He should have said no. He should have told Sam thanks, but no thanks when the younger man had invited him over for a reunion dinner. It was a bad idea to walk around like a living billboard in the middle of a town like Tranquility.
Not that he was walking very far. Just from the car to the nice looking home of the Witwicky family.
So he could do this.
There was no one around and he wasn't glowing in the dark.
Lennox slid out of the driver's seat of the silver Pontiac Solstice and gave Jazz a thankful pat on the roof. Ironhide was off somewhere on a mission with Ratchet and Prime, looking into a signal they had picked up which Optimus fervently hoped was one of their own. It was down in South America, of all places, and how those three were going to blend in was anyone's guess. Some of Epps' unit had gone along. According to Ironhide, camouflage would be adjusted to the environment, whatever that meant.
So Jazz had volunteered to drive Lennox, which was preferable to Barricade, though the former Decepticon wasn't too bad to be around. Whether he would play taxi for Will was another matter. Probably not.
"Gimme a call," Jazz now said.
"You'll be around?" Will didn't know why that surprised him.
"Yeah. We'll be at the drive-in theater." There was a smirk in the voice. "Something gets blown up."
So Barricade was close by.
"Movie date?" Lennox chuckled.
"Yep. Have fun, Will."
"You, too."
He stepped away from the car and Jazz pulled back out onto the street. Lennox watched him disappear, then turned to the Witwicky home. He walked up to the door and steeled himself.
Lennox had chosen a long-sleeved, white shirt, jeans, boots, and was wearing a jacket where the cuffs of the sleeves were long enough to slide halfway down his hand. He hadn't added the gloves because that made him look like he was contagious. Still, he felt exposed.
"Okay, here goes."
He rang the bell and waited. When the door opened, Ron Witwicky greeted him like an old family friend he hadn't seen in ages. So much was at least true: they hadn't seen each other in over a year. Will watched the other man's eyes briefly glance over his face, taking in the runes, before he was ushered inside with warm words, a firm handshake and the offer for beer.
The beer was interrupted by a loud, "Will!"
And Judy Witwicky hugged the living daylights out of him.
"It's so good to see you! My, you look wonderful!"
I do? Will wondered silently. I'm covered in cosmic code…
"Ron's set up the barbecue," she went on, taking one arm and pulling him along. "Mikaela arrived just a little while ago. She and Sam are already outside. So how have you been, Will?"
I think it's obvious, was on his lips, but Lennox just smiled politely.
"I'm getting used to the changes."
Ron appeared and held out a bottle of beer. "Here you go."
Will gratefully took it.
"Sam told us what happened," the older man went on. "He said there was this accident and you were in the way of the last piece of the Allspark."
Lennox nodded. "It hit me. I survived. Now I look like this."
Both nodded. Judy squeezed his arm.
"All that counts is that you're alive and well, Will. We were so worried when Sam told us."
"Thanks."
There was barking from outside, then Sam's voice, and Ron muttered something about steaks, then hurried outside to where the barbecue had been set up.
"Come on. Mikaela's been waiting to see you again, too." Judy gave him an encouraging smile. "We're family, Will," she added as he hesitated a little too much. "What happened to you hasn't changed you in any way that really matters. You're still Will Lennox."
"With a few modifications."
Her eyes were firm, the smile warm. "There's nothing wrong with being different."
Lennox almost laughed out loud. So he just smiled and followed his host into the garden.
Mikaela hugged him the moment they were outside and Will was slightly surprised. The young woman smiled brilliantly at him.
"It's so good to see old friends again," she told him.
"You look good," he greeted her.
Another brilliant smile. He knew she was curious about the runes. There was no missing them in his face and on his hands. He knew there would be questions, but whatever anyone was thinking about, it was interrupted by Ron announcing that orders would be taken now.
Will chose a seat and leaned back, letting the family atmosphere wash over him. For the first time in months he felt himself starting to unwind a little.
It was when he had a huge steak on his platter and another beer replacing the empty one that something inside him finally unknotted. It unknotted enough for him to take off the jacket, but he left it at that. For all his current status of relaxation, he wasn't ready to show more than he had to.
Sam couldn't deny that Mikaela had grown into a very attractive woman. She still wore her hair long, she had developed quite a figure, and she looked like someone who spent a lot of time outside.
