Psychiatrist: Alright, Hamlet is it?
Hamlet: Yes.
P: Hamlet what?
H: *matter-of-factly* Of Denmark.
P: *confused* Of Denmark?
H: Yes.
P: *pause* Are there any prefixes you would like to go by?
H: *thinks* The Tragedy of.
P: *pause* So, The Tragedy of Hamlet of Denmark?
H: *matter-of-factly* Yes.
P: *writes "identity confusion"* So Mr. Tragedy, what seems to be the problem?
H: To be or not to be? That is the question!
P: To be or not to be what? Are you a Shakespeare fan?
H: Who?
P: Never mind, back to the question at hand. To be or not to be what?
H: Dead. Asleep. Passed on like my father has before me. So excellent a king, that was too this Hyperion to a satyr. So loving to my mother that he might not beteem the winds of heaven visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth, must I remember? Why, she would hang on him as if increased appetite had grown by what it fed on, and yet, within a month. Let me not think on't. Frailty, thy name is woman!
P: *is confused*
H: So basically, my dad is dead, my mother is an incestuous harlot, and I want to kill myself.
P: Ah, alright. *writes "suicidal" and "mommy issues"* So, I noticed you said that woman's name is frailty. Could your thoughts of suicide come from the lack of love you received from your mother as a child because she was too dependent on the men in her life?
H: Oh, no. My mother and I have always had a close relationship. Like in Act 5, Scene 1 when she cried "Hamlet, Hamlet!" Such a loving tone a mother would carry for her child.
P: *confused* Act 5, Scene what?
H: *continues on as if Psychologist had not even said anything* Oh, no. Claudius. He was the one who hath corrupted my mother! My father too!
P: You're really opening up Hamlet. I'm glad. We shall pick up on your relationship with your step father next week.