Moment of Truth -- a Hakkai+Gojyo fanfic
It was, to Cho Hakkai's currently morbid state of mind, quite
possibly his last night on this strange journey, in this strange
life, on this earth.
Bare moments after strolling into a gaily-lit town, in the
midst of a debate over where to go for a well-deserved dinner,
three shadows they knew too well darkened the street in front
of them.
'We'll wait for your answer tomorrow morning, on that hill.'
And then Homura, Shien and Zeon had walked away.
Dinner had been half-hearted at best for all of them
concerned. True, they ordered nearly the entire menu at the
most expensive restaurant in town, and Son Goku wound up
indulging his usual huge appetite, but they were absolutely
silent tonight over the food, without even Genjo Sanzou's
half-hearted blessing.
'Going out for a drink,' were the first -- and last --
words they heard out of Sha Gojyo as they sat picking their
teeth afterwards. The redhead was immediately gone, without
even stopping to look at the pretty, many-braided waitress
who picked up their check.
Hakkai decided he didn't want to give him a head start.
'Matte, Gojyo-san!' he called, pushing back his chair with a
clatter and going after him, leaving Hakuryuu contentedly
nuzzling Goku's cheek. 'Will you mind if I go with you?'
'Do whatever you want,' was the redhead's atypically somber
reply, pausing on the restaurant's threshold. 'You're buying.'
'I have more than enough money for that,' he assured the
other man, falling easily into step beside him.
'Tell me why you insisted we stay here,' Gojyo muttered as
the bartender brought them yet another round. Zeon and Shien
had walked in while they were still nursing their first
glasses, identical confident expressions on their mismatched
faces, and had taken over paying for all of the drinks.
'Because I keep saying, this isn't liquor any more -- this's
piss.'
The monocled man swirled the ice cubes around before
finishing his glass -- then put it down, hard.
The lamplight shattered on a network of hairline cracks on
the bar counter, the lines too fine and sharp to be part of
the original décor.
'Well, I have to admit the drink at this place is starting
to sour,' Hakkai chuckled, but only for a moment. 'He may be
buying us the dregs soon enough. Perhaps we should move, or
call it quits?'
'What, drunk already? Lightweights.' Zeon shifted in his
seat to look at them, and raised his glass in an ironic
salute. 'Cheers.'
Shien turned as well, those constantly closed eyes still
aimed right at them anyway. 'We will be seeing you when this
night is over.'
'Better I never saw you again,' Gojyo snorted, mostly under
his breath.
'That can be easily arranged, if you will wait but a while.'
The whip-wielding god tilted his head inquiringly.
Hakkai put a hand on his friend's shoulder and shook his
head. 'Save your fighting spirit for the sun. One for the road,
sir,' he added, catching the bartender's attention.
'Tell me why we're leaving,' the redhead suddenly hissed out
of the corner of his mouth in Hakkai's direction.
'You want to leave,' he replied, without bothering to put on
his customary smile. 'And there's too little time left before
the morning to waste in a crowded place like this.'
It was Zeon's turn to snort at that comment. 'Crowded.
That's a good one.'
Without another word the two members of the Sanzou-ikkou
drained their drinks and left, out into the deepened night.
'And?'
Hakkai had the grace to look a little embarrassed as he
shrugged. 'This is a much better view than that hill tomorrow
could ever provide, I'm sure. And we did manage to get a much
better sake at the last place in town, so I don't think we
can really complain.' He uncorked the container and took a
long swallow of the fiery liquor.
Gojyo took the sake from him and looked into the darkness
of the jar, his feelings off the track. 'Na, Hakkai, is this
the last sake we ever drink?'
'I should hope not,' and then the converted youkai dropped
his façade. 'I really don't want that. Not while there is
something I must learn to live for in this world.'
'Same here,' and the half-youkai drank up, expertly
balancing the bottle on his arm. 'I don't want it to be my
time just yet. Too many things in this world I could look at,
and maybe enjoy.' He wiped his sleeve across his mouth to
catch the overflow, and brooded.