Starting a conversation had been easy. They hadn't parted with anything bad between them. They were still good friends and he had kept up emailing her at least twice a week. Mikaela knew about his technopathy, every little development, about base life, about Will's accident. She had been shocked, worried, close to taking the next bus and coming here, but Sam had told her to stay put.
Now she had met Lennox for the first time since the accident and Sam had read in her eyes what an impact that had been.
"He's okay?" she now asked as they sat a little away from Sam's parents and the former Army Ranger.
"Yeah. Mostly. Things are still weird and I know how it is when you keep discovering new things about yourself. His are more visible."
Mikaela nodded. They hadn't talked about it throughout dinner, but she had been so curious.
"You should talk to him. I mean, he's our friend."
"I know. I don't care what he looks like." She winked at Sam and added, "He's still as hot as before."
Sam burst out laughing and Mikaela joined him.
"Talking about hot," she went on, giving him a wink, "I saw Trent the other day. He had some chick on his arm. Didn't look happy."
"Who? Trent or the poor woman?"
She grinned. "Trent. I thought he had moved to LA?"
"Thought so, too. After the whole mess Barricade created…"
Another nod. "Trent messed with a lot of people, but I think when he tried to mess with you in a bad way, it sealed his fate. I never thought Barricade would do something like this for anyone but Jazz."
It was an old topic, almost nine years old. Trent had hired some goons to rough Sam up, but it had gotten out of hand. They would probably have done more than some roughing; Sam could have died. Barricade had saved him, much to Sam's shock. He hadn't been a technopath back then and had held no special meaning for anyone but Bumblebee. Barricade had claimed it had been boredom. Today Sam knew better. He knew enough about the former Decepticon to be a threat to the mech's bad boy image, he mused.
Their conversation drifted off to school days, swapping stories on who had gone where and had amounted to what. Sam hadn't heard from Miles in weeks, but the last time he had contacted his childhood friend Miles had been happily working in one of the casinos in Las Vegas.
Lennox found himself relaxing more and more. Maybe it was the beer, but he doubted it. Alcohol no longer had an intoxicating effect on him – which made it hard to get drunk for any reason. It might also be the food, which had been plenty and really good. Or it was the company, which was the best he'd had in ages.
Judy had gone inside to clean up Mojo, who had ended up with a bottle full of sauce on him. No one had any idea how it had happened, only that there had been a crash, then a sauce-covered Chihuahua.
Sam and Mikaela were talking. Lennox glanced at his young friend and had to smile.
From lovers to best friends, he mused.
Mikaela had grown into a very attractive young woman. She still lived in LA and it showed from the tan. She worked with her father in a car repair shop, which was no great surprise. They both looked happy to see each other again and while Sam seemed to appreciate the sight, he was no longer helplessly drooling over the beautiful young woman.
"Thanks for the invite, Ron," he now addressed his host, who was sitting next to him.
Ron had a bottle himself, was leaning back in the lawn chair, and he looked pleased with himself. Now he smiled.
"Sam said you need to get out."
Will laughed. "He did? I get out plenty."
"Desert war tactics training isn't 'getting out', Major."
"Will," he said. "The Major has retired."
Ron chuckled. "I heard. Too bad. The military can be a bitch in that regard, hmm?"
"It was my decision. As long as I'm at the base I can be who I am. Try looking like this in Washington, San Francisco or elsewhere." He gestured with one hand at himself. "I can't just switch it off. Wish I could."
Ron's eyes were on him, serious and contemplative. They hadn't really talked about Will's very obvious changes all evening. Maybe skimmed the surface of the topic, but there had been so much else, it hadn't really fit – aside from asking the obvious question straight: why do you look like a tattoo parlor accident?
"Ask," Will now said quietly. "I don't break down any more," he added with a grin.
Ron snorted. "Tough Army guy?"
"No. Even us grunts are only human and you can believe me, this freaked me out a lot when it happened. I should have died, but I survived without a scar and just moderate blood loss. Whatever the Allspark was, it was amazing. I know the mechs treated it like a religious object and now I understand a little bit why."
Lennox raised one hand and looked at the string of glyphs he had come to recognize. He didn't give the fact that Ironhide's name seemed to be more or less permanently on his wrist much thought any more. It was just a fact.
"They don't hurt?" Ron asked.
"No. I don't feel a thing. Even when I touch them or when others touch me. They're just there. Ratchet tried to scan them and nothing showed up. Sometimes even the scans won't get through because I can block them."
