A/N: I know everyone's waiting for an update on Desense, but it got super heavy and some of the reviews and conversations I've had about it make me want to make sure I get it right and don't rush a second of their time together. That being said I've had a bit of writers block from all the unresolved tension so I needed to write some straight up smut to get it out of my system so that my AU Eric can stay respectful ;)
I've been writing such a gentle soft Eric that I needed to embrace his dominance and aggression just a bit.
"Just say it," his gravely voice is at my ear and while I want to say it I refuse to admit that I want more than just a half hour fight. "Not afraid are we Stiff?" His breath is hot on my skin but I shiver in response.
"Shut up, Eric." I bite out. Snapping at him is not the smartest idea when I consider the situation I am in, prone beneath his weight on the training room mat with my arms pinned over my head and my legs immobilized by his lower body.
I feel the roll of laughter in his chest against my own and we're both panting and out of breath. "Come on Stiff, you've been asking for these little sparring matches pretty frequently. The physical requirements of your leadership training have been far exceeded. This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with your boyfriend being found guilty of treason would it?" The distain in his voice when he mentions Four mirrors what I feel upon hearing it. Four lied to all of us: he conspired with his, very much alive, mother and tried to start an uprising of the Factionless.
"He was never my boyfriend." I growl as I try to force my arms up. Eric makes restraining me look effortless and it infuriates me.
"Did you forget I lived next door to him? Or did you really think you were quiet at night, or good at sneaking out in the morning?" Eric laughs releasing my arms and rolling off of me when he sees his comments have hit their mark. When he's back on he is feet he extends a hand to help me but I just roll onto my stomach and push myself up.
"People in Dauntless have sex outside of a relationship all the time." I say taking the first swing. I'm glad the flush it causes in my cheeks to be so forward is masked by the exertion. I aim for his jaw but he sways backward easily avoiding it and countering with a solid blow to my ribs. Letting Eric overpower me physically, and besting him sometimes in return, has become a way to relieve the anger I feel at Tobias for lying to me. It's also a way to have Eric's weight pinning me to the floor regularly.
"They do, but he didn't." Another well timed swing knocks the wind from me and I struggle to stay upright.
When I can speak again it's to remind him that I am nothing like Four, "no, but he wasn't really Dauntless. I'm not pretending to be Dauntless, I am Dauntless." I use the seconds pause he takes to catch him off guard, I move forward quickly and try to strike at Eric's throat.
He catches my hand and spins my body so my back is to him. He puts a hand at my throat and holds my body flush to his. I feel his fingers twitch and I should be afraid. Eric could squeeze the life from me easily. Instead I feel a stirring in my gut that tells me his proximity is more welcome than I care to admit.
"How Dauntless are you Tris?" His voice is deep and low, if anyone else was in the room they wouldn't know he had spoken. I swallow hard and his laugh tells me he felt it. "Afraid I'll slip and squeeze the life from your pretty little throat?" He asks as his hand tightens a fraction for emphasis. Eric's breath is warm on my neck and he is so close that as he speaks his lips brush the over stimulated skin beneath my ear.
I contemplate what he's asked, he could well strangle me here and now, I should be afraid. He won't, he will push my limits and try to scare me, he may even cut off my air for a few seconds to prove that he could if he wanted to. But in the end the person whom I assumed would be the one to deceive me has turned into the person I would trust unconditionally with my life.
I can not, however, trust him with my thoughts at this very moment because they are in no way appropriate for the leader/trainee relationship we are trying to build.
"I asked you a question." His voice is sharper and his fingers clamp down on the soft flesh. "Are you afraid?"
I relax my neck and let my head fall back to his chest. I should be grabbing his wrist and forcing him to release me. Instead my hands at my sides move back to fist into the loose fitting soft fabric of his training pants. I am not even aware I'm pulling him closer until I feel his entire body press against mine, "should I be?" He will take it as a challenge, I want him to.
He forces my head to one side and I feel his teeth scrape against the skin where my neck meets my shoulder. I tense at the new sensation. Eric's hand, the one that is not beginning to make breathing difficult, wraps around me pinning my arm at our sides and his palm hot and rough against my bare abdomen shoves my body tight against him. My eyes have long fallen shut and I'm focused on the feeling of his skin against mine and his breath at my neck. "That depends on how your landscape has changed since initiation."
The lack of distance between our bodies as made it clear that Eric is just as effected by our current position as I am. I feel his hardened length at my backside and I bravely shift backwards to create friction.
