virgil just thinking of past times and memories, hey come look at this I could use this to blackmail you for years" Virgil hurried over panicking at the thought of been humiliated because of an old picture of himself.

"Well I could find just as many bad pictures of you as you found of the rest of us" Virgil said grumpily, "Yep you probably could " Scott thought.

The laughter had been an unusual aspect around the island lately because of the feeling of the islands residents, The last rescue hadn't gone very well a cruise ship had crashed and began to sink in the Atlantic and nearly 40 people were still trapped when Brains took the call in Thunderbird 5, luckily the equipment Brains was replacing and improving had nothing to do with the communication area. When Virgil, John, Gordon and Alan had arrived there were only 15 people to save but as things sometimes go International Rescue couldn't save everyone, 2 people had died. This would have caused enough regret and annoyance alone if this hadn't had coincided with the birthday of Lucille Tracy, Jeff's wife and mother of the Tracy boys.

Scott had been thinking about what had happened all day and so had decided to visit the past, the happy past to remember his mother, all until the memory of that day hit him again.

"How could a day I had been looking forward so much go so wrong? Scott thought back to that day….. "Is he coming to see us today?" The 5 year old commented

" Yep today is the day we get a new brother" Scott said to an excited looking John and Gordon both so desperate for another brother.

" Not again, been there done that" Well they haven't Scott said sharply to 6 year old Virgil

Scott had been left with all 3 of them because Jeff was with Lucille and their new baby brother Alan.

"Do we get another after this one" John asked

"Erm … maybe another not sure yet wait a while and you could have another brother or sister" all 4 boys smiled at the though of an even bigger family, little did they know there family would be cut so dramatically short so soon.

All Scott could next remember was all of them included his father crying and hugging each other as the death of their so loved mother was explained to them as the last Tracy son was born.

"What you looking at?" Scott quickly pushed the paper that had brought back all those terrible memories back into the box.

"Nothing Alan why?"  Scott replied quickly

"Never mind just asking," he replied as Scott passed him by on the way out to the tranquil features of Tracy Island. "They really think I was born yesterday and that I don't understand anything" Alan approach with concern the box Scott had been looking at, he hadn't failed to noticed the emotion and sadness in Scott face and words when he surprised him with his entrance.

Later that day Alan sat in one of the most isolated places on Tracy Island writing in his journal.

"Why, why me I hate these feeling, they regret me they do I know they do I hate myself its all my fault I wish I could turn back time"

"These thoughts are so excruciating and unbearable they are in my mind like they always are ever time dad, or the boys shout or blamed me and even more at this time of year and at my birthday."

 " I can't even tell them how much it hurts to see them in pain and suffering because of me, especially dad he lost the woman he loved because of me, if anything happened to Tin Tin then I would feel like not continuing, and dad has to face me everyday with those painful memories."

"On every mission my big brothers and very overprotecting father try to protect me from danger, which was so frustrating and annoying at times they think I am not old enough and I am just a 'kid' and so I get no responsibility. "Scott even has to baby-sit me when I fly Thunderbird 3 as dad doesn't trust me! Why do I bother, actually I nearly didn't did I, the day dad told me about his dream the first thought I had was a chance to prove myself of course there was the chance to see the world and an adventure but I needed to show them I was good enough. Scott is dad's heir and second in charge they always spend lots of time together, Virgil was mum's favourite and is most like her because of his painting and music skills, John is dad's clear favourite because of his total love for space and caring nature and calmness that the rest of lack. Gordon, dad loves his adventurous nature and was so proud when he won his swimming medals at a young age and how he recovered from his accident, but me I feel I lack dad's attention because of the memories I seem to bring up, I know he loves me but I can't get the hatred I know he feels out of my head. These I know sometimes give me a source of strength for when I do dangerous stunts I feel so much better after doing them like they release the hurt I feel and when it hurts I feel I deserve it but it still hurts"

A cracking from his right wristwatch brought Alan round from his thoughts "Alan get here quick thunderbirds are go!!"