Pairing: Erwin x Levi
Warnings: Spoilers for chapter 51
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Levi had already cleaned the majority of the other offices in the building they were using and the only reason he'd left Erwin's until now had been because the man had been pouring over notes and making a mess greater than any rate even Levi could clean at.
"Oh," Erwin said as Levi kicked his door open, bucked in one hand and mouth covered. He was scowling and eyes Erwin's office with distain.
"You can stay, but it's getting cleaned." Levi didn't offer any chance for Erwin to reply (or, more correctly, kick him out) and stepped inside. The door shut with a bang that made Erwin narrow his eyes in a wince and that was that. Levi was free to work.
They'd been at this base for a total of 36 hours and Levi wondered how it could have been left in such bad shape. Apparently it used to be an old office block for agriculture administration, but secretly Levi reckoned they let pigs and sheep live in here rather than push papers.
Erwin's office was no exception to this mess. He'd holed himself in here since they'd arrived, or so Hange had said (with Mike confirming, Hange couldn't always be trusted to get her facts right when it came to people and times), and had ample opportunity to make the most of his space.
"How did you even work in here?" Levi muttered. A book shelf took up one wall of the office and Erwin's desk took up most of the space left. Not too many books were stacked on the shelf, but files and folders took their place. Levi knew they contained information on each soldier, plans and other shit a commander needed to know, but how Erwin didn't even dust the shelves before putting them on was beyond Levi's comprehension.
"I should have cleaned here first," he said and Erwin made a small noise at his seat. Levi turned to him with a frown, receive a shrug for his efforts.
"It's disgusting," he continued on his one-sided rant. Not that he needed words anymore to communicate with Erwin, but once he got going, Levi was hard to placate.
"It's not that bad," Erwin replied quietly, shuffling some papers on the desk. Levi raised an eyebrow before focusing on his work, shaking his head every now and then at a particularly distasteful corner.
It was only when he was preparing to tackle Erwin's desk that Levi noticed Erwin's gaze and stopped still where he stood.
"What?" he said, wanting to get this over and done with. His back was beginning to ache and his hands were sore from scrubbing all day. Levi wasn't in the mood to play games with Erwin and he didn't like to run off lack of sleep when they weren't tackling titans and he did have the option to sit down and relax.
"If only all soldiers applied themselves like you do," Erwin said fondly, elbows on the desk and chin resting on his hands. "The desk is fine, Levi."
Levi won't admit to it, but he had always loved the way Erwin said his name. There was a softness to it, a slight lilt that no one but Levi could ever pick up and it sent shivers through his entire body.
"No it's not." Perhaps that was why Levi was so stubborn when it came to Erwin. Maybe he just wanted his name to be said again and again and again.
"Levi," Erwin said again and Levi met his eyes with a cold look that no one else would ever dare. Not even Levi would dare if Erwin was in true commander mode, but this was just about cleaning and a desk. This was Levi's domain.
"Move your tree trunk arms," Levi said, moving so he was opposite Erwin.
Erwin complied, sitting back in his chair and folding his hands in his lap. Levi could feel Erwin's eyes on him the entire time as he organised papers and wiped down the wood of the desk.
"Have you cleaned the rest of the offices already?" Erwin asked suddenly, voice low with tiredness. Levi hadn't really noticed the comfortable silence surrounding them before now and he looked up, squeezing excess water from a cloth.
"Naturally," he replied. "Save the best till last," he said sarcastically, though he noted the slight rise in Erwin's eyebrows. Well, it was impossible not to catch any movement with those giant caterpillars really, but Erwin usually had such control over every single nerve that one hardly saw even a hair twitch.
"You enjoy cleaning," Erwin said flatly. Levi doesn't even bother to answer. Of course he fucking enjoys it. Erwin already knows that anyway, it was one of the things Levi had told him when they met. Levi liked to clean. Simple.
Nothing more was said and Levi packed away his supplies and walked from the room without a backward glance. They didn't need longing glances or goodbyes in their relationship. Most of what passed between Erwin and Levi was silent, special.
It didn't stop Levi grumbling about the mess of Erwin's office in the shower though and he scowled at the recruits who dared to glance twice in his direction.
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"Well," Levi says slowly as Hange spins around in circles, dragging the ever-suffering Moblit with her (and seriously, has anyone given the man a compensation award yet?). "The mission was a success at least."