His grip on my neck is now cutting off more oxygen than it is letting through. My breathing is slow and labored and I know he's listening closely to ensure it does not stop. I've been on my back with his hands on my throat and had to fight him off, this time I am not struggling. I am enjoying the light feeling the deprivation creates. Just as I am steeling myself to grind back against him again there's a loud slam of the training room door opening and the sound of Uriah's voice cuts through the tension, "Tris? Were you going to help," he stops short when he sees what looks like Eric trying to suffocate me.
Eric releases my throat and shoves me unceremoniously forward. I suck in breath rapidly and look over at him doubled over hiding the obvious bulge in his pants. I force back a smirk. "You need to try harder Stiff." He snarls. "It's like you're not even trying to fight me off."
I grab my sweatshirt and drag it on as I step off the mat to meet Uriah. I completely forgot I agreed to help him with the initiates zip line tonight. I'm regretting telling him where to find me.
"You ok?" He asks lifting my chin with two fingers and shooting Eric a dark look.
"Factionless insurgents won't go easy on her." Eric tells him as a justification for the finger sized bruises I can feel forming on my skin. I run my fingers over them quickly.
"Why don't you ask Max for a transfer of trainers? Veronica doesn't have anyone?" Uriah asks as we walk towards the door.
I turn to see Eric yanking his shirt over his head as his back, covered in tattooed wings, disappears into the showers. "Eric will make me stronger." I tell him, and it is true, I just mean it in more ways than solely as a leader.
"Amity!?" I bark at Eric as he casually flips through the folder in his hands.
"Did you think insubordination would change your assignment?" His tone is even and he doesn't look up. He's leaned casually in the door frame of my office and he's just explained my faction assignment is Amity.
"I'm shadowing you, it makes no sense for me to be assigned anywhere but Erudite!" I shout at him as I stand and round my desk at him.
He rolls his eyes and slams my door shut. "Lower your voice." Finally a bit of his grit returns and he drops the folder on my desk as I close on him. "You will go where I tell you, when I tell you, with no complaint." He tells me backing me up to the desk.
"I've told you before orders are not options here." His eyes fall to the purple bruises at my throat and his lips turn up. "You will be assigned to Amity as an ambassador until Max retires next choosing day." His voice is stern and his fingers lift to trace one of his accomplishments. "You're not to set foot in Erudite until you are a leader and we have discussed it again," his tone softens slightly as fingers graze over my neck. Suddenly they wind into the loose hair behind my ear and he forces eye contact. Something in his eyes tells me this isn't about me following orders, he's concerned. "Is. That. Clear?" He growls, pierced eyebrow is raised in question.
"Crystal," I snap back.
He doesn't release me right away, just stands before me, fingers holding my head in place as he looks me over, "Don't eat the bread." With that Eric releases my hair and stalks out of my office leaving me perched against my desk panting for air and confused.
"Give me Candor!" I slam Eric's office door shut behind me. I've been at Amity all morning and Joanna's diplomatic, non-committal, answers have given me a raging headache.
Eric raises his eyes from the computer screen to look at me with distaste, his long slender fingers still moving effortlessly over the keys. When he finishes what he's typing he pushes back from his desk and stalks towards me.
He grabs my elbow and without a word he drags me from his office out through the corridors until we reach my apartment. He punches in my lock code, and before I can ask how the hell he knew that, he shoves me violently through the door slamming it behind us.
"I told you that you would follow orders with no complaint. Perhaps your Candor friend was right, you have a fucking death wish." He's furious with me and while I understand I'm being difficult it's excessive for insubordination.
Eric has excluded me from every Erudite and Abnegation meeting. He's keeping me sheltered from Jeanine and Marcus, I want to know why but right now I just don't want to have to go back to Amity. "Keep me out of Erudite and Abnegation all you want, but I can't go back to that place another day!"
His hand is at my throat again this time there is no hesitation or slow build. His grasp is firm and purposeful. "You will do as you're told." My pulse races at the force in his voice and the emotion he's put into his hold on me. His eyes lock on mine and he doesn't release me. Instead his other hand comes to my cheek his thumb passing gently over my lips. I'm still fully capable of breathing, he's holding me but it's possessive and dominant, not violent. I never thought I could want that, but since I've realized that's what's been coming of our wrestling about under the guise of training, I don't know how I did with anything else.