Ron laughed a little. "Like Sam?"
Seven years of having a son who was technopathic had made the topic of rather eccentric abilities the norm around the Witwicky household.
"No. I'm not technopathic. I can't influence the machine as such, I can only make myself off limits." Lennox played with the beer bottle. "Comes in handy. I can also feel them scanning. That itches."
Ron's eyes narrowed a little as he looked at his guest. "You know you don't have to hide underneath all those layers, right? I'm getting heat flashes looking at you, Will."
Lennox glanced at his shirt.
"Consideration is okay," his host added, "but it can't be comfortable. If you want to, take it off."
"You sure?"
"I am," was the calm reply.
Mojo suddenly raced out of the house, barking, looking squeaky clean, and he headed straight for Sam. Sam picked him up and laughed at something Mikaela was saying. Ron shook his head with a fond smile. The Chihuahua was almost ten years old and Judy loved him like another child.
"How do you handle your death?" he asked, not even looking at Will.
Tough question. He was officially dead and he would never be able to see his wife and daughter again. Sarah lived on the East coast now.
"Sorry if it was an inappropriate question," Ron added.
"No. No, it's okay. It's hard, Ron. Really hard. Logically I know that there was no other way. I couldn't be Major Will Lennox any more. I can't hide these changes, unlike Sam, and I have to hide from others. Being here… it's the most freedom I had in a while."
"You're welcome to visit whenever you want, Will."
He looked at Judy, who had come out of the house and had apparently heard the last part.
"Thanks."
"You're still the same man. Nothing has changed," she insisted.
"Aside from the obvious."
She smiled. "Gray makes you look more distinguished."
Lennox stared at her for a moment, then his hand automatically touched his hair. "W-what?"
She laughed and it sounded highly amused. "Don't worry. Not a single one in sight."
Ron smirked and Will sighed. "Point taken," he said.
"And these runes… I think the younger generation would call them hip and cool and very in," she added with a wink.
"The moment they move is when the cool turns into the freaky."
"Has anyone ever translated them?" Ron asked.
"They couldn't decipher the Allspark in all the time they had it," Lennox answered. "Some of glyphs are Cybertronian, but the rest are just… runes. I'm mostly in the dark."
"Some look pretty," Judy remarked, gazing appreciatively at something on Will's face.
He shrugged. Himself, he would give a lot to have them disappear when he wanted them to.
"Anything else change?" Ron asked casually.
Lennox emptied his beer. He contemplated number three for this conversation, then decided to wait. He grabbed a cold Coke out of the cooler instead.
"A lot," he answered quietly. "What did Sam tell you?"
"Actually, not much. He takes 'confidential' seriously." Ron glanced over to his son, who was still talking to Mikaela. They looked very relaxed. "And you don't have to answer the question, Will."
"I don't know if you want to really know."
"We're used to a technopathic son and giant, alien robots," Judy said wryly.
"There's that," the former Army Ranger agreed. "With me, it's physical changes beyond what's already visible. One thing is that I can change my skin to look like I'm a body model for the Allspark. All metallic looks. The other is a bit more extensive." He hesitated. "I can mimic a Cybertronian protoform."
Judy's mouth opened into an 'o' of surprise. Ron frowned a little.
"Protoform?" he echoed. "Sam told me about it. It's what the mechanoids really look like, right?"
"It's their basic structures before the trans-scan kicks in and adapts their bodies to their environment."
"You change size, too?"
"Yeah. Like the Allspark."
"That's… something," Ron said slowly.
"And you become a robot?" Judy wanted to know.
"No. Underneath the metal skin I'm still very much organic."
"Weird," the older Witwicky muttered.
"You tell me…"
"I don't know if I could have done what you did," Judy said so very seriously. "Giving up everything."
"I had to, Judy. It was the only way. I can't mask what I have become and…" Will stopped, feeling a rush of emotions he had thought he had dealt with. "It's better for all involved," he finished lamely.
Like his wife and daughter. Ex-wife. For Sarah, and his parents, he was dead. Killed in the line of duty in some obscure corner of the world. Will had felt like part of him had really died that day Keller had given him his 'death certificate'. He had been buried with honors, but what was all that for a family who had lost their son? Or a child growing up without her father?