Levi wrinkles his nose as a wave of hot, putrid air escapes the titan's mouth and rolls over him. Yes they managed to catch a titan for Hange, but not before it decided to half-swallow most of them and slobber stomach acid on the rest of the team. Hange seemed to be only one who didn't care she was covered in slowly-crusting gunk and blood. The blood evaporated, but the rest of the titan gore? Well part of it was probably half-digested humans and Levi couldn't wait until he could shower.
"Can you believe it!" Hange giggled, throwing her arms in the air. It was nice to see her happy as happiness was few and far between, but Levi really could do without the shrieking. "Moblit look! Look how beautiful it is!"
It wasn't, for the record. It was a balding, ugly, disproportionate creature, even for a titan. Levi didn't take any joy in looking at its slowly-moving, listless eyes, but he couldn't quite tear himself away from them.
"Well done Corporal," a deep voice said and Levi broke his stare. Erwin's hand rested on his shoulder, the man himself equally as gore covered and dishevelled. Somehow the bastard still sent nervous jitters to Levi's stomach, which no one had any right to do when they were covered in titan shit.
"We won't see Hange for days now," Levi replied and Erwin nods, looking at the titan with a blank face.
"Let's hope we can learn something of importance," he said and then looked down at himself. "I order everyone to shower before we meet for a debrief."
The group nodded. They were only a small team that had been dispatched to deal with a titan that had been seen running a thick hand against the wall. The garrison had been worried it might damage some stones in time and they'd moved out to assess the situation. A canon and plenty of wire Hange had had the foresight to bring along had helped them capture the titan instead and now they simply had to transport it to one of the remote facilities and let Hange have her way.
Erwin's call was appreciated though and while Erwin and Hange (and therefore Moblit too, who was curiously clean – he'd evidently learnt evasion skills from spending time with Hange) remained behind with a team from the stationary soldiers to transport the titan, the rest of the team could leave to scrub up.
Communal showers had never bothered Levi. Females and males were separated into two open-plan shower rooms and it was a place Levi enjoyed being. The laundry room was next door, which carried a spare uniform for each soldier at any time, and they could get rid of dirty clothes and be fully clean without dripping all over the base.
The room was already filling with steam as Levi entered. He was already naked, fresh clothes and towel waiting in the changing room, and nodded to the people around him. He was used to the stares at the scars on his body by now – very few people had more than him and new recruits were always a little shaky when they met his eyes after showering with him – and let himself sink into the warmth of the water.
Levi was wrinkling his nose at the crust in his hair when Erwin walked in. As usual, the atmosphere changed and people became a little more reserved, a little more respectful, at least until Erwin nodded. Things returned to normal after that, but that was how life was when Erwin was around. The commander deserved respect.
"I've never been happier to be in a shower," Erwin said, coming to stand right beside Levi.
At first it had been a surprise to see Erwin so close and so vulnerable when Levi had joined. He'd barely been comfortable being so open in the shower rooms and when the giant of a man had stepped beside him and turned his shower on, Levi had been ready to bolt. Now it was as common as Levi taking shampoo and body wash from the supplies in the changing room. It was something he couldn't shower happily without.
Okay, he could. But Erwin's presence under the spray was a welcome addition and perhaps Levi had grown a little spoilt.
"You have crusty shit all down your back," Levi pointed out as he watched Erwin scrub at his arms. "It's not going to come off with just the water."
Erwin looked at him, water running down his nose and over his jaw. Levi swallowed thickly, glad to have been through such discipline that he wasn't leaping to throw himself at Erwin and that his dick had thankfully stayed flaccid. That was most likely due to exhaustion though. If Erwin wanted to have his wicked way, Levi would happily jump to it regardless.
(Not that he ever had. Or ever would. But Levi could always dream.)
"Grab a stool," Levi said tiredly, shaking his head. "And sit the fuck down."
With a little smile, Erwin did as told. The last few recruits had turned their showers off and Erwin called for them to assemble in one of the debriefing rooms as he grabbed one of the bathing stools.
"What would I do without you?" Erwin said as Levi grabbed one of the scrubbing brushes and spread soap across Erwin's thickly muscled shoulders. One could get lost in the muscular indentations, Levi reckoned.