It's been an unspoken addiction between us this reversal of control. Eric is at a loss for control in Max's shadow, and I have always been more in control of my body and mind than most, when we are alone in the training room he controls everything down to the amount of air I breathe. I am responsible for nothing, I am unburdened and light. Now as I am pushed against the brick wall of my apartment, with Eric's fingers tight around my throat and his thumb gently rubbing my lips I can only think of how much I need to give control of everything to him. As his thumb tugs down my bottom lip I take it into my mouth and, without ever taking my eyes from his steel grey orbs, I suck gently a satisfied hum vibrating my throat. His pupils spread and his hand on my throat squeezes tighter causing a familiar stir in my stomach. This is the end of any doubt, I want Eric and if he asked me again what he asked me that night in the training room I would answer this time.
I suck wantonly at his finger for another few seconds before he pulls it forcefully from between my lips. The hand at my throat is gone. There is a sudden sting as both of his hands take up new residence in my loose thick hair. He pulls tightly at the strands between his fingers and when I open my mouth to protest his lips find mine violently.
Eric holds me there against the wall exploring my mouth for what feels like an eternity. When he lets me up for air it is only so that he can wrap his arms around me and lift me off of my feet. When he has mapped his course and started towards my bedroom he covers my lips with his again and I grab fistfuls of his short hair. Kissing Eric is intoxicating and I'm lost in the sensation of his tongue against mine and his fingers digging into my hips.
Eric's mouth leaves mine too soon and I whimper when my back hits the soft mattress and the nest of pillows and blankets that is my unmade bed.
There is a feral look in Eric's eyes as he pulls his jacket from his shoulders and it disappears into a corner. He is standing beside my bed in a tight black t-shirt and uniform pants and I am having difficulty focusing on his face as I watch his chest rise and fall with each heavy breath.
I sit up and reach out curling the fingers on one hand around the cool metal of his belt buckle. I use it to pull him closer before I reach out to rub one hand over the evidence of his enjoyment. Just as I'm about to wrap my hand around him over the heavy fabric I hear him release a feral growl and he shoves my shoulders so that I fall back on the bed. I look up at him in shock as he's yanking his shirt over his head. I can't pull my eyes from his near perfect upper body. I follow the tattooed blocks over his throat as they disappear into his collar bone. His well defined chest rising and falling with his breath and his stomach tight as he tosses his shirt to meet his jacket.
I fumble with my own jacket shoving it over the side of the bed when I've managed to wriggle free of it. Eric's eyes lock on mine as he begins to crawl over me. His weight is familiar and not at all unwelcome. I feel oddly safe beneath him, as if there's nothing that could get past him to harm me, and I push my self up towards him to feel him more completely.
Eric's eyes fall shut as he closes the distance. His kiss is rough and almost desperate but just as my tongue falls into rhythm with his he pulls away again. The whine I release is involuntary and demanding causing him to laugh.
"If I didn't know any better I would think you wanted this more than I do," his voice is low and deep against my neck. I lift my hips to rub myself against him in a vain attempt to relieve the ache between my legs.
"Ask me again." My voice is a strangled whisper and I realize what I've said may make no sense to him. He's probably long forgotten the question he used to tease me on the training room mats.
The smirk that lifts his lips tells me he has not forgotten, "are you going to answer me this time?" He asks before he tugs at my earlobe with his teeth.
My nails trail up his bare back until I can lay my palms against his shoulder blades. His skin is soft and warm against my hands and I try to pull him closer. My efforts are met with a small laugh and his body doesn't move there's still just enough distance to make me feel deprived.
Eric's hands are at either side of my head his face inches from mine, he pushes himself up forcing my hands to fall from his back. His lower body is nestled between my legs firmly pressing me into the mattress and he takes my wrists and lifts them over my head. We are in much the same position as the training room, only now my core is pressed against his growing arousal and the panting is not from physical exertion.
His fingers around my wrists are tight but this time instead of trying to fight against them I only shift my arms a little up or down to feel friction against the sensitive skin. Eric leans into me again with measured control of his body. I can see each muscle tighten and release at his will and it only makes me want him more.
Just when I'm about to ask him a second time to repeat his query he whispers in my ear, "do you want more from me than a fight, Tris?" He rolls his hips against me and the moan it draws from me is louder than I expect. "That's certainly encouraging," his tongue trails up my throat, "go on, just say it, you need me like a bad habit." He sinks his teeth into my tattooed collar bone and all is lost.
"I need you," I admit trying desperately to create a friction between us that will alleviate my growing need for him but nothing is satisfying me. "Please," I plead just a little hoping he will finally give me what I have refused to admit I wanted until now.
My wrists are suddenly free but I can't bring myself to move. I stay where he's left me as I feel him start to peel away my clothes.