Hakkai's eyes were pointed above the horizon, and he never
saw the look that Gojyo directed at him. He felt the emotion
behind the other man's words, though, and he shared it. 'How
I wish this night were so long that I could finish counting
the stars before the sun rose,' he whispered, like a child
wishing, his voice carrying in the stillness.
They tried to make the sake last, sharing out the bottle as
best as they could, but barely an hour later found them high
and dry. The red line that matched Gojyo's hair was almost
invisible even in the faint starlight, and Hakkai, as was true
to his nature, wasn't even tipsy.
'Now what.' It was a statement, not a question, and it was
Hakkai's. 'Sleep isn't coming for me tonight.'
'Feels like nothing will, except the morning,' the redhead
returned, just as grave.
'Gojyo-san?'
'Yeah.'
'Let's go back.'
'To what?'
'I don't know any more.' It was the brunette's turn to look
askance, and his target didn't notice it either.
'I have an idea,' Gojyo finally said, after a long silence.
Ironically, Hakkai was so preoccupied with him that he missed
the slightest of tremors in that voice.
The room next to theirs, the one that Sanzou and Goku were
sharing, was empty; there was a note pinned under the short
youkai's Nyoi staff. Out to buy meat buns! We'll try to leave
you some. We took Hakuryuu. There were three little drawings
capping off the exuberant note: a caricature of a steamed
Sanzou, a grinning Goku with cat's features, and Hakuryuu with
wings spread.
'So much the better for us.' Talking almost to himself,
Gojyo booted the door to their room open, and ushered the
brunette in. 'No one will barge in...yet.'
Hakkai wasn't really surprised when the redhead pulled the
blue cloth from his forehead, and shrugged out of his vest
and boots. 'What are you planning then?'
'I'm planning to get comfortable is what I am,' and the
half-breed sat down on his rumpled sheets. 'Why don't you?
Your room too.'
'That's a good idea,' and Hakkai took off his shoes, socks
and the cloth he wore draped over his shoulder. He laid them
carefully aside, knowing he would have to take them up again
within a few hours' time, then pulled one of the armless chairs
to him and sat in it back to front. 'I think I'm just as
comfortable as you are now, Gojyo-san.'
'Please,' and the redhead waved the cigarette he was
lighting, a violent, stabbing motion. 'Can you not call me
that for once? And here I honestly thought we were friends.'
'So we are. Gojyo.' The brunette poured himself some water
from the pitcher on the table between their beds. 'What do we
do till the sun rises?'
'Maybe we can talk. There's a couple of bones I gotta pick
with you.'
Hakkai looked at him, mildly startled. 'If I can ease your
mind.'
'Hakkai.' Gojyo stubbed out his butt violently, almost
smashing the ashtray. He had changed tack completely; his voice
and face didn't match -- one was grave, the other a blend of
hope and fear and determination. 'You said earlier, out there,
you wanted to stay alive. You've been saying you wanted to live
since the day I found you. Why?'
'Because there are people who need me. On this long journey
to the West.' Hakkai spoke slowly, considering his words. 'I
know Sanzou thinks at least I can fight at his side. Goku is my
friend; I've taught him what I can and I've learned about many
things from him as well. Kougaiji and his people think me a
worthy adversary, which is much more than I can say for a lot
of the others we've seen so far.' He unfolded himself from the
chair, then moved to his own bed, directly facing Gojyo. 'And I
have yet to live a life long enough and worthy enough of the one
who pulled me back to it.'
The other man looked immensely relieved. 'So I'm there after
all.'
'Why wouldn't you be?' Hakkai asked gently. 'You saved my
life. You did many things that helped me. For these things I'm
very grateful to you. Besides, we're friends, aren't we? I do
hate leaving my friends behind.'
'Friends.' Gojyo leaned back on the wall behind him, sitting
with his knees up. He was biting his lip, a gesture that sat
strangely on his roguish features. 'That's all you want?' It
was a question, strangely enough, and not a statement.
