First A/N EVER
Songfic - Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade
I own nothing, blah blah blah, I wrote this because I couldn't not write an angst based on this song, blah blah blah.
Enjoy (in case you're confused, Axel sings back up so the bracketed lyrics are his)
The stadium's crowd roared in excitement as the lights flickered on and off on the stage, showing a glimpse of a lone figure standing in the shadows. "Oh my fucking god! Cloud!" A random fan screamed, stampeding through the sweaty and sticky bodies of the other people in the mosh pit. The fans waited with bated breath, eagerly straining their ears for the telltale sound of the band to start. Agonisingly slow moments passed until the silence broke with a strum of an electric guitar causing the crowd to break into a frenzy of catcalls and screams. With the crowd's uncontrolled screaming, the high powered stage lights flickered on permanently this time, illuminating the blonde that stood previously in the shadows. "Ahhhh! Cloud!" Another fan shouted, jumping up from the crowd excitedly. Turning around, the blonde known as Cloud whipped around to face the crowd with a winsome and half hearted glare. The once eager and excited crowd began to slow their movements, noting the usually exuberant lead singer stalked his way to the microphone stand with an animalistic and feral look in his eyes.
Clutching onto the microphone, Cloud's body shook as emotions ran rampant, his thoughts turning dark. His boyfriend of four years, Squall Leonhart, had dumped his sorry blonde ass about seven hours earlier under the premise that he was never home and the brunette was always afraid of him cheating. The blonde could feel a stray tear slide down his cheek, no doubt smudging the careful eyeliner that had been extravagantly drawn on by the lead guitarist, Axel. Taking a deep shuddering breath, Cloud murmured a soft hello into the microphone, his voice choked with despair and desperation as he looked out into the crowd that stood silent, watching their idol break down in front of them. "I'm sorry, my boyfriend broke up with me today, so this concert might not be too fun for you guys." Cloud whispered into the microphone, with a saddened smile crossing his face. "He was a fucking idiot!" A male fan shouted, breaking the silence with his angry outburst. The blonde cracked a slight smile and nodded at his fan. "You're right. We have new unreleased songs that you'll hear first." He replied, the depressed smile still plastered on his face, marring his beauty. "I hope you like it." Cloud murmured, pulling away from the microphone to wipe his cheeks free of the falling tears.
Axel threw a concerned look at his friend, knowing he must feel like shit, everyone had offered to ditch their concert and have a night in, comforting the distraught blonde when he had shrugged his shoulders, tears streaming down his face and said "The show must go on." almost nonchalantly. Starting up his guitar, the redhead turned his gaze to his beautiful blonde boyfriend sitting behind the drums who wore a look of pained concern as well. Shaking his head, Axel turned to their bass player, Demyx who was biting his lower lips as he started strumming along the neck of his guitar in tune to the song that Cloud had written earlier this afternoon. The blonde had pulled himself away from the microphone stand and meandered over to the piano that was set up especially for this song and sat himself on the uncomfortable seat with a soft whimper that didn't go unnoticed by the crowd or his band members. Adjusting the microphone that sat on the piano in a flexible metal stand, Cloud licked his lips nervously as he tapped the microphone gingerly, making sure it worked and with a soft sigh, he began to play the piano, the torturously gentle and soothing notes tugging on everyone's heart strings.
With a slight humourless chuckle, Cloud opened his mouth to sing the first line, his breath and voice wavering with emotion. "Squall, don't cry. I know you're trying your hardest and the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared." The blonde sang, his fingers hitting the keys expertly as he played the tune by heart, closing his eyes as he lost himself in the notes that were meant to reassure his boyfriend in a tender love song, now a song to explain how well Squall would do without him and how the blonde's world came crashing down around him in a humbling shatter of broken dreams. Cloud could feel the beginnings of another onslaught of tears creep slowly down his cheeks and fall onto the keys of his piano as he continued to sing, his heart unintentionally throwing itself into the words. The crowd didn't make a sound as their idol continued to break down behind the piano as he sang the sickeningly sweet heart breaking song designated for his now ex lover. "Let's not pretend that you're alone tonight, (I know he's there and) you're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares). I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor and ask my boy to dance and he'll say y-yes." Cloud sang, his voice breaking ever so slightly on the last word as he imagined Squall accepting another guy.
