"Is he . . .
. . . .Dead?"
I peer over Christina's shoulder, watching as she hunches over a shadowy, mangled heap on the concrete ground. Christina rubs viciously at her blood shot eyes as if she could make clear the sight that lay in front of us. I stifle a yawn. It is way too early shit for like this, I think bitterly. But I had agreed to the job, it was now my duty to be the only stirring being on site. It was better than some ass-hole like Peter or Molly doing it. Ya, we would all feel sooo safe then, I think sarcastically.
"Um, no?" Christina whimpers. She prods at the grime-stained shirt for a moment. At least, I assume the piece of ripped cloth is a shirt. The body is too damaged by the fall to be properly identified. When the body continues to remain still, Christina checks its neck for a pulse. After a few seconds she glances up at me and shakes her head solemnly.
"How can you tell it's a he?" Christina continues in a whisper.
"I-" I begin. I give way to a shrug, though I know only Tobias can see the uncertain movement. I glance behind me at the grim figure, which stands feet away from the possible crime scene with his arms crossed thoughtfully over his chest. His eyes meet mine and he musters up a reassuring smile that I can easily return. I let myself linger too long on his tired face. Something about him makes me feel as if everything will be all right. I am filled with foreign reassure, though I know the feeling is petty and futile. Anything remotely secure and happy and good is futile. Those things cannot exist when Eric is the bastard who is solely leading the Dauntless faction now. Or, as Eric likes to call it, New Dauntless.
I shove down the feelings of dismay and hatred that begin to fill my insides with bile. Just the thought of bending to his will like we have been for months makes me want to throw up. But we have no choice. Tobias and I had agreed to lay low and give in to Eric's bidding until we came up with a better plan. But so far, nothing has come up. We can be Eric's silly little pets like everybody else, or we can stand up and die as a couple of soon-forgotten martyrs.
Christina starts to unravel herself from the crouch, forcing me to break away from my thoughts and away from Tobias's gaze. I straighten myself up.
Christina studies the Dauntless glass ceiling with doubt. "How can someone fall through a bullet proof roof," she huffs. "Seriously, I knew Dauntless was reckless and prone to injury but I didn't think being head of security would require waking up before the stupid sun to find some stupid mystery on our hands."
"It's easy actually," Four says, as if unidentifiable bodies are found on the floor everyday. Considering it is New Dauntless, I know that that, in fact, is the case. "She was pushed through. By someone who is or was Dauntless and had an intention to kill." His eyes meet mine again, one word passing silently between our minds. Eric.
"What makes you think he's a she," I shoot. These moments are basically the only things that keep us going. But, my Abnegation heritage pokes and I reluctantly hide my playful smile, as I worry that Christina will get annoyed at our "sickly love bird cuteness" as she calls it, especially when we are supposed to be in bed. Especially when I had done something to her that was unforgivable. This was just one miniscule way of repaying her.
Tobias opens his mouth to argue but Christina ignores our taunting and says with a rub of her eyes, "thank you freaking detective Four. Now do me a favor and grab the body so we can card him and climb into freaking bed again."
"We can't go to-" I shake my head to rid myself of an oncoming yawn. I bite back a smile when I catch Tobias watching me. "-Bed yet. We'd get kicked off of PS if we didn't even try to solve who did it. And remember what Mighty Lord Eric said if we get kicked off-"
"Ya ya, you will get thrown into exile worse than being Factionless. Why did we volunteer to be a part of Primary Security again?" Christina mutters as her eyes burn into Tobias and she points furiously at the body, indicating it is his job to do the manual labor. He sighs and rolls his eyes, but obliges anyway, wrapping his arms around the distorted heap and hoisting it over his shoulder with little effort. This was the fourth body this week he had to carry.
"Because Tris thought it was better than helping the cooks," he replies.
"If we all end up dead with food poising," Christina says, "I am personally going to kill you Tris."
"Huh?" I blink my eyes a few times, pulling my gaze away from Four's taunt muscles and controlled face.
"You can stare at your stupid boyfriend all you want in the morning when were eating some poisoned crap Peter concocted, cause now we a must unveil who dun dis here murder."
I blush, but hide it behind a scowl. "I didn't realize you were so cranky when you didn't sleep," I reply as we shuffle down an empty hallway, past the tattoo parlor and the shop where we buy all our cloths, and towards the darkness of the crypt.
"Ya well," she turns her face away to stare at the metallic shimmer of the walls. "You of all people remember I wasn't always like this."
I feel my chest constrict. Ouch, I think. Christina takes a few hurt steps ahead as Tobias lingers behind with me. I am grateful for his loyalty.
"You had to do what you had to do," he says quietly, instantly jumping to my aid. He knows that anything Christina says or doesn't say will cause my head to explode with guilt. Imagines of what I had done scar my mind, even if it did happen three months ago. "It was her choice to accept your friendship again, now she has the duty to make this less painful than more."
"Ya well," I reply bitterly, hating her, but mostly hating myself. "If I were her, I would have killed me by now." I glance at Four, who nods with understanding. He knows. Ya, he knows because he would probably twist Christina's neck right now if she had killed me. Self-defense or not, hearing that a loved one was murdered when circumstances could have been preventable . . . . The thought is unbearable.
I had killed him, Will. I have stripped Christina of the only light she had left in the midst of the darkness Dauntless calls home. Though we had all become accustomed to the familiar underground walls- and even called them home at some point-after the night the Erudite leader, Jeanine, forced the entire Dauntless faction under a simulation, nothing has been the same. New Dauntless was not, and never could be, our home.
I feel the walls of the Dauntless compound creep towards me with every step. I am reminded of all I have lost, all we have endured, and especially all that is still to come. A shiver overthrows me and I wish desperately that Tobias was not occupied with the dead body so that I could fall into his arms and sleep away the constant shadows that threaten to consume me. But I can't.
Nothing is the same. And yet we are still walking down the same familiar pathways as if everything is the way it had been.
So little do we know of the other factions outside of our own anymore. So little do we know of who is really controlling New Dauntless. So little do we know of what is to come.
Tobias glances down at me, concern chiseled in his face, his scrunched eyebrows, his downward lips, his mysterious eyes. I don't even try to muster up a smile for him anymore. I had stopped long ago.