'Did you want anything else?'
On any other day the words would have been classic Cho
Hakkai, accommodating and respectful to everyone else but
never showing his intentions or motivations. He had a habit
of looking straight into people's eyes without anything
showing in his but the literal emotions his words called
for, nothing deeper.
But tonight, he met his friend's eyes squarely, honestly,
and was not surprised to see him do a double-take. 'Gojyo.
What do you want?'
'Shit. That's really you. Oh fuck.' Gojyo dropped his eyes.
'The truth,' was the disjointed reply, 'you. Tonight. I wish
forever. For as long as I can.' He caught his breath as
clouds raced over the moon hanging low outside their window,
and the brunette man seemed to glow, like a beacon in the
endless night that hung all around them. 'I always have. Right
from the day you looked up at me from the mud, and all the
way on this road. Why do you think I sit behind you in Jiipu,
bakayarou?' He shook his head for the unintentional insult,
but he couldn't help himself; he talked with his emotions writ
large in his words and his face now. 'The moment you opened
your eyes in the rain. I quit hating the rain then, I always
got depressed because it reminded me of the tears my stepmother
would cry whenever she saw me but when I saw you come back to
life...you know? Then going on this trip. That Sanzou may
think I'm dumb and that monkey may think I only follow my
dick, but I've always known something really bad would happen
on this mission, I mean we're telling the whole world come and
get us! And they have, and tomorrow everything could end, and
I'm tired of being scared of myself and of you. Screw the
whole damn mission tonight, screw the world, screw the morning
and that damn fighting god! Hakkai, I have to....'
It happened as if in slow motion: Hakkai, the moonlight
shining on his skin, closed the space between them, stepping
smoothly from his own bed to Gojyo's and bending down to pull
him to his chest, fitting the half-youkai's head into the crook
of his neck, burying his nose in all that hair. 'Gojyo. Listen
to me. This may be the only chance I get,' he whispered after a
moment, one endless shining moment when he held him and yet felt
safe. 'From the day I met you, when I fought I did it so that I
can live afterwards and be with you again. I'll do the same
tomorrow, when the sun comes up and we climb that hill. I want
to live because I want to watch you live. Just that life would
have made me happy, and now you say you want more, and I want
that. In my deepest dreams I've wanted that always. Gojyo,
I....'
They forsook words and silence for actions at the same time,
and reached for each other, a desperate kind of touch that was
the proverbial overflowing cup, desire and passion and love
and all the wishes in the world that would allow them to live.....
Epilogue
It was just too quiet in the little shed; Sanzou's breathing
was too slow, too shallow. For the second night running they
were silent over the evening meal, and this time there was a
lot of food left over, for the one who could not eat.
Goku managed barely an hour of sleep before he got up and
disappeared into the forest; mere moments later, he shattered
the night with an anguished howl.
Gojyo finished banking their fire for the rest of the time
before dawn and looked up, watching as Hakkai picked up a
stray branch from the floor and started mangling it, snapping
it again and again in his pale hands. 'Hakkai.'
'What?' The brunette raised his eyes, choosing to see only
him and not the golden-haired body that lay just to the side.
'Do you want anything?'
Sudden tears welled up in his eyes and he flung himself
across the shed to his lover; Gojyo put his arms around him,
stroking the smooth dark brown hair tucked under his chin.
When Hakkai's quiet sobs had subsided, he put a finger under
his chin and coaxed him to look in his eyes, meeting both
seeing and monocled head-on. 'He's alive. We all are. There's
tomorrow, and another chance. Stay with me, Cho Hakkai, I'm
not the only one who needs you now.'
'Gojyo...will you be there even if the world ends?' The
converted youkai sounded absolutely heartbroken.
'What kind of question is that? I'll be waiting for you the
morning after.'
The simple faith in that statement restored his equilibrium,
and he finally managed to smile. 'Yes. So will I.'
One voice said it: 'I'll see you there.'