"You'd walk around with mouldy titan vomit on your back for weeks. Or until Mike smelt it and dragged you back here." Levi ran the brush in slow, gentle circles, making sure to clean Erwin's back with care. It wouldn't do to leave any titan gore behind, for image and Erwin's own health.
"I'm done," Levi said as he turned away to rise himself for the final time. He turned his shower off as Erwin rose, squeezing the water from his hair as he ran his hands through it. "Make sure you wash your hair properly too. Your stupid big hands miss half of the work."
Levi thought he heard Erwin chuckle over the sound of running water, but he wasn't entirely sure. It could easily have been his imagination, after all.
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"Hold him still!" someone shouted and Levi stood up from his crouch and marched towards the commotion.
They were in the middle of titan territory and they didn't have time to make noises. He strode over to the group and almost swore at what he took in. One of their new recruits had managed to get their leg bitten into and Petra was trying to stitch him. A member of the recruit's team had been the one to shout.
"Petra," Levi said softly and she looked at him with shadowed eyes. He knew then the damage was too great, too much blood had been lost and there wasn't any time left. The kid would die before they managed to do anything.
"Erd!" Levi said and his team snapped to attention, Petra still slowly pressing against the wound and shooting worried looks to the man's team. "Take everyone and get going. Erwin's expecting us to rendezvous in ten minutes and if you don't, they'll call off the mission. I'll catch up when I've sorted this out."
Erd nodded in understanding and the rest of his team follow suit, gathering the inexperienced ones and setting off. They hesitate – of course they do, they noticed how Levi didn't include their friend in his plans to meet up with them – before releasing their gear and continuing on their mission like good little soldiers.
Perhaps they'll even survive for a few more missions.
The soldier on the ground, when Levi turns, was already dead. It was a shame that Levi couldn't do more for him, but there are so many others that he can't do more for either.
"I'm sorry," Levi said softly, looking at the man's thigh. The wound was half stitched, the needle sticking from his skin and blood congealing. It was a shoddy job – not that Petra had a choice and she did do her best – and Levi took a small cloth from his pocket and spat on it, cleaning the blood away from the wound and finishing the suturing. It was the least he could do, not that it was much.
His team didn't ask any questions when he returned to them and the man's team dim slightly. Aside from that, the mission went ahead as planned and Erwin registered the loss of a man with a dip of his shoulder.
When they returned to their barracks, Levi shed his clothes for softer ones after a shower. Erwin entered his rooms without even a warning, but Levi was used to that. He never bothered to announce himself for Erwin. They were the only two people who didn't have to hide from each other.
"Petra came to see me," he said and Levi looked up from his chair. He was drinking tea and looking out of his small window, up at the sky and the stars above.
"I should have talked to her," Levi said. His team had dealt with worse situations before and he hadn't thought that Petra would have been that affected by the entire thing. Still, he was their leader and should have acted as one.
"She's fine," Erwin said, taking the spare chair in Levi's room and placing it beside Levi's. He then slid his boots off and Levi placed his cup on the window ledge, inviting Erwin to rest his feet in his lap.
"She wanted me to make sure you were okay." Erwin closed his eyes as Levi began working his fingers into Erwin's tired feet, uncaring that he'd been wearing the same shoes all day. It wasn't like their job smelt lemony fresh all the time and Erwin was cleaner than a lot of other people Levi knew.
Besides, everyone knew Levi had a soft spot for anything Erwin-related.
"Petra was worried about me?" Levi said and Erwin cracked an eye open. He nudged his free foot into Levi's stomach and smiled slightly.
"She adores you and thinks you've been acting strangely since they left you with the recruit." Erwin tilted his head back, exposing his neck as Levi moved down his foot.
"I'm aware of her small… crush." Levi didn't like to think about that too much. Petra was a sweet girl and would make anyone a fine bride, but he had chosen to devote himself to Erwin, regardless of whether their relationship would ever move beyond what it was now.
"I wouldn't say small," Erwin said quietly, entirely relaxed. They remained in silence for a while before Erwin tipped his head back up and looked at Levi, something soft clouding his usually unreadable features.
"She's not the only one with affections for the great Lance Corporal Levi, you know," he said and the way he said it made Levi pause in massaging.
Levi raised an eyebrow and Erwin smirked, taking his feet from Levi's lap slowly and sliding his boots back on.
"I'll see you for our meeting tomorrow at nine," Erwin said, the room suddenly colder and emptier after he had left.
