Written for Pidge Ship Week, Day 4: Selfishness.

"Pidge?"

Pidge twitched, raising her head, and tried to stay quiet.

She knew hiding from Keith was always a pretty sketchy proposition, though. He walked further into the dark observation deck, looking around. He didn't raise the lights, leaving the faint illumination from the stars the only light. It shone off his dark hair and shadowed his face almost completely.

Pidge folded her legs up a little tighter, crossing her arms around them and resting her head back down on her knees. She waited for Keith to either find her here or miss her as he paced the room and then leave.

A hand came to rest over her wrist. "Pidge, what's wrong?" Keith asked, and she stiffened. "You're not all right, or you wouldn't be hiding in here without anything to do." he said matter-of-factly, settling with his back to the observation window as Pidge peeked up at him from the corner of one eye.

She swallowed, lifting her head. "It's fine." she shook her head. "I just- Needed to be away from everyone for a while." she said, hoping Keith would take that and-

"What's bothering you?" Keith's brows drew together.

"It's nothing. Shiro's back," Pidge's voice wavered as she remembered pulling Shiro's tiny ship aboard and finding him, battered and weak, inside, but not. . . "you should," she waved a hand weakly, "go and check on him, shouldn't you?" She was a little surprised Keith wasn't still with him, really; Keith had looked wrecked as Shiro fell into his arms there in the hangar, and even that had been almost a relief to see after the way he had been for the months since Shiro disappeared.

"Shiro is fine, Pidge." Keith said, and Pidge felt her shoulders coming up. "As much as he can be." His knuckles brushed her chin and she met his eyes warily. They were almost black with his back to the only source of light, dim as it was, on the deck. It wasn't a comforting sight, though Keith hardly intimidated her. "I'm worried about you." he said softly.

"I. . ." Pidge started, then shook her head. He might be sincere about that, but-

"Pidge." Keith's voice was soft now, as she rarely heard it. "Talk to me."

Pidge gave way, tightening her arms around her knees. "I feel so awful. . ." she couldn't finish.

"Pidge?" Keith asked quietly, and Pidge cringed.

"It's- I'm glad Shiro came back to us, I can't even begin to-" she broke off, looking away. Keith gently clasped her chin and turned her to face him again, callused fingers trailing over her cheek. "When we found him . . . I wished it had been Matt instead." she admitted, a tear dripping down over Keith's fingers as her body slid out of its tight curl, as though it had been holding in that secret.

She closed her eyes, waiting for him to pull away. She still didn't know exactly why, or even how they had met - she knew Keith trusted her now, loved her even, but he wasn't exactly the most forthcoming of men by nature - but she knew whatever the reason, Shiro was every bit as desperately important to Keith as Pidge's family was to her.

"Oh, Pidge." Keith's voice was still achingly soft, shocking her. "Sweetling. . ." He dropped his hand, but only to wrap both hands around Pidge's forearms and pull her gently towards him. Pidge opened her eyes, startled.

"I'm a terrible person!" Pidge cried, pushing against his grip, hardly recognising her own voice. Keith's arms folded around her and Pidge toppled into his lap, propped against his chest. "I actually wished-" Her voice broke and she curled up tight again, though this time almost fully contained in Keith's embrace.

"It's not selfish to want your family to be safe." Keith said gently, almost into her ear.

Pidge shuddered. "But I. . ." she faltered, and Keith kissed her brow, rubbing her back.

"We all do." Keith said, resting his sharp chin on top of her head. "Your family is just . . . a little harder to be sure of, knowing they're out there, somewhere."

"But you-" she broke off.

"All of my family is safe on this Castle now." Keith said simply, and Pidge straightened, looking at him, surprised. He shrugged. "I don't really have any family left . . . except for all of you. You know none of us would ever begrudge your wishes for your family to be safe." he added, cupping her cheek. "Not even Shiro."

"But how can you even- I actually wished-" Pidge made a frustrated noise and shook her head.

"You wished that someone you love very much, who is maybe in danger, was safe and with you again." Keith said softly. "Your wish does no harm to anyone, sweetling, and it hardly makes you a terrible person to think it."

"Shiro, though. . ." Pidge said, wavering.

Keith huffed. "Not that it matters, because you had an impulsive thought that doesn't affect him, but would you sacrifice Shiro for Matt?" he asked, and Pidge felt like he'd punched her in the chest instead.

"I-" Pidge thought of her beloved big brother, lost and- and delicate, to be honest, hell, Pidge had been the one to protect him from bullies at school, and now somewhere in the galaxy, although no longer imprisoned by the Galra . . . and then Shiro, who treated her like family, who protected her even when she didn't think she needed it, so strong and yet so very broken, even before the Galra had taken him again and- "That doesn't- doesn't fix anything, and Shiro. . ." She thought, too, of the broken, helpless fury in Keith's eyes when they kept failing to find Shiro; of their weakness in battle without him, even of the weakness of Voltron as they tried to find a new balance with Keith stepping into Shiro's place.

Shiro was family too, and beyond that they needed him, all of them - and the galaxy.

"I couldn't make that choice." Pidge said, a little angry that Keith had even pushed it at her.

"And you're not." Keith said, his tone gentling again. "You should go and see Shiro once he's awake again, though." he suggested, kissing her brow. She nodded, breath catching. "And Pidge?" He cupped her face, and she nodded again, shallowly. "We'll keep looking until we find all of your family too. I swear."

Pidge flinched, and Keith's thumbs brushed away her tears as they began to fall again. He was strong and steady as Pidge collapsed against him, muffling her near-silent crying against his chest. Keith wrapped his arms around her.