I tried everything to forget about her. But I can't. I am too much in love with her to forget about her now. She's the love of my life. The light of my life. She made me smile with her smiles. I was foolish I admit it. I was too foolish not to take her in my arms when she told me she loved me. I let my pride overcome my whole mind. I let my father manipulate my feelings. I let him push me away from my one true love. I also let him control me and make me say those awful words to her. At first she didn't believe me. But when my dad stopped controlling me, I realized that we could never be together. It was foolish of me to think I could live with her forever. I mean, she belongs to the light side with that Gryffindor Hero who's in love with her. You got it, it's Potter. And here I am, belonging to the dark side with the death eaters who die for a mere soul of Voldemort.
In the middle of the war, I brought myself to Dumbledore. I realized that nothing good would happen to me in Voldemort's side. The old coot took me in. He cared for me better than my dad (if he even cared). Then I saw again the love of my life. She was helping Madam Pomfrey with the injured people. Then she saw me. Her expression was saying that she's disgusted seeing me standing in the doorway. I still remember it like it was yesterday. She slapped me so hard. My first slap from a girl. After that she hugged me tight. She soaked my shirt with those tears I hated to see.
Flashback
"Why are you here? To spy on us? Can't you see all the people hurt from the battle? How could you li…?" she said almost crying.
"I left the dark side…" it was all I could say.
"Don't bluff me! I knew you could pretend to be going…"
"I didn't pretend… I was really tired of the dark side. And believe it or not, I did not partake in any of those attacks. Because of my stubbornness, my dad always beat me…to tell you the truth…I didn't want to hurt those who cared for me more than my dad did, if he even cared…" I explained.
Then it came. She slapped me hard across the face. Tears were already flowing from her eyes. Tears that are wasted on me…I hated myself that time. And to my surprise, she hugged me. She soaked my shirt with the wasted tears shed just for me…
"Why? Why didn't you fight him when it came to us…? I really loved you Draco, I never loved anybody so much as I have loved you…how could you hurt me like this?" she said.
"I didn't want to hurt you… I did it because I know what my father can do… he could hurt you and the people you loved the most… and I didn't want it to happen… just because of the stupid thing called love that approached us." Then I knew I said something that really hurt her. She pulled away from her hug and looked at me. She felt real pain, I could see it in her tear stained face. That beautiful face that I really loved.
"You think that it's stupid? The love we shared? I can't believe you Draco! I hate you!" she said running away.
"If only you knew…how much I dread just to be with you in every waking moment of my life…" I said to myself.
End of Flashback
Then I was never able to talk to her again. Clearly she avoided me so much. She hangs out with her friends all the time. But it was ok with me. I was stupid anyway.
A few months later, the battle ended. She talked to me for the last time. But this time, she was saying her goodbye. And I didn't do anything. I let her slip away from my arms.
Another Flashback
"Hey," I said in a soft voice. "Why are you here?"
"I just wanted to bid my goodbye… I'm leaving. Harry and I are moving to France to get…" but she couldn't say the word.
"Married" I finished for her. Then I saw pain in her eyes. I asked myself, how could I give so much pain to the one I love? An inner voice said to me 'It's because you're stupid. You sacrificed your love for her just to save her…and sometimes, stupidity can become great. Noble.' I smirked to myself. Me? Noble? I didn't think so…just then, she asked me a question that really made me hate myself more.
"Did you ever love me?" she said while tears falling from her eyes.
"Why would you ask that?"
"I need to know…I want to know if you ever cared…"
"Let me ask you then…if I didn't love you…why do you think I did all those sacrifices? Why do you think I gave up you, of all the things? Why do you think I pretended not to care for you when my mind and heart was screaming at me for my stupidity and my foolishness? Tell me why?"
Clearly she was stumped by all those questions. I was about to turn to leave when she pulled my hand.
"Why didn't you fight for me?"
"I was afraid, that if I finally have you in my arms, you would be hurt."
The next things happened so fast. She kissed me. Her lips lingered in mine. This was the thing I really missed doing. I missed kissing her. And when she did kiss me, I pushed away all the thoughts that kept me from loving her. For me that time, there was nothing else. It was just the two of us…together.
After that long kiss, we pulled away for air. Then a thought came to me. She was getting married. This time, she is really leaving, for good. I knew that from that day and on, I wont be able to see her. The only person whom I truly loved. The only person who loved me for who I am…and the only person, whom I didn't get in the end.
"Where's Potter?" I asked her.
"He's outside why?" she asked.
I then walked away ignoring her questions.
"Where are you going? What are you going to do?"
Then I reached Potter. He was standing happily while whistling a tune. He was shocked to see me. Oh wait let me rephrase that. He was disgusted to see me. Then I stopped in front of him. She was beside him. It pained knowing that this is the last time I'm going to see her.
"Potter." I said shortly.
"Malfoy" he spat.
"I want you to do me a favor…" I said
"Why would I do anything for you?"
"Just do it…and it's not for me anyway, it's for her." I said pointing at the love of my life.
"Fine…what is it?"
"Potter, I want you to promise me, that no matter what happens, you'll always love her. Promise me not to hurt her like the way I did. Promise me to give her the love I failed to give her. Promise me to never let go of her. And lastly, promise me to never leave her. Sometimes sacrifices aren't meant to be done Potter, trust me, I know."
What I saw in his face was pure shock. No one spoke for about 5 minutes. I was the one who broke the ice.
"Promise me."
"Yeah…I will…" he replied.
I was sure that I saw something in his eyes that he was trying to hide. He was grateful. I didn't know why but I just pushed it out of my head. Then I faced her. She was crying again. Tears flowing out from her eyes made me want to kill myself.
"You're crying again…from all the days we we're together, all you did was cry. I guess I never made you happy."
I was about to leave when she stopped me.
"You're wrong. You did make me happy. I'm crying because I'm touched by you're words…"
Then I gave her a smile. A genuine smile. A smile I have never made since the day I was born. As I was walking away I realized that a tear had escaped my eyes. My very first tear that was shed for someone I truly cared for.
End of Flashback
And now here I am, 10 yrs later. The last time I heard from her was 5 yrs ago. She wrote that she had conceived a boy. And with the permission of Potter, she named it after me. I was grateful because she'll have a reminder of me.
I smiled. I thought these past few years that smiling was good. It was great. But deep inside me, my heart is yearning to see her again. She's my first love, but it caused her pain when we were together. That's why I let her go.
Sometimes I regret letting go. But then, I thought of it was for the better. I did a good thing. For the first time in my life, I sacrificed. I sacrificed for the happiness of my love. The happiness of the first girl whom I ever cared for.
She did great things also. She made me open my eyes to the good. She opened my eyes to the light I have been hidden from for 17 years. And I am grateful for that. She brightened up my world with a single smile. Seated in my room, I gazed at the picture of the two of us happy in each other's arms. It was taken during our graduation. I missed those days. I missed her smile. Her face, her touch, her kiss, everything. I missed the only person I really cared for. The person whom I used to call mudblood. I missed Hermione Jane Granger. The love of my life.