DISCLAIMER: Spica-san Dee does not own Hetalia. If she does, it would be an anime full of fanservices and buttsmex.
Trust me, it is worse than heard.
A/N: Hey, guys! Recently, I've watched Hetalia! Axis Powers and the other season and I actually, um, fallen in love with England. And then everything just, BOOM! I had a great idea for fanfic. Or for me I think this was great. I'm not that sure.. Special thanks to the names below, and also Shiecchan, the very first person that listen to the idea of this plot. Well, hope you enjoy my first HetaFic!
Beta-ed by: Sora Ai-chan (and with some addition from Arsa Stanleia)
Everything started with a piece of blueberry flavored bubble gum.
Then you think, 'You're kidding me?' I'm serious. Well, it all started like this.
I was so bored. SO BORED. I'm always good at Math and all, but two hours full of lecturing on Algebra theories? Bitch please. I prefer something more heroic or blood-thrilling, so I decided that I, the hero, should do something more adventurous. I reached into my bomber jacket's pocket and found─voila! A piece of blueberry flavored chewing gum.
You'll kinda discover what happened next, wouldn't 'cha?
It was one hundred percent accident, I tell you. How would I know if I spit that cursed gum on some certain angle it would stick to Mr. Grim (my math teacher's name, seriously. It wasn't a nickname)'s nose as he passed by? Despite of his unusual name, this teacher was surprisingly plain, like all of my classmates. My classmates and teachers were all boring, the students were normal and all have the same interest (except me of course, because I'm a goddamn awesome hero) and follow the exact same trends, dress the same way, and think like that, too. Looking at them feels like looking at a big line of Lego soldiers. The teachers were no different. All with same gray costumes, same gray hairstyles, same gray expression, just different genders and teaching different subjects. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish them.
Like, "G'morning, Mr. Smith."
"It's Smeeth. Mr. Smith is the one who teaches Geography."
"So who's Mrs. Smyths? Your twin sister?"
"She's my aunt, to be exact."
"…oh." Luckily, there's only one Mr. Grim around and he's the only one that has a big mole on his nose. No big deal.
Mr. Grim glanced at me lazily and put two empty plastic buckets on my hands. Oh shit, not again. "You know what to do already," he told me before turning away, his back facing me. I groaned, but of course I did as ordered. I went to the men's toilet and filled the buckets with water, sighing. Another day with another bucket to hold outside the classroom door. Love this day so much. I walked back and stood in front the classroom door, buckets full of water in both hands. First times were hard, after school my hands felt burning and it printed a red nasty line on my palm. After I got used to it, it was almost nothing. Heroes always get stronger, right? Same rule applied to me.
As usual, I blank-stared the corridor in front of me. Even in previous or normal condition, doing this was far better than listening to Mr. Grim's lectures. I started to rewind the last episode of Spiderman I've watched last night. Heroes, they're so awesome. I'll do anything to be one of them (make some random spider bite your arm is proved not a good idea, since the last time I tried it I suffered fever for three days and no, no spider webs coming out from my wrists), even if I have to trade it with my brother, Matthew. Subconsciously, I swung my hands, following the motion of Peter Parker flying from building to building when I was having mental image of it. Right at that moment, some random guy bumped into me and SPLASH! There goes the water. Of course, with my hero reflex I jumped aside to avoid getting wet. The guy who bumped me wasn't as lucky as me. At ALL.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I waved my hands frantically on the air, "Dude, you OK?" I asked that guy, whose nose is having a very romantic event with the marble floor. He groaned. "I feel bloody perfect, thank you very much," he answered with a very thick European accent, every single words dripping with sarcasm. He glared at me for a moment but then his fiery eyes lost its lives, changing themselves with emotionless ones. I frowned. The first thing I noticed from that guy was his eyebrows.
DUDE, HIS EYEBROWS.
