50 Ways to Annoy Dan Phantom! Chapter 1, a danny phantom fanfic

Disclaimer: I do not own Danny Phantom, nor will I ever, or the list that inspired this idea. I just own the idea. And the writing. I also don't own that cover art. Butch Hartman does.

Kodiak packed a bag in her castle. Kadzait walked up.

"Kodiak, what are you doing?" He asked confused.

Kodiak gave him a broad smile. "I'm going to go annoy Dan Phantom."

Kadzait gave her a blank look. "Do you have a death wish?"

Kodiak remained smiling. "No, not really."

Kadzait just shook his head. "You are dead."

Kodiak nodded. "Yep. Bye Kad!"

Kadzait waved. "Bye Kodi."

Clockwork's Tower…

"The thermos is over there, Kodiak Neve Wolfesbane." Clockwork said smiling.

"Thanks Clockwork." Kodiak said, walking by and to the thermos. "Hi Dan! You and me are going to have so much fun!"

From inside the thermos, Dan glared. "Who the crap are you?"

Kodiak smiled. "I'm Kodiak, and I'm going to let you out."

"YES!"

"Under my surveillance."

"Kill me now."

Kodiak smiled. "Don't worry. You're crazy, I'm insane. We'll get along just fine."

Dan groaned.

Dan's New Lair He Doesn't Know About…

Kodiak sat on Dan's bed.

"I thought you were going to let me out, you little creep!"

Kodiak shook the thermos hard.

"OW! What was that for?!"

Kodiak smiled. "No reason. I just wanted to see what would happen if I shook the thermos, with you in it of course, like I would with a milkshake. My hypothesis was that you would turn into a milkshake. My answer; you hate me even more."

Dan growled. "No frikkin kidding."

Kodiak shook the thermos again. "Language Dan! Kids are reading this!"

Dan let out a murderous scream. "I'm going to-"

Kodiak shook the thermos. "Bad Dan, bad! Say you're sorry!"

Dan growled again. "Sorry."

Kodiak smiled victoriously. "Awesome. And remember, I could've had my friend Rebo babysit you."

Dan scoffed. "She can't be as bad as you."

"She's in love with a freaky squirrel who sings really badly and sings really stupid songs like Mass Text."

"I take that back." Dan said.

Kodiak nodded again. "Ok, I'm going to let you out now, but you can't fly off, scream profanities or threats, and anything else evil or I'll get Danny and Clockwork to help track you down and put you back in the thermos, got it?"

Dan grumbled. "Fine."

Kodiak smiled and let him out.

"FINALLY!" He shouted.

Kodiak looked at him weirdly. "It's not like you can go take over the world again. That's what I'm for."

Dan growled, and looked around. "Why are we in Amity? In my weaker self's room?"

Kodiak's smile returned. "We're not. We're in the Ghost Zone. This is a special lair made just for you! It'll help calm your violent tendencies, and it's not just made of this room. It has others like a kitchen, a bathroom, etc."

Dan looked at her weirdly. "You are one weird chick."

Kodiak gave him a thumbs up. "Thanks! You're on the road to recovery! We're already making progress!"

Dan looked to the ceiling. "Why this chick, stopwatch? Is this some sick revenge?"

Kodiak remained smiling. "Yep!"

Dan groaned. "My life is over."

Kodiak kept her thumbs up. "Yep!"

Time Skip…

Dan's reading a magazine with Danny in it. He was about to rip the stupid thing to shreds when a bucket of water was dumped on his head, extinguishing his flaming head.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" He screamed at Kodiak.

The wolf-girl gave him a stern look. "Your hair was a fire hazard. You could've set this room on fire, young man."

Dan gave her a bewildered look. "I'M OLDER THAN YOU!"

Kodiak slapped him… HARD. "You will not talk to me that way, mister! You get a time out, go sit in the corner!"

Dan glared at her. "No."

