"Our Hero Escapes Again" by Jonathan R. (Click on his name to see what other insanity he's done.)
Monday.
A day people dread. A day where you don't have the pleasure of sleeping in. Where you have to get in your car and drive to your workplace and nowhere else. Where kids have to wake up early and go to school.
A day that reminds you that you're going to have to do all these activities four more times this week!
And today, in Mrs. Wormwood's class, it was Monday. At the moment, it was math time. A time when Mrs. Wormwood was up at the blackboard writing out equations and acting like this information would save the world. Most of the kids were only vaguely interested by the subject, but some actually had some interest in learning math, like Susie Derkins for example.
Calvin, on the other hand, had zero interest in the subject.
"And so, class, we take sixteen, and we divide it by the number which we discussed as........."
That was all Calvin heard. His attention, which seemed to have a mind of its own, began to get foggy. Everything darkened. Then things started coming into focus. Calvin began muttering to himself.
"Intrepid space explorer Spaceman Spiff is being held against his will by the evil Tee'chr in a subterranean dungeon. His fellow prisoners have no hope, but Spiff is never one to give up."
Calvin looked at Mrs. Wormwood. In his mind, a disgusting alien had his back to him as she wrote down unimportant information on a big black surface. Now was his chance to make a getaway. Without warning, Calvin threw his desk over and bolted for the door, shouting, "OUR HERO ESCAPES AGAIN!!!"
Calvin ran down the hall. Behind him, he could hear Mrs. Wormwood giving chase. "Zounds!" thought Calvin. "Tee'chr must have collapsible wings!" Calvin looked forward and spotted the front doors of the school. "If I can just break through this planet's upper atmosphere..."
At full speed, Calvin quickly pushed the doors open and leaped over the front steps. Anyone on the street would've seen a small, blonde, spiky-haired boy in a red, striped shirt running away from his school. But no, it was Spaceman Spiff in his little red rocket ship blasting off into hyperspace!
Calvin ran down the sidewalk toward his house. After a while, he decided to take a shortcut by cutting through a convenience store parking lot. Up ahead, Calvin spotted two shopping carts that were blocking his exit.
"Uh-oh!" said Spiff. "Two enemy fighters dead ahead! I'll have to maneuver between them if I hope to survive." Calvin extended his arms outward like an airplane, and tilted them like an aircraft flying on its side. Calvin ran between the two carts and back onto the sidewalk. Turning right, Calvin discovered that there were quite a few adults on the sidewalk. Calvin had to dodge each and every one of them as he ran. "There's a lot more space debris out here than I thought." Only a few adults saw Calvin running beneath them. Those that saw him thought that he was only a little boy catching up to his parents up ahead.
All this running was beginning to make Calvin tired. That's when he saw a soda machine on the other side of the street. "Time to refuel my ship!" Calvin checked to make sure the road was clear. "Lot's of interstellar travel along this part of space." When he arrived at the space station/soda machine, Calvin took some change out of his pocket and put it into the machine. He took the can out of the distribution slot and opened it. "Ahh, nothing like caffeine to refuel a ship that's low on gas." Calvin sat down on a bench and sipped his drink.
By the time he threw his can away, Calvin resumed his journey.
It wasn't long before Calvin turned onto his street. As he turned the corner, he almost ran into a small child riding a toy tricycle.
"Did you see how close that comet came to hitting me?" Spiff asked himself. The trike had a lot of reflectors on it.
Calvin continued running. As he ran past one of his neighbor's yards, a large dog barked and growled on the other side of a fence. It kept pace with Calvin as he ran past the property.
"It seems a force field has been erected in this part of space to keep this violent creature safe from everyone. Who knows what kind of damage to the universe this alien could do?"
Right before he got to his house, Calvin saw a garden hose lying in the driveway of his next-door neighbor's yard. The end of the hose was sticking out onto the sidewalk. Calvin came to a halt, gasping for breath and staring at the hose in horror. "Egad! An evil space worm! I know what to do!" Spaceman Spiff launched a tractor beam at it and brought it crashing down onto a nearby planet. Calvin actually punctured the hose on a chain-link fence. "Now, THAT'S how you make a wormhole!"
At last, Calvin made it home. "Mission accomplished."
And so, Calvin got to spend the rest of his free time with Hobbes, as Calvin's mother received a phone call from school...one that she's heard many times before.
Don't you just hate Mondays?