me and a tumblr friend were talking about a heathers hernst au, so heres the first in a (small?) series of one shots. its already on ao3 but i feel like the sa fandom on here needs more stuff
if you havent seen heathers this might not make much sense? but basically ernst suddenly became popular with the cool kids (Thea, Anna, Wendla) and then he meets this ~~~mysterious guy~~~ (hanschen) and falls into accidentally being an accomplice to the murders of Thea, Anna, and Melchior - all three of whom then become conscience-like ghosts in his head. Also, he's not really responsible for moritz committing suicide in this au, he just feels a bunch of guilt.
pls enjoy xoxox
Ernst Robel–High school senior, seventeen years old, accomplice to three murders, and (probably) the reason for Moritz Stiefel's suicide attempt–is hiding from his sort-of-secret boyfriend. In a closet.
My whole life's like some kind of cosmic joke.
"Ernst, darling," Hanschen says, calm and collected and not at all sounding like the type of person who would murder three other teens, "Where are you? I know you're up here."
Ernst reaches down and clicks the lock into place. He closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath in. He can hear Hanschen walking around in his room, searching for him. He can picture Hanschen right now: looking as perfect, respectable, and charming as ever, with only the gun labeling him as the unhinged killer that he is.
"I promise I'm not mad, Ernst. I was mad, but not anymore." Hanschen coos the words, and Ernst's stomach flips the same way it does whenever Hanschen shows any affection to him. Ernst hates himself a little for it. "I could never stay mad at you, love."
He supposes that it's ironic, the way that Ernst has been declaring his love for Hanschen from the start and Hanschen only just uses the word when he's about to kill him.
"Using the word 'love' in reference to a partner is a social construct, one that's usually used to guilt one's partner into something by use of emotional blackmail," The ghost of Melchior Gabor says, completely unhelpfully.
Shut up, Melchior, Ernst thinks, because he has enough on his plate with the whole 'My boyfriend wants to kill me' thing, he doesn't need the ghosts of those he's murdered rubbing it in.
Ernst can hear Hanschen thumping around and he looks around for something, anything, that'd help him get out.
"Wow, for all the time you spent in the closet," Anna starts and Ernst is already cringing from the bad joke that's about to come. "You sure don't have much in here."
"Nice one, Anna!" Thea cheers.
Ernst places his head in his hands. I hate you all.
All three ghosts make insulted noises. Ernst ignores them and steps back to see if he can see anything else. It, of course, is just par for the course that he slips on the one clothing item left on the floor. His arm hits the door as he falls, not that the fall itself isn't loud enough.
It's silent for a moment, Hanschen has stopped searching and rambling and Ernst isn't even daring to breathe, much less move.
The doorknob suddenly jiggles and Ernst nearly jumps out of his skin.
"There you are," Hanschen purrs. "Are you ready to come out now?"
Ernst takes a deep breath. He doesn't reply.
Hanschen sighs. "Alright then. But I will get you out of there. I always get what I want in the end, darling."
Ernst can't help the sharp, choked and bitter laugh that comes out of his mouth, because he does, doesn't he? He wanted Melchior dead, he wanted the girls to suffer, he wanted the suicide notes forged. It only makes sense that now that he wants Ernst dead, that'll happen too. The laugh turns into a rough, ragged sob, and Ernst can't stop that either. He- He didn't ask for any of this. He's only seventeen. And now he's going to die.
Another sob forces it's way out. Ernst can hear Hanschen rearrange himself on the other side of the door.
"Oh, don't cry," He says, like Ernst can actually control the tears that are flowing down his face.
"You don't have to be afraid," He says, as if that is even an option anymore.
"I was afraid too, before I met you," He admits, like it'll make Ernst feel better.
"But I can help you like you helped me, I can set you free; from this school, these people, everything." Hanschen takes a deep breath. "I can make it this whole town disappear, Ernst."
Ernst has never hated his own words more. He's pretty sure that Hanschen's going to murder him, make it look like some kind of lover's suicide pact. Ernst wipes his face and takes a calming breath. This is fine. This means that Hanschen can't hurt anyone else. Ernst is okay with this.
Ernst is ready to come to terms with his own death, ready until Hanschen starts talking again.
"It's their fault you're damaged, darling, this whole town is poison. That's why I built a bomb: for us, for you."
"Holy shit," Anna breathes while Thea laughs hysterically in the background, "You know I was only joking when I called him a psycho, right? I didn't mean to totally call it."
"Ernst sure does know how to pick 'em!" Thea pauses in her schadenfreude to jibe Ernst, "'He's just misunderstood, T' my ass!"
Anna and Thea are both laughing at him now, Melchior is mumbling about god knows what, Hanschen is rambling about how he blackmailed Otto into passing around the 'pep rally sheet' (which was really a mass suicide letter trap, which, what a surprise, it's not like Ernst totally warned Otto about that), and Ernst has to do something, anything, because if he tells Hanschen that he's crazy (which he is) then there's no way he isn't ending up the next 'suicide martyr'.
Wait.
That's an idea.
He starts stringing together his clothes, the same way that the girls had taught him to do to sneak out of the house. He tugs and it holds. As he starts to tie his makeshift noose to the ceiling, the ghosts all begin panicking.
"Whoa there E, Aren't you being a little rash?" Thea starts, only to be steamrolled by Anna.
"You're making a mistake! You can't just throw away everything just because one boyfriend-"
"We all know that society says that you need love to be happy, but do animals in the wild feel this 'love' as they reproduce to survive? No one really needs-"
"Besides, he's not even that cute," Thea continues, "I mean sure he has the all-American down but-"
"You have so much more to live for, E! You're only seventeen! You haven't even done prom or college or-"
"-And why should you let old world rules dictate what you should do? You deserve to be happy, even without a 'soul mate'-"
"Would you all just shut up?" Ernst hisses, lifting himself into the noose loop, "I'm not really hanging myself… Or, at least, I'm not trying to. It would be easier to make sure that it didn't happen if you'd all shut up, oh my gosh."
Hanschen is counting, probably giving Ernst a chance to give into his psychotic plan, and Ernst has just settled into the noose when Hanschen kicks the door in.
"Oh my god," Hanschen gasps, and Ernst hears a heavy thump on the ground. "No, Ernst, no, not you. I-I needed you." Hanschen exhales sharply, "But I- I can do this alone. They took you from me and I'll take everything from them."
He hears movement, the swish of some fabric, another thump, but he doesn't dare to try and get down until he hears his mother's scream.
"Mom, mom, mom, I'm fine," He assures her, but she's still screaming and collapsed on the ground, so that's not really working well. "See, look, I'm alive. You can touch me and everything. I'm not at ghost and I'm not dead, I promise."
She finally stops screaming when she pokes his arm. She immediately starts hitting him. "Ernst Robel, that was not funny at all, especially after what happened earlier."
"I know, mom, I know. I'm sorry." Ernst is giddy, probably from the adrenaline, but he tries to force a serious expression. He can tell it doesn't quite work by how her scowl deepens. He lets out a sigh that's almost a laugh and gathers his mother into his arms. "I love you, Mom, you know that, right? I just, I needed you to know, in case-" He cuts himself off.
"Ernst, honey, are you okay?"
"I'm great, mom." Ernst stands. "I just have to go."
He doesn't answer the questions his mother yells after him, because he doesn't know what he's going to do, or when he'll be back, or if he's really okay. All he knows is that he needs to stop Hanschen.
After all, He thinks, I've been running from my date with the devil for far too long.
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