Kodiak pointed to the corner. "GO SIT IN THE CORNER, YOU-

This should not be viewed by anybody. All I can say is Dan is getting a serious butt-kicking, dubbed with lots and lots of profanities…

Dan sat in the corner, huddled up, crying, his head still bald. Kodiak sat in the kitchen of the small lair, talking on the phone. "I cannot believe he did that, can you Rhea?... No, it was ridiculous!... Of course I gave him a time out, but he talked back to me!... I know right!... Hey Dan, Aunty Rhea, and so do I for that matter, want to know if you have an evil bug in your butt?"

Time Skip…

Dan was back on his old bed, reading 'Anger Management for Dummies.' Kodiak walked back in with groceries, whistling.

"Why did you go shopping?" Dan questioned.

"I'm staying here, remember? I need food, you know!" Kodiak went into the kitchen to put the groceries away.

"Don't you have a life?!" Dan yelled.

Kodiak nodded. "Of course I do! I'm an Enchantress, and I know a little sorcery."

Dan rolled his eyes.

"You know Dan, you're a lot like your cheese-head archenemy."

Dan glared at her. "I am not!"

Kodiak rolled her eyes. "You both want to take over the world, you both need a cat,"

"I do not!"

"You both need to find another obsession that doesn't involve your past-self-"

"Are you going to stop anytime soon?" Dan interrupted.

Kodiak glared at him. "Daniel James Phantom, you will not interrupt me, understand?!"

Dan shrunk back in fear, and nodded. Kodiak nodded. "Alright-y then…"

Later on…

Dan snored in his bed. "And you both seriously need a cat! Oh wait, already said that!"

Time Skip…

"Hey Dan, why did it take you so long to get into Amity Park? I thought you were the strongest ghost in existence?" Kodiak asked Dan innocently.

"I am." Dan glared.

Kodiak shook her head. "If you were, you would've gotten into Amity faster. I mean you destroyed the rest of the world in no time, but that stupid ghost shield that protected the city stopped you. Isn't that sad?"

Dan continued to glare.

"I mean, seriously? Danny developed his Ghostly Wail a lot faster than you did. Ten years it took you, but Danny… It took him five minutes!"

Dan looked absolutely murderous.

"You're like a disgrace to your own name!"

Dan lunged.

This part, though funny, is very violent. No one should see it.

"A disgrace, I tell you!..." Kodiak continued. Dan was on the floor, tied up with the Fenton Fisher line, anti-ghost duct tape on his mouth. "You even got beat by a girl! How sad is that?"

Time Skip…

Kodiak stared at a picture of Danny Phantom adoringly. "Dan, you were so much cuter when you had your human-half."

Dan glared at her from where he was playing with Lego's. (Kodiak didn't give him any toys or anything for that matter, unless she was there watching him.)

"I don't care." Kodiak continued to stare at the picture. "You had hair that made snow look dull. Now it's just a bunch of fire. Who wants fire for hair? No one. That's who. And you had beautiful green eyes that shined freakishly bright when you were angry. And you were so strong!"

Dan rolled his eyes. "I'm strong now."

Kodiak laughed. "Yeah right! I mean, he's not just cute! He's so strong! He defeated you, for crying out loud! Remember what I said earlier?"

Dan rolled his eyes again. "How could I not?"

Kodiak sighed dreamily. "It took five minutes for him to get his Ghostly Wail, while you had to wait ten years! Jealousy must burn in you like nothing I've ever seen! I mean, it must be really humiliating to have your younger, weaker self defeat you in combat when you clearly have more power, strength, and all that jolly stuff. All he did was use some old Fenton tech, and his Ghostly Wail, and BAM! You're in the thermos!"

Dan growled. "Are you done yet?"

Kodiak continued staring at the picture. "Nope."

Dan groaned.

"And at least Danny has the common sense to see a giant, purple football in the middle of the Ghost Zone and think of Vlad! I mean, how dumb are you? You looked right past it! Didn't you want to rip Vlad top shreds? Or at least thank him for making you stronger? And yet you looked right past the football. Danny knew exactly what to look for! Am I rubbing this in your face too much?"

Dan stopped rubbing his face. "Yes!"

Kodiak smiled. "Good, cause you need to hear this!"

