hi guys! This is my very first fanfic! I hope you will enjoy it as much as I can enjoy the work of you guys! I am Dutch, so not a native. I apologize in advance for any language error! This might be turned into a multi-chapter story, so let me know what you think :)

There she was. Right in front of him. In her eyes nothing but chaos, panic. He could also sense a hint of relief in her eyes, but he was not sure. He on his place, had a completely worn out look on his face. Regret was all that Jackson could feel, all that occupied him. The feeling of regret and shame almost ate him alive. The last few hours had been terrible. She had chosen him, Matthew. And he could have known. He should have known she was going to pick him. He did not blame her; it was his own damn fault that his timing was so off. He had been too late. The realization of his love for her hit him right before he was about to lose forever to him. It wasn't like he had denied it - his feelings for her. It was just that he did not realize it was love that he was feeling until he felt this suffocating panic almost grabbing him by the throat as soon as he saw her awaiting beautiful face turned to the audience of her wedding, anticipating everyone's approval. He just could not do it. As much as he wanted to, he could not let her give her the rest of her life to another man. It hit him like nothing else ever had, this urge to stop time, stop everything in order for her to finally know how he had felt for her all along. And now… Now she is someone else's and he is that guy that interrupted the wedding of his best friend. Or whatever they were. It was like Jackson was stuck. He could not also lose her as his friend, he needed her in his life, but Jackson also realized their friendship was now officially over. It would never be normal between them again. He had ruined it.
Right after his confession, she had asked him – no, ordered him – to leave. The surprised look on her face turning into a furious one. "No. No, Jackson. Now you're telling me this? Get out! Get out!" she had yelled at him, pointing at the exit. Her eyes were fixated on the ceiling, unable to look into his green eyes any longer. He had followed her orders without any other word slipping from his mouth. He did not trust his mind, his common sense any longer. "Dammit Sloan," was what he whispered to himself as soon as he had left the building after walking down the aisle the opposite direction that April had a few minutes before. As soon as the fresh air hit his face, Jackson's mind was haunted by all the possible repercussions of his actions. It was at that moment that the ever-expanding feeling of regret and shame occupied his mind, his body, his everything. He had lost April. For good now. It wasn't too much longer when his sight started to get blurry and Jackson realized it were tears that were stinging in his eyes. Actual tears. However, he did not allow himself to let them leak out of his eyes just yet. Or ever. He did not deserve to cry over this. His loss was completely and totally attributable to himself. There was really no one else to blame. She had given him a chance before during the storm, a chance for them to turn their lives upside down and do the unexpected. To be together. But he had refused to believe her words, thinking that they were not real. April did not really love him, Jackson was convinced she didn't, as she had proven him that time and again by hurting him to such a deep extent, a place in his heart no one ever managed to come before. It was a desperate expression of self-protection as he referred to their relationship as something meaningless, 'a bang in a bathroom' as he had called it a few days after her confession. He was very well aware of the fact that his words would hurt her in such a way, that she would never think of him as more than a friend. If Jackson could make a one-way trip to the past, this moment would be the destination he would choose to go to. Then he wouldn't have had to interrupt her perfect wedding with her perfect guy. It was selfish, really – Jackson thought – to not want her to marry Matthew, a guy of which Jackson knew would be great for her. Maybe even better of a husband than Jackson could ever be. But it was a short flash of hope that shot through Jackson's mind as soon as he decided to stand up and say it. It was the hope that she still loved him in a way that she would never be able to love Matthew that drove him to this selfish action.
But now, a few hours later, she was standing in front of his door. Her hair soaking wet, sticking to her rose colored cheeks. Traces of mascara marked her face and Jackson was not sure if she had been crying or if it was due to the rain. Her chest rising and falling rapidly, making Jackson guess that she had been running. All he could do was stare at the woman in front of him. It was the name of this woman that, whenever it passed Jackson's mind in the last few hours (which happened an awful lot), would cut right through his soul ever so painfully. He did not know what to feel, how to feel. The image in front of him created some kind of vacuum in his head. Everything just shut down. All he could do was stare, not being able to comprehend that she was actually physically there.
"Jackson…" she breathed. Her voice was filled with worry, and he could feel her eyes starting to rake over his face. His broken, tired face. She reached her hand to palm the sacks underneath his eyes, but stopped halfway through, her hand floating in the dense air between them. Jackson struggled to think of something to say, but he simply couldn't.
"I know this isn't the way it is supposed to be. Life, I mean. It is not supposed to be so complicated to decide, to know who you love. I was always told as a kid that you would know it when someone is the one. That it would be the one thing in life you would be most certain of. But I had to decide who to love at the moment you asked me whether I loved you or not. I could not do that, because… I chose to love Matthew a long time ago. But the thing is, you don't get to choose who you love. It doesn't work that way. As much as I wanted to love Matthew, I couldn't, I can't," she rambled. It was as if she wanted these words to leave her mouth as quickly as possible. Her voice was trembling, nevertheless, she sounded very convincing. Jackson tried to process her words, but he did not get the chance to do that properly as April continued a few moments later: 'Us. We. We are not supposed to be together, Jackson. We are too different. We hurt each other. We make bad decisions because of each other," she sighed. Jackson did not need to hear this, and for a moment he was considering to shut the door behind him, but his body was paralyzed by her words, her presence. He was not able to control his body, nor his mind, so he had no choice but to listen to what she was saying. "There is a very clear reason for that, and we have been denying that since forever. We've been denying that because we know how different we are and how a relationship between the two of us would just… It would just make no sense, but…" April took a step forward. Her warm breath hit the skin of Jackson's neck, causing him to shiver. He could feel a sense of longing taking him over instantly – however, his sense of rationality made him want to take a step back. April reached out to touch his cheek again. Right before her small hand was about to touch his rough, stubbly skin, it halted. April searched for any sign of approval in his eyes, and as soon as Jackson closed his eyelids, he felt the warmth of her soft skin caressing his cheek. He could not help but lean into her touch, wanting her affection to fill up this vacuum in his soul.
"I do Jackson. I do love you. And I hate it, because it doesn't seem to go away, but I love you," April whispered, the confident tone in her voice of before suddenly disappearing. Her words sounded so extremely unreal to Jackson, heavenly. He had to open his eyes again to assure that she was indeed there, confessing her love to him. He needed to know that he wasn't just dreaming. As he opened his eyes, he was immediately confronted with the penetrating, desperate look in her hazel brown eyes. She was speaking the truth. He was absolutely sure she was. Jackson could not help but let his eyes flicker to her plump lips. All he wanted - all he needed was to taste those sweet lips again. Maybe then he would trust his senses again, maybe then Jackson would realize this was actually happening. Her whispering "it's okay, Jackson" was all he needed to let his lips collapse on hers.