They were actually the hugest eyebrows I've ever seen in my entire life. I mean, look at those thick black eyebrows. Someone could definitely make a fur jacket using that. My eyes dropped just below his eyebrows. He has a pair of emerald eyes, which now staring at his own wet figure. He looks around my age but his body was smaller than me underneath his white long-sleeved shirt and green pants. I could say that he was some kind of a late bloomer. His messy blonde hair, which was paler than mine, was now dripping toilet water. At second glance… Okay, maybe he wasn't that bad looking after all…
His forest-colored eyes dilated when he spotted a green hard covered book, laying damped on the ground. To my surprise, he started to scream. "NOOOOO! My special edition book that I bought with my hard earned money!" He pulled his hair stressfully. I corrected the position of my glasses. Was my sight… right? 'Cause I think the title was 'My Little Pony.' My ears caught him murmuring 'bloody hell' and 'rainbow ponies.' So… my myopia hadn't gone up.
But seriously man, 'My Little Pony'? Duh. I watched him crying like that for a while before I decided to do something. Someone had to try something before he torn off his poor scalps.
"Calm down, man. That book doesn't even worth shit…" I said, trying to calm him down. The blonde wasn't eased at all.
"DOESN'T WORTH SHIT? Do you even know how much time I spent on some random old lady's garden to buy that 'doesn't worth shit' book? Did you even acknowledge the awesomeness of My Little Pony?"
"No, and that's why I'm trying to say─"
"Right! Let's listen carefully what you twat are trying to sa─" he stopped suddenly, his glare turned to a suspecting look. "Wait a second. Why are you still here?" he asked, his eyes narrowed. I frowned deeper.
"What─ you want me to disappear?" He shook his head, some beads of water from his head flying to my glasses, making them wet. I decided not to protest.
"No, I mean, as an NPC, shouldn't you just─ OH." His voice full of realization, while I myself couldn't catch up. "Um, hello?"
"That's why you look so familiar, and that accent… that should be…" he kept murmuring something to himself, deep in thought and seemed to forgot I was still there, stood like an idiot. I'm not my brother Mattie, but I actually felt like him right now. Trying to process everything in my brilliant mind, I realized what he said just then was true. I actually felt like I've seen him somewhere, but I don't know where or when. But I think I know him… I actually know him, but when?
Who is this guy?
"You do look familiar. Who're you? Doctor Who?" I blurted everything in my mind without actually thinking. He blinked for a while, his lips slowly curved into a smile. He looked at me from bottom to top with a smug look on his face. Right at that moment, I decided I couldn't trust him. I mean, that expression actually looked like a villain! And those eyebrows actually made a plus!
"Sorry, it's nothing. And oh, are you American?" he asked, totally ignoring my previous question. I blinked in surprise, but then I grinned widely.
"So you actually noticed my hero-like manner!" I stated, both hands on hips. Most people actually didn't realize, and I had to explain all that to them, but each time I did, I only received blank expressions. Still, ever since, all of my fan girls in my school and neighborhood wore T-shirts that had 'We Love American Pie' writings with the word 'Pie' crossed with marker. Those long explanations sometimes worth it, I admit.
The blonde in front of me swifted his hair backwards, giving me a satisfied look. "Is that so. At any rate, may I have your name?"
"You don't know my name? Seriously, how long have you been here?"
"Around five minutes?"
"Exactly! I mean, haven't you heard about Alfred the Hero? Jones of the USA? The Superman with Glasses? Any of them?" He shook his head as a response.
"Then I have to tell you! My name is Alfred F. Jones, you can call me Alfie or Alfred if you insist, but better to call me Hero. Please don't call me F, 'cause it kinda reminds me of those sons of bitches that called me Alfred Fucking Jones! They don't even know that Fucking is a name of a village in Austria! I love Marvel Heroes, they're just plain awesome, and I like Iron Man the most. I like Spiderman and Superman too, 'cause I like their colors. My colors are blue, white, and red, you know, the colors of America's flag? Can't decide becausetheyreallawesomeevent hegirlshaveyouseenbatmantooy esterdayhiscarmodificationar ejustsowowienvythatoldmanbut thatdoesntmeaniwanttobeoldto ime─"
"Alright then, Alfred F. Jones," he interrupted. He waved at me before leaving with his My Little Pony book. "I'll see you soon. Very, very, soon indeed."