From Plunderer to the end
It was, to Cho Hakkai's currently morbid state of mind, quite
possibly his last night on this strange journey, in this strange
life, on this earth.
Bare moments after strolling into a gaily-lit town, in the
midst of a debate over where to go for a well-deserved dinner,
three shadows they knew too well darkened the street in front
of them.
'We'll wait for your answer tomorrow morning, on that hill.'
And then Homura, Shien and Zeon had walked away.
Dinner had been half-hearted at best for all of them
concerned. True, they ordered nearly the entire menu at the
most expensive restaurant in town, and Son Goku wound up
indulging his usual huge appetite, but they were absolutely
silent tonight over the food, without even Genjo Sanzou's
half-hearted blessing.
'Going out for a drink,' were the first -- and last --
words they heard out of Sha Gojyo as they sat picking their
teeth afterwards. The redhead was immediately gone, without
even stopping to look at the pretty, many-braided waitress
who picked up their check.
Hakkai decided he didn't want to give him a head start.
'Matte, Gojyo-san!' he called, pushing back his chair with a
clatter and going after him, leaving Hakuryuu contentedly
nuzzling Goku's cheek. 'Will you mind if I go with you?'
'Do whatever you want,' was the redhead's atypically somber
reply, pausing on the restaurant's threshold. 'You're buying.'
'I have more than enough money for that,' he assured the
other man, falling easily into step beside him.
'Tell me why you insisted we stay here,' Gojyo muttered as
the bartender brought them yet another round. Zeon and Shien
had walked in while they were still nursing their first
glasses, identical confident expressions on their mismatched
faces, and had taken over paying for all of the drinks.
'Because I keep saying, this isn't liquor any more -- this's
piss.'
The monocled man swirled the ice cubes around before
finishing his glass -- then put it down, hard.
The lamplight shattered on a network of hairline cracks on
the bar counter, the lines too fine and sharp to be part of
the original décor.
'Well, I have to admit the drink at this place is starting
to sour,' Hakkai chuckled, but only for a moment. 'He may be
buying us the dregs soon enough. Perhaps we should move, or
call it quits?'
'What, drunk already? Lightweights.' Zeon shifted in his
seat to look at them, and raised his glass in an ironic
salute. 'Cheers.'
Shien turned as well, those constantly closed eyes still
aimed right at them anyway. 'We will be seeing you when this
night is over.'
'Better I never saw you again,' Gojyo snorted, mostly under
his breath.
'That can be easily arranged, if you will wait but a while.'
The whip-wielding god tilted his head inquiringly.
Hakkai put a hand on his friend's shoulder and shook his
head. 'Save your fighting spirit for the sun. One for the road,
sir,' he added, catching the bartender's attention.
'Tell me why we're leaving,' the redhead suddenly hissed out
of the corner of his mouth in Hakkai's direction.
'You want to leave,' he replied, without bothering to put on
his customary smile. 'And there's too little time left before
the morning to waste in a crowded place like this.'
It was Zeon's turn to snort at that comment. 'Crowded.
That's a good one.'
Without another word the two members of the Sanzou-ikkou
drained their drinks and left, out into the deepened night.
'And?'
Hakkai had the grace to look a little embarrassed as he
shrugged. 'This is a much better view than that hill tomorrow
could ever provide, I'm sure. And we did manage to get a much
better sake at the last place in town, so I don't think we
can really complain.' He uncorked the container and took a
long swallow of the fiery liquor.
Gojyo took the sake from him and looked into the darkness
of the jar, his feelings off the track. 'Na, Hakkai, is this
the last sake we ever drink?'
'I should hope not,' and then the converted youkai dropped
his façade. 'I really don't want that. Not while there is
something I must learn to live for in this world.'
'Same here,' and the half-youkai drank up, expertly
balancing the bottle on his arm. 'I don't want it to be my
time just yet. Too many things in this world I could look at,
and maybe enjoy.' He wiped his sleeve across his mouth to
catch the overflow, and brooded.