Dan threw his hands in the air. "How is this supposed to help me on the 'road to recovery?' I don't think this is supposed to help me!"

Kodiak looked at him seriously. "You need to come to terms that you are a failure in life."

Dan gave her a murderous look. "I'm going to-"

"I'll send you to the thermos."

Dan grumbled.

"See! You're getting your butt kicked by me! You are a failure. Say it with me: I am a failure in life. My younger, cuter self and my therapist beat me. Just say that."

Dan glared. "No."

Kodiak shrugged. "Ok, but tomorrow you have to say it… Or else."

Dan narrowed his eyes. "Or else what?"

Kodiak smiled evilly. "Oh nothing."

A clock beeped, and Kodiak looked at her watch. "Ooo! The Jerry Springer Show is on!"

Dan gave her a 'seriously' look. Kodiak smiled innocently. "He's having a special today. It's called 'I had my human half removed!' It's going to be epic!"

Kodiak skipped off to her room, missing Dan give her a murderous look, or so he thought.

Kodiak peaked her head back in through the door. "Your face is going to freeze like that if you keep it up. Oh, too late."

A murderous scream could be heard throughout the Ghost Zone, and then…

"MY WORD, HERE'S SOME BREATH MINTS! DON'T YOU EVER BRUSH YOUR TEETH?! DEAR LORD, THAT'S DISGUSTING!"

Time Skip…

Dan was sleeping in his bed, snoring slightly. Kodiak came out of nowhere with a sharpie, a shaver, anti-ghost duct tape, a neon sign saying 'EVIL!', orange juice, marshmallows, hotdog weenies, and a filer. The first thing she did was sharpie out his emblem. Then she opened the orange juice cartoon with his fangs, drank the whole thing in thirty seconds, threw the carton away, and then filed down his fangs with the filer. After, she sat him up and shaved his mullet, planning to give him a small hair-cut. She lost control of the electric shaver, and created a strait, bald line down the middle of his head.

She looked at with wide-eyes, before shrugging and doing the rest.

After she gave Dan a hair-cut, she duct taped the neon sign to his forehead. Then, she got a lighter out of nowhere and tried to set his head back on fire with white flames. Didn't work, but she grabbed marshmallow anyway and made s'mores. She surprised the sign didn't catch on fire, just his head. After she was done, she put a hotdog on a stick, and started roasting, but she fell asleep.

Later…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Kodiak woke with a start, but immediately saw her weenie. "Ah man! It's burnt!"

Dan looked at her murderously, once again. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!"

Kodiak looked at her hotdog sadly, before throwing it away. "First off, you looked like a rip off of Danny, which you are. Second, I accidently shaved your mullet. Third, I tried to bring the mullet back. That's why your head's on fire. Fourth, your teeth are surprisingly good for opening orange juice, but I filed them down anyway. Fifth, the emblem looks horrible on you. And last but not least, I taped a sign to your head."

Dan looked at her with eye twitching.

"Oh! Where do you get your scrunches? I mean you have fire for hair, why don't your scrunches catch on fire?"

Dan started blubbering like a baby. Kodiak shook her head. "You are so sad for a former ruler of the universe. Hey, can you cut this apple with your ears?"

Dan took the apple from Kodiak's hands and cut it with his ears. She looked at it amazed. "Amazing."

Time Skip…

Dan was sitting at the end of the bed, hissing. Kodiak came out of nowhere and grabbed his tongue. "How many times do I have to say it? No hissing at me!"

She slapped him, ultimately letting go of his tongue. Dan's tongue hung limply out of his mouth, and he glared at the wolf-girl.

"Now, what did you do to the poor snake whose tongue you took?"

Dan face-palmed. "Why me?" He whined.

"ANSWER ME!" Kodiak imitated his hiss.

Time Skip…

Kodiak and Dan sat in a room. Kodiak had glasses on looking at him seriously, and Dan looked like he was sulking. "Please put me back in the thermos."

Kodiak wrote that down on a clipboard. "Why? And how does that make you feel?"

Dan glared. "It makes me feel like I want to be put in a thermos."