I scratched my head, utterly confused. "Hey! Can't I even have a name? Eyebrow guy!" I called him, but he was too far away to hear me. I huffed, but I couldn't do anything with this sheepish grin on my face. Finally, after countless of boring weeks, I found something interesting.
I was looking forward to see him soon.
That night, I dreamt a strange dream. From all of my dreams so far (which always involve heroes or super villains), if I could put the HERO!scale from one to ten, that dream actually got fourteen. No kidding.
In my dream, I was sitting in the middle of darkness. I couldn't move, I couldn't even think. I could only watch the pitch black view until my eyes were adjusted to it. Slowly, I recognized a figure. It looks huge and tall, around twenty times of my size, and surrounded by the color of night. If only I could move, I would surely gasp. But I didn't. I stood still, engulfed by silence. Worst part of it? It was moving, showing that it was alive. The more I stared at it, the more uneasiness I felt.
Just then, I realized the reason why.
That creature, which I found out wearing a black coat with hood and looked human-like, was also watching me intently.
I felt shudder crept on my spine. A huge shadow approached me, reaching me and covered me with unusual warmth. My breath hitched, but no voice came out. I remained silent as I heard a voice that I thought I've heard somewhere. A voice that high pitched but deep at the same time, but down inside it, that voice sounded… sad. No, it wasn't that. It was more like…
"…be…use…," was the last thing I heard before I woke up with heart racing, mouth gasping air. That dream was just like, so fucked up.
Things didn't work better when I attended school.
As usual, every Tuesday we always had our homeroom teacher time. Things were usually normal, the teacher announced about the test during that week or special event occurring that month, but today, it was so much different.
Mrs. Ralph, our homeroom teacher, entered the classroom with her usual cocky style. I noted that every day she seemed to wear thicker and thicker make up. Especially those red lipstick she's wearing. But today she didn't wear her annoyed expression anymore. Instead, she faked a huge friendly smile across her face. At the second thought, I was like, 'Right, there's something wrong.'
"Good morning, class. I have good news here. We have a new classmate today, so please be kind to him. Kirkland, give them a shot." Just listening to that made my body froze. This isn't happening… oh, heaven sake, tell me this isn't true! I do want to meet him, but not now, not like this! But my prayers didn't work too much.
The guy with My Little Pony book I met yesterday stood in front of the classroom, bowing to the entire classroom. Still, I didn't need a detective to know that his green eyes were attached to me. "Good day everyone. My name is Arthur Kirkland, but you can call me Arthur. And I," he paused, waiting for our reaction, "am from the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. But just say I came from London."
Hold it. Even from the first time we met, we couldn't help not to quarrel with each other. Now, classmates? Fate surely has funny sense of humor. Spontaneously, I stood up, palms hitting my own table. All eyes were now watching me, distracted with the previous loud noise. Oops.
"…you're kiddin' me, right Arthur?" I asked.
The blonde looked as if he was holding his smile. "Am not, Alfred F. Jones."
I widened my eyes before I mouthed four words in disapproval.
'Dear Life, You Suck.'
AAN: Before any of you guys ask it, I'll say this. This isn't USUK, or not it so far. It depend on how many of you guys demanding it and all, and of course as long as it still connect with my own plotline. And ratings may go up. JUST maybe. And M isn't just for sexual themes, you know. It could be violence and profanity or some tragical stuff. Still, I'm still trying to make this humor so... oh well. Who knows.
For my mates who demands me to continue Karakuri Burst, please, please be patient. I'm doing exams at the moment, and this is kind of hard to maintain. I'm probably fully active at the end of April. I'm sorry to keep you all waiting ):
Ah, comments, even flames (which actually means hard critics that is actually based on reality) are loved. By me. See ya' on the next chappie!