Not that he had seen much of Annabelle in the months before his 'death'. Sarah had moved back with her parents. It hadn't been easy to visit for a few hours. Now all Lennox had were stolen moments when he clicked on the family website. He watched her grow up from afar, already so very grown-up with her nine years. His little lady; his only child.
Judy squeezed his hand in sympathy and he gave her a wan smile. Will wondered if people in witness protection felt as he did. He was cut off from everything he had ever known and ever loved; forever. Because he was dead.
Conversation continued to drift along Lennox's experiences of the past year, what had happened and what might still change for another twenty minutes, then Mikaela and Sam joined them again and Judy went to get the dessert.
Lennox just groaned. Dessert! Well, he also didn't gain any weight any more from excessive food, which was a plus, but he was already close to bursting from steaks and salads.
Jazz picked him up a bit past two a.m. The family had moved from the garden into the house at some point, but no one had felt overly tired or inclined to end things. Sam would stay over-night, Mikaela crashing in the guest room. Will had called the Autobot as he had left the Witwicky home. He wanted to walk a little, use the night as cover. Jazz could track him through the cell phone, which he left switched on.
It was a nice night. Cooler than the nights before, some stars out, and there was hardly anyone on the road. Will walked briskly. It had been a nice get-together. He had enjoyed it immensely. Ron had told him to call whenever he felt he needed some time away; he was always welcome. It warmed Will for some reason. He hadn't known these people for very long and they treated him like an old family friend.
Jazz pulled up next to him as he reached a corner. "Hey," he greeted the former Army Ranger. "Ready to go?"
"Yeah."
The driver's door clicked open. As Will got in he thought he saw a black shadow not far behind Jazz. Barricade.
"Wanna drive?" the Solstice offered.
"Sure."
Lennox had long since stopped wondering why Jazz relented control to him on occasion. Not that they drove a lot together, but sometimes, like now, Jazz let him be in control.
Pulling out onto the street, Will headed out of town, back to the base.
Barricade followed his partner at a distance. He kept his scanners peeled on Jazz and the area, wondering why the Autobot let the human drive.
::Distraction:: Jazz answered when he sent the question. ::Will's disturbed. You can easily see it with the runes all over his body::
Barricade rumbled softly.
He had kept away from the former Army Ranger, watching developments from afar. At first he had been just one of the humans on the base. The commander, sure, but nothing special. His friendship with Ironhide didn't change that status. Barricade didn't relate well to humans, aside from Sam Witwicky, so he didn't even try to get to know Major Lennox.
The accident had spiked Barricade's interest and he had kept close optics on him after that.
Lennox was not like the other altered human among them, he had concluded after a while. Sam was a technopath and he had become good at what he did. Barricade rarely engaged in excessive training sessions with the young man any more. Instead he watched his daily interaction with the others and how he handled himself.
Lennox had trouble adjusting, too, but it was different for him. He actually looked different. The runes and glyphs running over his skin were intriguing and disturbing at the same time to Barricade.
But he kept back.
That Ironhide hovered around his human friend was a reason, too. While the more massive Autobot had stopped watching every step Barricade made and had accepted him as much as he could, the former Decepticon didn't want to press his luck.
That he could change into a protoform had been astounding, maybe even a little shocking. Barricade had immediately taken notice of the human's battle capacities, just like he had done with Sam. Lennox might not be able to transform, but he was resistant to blasts of a certain strength, which was a big advantage.
::He still has to get used to a lot of things:: Jazz murmured through the com link. ::It takes time::
Barricade didn't comment. The changes within Lennox were huge; even he could confess to that. No one would be able to adjust to becoming what the human had become within a few weeks.
::He lost his family:: Jazz went on, almost talking to himself. ::His parents and his wife and child::
::It was his choice:: Barricade rumbled.
::That doesn't make it easier::
"You're quiet," Jazz remarked, noting they were taking the long road home.
Lennox seemed to jerk out of some deep thoughts. "Sorry. I'm not good company right now."
"The barbecue wasn't good?"
Will shrugged. "It was actually great. I'm glad Sam kicked my ass into going. I needed to get away."
"What from?" Jazz wanted to know, curious.
"Myself," he answered truthfully.
"Too bad you took yourself with you on this trip."
Will smiled wryly. "It's hard not to."
"When fleeing from yourself you have to know where to run."
