The One Thing I Didn't Say
Angsty oneshot. WolfwoodxVash. Vash mourns his fallen friend and the one thing he never got to tell him.
Vash looked out over the vast desert, bathed in the last red rays of the setting sun. He had spent the entire day here, sitting alone on this desolate cliff. He was waiting. Waiting for the numbness to ease, for the pain to catch up to him. Now the truth was finally sinking in. His friend was gone. Nicholas was gone. Tears slid freely down each cheek. He made no effort to restrain them. It was a relief to finally feel something. For days he had felt nothing. Nothing but the emptiness. It consumed him, frightened him.
The only thing that made his immortal life bearable was the people he helped, the people he loved from town to town. It came easily to him, like breathing. Rem had taught him that. But he had never let anyone in before, not since her. He'd never wanted to lose someone again, after her. He made friends quickly and easily in each town, but he always left. He loved, but he was a loner at heart. It was his tragic destiny and he had accepted that a long time ago. His burden was his and his alone to bear. He didn't ask the girls to follow him. In fact he tried hard to fight it. He certainly didn't ask Nicholas. Vash angrily stuck the red dust beneath him. Why? Why did you force your way into my life? I was fine before you. But even as he thought the words he knew them to be false. He hadn't been fine before. He had been alone, barely holding together, barely keeping the loneliness at bay. Nicholas had touched something deep within him. Something that had been long dead. The past few months had brought with them feelings Vash hadn't felt since before Rem had died, and some feelings he'd never felt before at all. Vash hugged his knees in close to his chest, dropping his head. He tried with all his might to throw the shields back up around his tender heart. But the sobs came anyway, wracking his scarred body, wrenching his very soul. His strangled cries drifted up into the empty sky, unnoticed and small. He was just a tiny red dot in the middle of this vast wasteland, very much alone.
It could have been minutes later, or hours. Vash wasn't sure. He had spent himself and lay curled in a miserable ball in the sand. Day had given way to night and the cool air stirred the sand around him. He sat up, feeling for the first time the weakness in his body. He hadn't eaten for days. The girls were probably sick with worry about him. He stood and looked into the night sky, noticing the beauty of the ancient stars. He knew he needed to carry on. The world moved onward at a dizzying pace, and there were battles yet to be fought. He took a steadying breath, feeling and acknowledging the empty places in his soul. He breathed out, watching the mist from his mouth rise and dissipate into the cold, vast darkness.
"I've gotta go now, friend,"
He addressed aloud the stars above him, hoping desperately that somehow the priest could hear him.
"The girls need me. Don't worry, I'll take good care of them. But I'll miss you…"
He struggled to say the beloved name aloud, to feel it fall from his lips one final time, honey laced with bitter poison.
"…Nicholas…"
He felt a small piece of his heart die as the name dropped like a stone in his stomach. A final tear slowly made its way down his dusty cheek. His last words were barely a whisper, stolen away by the desert wind.
"I've always loved you."