Axel's gaze flicked over to the blonde who had stopped both singing and playing the piano as a heartfelt sob sounded into the microphone. "It's okay, Cloud!" Another fan shouted, trying to encourage the blonde singer who had now begun to cry, only managing to start playing the piano again. Swallowing, his dry throat choked on the lack of saliva in his mouth as he tried to sing again, not bothering to wipe away the free falling tears. "Because these words were never easier for me to say or for him to second guess but I guess that I can live without you but without you, I'll be miserable at best." Cloud sang, his words drenched in despair and hopelessness as he tried to sing past his feelings and failing.
"You're all that I hoped I'd find, in every single way and everything I could give is everything you couldn't take because nothing feels like home. You're a thousand miles away and the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay because I know I'm good for something, I just haven't found it yet...But I need it." The blonde continued, his angelic voice hitching every now and then with an inaudible whimper. Eyeliner running down his face along with the tears that wouldn't slow, Cloud knew he looked awful. He almost regretted it until he heard his fans sing along with the chorus, their voices joining almost perfectly in support of their idol. A soft saddened smile graced his lips as he nodded, grateful that his fans understood and supported him. Cloud didn't know if he could make it to the end of the set list but he was going to try for the thousands of people who relied on and looked up to him.
With a deep breath, Cloud moved to the next verse, his fingers effortlessly keeping the tune though they were shaking from the despair coursing throughout his veins. "And this will be the first time in a week that I'll talk to you and I can't speak. It's been three whole days since I've had sleep because I dream of his lips on your cheek and I got the point that I should leave you alone but...we both know that I'm not that strong." The blonde sang, furiously blinking away new black stained tear drops that fell sadly onto his piano keys. Cloud felt his throat close up and signalled to Axel that he couldn't make the next chorus as his head drooped defeated over the piano.
Nodding, Axel moved to the front microphone and took over the last chorus, continuing to play his instrument, without missing a beat. "Let's not pretend that you're alone tonight, you're probably hanging out and making eyes. I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor and ask my boy to dance and he'll say yes." Axel sang, his heart nearly breaking at the emotional lyrics but he kept a straight face throughout the last verse, knowing his tears wouldn't help the blonde in any way. "Without you, I'll be miserable at best." The redhead sang, ending the song with a sigh of relief. He didn't know how much more he could take of the painful song or his friend's heart wrenching sobs. As soon as the song ended, the crowd exploded in applause and shouts of encouragement towards the blonde. Axel smiled as he flicked his gaze over to the singer who had stood up, crying openly as he smiled at his fans. Demyx looked at Roxas before indicating to a few fans that had their cell phones out, recording the precious moment, no doubt to later upload the video to YouTube. The smaller blonde seated behind the drums would have been angry if the video wouldn't come in handy later on. "Okay, we're gonna let Cloud go take a breather, so you're stuck with me and my average voice." Axel jokingly said to the crowd who erupted in a mix of concerned shouts for the blonde and excited squeals for the guitarist singing.
Squall opened the link that Aerith had sent him over Facebook, expecting it to be a DIY video of gardening when he read the caption; "Lead Singer of Ragnarok Has Breakdown During Concert". Clicking the play button, the brunette sat as he watched his ex boyfriend stalk towards the microphone stand at the front of the stage. He watched, his chest tightening as he saw the first lone tear slip down the blonde's cheek, ignored as the boy muttered a hello into the microphone. Squall was close to shutting the computer down when he heard one of his ex boyfriend's fans scream that he was an idiot. The brunette laughed as he felt a tear run down his own face, his chest continuing to tighten painfully as he watched the blonde wander to his piano and seat himself, adjusting the microphone so it sat in front of his mouth. He and his heart were in no way prepared when the blonde began to sing, noticing that his usually even voice wavering with emotion. "Squall, don't cry. I know you're trying your hardest and the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared." Cloud sang, his fingertips hitting the piano keys shakily. With a hiccupping sob, Squall covered his mouth with both of his hands, surprised by the blonde throwing his name into the song like that. The brunette hadn't expected the blonde to be so affected by the break up, he had thought he was the only one that even cared. "Cloud..." Squall whispered, his heart breaking again at the sight of the blonde's blackened tears and the sound of his pained sobs in between his heartfelt singing. Shutting his laptop with an angry 'click', the brunette sat on his bed, sitting in a huddled human shaped ball as he cried for the umpteenth time that day. "I'm sorry." Squall murmured, rubbing his tear soaked eyes against the sleeves of his sweater.