Brown eyes lit up with a smile. "You watched too much TV again, Jazz. Sounds like you got stuck on Kung Fu again."
Jazz chuckled. "Kwai Chang Caine has a point most of the times. And I made it to the sequel already," he added.
Lennox leaned back and gave control back to Jazz. He was silent until the Solstice took the next exit. "Sometimes I seem to catch up with myself," he remarked.
"Either run faster or face yourself."
"What if I can't?" he asked calmly.
"Then accept whatever it is that caused the flight in the first place," Jazz answered simply.
"Not that easy."
"What part of yourself do you try to flee from?" Jazz wanted to know, sounding almost neutral.
Lennox inhaled deeply. "My past," he finally said.
"All of it or just one part?"
His human existence? The hybrid part? Everything? Probably something in between, Jazz mused. He knew how problematic the past several months had been for the human. He liked Will a lot and he knew Ironhide was almost like a shadow. Maybe it was the weapons specialist's absence.
Jazz almost chuckled to himself. He had noticed something else, too. A closeness that told the specialist something else was going through Will's mind most likely. He was glad he had spark-bonded with Barricade. There had been no doubt, no hesitation and no questions. Humans were a lot more complicated. Here, in this situation, two alien minds had collided and were trying to cope with everything as best as they had learned from their respective backgrounds.
Hopefully this wouldn't blow up in a spectacular fall-out.
"I'm not sure," Lennox answered after a while.
"Then how do you know what to run from?" Jazz drove his point home.
Because you're running from what your spark tells you is right. Yes, of course, humans had no spark. Will was no longer human, he was a hybrid, and he had no spark, but something inside him reacted. He only had to listen to it.
Lennox smiled weakly. "I think that's the whole problem."
They were by now outside the city limits and heading into the desert. Barricade kept the same distance throughout the drive, listening to Jazz's softly pulsing spark. Sometimes he received a little murmur of interest when the Solstice watched the runes on the human's body, but mostly everything was quiet. Whatever his partner was talking about with the human, he kept it to himself.
He waited until Jazz had deposited Lennox at the base, then he rolled forward and joined his partner.
"You want to stay," he stated.
"We can't leave the base unguarded."
Simple logic. Barricade settled down on his shocks, ready to stay as long as was necessary. His scanners picked up the presence of their hybrid human and he kept watching.
Will didn't feel tired, but he felt alone for some reason. Aside from Jazz and Barricade, and a few soldiers, no one was around, and of those two, Barricade didn't make for much company. Lennox had nodded at the lone sentry, one of Epps' guys, and made for his living area.
He had enjoyed the barbecue, but it had driven home once more that he had lost his own family. Will walked over to the lonely book shelf that made up most of his wall furniture and picked out a photo album. It had been Sarah's idea at the time, defying all modern technology with its pictures on CDs. She had printed all kinds of photos of Will, herself and of their baby girl, and had made this little memento.
Will smiled sadly as he leafed through it.
The past.
Dead.
His fingers brushed over the last image of them together as a family. It had been taken out at their home, with a spectacular back drop of scenery, and everyone had been laughing happily. Annabelle had been playing with Sarah's hair.
"Damn," he whispered and snapped the album shut.
He had done what had to be done. He had done what was best for all involved. And everyone involved felt the loss.
Pushing the album aside, he leaned back and stared at the ceiling. From outside he heard muffled sounds. Probably the team waking up. Will knew he should be sleeping; it had been a long day. Still, he didn't feel like closing his eyes.
In the end he got up and walked into the common room, nodded at one of the soldiers, and got himself coffee. Epps would probably read him the riot act if he caught him looking dead on his feet, but he didn't care. Will noticed Barricade at the entrance of the base, parked almost innocently in the shadows. There was no trace of Jazz.
With a large mug of very black coffee, Will sank into one of the comfortable chairs.
It was how Epps found him. The former second-in-command grabbed himself a coffee, too, then sat down across from his friend.
"So?" he queried, smiling, though there was little humor in his eyes.
"Too much food, too much to drink," Will said with a forced smile.
Epps glanced at the prominent runes. "And?"
"And too many memories," he added with a sigh.
"Sarah?"
"Yeah."
Epps nodded wordlessly. "What a fucked up world."
Lennox shrugged. "It was my choice."
And he had to live with it.
Epps raised his coffee. "To fucked up choices," he toasted.
Will copied the gesture. "Cheers."