Hakkai's eyes were pointed above the horizon, and he never
saw the look that Gojyo directed at him. He felt the emotion
behind the other man's words, though, and he shared it. 'How
I wish this night were so long that I could finish counting
the stars before the sun rose,' he whispered, like a child
wishing, his voice carrying in the stillness.
They tried to make the sake last, sharing out the bottle as
best as they could, but barely an hour later found them high
and dry. The red line that matched Gojyo's hair was almost
invisible even in the faint starlight, and Hakkai, as was true
to his nature, wasn't even tipsy.
'Now what.' It was a statement, not a question, and it was
Hakkai's. 'Sleep isn't coming for me tonight.'
'Feels like nothing will, except the morning,' the redhead
returned, just as grave.
'Gojyo-san?'
'Yeah.'
'Let's go back.'
'To what?'
'I don't know any more.' It was the brunette's turn to look
askance, and his target didn't notice it either.
'I have an idea,' Gojyo finally said, after a long silence.
Ironically, Hakkai was so preoccupied with him that he missed
the slightest of tremors in that voice.
The room next to theirs, the one that Sanzou and Goku were
sharing, was empty; there was a note pinned under the short
youkai's Nyoi staff. Out to buy meat buns! We'll try to leave
you some. We took Hakuryuu. There were three little drawings
capping off the exuberant note: a caricature of a steamed
Sanzou, a grinning Goku with cat's features, and Hakuryuu with
wings spread.
'So much the better for us.' Talking almost to himself,
Gojyo booted the door to their room open, and ushered the
brunette in. 'No one will barge in...yet.'
Hakkai wasn't really surprised when the redhead pulled the
blue cloth from his forehead, and shrugged out of his vest
and boots. 'What are you planning then?'
'I'm planning to get comfortable is what I am,' and the
half-breed sat down on his rumpled sheets. 'Why don't you?
Your room too.'
'That's a good idea,' and Hakkai took off his shoes, socks
and the cloth he wore draped over his shoulder. He laid them
carefully aside, knowing he would have to take them up again
within a few hours' time, then pulled one of the armless chairs
to him and sat in it back to front. 'I think I'm just as
comfortable as you are now, Gojyo-san.'
'Please,' and the redhead waved the cigarette he was
lighting, a violent, stabbing motion. 'Can you not call me
that for once? And here I honestly thought we were friends.'
'So we are. Gojyo.' The brunette poured himself some water
from the pitcher on the table between their beds. 'What do we
do till the sun rises?'
'Maybe we can talk. There's a couple of bones I gotta pick
with you.'
Hakkai looked at him, mildly startled. 'If I can ease your
mind.'
'Hakkai.' Gojyo stubbed out his butt violently, almost
smashing the ashtray. He had changed tack completely; his voice
and face didn't match -- one was grave, the other a blend of
hope and fear and determination. 'You said earlier, out there,
you wanted to stay alive. You've been saying you wanted to live
since the day I found you. Why?'
'Because there are people who need me. On this long journey
to the West.' Hakkai spoke slowly, considering his words. 'I
know Sanzou thinks at least I can fight at his side. Goku is my
friend; I've taught him what I can and I've learned about many
things from him as well. Kougaiji and his people think me a
worthy adversary, which is much more than I can say for a lot
of the others we've seen so far.' He unfolded himself from the
chair, then moved to his own bed, directly facing Gojyo. 'And I
have yet to live a life long enough and worthy enough of the one
who pulled me back to it.'
The other man looked immensely relieved. 'So I'm there after
all.'
'Why wouldn't you be?' Hakkai asked gently. 'You saved my
life. You did many things that helped me. For these things I'm
very grateful to you. Besides, we're friends, aren't we? I do
hate leaving my friends behind.'
'Friends.' Gojyo leaned back on the wall behind him, sitting
with his knees up. He was biting his lip, a gesture that sat
strangely on his roguish features. 'That's all you want?' It
was a question, strangely enough, and not a statement.
