A/N I DO NOT OWN ANY RECOGNIZABLE TWILIGHT CHARACTERS OR STORY LINES AND I DID NOT COME UP WITH PETER'S KNOW STUFF "GIFT" BROOKHAVEN IS A REHABILITATION RETREAT OWNED BY JACQUELINE DAWES AND ANY REFERENCES TO THE BROOKHAVEN PROGRAM ARE THEIRS NOT MINE. I WANTED TO TAKE THESE VERY RAW AND FROM MY PERSPECTIVE UNDERDEVELOPED INSECURE CHARACTERS AND TAKE THEM THROUGH THE JOURNEY OF COMING INTO THEIR OWN, I HOPE YOU ENJOY!

Today was a success for the most part, took the motorcycles out for the first time and got my Edward fix, it was fun… freeing… the closest to alive i've felt in ages and then I crashed. The crashing I didn't mind I've hurt myself so frequently plus I'm still for the large part mostly numb it was looking up at Jacob, beautiful Jacob it was almost like looking into the sun and I had to look away after he pointed out that I had apologized for bleeding I wanted to go home. I felt so small and pathetic staring a beautiful man I would never be healed enough to let in and then apologizing for bleeding I noticed out of the corner of my eye an ant it was then i felt such an intense longing to switch places with the tiny insect just for a day… yep that was truly rock bottom. I could't get away from Jake fast enough before running into my house and upstairs to lock myself in the bathroom. I turned the shower on so he would get the message to just go. I hate who i am right now I hate the kind of person I am, brinnng** brinnng** brinnng** the kind of daughter I am, the kind of friend I am but for the life of me I can't pull out of whatever this is. Sometime I wish Jasper would have gotten to me before he was dragged away surely death wouldn't be this painful brinnng** brinnng** brinnng** was I always this pathetic? Maybe thats why none of them thought enough of me to say goodbye? Maybe thats why Rosalie always looked at me with such contempt? If thats true tho why did they start hanging out with me in first place? Was it just because I figured out their secret? If thats true why did Edward save me from Tyler's van in the first place? brinnng** brinnng** brinnng** Why not just give into temptation and drain me the first day in biology? I was his singer after all…

Taking in a deep breath- because despite their nature they were good which made me love them all the more. Seeing how hard they worked each day to be good not even getting a break to sleep at night to be more than what cursed them. I miss them all so much, it's like I was fatally shot in the gut but no matter how many days go by or how much blood I loose it won't end, it never ends the pain is getting unbearable… its driving me to madness brinnng** brinnng** brinnng** Dammit! Who the hell keeps calling?

I finally peel myself off the floor and shut the shower off before running down stairs, I grab the phone off the wall and angrily yell "what?"

"Oh how nice of you to finally pick up the phone," a snarky voice I don't recognize snaps back at me

"I'am sorry who is this?"

"Thats not important, what is important is that you listen to what I am about to tell you- you need to go to a place called Brookhaven in Tennessee, the supernatural world is not done with you but if you don't go their and heal properly you will never become who you are meant to be and consequently your mate will not recognize you, the pain you feel now will only get worse…"

"What are you talking about? Who is this?" I demand I am so confused I don't understand what he's telling me and my patience is running out.

"Edward was not your mate" The pain rips through me again and I slide down the wall to sit on the floor still clutching the phone to my ear

"wWwWhat"

"Edward... I am sorry but he was not your mate but you do have one, an amazing one but he has some healing to do as well and you won't ever finish becoming you unless you get off that floor and listen to what I am telling you, you need help-" I cut him off

"Are you talking about therapy? If you know as much as you are alluding to right now you should know I can't say anything to anyone."

"You can you just redact the vampire part." Crap this guys for real he knows.

"Who are you how do you know all this and why should I trust you?"

"We will meet when its time, I am a friend of your mate, I kinda of just know shit its up to you to decide to trust me or not. All I can say is never just a guy with dreadlocks and don't fear the wolves but don't get too close to them either." Click, with that whatever that was he hangs up.

Dreadlocks? I am so confused I put the phone back and crawl back upstairs to hide in bed maybe if I get some sleep some of this will start making sense.

I close my eyes still thinking of Brookhaven, whatever that is and Edward… was he really not my soulmate, is that how he was able to leave me?