Even the stars now seemed bland next to the softness Levi had seen a moment ago.
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It had been three weeks and six days since Levi had last seen Erwin. They'd gone longer, of course, but with their new titan kid and the military pigs watching their every move, it was the most stressful period Levi had ever experienced in the Scouting Legion. Even worse than when he'd started out as a rookie.
"Cobwebs," Levi muttered to himself, looking over his shoulder to the other person sharing his corridor. "Cobwebs," he repeated, louder, and the person visibly jumped, rushing to gather the cobwebs with his duster and to apologise.
"You wouldn't need to apologise if you'd just done it properly in the first place instead of always gossiping with Petra." Levi didn't mean to be cranky, but the castle Erwin had shipped them off to was a dump and he had nothing else to do but clean.
Eren, for all the shit Levi gave him, was a hard worker. A crowd pleaser would perhaps be a better word, but he allowed Levi to ship him back to the castle with the team after the titans are discovered to have been killed while Levi stayed behind. The kid was more understanding that his team, who all gave him a questioning stare.
"There's too much going on," Erwin said as Levi entered his room.
"I don't care," Levi replied, though he did really. Still, while Erwin's brain would never switch off, Levi had found distracting Erwin for a while helped him to churn better ideas when he was stuck.
"I found a spider family today," Levi said monotonously. Erwin looked over in interest as Levi kicked his shoes off and placed his jacket on one of the drawers. He then lay down on the bed, stretching out as if it was his own.
"They looked pretty happy. I suppose spiders have always lived with titans, except we're the titans." Levi shook his head, imagining little arachnids with their own 3D gear.
"Stay here tonight," Erwin said and Levi looked up in surprise. It wasn't that he'd never stayed at Erwin's before or vice versa, but those had been after long meetings when they'd been unable to walk further than the closest room.
"I don't know what will happen in the future," Erwin said, shirt open and staring at Levi so openly that it makes his heart ache.
"Don't hog the covers," Levi said as Erwin threw him a shirt to combat the cold. "And keep your freezing feet away from me."
As they lay slipping into sleep, Levi could feel Erwin's cold toes poking at his own and rolled his eyes. Still, it's better than doing another round of the castle with Eren in pursuit, picking at his cleaning errors. Erwin shifted slightly and wrapped a bear-arm around Levi, muttering in his ear.
"I'm cold," as if it excused everything.
It did.
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When his team were gone, Levi cleaned.
When Erwin lost his arm and was unconscious, Levi cleaned.
After both occasions, once he had cleaned, he got on with life. It took a few hours out of his day and allowed him to process what had happened… and a lot of other people appreciated it too. It allowed Levi to move on, to compartmentalise what he needed to and become the person people needed to look up to and sought for advice.
Everything changed when Connie revealed what he learnt. For some reason, Levi couldn't store that piece of information away and he found himself rescrubbing hallways in the middle of the night. Hange had been by to try and stop him, but he'd simply told her to go shower and been done with her.
He should have known she'd go fetch the only person he'd listen to.
Erwin had arrived with a fold-out chair tucked under his arm and a book under the armpit of the other. He'd unfolded the chair and sat down, crossing his legs without a word and begun his book. It had been three hours since then and whenever Levi had moved on, Erwin had followed in silence.
"You haven't even fucking shaved," Levi snapped suddenly, dropping his brush on the floor with a clatter of wood on cobblestones. The sound echoed through the corridor and Levi knew it could be heard from a way away.
"Nope," Erwin said simply, flipping a page in his book and ignoring Levi.
"I hate you," Levi returned, though the words are empty and Erwin snorted in laughter. Losing his arm seemed to have released his uptight humour, or perhaps Erwin just didn't need to close himself off as much anymore. He had a little of what he wanted and needed to depend on others more now.
Or maybe he was just one more step closer towards a full break down.
He finally closed the book with a sigh and looked at Levi with tired eyes.
"And I hate you. I hate everyone in this place and every building and every creature, even the spiders." Erwin fixed Levi with a look and Levi knew he was thinking of the running joke between them, of avenging spiders with powers to take down the humans.
Levi sighed. "No you don't," he had to say, because it's the truth. And so he knows what Erwin will say next and his shoulders stoop in defeat.