'Did you want anything else?'
On any other day the words would have been classic Cho
Hakkai, accommodating and respectful to everyone else but
never showing his intentions or motivations. He had a habit
of looking straight into people's eyes without anything
showing in his but the literal emotions his words called
for, nothing deeper.
But tonight, he met his friend's eyes squarely, honestly,
and was not surprised to see him do a double-take. 'Gojyo.
What do you want?'
'Shit. That's really you. Oh fuck.' Gojyo dropped his eyes.
'The truth,' was the disjointed reply, 'you. Tonight. I wish
forever. For as long as I can.' He caught his breath as
clouds raced over the moon hanging low outside their window,
and the brunette man seemed to glow, like a beacon in the
endless night that hung all around them. 'I always have. Right
from the day you looked up at me from the mud, and all the
way on this road. Why do you think I sit behind you in Jiipu,
bakayarou?' He shook his head for the unintentional insult,
but he couldn't help himself; he talked with his emotions writ
large in his words and his face now. 'The moment you opened
your eyes in the rain. I quit hating the rain then, I always
got depressed because it reminded me of the tears my stepmother
would cry whenever she saw me but when I saw you come back to
life...you know? Then going on this trip. That Sanzou may
think I'm dumb and that monkey may think I only follow my
dick, but I've always known something really bad would happen
on this mission, I mean we're telling the whole world come and
get us! And they have, and tomorrow everything could end, and
I'm tired of being scared of myself and of you. Screw the
whole damn mission tonight, screw the world, screw the morning
and that damn fighting god! Hakkai, I have to....'
It happened as if in slow motion: Hakkai, the moonlight
shining on his skin, closed the space between them, stepping
smoothly from his own bed to Gojyo's and bending down to pull
him to his chest, fitting the half-youkai's head into the crook
of his neck, burying his nose in all that hair. 'Gojyo. Listen
to me. This may be the only chance I get,' he whispered after a
moment, one endless shining moment when he held him and yet felt
safe. 'From the day I met you, when I fought I did it so that I
can live afterwards and be with you again. I'll do the same
tomorrow, when the sun comes up and we climb that hill. I want
to live because I want to watch you live. Just that life would
have made me happy, and now you say you want more, and I want
that. In my deepest dreams I've wanted that always. Gojyo,
I....'
They forsook words and silence for actions at the same time,
and reached for each other, a desperate kind of touch that was
the proverbial overflowing cup, desire and passion and love
and all the wishes in the world that would allow them to live.....
Epilogue
It was just too quiet in the little shed; Sanzou's breathing
was too slow, too shallow. For the second night running they
were silent over the evening meal, and this time there was a
lot of food left over, for the one who could not eat.
Goku managed barely an hour of sleep before he got up and
disappeared into the forest; mere moments later, he shattered
the night with an anguished howl.
Gojyo finished banking their fire for the rest of the time
before dawn and looked up, watching as Hakkai picked up a
stray branch from the floor and started mangling it, snapping
it again and again in his pale hands. 'Hakkai.'
'What?' The brunette raised his eyes, choosing to see only
him and not the golden-haired body that lay just to the side.
'Do you want anything?'
Sudden tears welled up in his eyes and he flung himself
across the shed to his lover; Gojyo put his arms around him,
stroking the smooth dark brown hair tucked under his chin.
When Hakkai's quiet sobs had subsided, he put a finger under
his chin and coaxed him to look in his eyes, meeting both
seeing and monocled head-on. 'He's alive. We all are. There's
tomorrow, and another chance. Stay with me, Cho Hakkai, I'm
not the only one who needs you now.'
'Gojyo...will you be there even if the world ends?' The
converted youkai sounded absolutely heartbroken.
'What kind of question is that? I'll be waiting for you the
morning after.'
The simple faith in that statement restored his equilibrium,
and he finally managed to smile. 'Yes. So will I.'
One voice said it: 'I'll see you there.'
From Plunderer to the end