Eric before me naked is more intimidating than I expected and I find myself wondering what ratio of pain to pleasure there will be when he pushes into me for the first time. Tobias was not small by any means, but he was gentle. I know Eric will not be. This is going to be a far cry from the slow, easy lovemaking Tobias always insisted on.
I look up at Eric just in time for him to drag me by my hips to the edge of the bed. I need to spread my legs just to keep my heels at the edge of the mattress and I realize that was his intention. He drops to his knees beside the bed and I feel a calloused palm against my inner thigh pushing me even further open to him. This is where Tobias would say something loving or sweet about how beautiful I looked or how much he loved me. I am relieved when all Eric does is drag two large fingers over my folds slowly spreading them as he lets my excitement coat them.
I watch him intently as he appears to focus solely on the place between my legs as his fingers massage slowly over the sensitive skin. I can feel his breath against me as his fingers run up and down on either side of my swollen bundle of nerves and the way his eyes seem to darken as he watches me get wetter is enough to push me closer to the edge. My hand falls to meet his on my thigh and I tangle our fingers together squeezing his hand and the soft sensitive skin of my leg at the same time. His eyes leave my center to lock on mine and a wicked smile crosses his lips as he pushes both fingers, rough and fast, into me.
I hear my own voice cry out but it's as if I'm hearing it from far away. His eyes have gone back to watching his hands working feverishly inside of me and the fingers entwined with mine threaten to bruise my leg. There is a tingling building in my lower belly and my muscles tighten when his fingers turn inside me and start to move in an entirely different direction. My hips start to lift of their own accord and just when I start to feel like I'm going to come undone Eric leans in closer and covers my clit with his mouth. I am unable to control my own tongue, and as his name rolls off it, my free hand buries itself in his neat blonde hair and I hold him to me. I would break if he stopped now.
Eric's tongue swirls around and over the overstimulated bundle of nerves as his fingers pump violently in and out of me. It's not long before my legs are shaking and I feel as though someone is pouring hot water over my stomach and it's spreading over my body. My legs tense and I am unraveling beneath him.
He pulls his fingers slowly from me and his tongue runs one long slow stroke up my swollen folds. He hums in satisfaction and the vibration sends an aftershock through me.
Eric's eyes find mine again in the dim light and he starts to lift himself off the floor. I slide backwards on the bed as he crawls over me. He leans down to kiss me again and as our tongues find each other I can taste my own excitement and it fills me with another rush of pure need. My nails drag through the short soft hair at the base of his skull. His hands find my hips and hold them firmly as I feel him pushing at my entrance and again the differences between Eric and Tobias become evident.
Tobias would stop, look into my eyes, and ask permission for the hundredth time. Eric has gotten his consent and it's up to me to stop him if I change my mind.
The kiss never breaks as I feel Eric bury himself deep inside me in one sharp motion. His mouth catches what would have been my loud scream and it only seems to fuel his momentum. There is no waiting period, he doesn't give me time to adjust he just starts to thrust into me and pull back at a slow but strong pace that hits somewhere inside me that has never been touched before. His lips leave mine only to latch themselves firmly on my throat.
I throw my head back to give him more access as I sink my nails into his back. I have looked at his shirtless back enough to know that where my fingers are is the center of each tattooed wing. I'm entertaining the thought of what they may mean to him when I'm ripped from my reverie by another forceful thrust and the familiar pressure of Eric's long strong fingers curling around my neck. I open my eyes to see him looking down at me. One arm bracing his weight over me the other pushing his thumb down onto my airway. His hips are rocking at a much slower pace that seems to only tease me ever closer to my second release of the night.
His fingers twitch against my skin and as I look up into his eyes they are deep grey and set on mine.
Each slow thrust is met with a slightly tighter hold on my throat. I feel it becoming harder to breathe and I bring my hand around his wrist. The lightheaded feeling of deprivation washes over me just as Eric hits something inside me the adrenaline of fear and pleasure washes over me. My legs tighten around him and I try to cry out, the sound muffled by his hold on my neck. His hand releases my throat and his mouth finds mine again there are a few more erratic thrusts before Eric moans into my mouth and the warm rush of his release fills me.
When his breathing returns to normal he lifts himself off of me and as he's moving off the bed he says, "I need you too. You'll work with Amity until it's safe."
He disappears into my bathroom and I am so sated I can't stay awake long enough to ask him what he meant by, 'until it's safe."
I left it super open ended because I could totally see this becoming a longer fic. What did you think?
Back to writing Desense...