"And neither do you." Erwin stood and set the book on the chair. Having one arm has changed nothing about him and Levi looked down at the floor instead of at the only man who will ever know every truth about him.
"Yesterday I was a titan-killer. Today I'm just a murderer." He leant into Erwin's chest as an arm wrapped around his shoulders.
"I've been a murderer for a long while," Erwin said into his hair. "It never gets easier, but it is our duty."
Levi was thankful for Erwin's no-bullshit agenda. They live a life that needed the truth and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath against Erwin's sturdy chest.
What they were doing for their lives was not okay, but they had no other options.
As long as Erwin was there, Levi might be able to pull through until the end. It was just a matter of time before either of them cracked and Levi thought that their time was running short faster than they ever could have thought.
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Levi was down on his knees when heavy, even footsteps came up to his side. Bare feet stood at the side of Levi's vision and he tugged his face mask down, looking up with a frown.
"You can do that later," Erwin said, voice lighter than ever and a boyish grin on his face. "The sun's come out."
Their decision, in the end, had been easy. It had been like that for everyone in the Legion. Minds had been made up years before and the king had scrapped their division anyway, giving the military a new division of the Exploratory Corps. No one from their legion had joined. Everyone was too tired to serve anymore and all had sought quieter, happier lives.
Some days, Levi wondered what happened to the others and hoped they ended up happy. He was happy after all.
Faking annoyance, Levi set his cleaning supplies aside and followed Erwin outside. His hair was streaked in silver now and they both carried more wrinkles than they would like. The laughter lines were catching up though, now that they could relax and laugh at the spiders collecting in the corners of their home.
True to his word – and when had Levi ever doubted Erwin? – the sun was out and not a cloud was in sight. The fields surrounding their little cottage were in full bloom and Erwin held a handful of wildflowers, getting Levi to hold them as he decorated both their heads with miniature flowers.
"I won't even ask what you're doing," Levi said fondly, allowing Erwin to tuck buttercups and daisies behind his ears.
"Good," Erwin replied. "It's better that way."
He grinned, coming to a halt before Levi. "I think I've lost my mind completely. You're going to have to look after me as I descend into a flower madness. Perhaps I'll even set up a flower shop, though business will be a bit slow."
Levi snorted, tucking a blue flower back into place and stroking Erwin's jaw. He hadn't shaved in a few days and the dreaded beard was making a reappearance, but Levi could deal. There were worse things than a bit of stubble.
"The nearest town's not too far. I think you should just move there to sell your shitty flowers and I'll be able to live a life of peace." Levi's smile gave him away and Erwin kisses him gently, flowers falling as rain around them.
"I'm afraid you're stuck with me," Erwin said, shifting his weight slightly, pulling Levi into a strange side to side step, holding him close.
"We should have got rid of the titans sooner," Levi said, turning in Erwin's hold to feel the warmth of the sun. "We could have had longer here."
A little way off, Erwin had set up a picnic and he dragged Levi down the slight hill.
"We could have, but what we have is good." Levi couldn't disagree with that and he nodded, shaking his head at the sloppy sandwiches Erwin had set out. The man could still operate his 3D manoeuvre gear with one arm, but ask him to make sandwiches and suddenly he was incapable.
But he still tried.
"I always loved you, you know," Erwin said as they finished off the last pear segments between them. The evening air was cooler and Levi lay back, looking up at the purple and pink sky.
"I never doubted that," Levi said honestly, sliding his gaze from the sky to a sight even more beautiful. Since they were freed from the walls, they have both become better, different people. They slipped back sometimes and Levi's woken in the night to find Erwin curled on the floor before, as well as being the one to throw things in unexplainable rages, but they were good.
"I love you too," Levi whispered, closing his eyes in content. "But you don't need to hear it to know it."
Levi was sure that when he opened his eyes, Erwin would still be smiling and he was proved correct. He shuffled over until he was tucked against Erwin's side, safe from the world and the unknown horrors that would never be as terrifying as the titans.
"You only get to set up your shitty shop if we get a dog," Levi muttered into Erwin's side, the rumbling of Erwin's laughter all he needed in the world.
(In the end the flower shop fell through, but it didn't stop Erwin plaiting little flowers into Levi's hair when he fell asleep unguarded and collecting pots of them on every windowsill. They also ended up with two dogs rather than the one, but that is the very opposite of a problem.)